Solving the labor shortage in America (Daniel-Day Lewis wishes he looked this good)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear

From A Guy Dressed As Abraham Lincoln"

10. "How about you and I form a more perfect union?"

9. "Who wants to touch my beard?"

8. "Daniel-Day Lewis wishes he looked this good"

7. "Is it true Bloomberg outlawed hats over 16 ounces?"

6. "Damn, girl, you make Mary Todd look like Ulysses S. Grant"

5. (Holding $5 bill next to face) "Does the $5 bill make me look fat?"

4. "Wow, I thought my clothing was outdated"

3. "It's Presidents' Day, how 'bout a hug?"

2. "Hey, where's my idiot son, Abraham W. Lincoln?"

1. "Hey, jackass, you gonna thank me for the day off?"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like having Michael Jackson as your nanny (It's not for a lack of trying)

"An Arab country in charge of ports. That’s like FEMA in charge of disaster relief. That's like Wayne Gretzky's wife in charge of your bank account. It's like Michael Jackson as your nanny." --David Letterman

"And then, earlier tonight, John McCain had his big acceptance speech. And, you know, I didn’t watch that because I'll tell you why: if I want to see an old guy, if I want to see an old guy struggle with a teleprompter, you know, hell, I'll watch Regis." --David Letterman

"Happy Groundhog Day, ladies and gentlemen! It's funny. Earlier today, down in Washington, DC, a confused President Bush pardoned a turkey." --David Letterman

"But it's gotten crazy. The only politician in New York City that's not having extramarital sex is Ulysses S. Grant. It's not for a lack of trying." --David Letterman

 

"The White House annual Easter egg hunt is this weekend. The kids, this year, have some extra help because President Bush came out on the lawn and leaked the location of the eggs." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

David Letterman's "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Guy Dressed As Abraham Lincoln"

David Letterman's "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Guy Dressed As Abraham Lincoln"

10. "How about you and I form a more perfect union?"
9. "Who wants to touch my beard?"
8. "Daniel-Day Lewis wishes he looked this good"
7. "Is it true Bloomberg outlawed hats over 16 ounces?"
6. "Damn, girl, you make Mary Todd look like Ulysses S. Grant"
5. (Holding $5 bill next to face) "Does the $5 bill make me look fat?"
4. "Wow, I thought my clothing was outdated"
3. "It's Presidents' Day, how 'bout a hug?"
2. "Hey, where's my idiot son, Abraham W. Lincoln?"
1. "Hey, jackass, you gonna thank me for the day off?"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally a job loss Obama can be happy about (Donald Trump has been fired)

October 2012

"It’s now reported that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to star in another 'Conan' movie. In this one, Conan has a son with the woman who cleans his castle." –Jay Leno

"President Obama is now getting some criticism for calling Mitt Romney a B.S.'er. I don’t think that means 'big spender.'" –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump has been fired from managing the upscale condominium in New York City known as 'Trump Place.' The condominium board fired him. Finally a job loss Obama can be happy about. " –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a two-bedroom condo in Moscow (Ulysses S. Grant)

People have recently discovered a property that Paul Manafort listed on Airbnb. Of course, it’s not helping Manafort that it’s a two-bedroom condo in Moscow. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump’s press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders confirmed that no one in President Trump’s administration supports slavery. To put that in perspective, the last press secretary who had to make that statement worked for Ulysses S. Grant. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

George W. Bush is on top of it (It was hard to hear over the explosions)

"But it's gotten crazy. The only politician in New York City that's not having extramarital sex is Ulysses S. Grant. It's not for a lack of trying." --David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney, you know where he is right now? He's in Baghdad. He visited there. While he was in Iraq, he said that it's a successful endeavor. At least I think that's what he said. It was hard to hear over the explosions." --David Letterman

"How about the economy? You folks jittery about the economy? And the stock market? George Bush, earlier today, reassured the country about the economy. He said, 'I'm on top of it.' George W. Bush, our president, said I'm on top it. I said to myself, well, that's good enough for me." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

The Incredible Shrinking President (Fred bin Laden)

"A new season of 'Survivor' debuted tonight featuring the controversial idea of separating the tribes by race. The Asian tribe is called Puka Puka, the African-American tribe is called Manihiki, and the Caucasian tribe is called the Republicans." --Conan O'Brien

"On 'Dancing with the Stars' the other night, conservative pundit Tucker Carlson is gone. He got the least number of votes. A Republican stopped by a lack of votes -- when does that ever happen?" --Jay Leno

"In this week's election in Delaware, a Republican candidate for the state House named Ulysses S. Grant won the primary. He said he thinks having a famous name helped him win. Although it didn't do anything for his opponent, Fred bin Laden." --Jay Leno