Which is why we’re doing this interview from the basement of our homes (according to Baby Voldemort)

“Now while most people are waiting for a vaccine, there are some people who think we might not even need one. People like Eric Trump, fetus in its 100th trimester and the president’s fourth favorite son. You see, according to Baby Voldemort, coronavirus is actually a hoax that’ll go away on its own and the only reason the media is even talking about it is to steal the White House from his dad.” —Trevor Noah

“This weekend during an interview with Jeanine Pirro, Eric Trump accused Democrats of milking coronavirus lockdowns to win the November election. Jeanine Pirro was like, ‘Yeah, I totally agree with you, it’s definitely a hoax. Which is why we’re doing this interview from the basement of our homes.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Now according to Eric, this whole coronavirus thing is a conspiracy to prevent his dad from doing big campaign rallies. I’m sorry, man, this makes no sense. Donald Trump is the president. So if he thinks coronavirus is all just a bunch of hype and he should be able to do a rally, then my man, go and do a rally. I swear, Trump is the most powerful least powerful person in the world. [As Trump] ‘I want to do a rally but I can’t, because the doctors will get mad at me.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

when your house is engulfed in flames — the first thing you do is burn down the fire department (I agree with Bill Gates and this time)

“Trump’s move to defund the World Health Organization has angered many, including Bill Gates who warned of what would follow. I agree with Bill Gates and this time I’m not just saying it to get in his will.” —Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who needs them and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

“He’s defunding the World Health Organization during a global pandemic. Brilliant! It’s like when your house is engulfed in flames — the first thing you do is burn down the fire department.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is a global pandemic, not his son Eric (12-piece bucket of extra crispy KFC)

“Trump has a hunch coronavirus is not as deadly as people think. In fact, he personally has a feeling that the death rate is lower than 1 percent. What the [expletive] is that? ‘I’ve got a feeling’ is a phrase that should only be reserved for low-stakes situations. You know, like whether tonight’s going to be a good, good night.” — Trevor Noah

“Who cares what the immunologists say? Donald Trump has a hunch! Here’s the thing — if you’re the president of the United States, you don’t go with hunches. You have the world’s greatest scientists at your disposal. You go with them. You listen to them. The only ‘hunch’ you should have is the one in your back when you’re leaning over that 12-piece bucket of extra crispy KFC.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“No one is blaming Trump for coronavirus — people just don’t want him ignoring it like it will just go away. This is a global pandemic, not his son Eric.” — Trevor Noah

“So now he’s telling people it’s OK to go to work if they’re sick. This from a guy who doesn’t even go to work when he’s healthy.” — Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Yes, even if they ask stupid questions (a loyalty that he cannot break until death)

Donald Trump believes that sport is a microcosm for life. Everyone’s a large sweaty man, it’s sponsored by fast food and every other country in the world has no idea what the hell we’re doing. —Stephen Colbert

Trump was asked for his opinion on Bernie Sanders who he called a communist before bringing up Sanders’ Russian honeymoon, stating that Moscow and marriage are not words one would associate. Of course Trump doesn’t think of marriage when he thinks of Moscow. For Trump, Moscow means a binding oath of loyalty that he cannot break until death. —Stephen Colbert

Adam Schiff has spoken about the damaging implications of Trump getting away with it saying that Trump could move full-time to Mar-a-lago and let Jared Kushner run the country. Wow, not even in Adam Schiff’s worst nightmare scenario, do Eric and Don Jr get any responsibility. —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And where the hell do you think you’re going? (the whole KFC bucket of crimes)

“Donald Trump originally said he would release the transcript today; now he’s saying it will happen by the end of the week. What is this, a new Kanye album?” --Jimmy Kimmel

“We already have a transcript. We’ve got testimony from multiple witnesses, we’ve got the whole KFC bucket of crimes; we don’t need the coleslaw, too, O.K.?” --Jimmy Kimmel

“We get to hear live, in-person testimony from government officials about the president’s double-dealing in Ukraine. And to counter that, Trump is planning a bigly reveal of his own. He wrote: ‘I will be releasing the transcript of the first, and therefore, more important phone call with the Ukrainian president.’ His defense has gone from ‘read the transcript’ to ‘no, wait, hold on — read this other transcript because it’s first, and therefore more important.’ His younger son Eric is not going to be happy to hear the first is more important. ” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, experts think Disney Plus could be the biggest threat to Netflix yet. Right now, both streaming services are racing to see who can raise the price a dollar each month without you noticing. Seriously, you could tell Netflix is worried; instead of asking, ‘Are you still watching?,’ now it says, ‘And where the hell do you think you’re going?’” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How does he misspell a word he’s seen on every birthday card since he was 5 years old? (You just might be a republican!)

“Donald Trump getting booed at the U.F.C. is like Mayor Pete getting booed at Gap Kids — it shouldn’t happen.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“And then Eric Trump lashed out at the media. He wrote: ‘What a joke. You are the most dishonest people. The audience was chanting “Donald Trump! Donald Trump!” followed by “USA! USA!” Dana White said it was the greatest entrance he has seen into a U.F.C. I can’t wait until we win again in 2020 to further embarrass’ — spelled wrong — ‘your profession. Hashtag fake news.’ Nothing — nothing sums up Eric Trump like misspelling the word ‘embarrassed.’ How does he misspell a word he’s seen on every birthday card since he was 5 years old?” --Jimmy Kimmel

“[imitating Eric Trump] I got your back, dad. ‘Look! Look! Those weren’t boos! Those were cheers. Just listen to this picture I took.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Great, now we can binge-watch the end of America (Well, it’s throwback Thursday)

“Remember a couple of years ago when Trump first got into office — we were all so nervous that Donald Trump was some sort of sleeper agent who was going to sell America out to a foreign power behind our backs? Well, it’s throwback Thursday.” —Stephen Colbert

“Because we just learned that this summer, Donald Trump had a phone call with a foreign leader that was so troubling that it prompted an official in the U.S. intelligence community to file a formal whistle-blower complaint — when Trump was overheard making ‘a promise to a foreign leader.’ Yeah, a promise to an unknown foreign leader. Thank God Trump never keeps his promises. Never. Never has. Eric — in fact, Eric is still waiting by the front door to go to Disney World.” —Stephen Colbert

“Then, this afternoon, we found out that the whistle-blower was referring to a series of actions that goes beyond any single discussion with a foreign leader. Oh, a series? Great, now we can binge-watch the end of America.” —Stephen Colbert

“And I, I for one am just shocked this is the first whistle-blower complaint Trump has had. The way this guy behaves, there should be literal whistle-blowers following him everywhere he goes.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Said Hallmark, ‘In retrospect, we never should have added that section.’ (That's why I live in your motha)

Eric Trump's wife, Lara, today launched a new Women for Trump re-election initiative at an event in Pennsylvania, while Eric launched one called Sons Who'd Love to Meet Trump. --Seth Meyers

According to a new study, Boston has the least affordable housing of any American city. Said people from Boston, "That's why I live in your motha." --Seth Meyers

“Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez yesterday responded to President Trump’s racist attacks on her and three other congresswomen, calling Trump’s words the, quote, ‘hallmark language of white supremacists.’ Said Hallmark, ‘In retrospect, we never should have added that section.’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And if things escalate, I'm willing to put boobs on the ground (You're gonna need this. Trust me)

Meanwhile, here's a big story from the White House. Today, we found out the replacement for Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be a woman named Stephanie Grisham. There was a lovely ceremony today when Sarah handed Stephanie the keys to the liquor cabinet. She was like, "Here, you're gonna -- You're gonna need this. Trust me. --Jimmy Fallon

Finally, you guys, get this -- I saw that Costco is now selling a giant two-pound doughnut. There's actually a name for that. It is called a cake. --Jimmy Fallon

Everybody's still on edge about the U.S. and Iran. I guess after Iran shot down our drone, Trump ordered a strike on them. But then he called it off, and listen to how he described it. President Trump says the United States was, quote, "cocked and loaded." Cocked and loaded? Of course, the correct phrase is "locked and loaded." Then Trump was like, "And if things escalate, I'm willing to put boobs on the ground." --Jimmy Fallon

During an interview Chuck Todd asked Trump what he'd change if he could have one do-over. Trump said he would not have appointed Jeff Sessions to be Attorney General. Then both Eric and Don Jr. were, like "Whew! Wow, that was close! Oh, man!" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I was more offended by the way he eats a buttered roll in front of company (Joe Cones)

Donald Trump said that Iran shooting at one of our ships was a big mistake. Trump knows all about mistakes. He’s had three wives and Eric. --Stephen Colbert

Coming into this evening, Joe Biden had a big lead in all the polls, and to celebrate, his supporters handed out free ice cream they called Joe Cones. A Joe Cone is also what Biden wears to make sure he respects personal space. --Stephen Colbert

"A Tomahawk cruise missile fell off a truck in the Bronx this week. A cruise missile, isn't that unbelievable? You know what that means? There are now more weapons of mass destruction in the Bronx than there are in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people were offended by President Bush using a four-letter word at the G-8 Summit the other day. Were you offended? I was more offended by the way he eats a buttered roll in front of company." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No, you're under arrest for being too sexy (Yes! Out of last place!)

And this isn't good. Down in Florida, a man pretending to be a police officer was arrested after he pulled over an actual undercover cop. It got worse when the fake cop tried to get out of it by pretending to be a stripper. He was like, "No, you're under arrest for being too sexy." --Jimmy Fallon

According to Robert Mueller's report, President Trump responded to the appointment of a Special Counsel by saying, "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me." Said Eric, "Yes! Out of last place!" --Seth Meyers

Finally, a bakery in Tennessee has started selling cakes to celebrate successful vasectomy operations. And this is insensitive -- it has chopped nuts. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We just told eight straight massage parlor jokes (Targeting your inner circle)

But the story got even seamier, when it came out that the founder of the massage parlor company, Cindy Yang, attended Trump’s Super Bowl party at Mar-a-Lago. Well, of course she went to Trump’s Super Bowl party. We know she was pulling for Bob Kraft. --Stephen Colbert

Cindy Yang also has multiple pictures of her with President Trump. She also has pictures of her posing with Don Jr. and Eric Trump. Proving she has experience dealing with little pricks. --Stephen Colbert

But this isn’t just a salacious story. National Security experts sat that Cindy Yang could pose a threat, presenting opportunities for espionage and blackmail targeting the president’s inner circle. Targeting your inner circle, also available at her massage parlors. --Stephen Colbert

Wow! We just told eight straight massage parlor jokes. That’s a new world record. So this sordid story really does have a happy ending. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

but he told his vet that he’s 1/16th Apachedoodle (Neoliberalism 101)

Elizabeth Warren is fighting back on the campaign trail using her new secret weapon, the Golden Retriever she got in July, Bailey. In fact, according to Politico, Bailey has quickly emerged as the senator’s top surrogate. He’s got a lot in common with senator Warren. His papers say Golden Retriever, but he told his vet that he’s 1/16th Apachedoodle. --Stephen Colbert

Do you think Donald Trump ever regrets winning the presidency? Not as much as we do, but just a little? --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday the House Judiciary Committee sent letters demanding information from over 80 people and institutions connected to Trump, including the White House, the Justice Department, senior campaign officials, Trump Organization officials, and the president’s sons. Eric was so excited to get mail. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We would, Eric. But damn, we all got bone spurs (a four-year deal)

"Sarah Palin was considering running for president, until she heard it was a four-year deal." –David Letterman

"House Minority Leader John Boehner says he has never been in a tanning bed and that he gets his dark complexion from his mother. Either he's lying or Snooki's a lot older than she's telling us. " –Jimmy Fallon

"Bristol Palin has denied rumors that she's dating The Situation from 'Jersey Shore.' If The Situation becomes Sarah Palin's son-in-law, he'd still have the most normal name of any boy in the family." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That’s putting a lot of pressure on Eric and Don Jr.’s lemonade stand (the simplest of tools)

There’s nothing certain about anything anymore. Yesterday, I was confident that America would still have a government. But I underestimated what a wedge we have in the White House. I say wedge because he’s the simplest of tools. --Stephen Colbert

Last night, Mitch McConnell passed a short-term spending bill that would keep the government open till February. 100 to Nothing. Now it didn’t include that $5 Billion that Trump wanted for his Border Wall, but everybody, even McConnell thought he would sign it. Sarah Huckabee-Sanders told Fox News, “We have other ways that we can get that $5 Billion.” That’s putting a lot of pressure on Eric and Don Jr.’s lemonade stand. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

He wants to build a wall just so he can bang his head against it (the DNA test he took)

Santa is bringing a stocking full of problems to Donald Trump. It has been a terrible holiday season for him. He’s facing multiple criminal investigations. He’s losing cabinet members. He lost the house, and on top of everything else the DNA test he took came back and Eric and Donald Jr. are his. --Jimmy Kimmel

Trump is so frustrated right now. He wants to build a wall just so he can bang his head against it. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s also what Eric and Don Jr’ call a day at the zoo (nah girl, you're good)

A Reuters reporter asked Donald Trump about the possibility of impeachment, but Trump doesn’t fear it saying, “It’s hard to impeach somebody who hasn’t done anything wrong and who’s created the greatest economy in the history of our country. I think the people would revolt if that happened.” Yes, it’s true. The people would take to the streets if that happened. Yes, it’s true. The people would take to the streets, vandalizing champagne bottles, grinning with rage, blocking traffic with their protest dancing. It would be absolute pandemonium. --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday court papers revealed that the National Enquirer paid Karen MacDougal for exclusive rights to her story about her affair with Trump, and then buried it. It’s a practice in tabloid news known as “Catch and Kill.” It’s also what Eric and Don Jr’ call a day at the zoo. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

parents showing their kids the true meaning of claustrophobia (The Trump Economy)

In a Washington Post interview Donald Trump discussed his views on climate change. Trump pointed out his “amazing” analytical skills. Trump said, “A lot of people like myself, we have very high levels of intelligence but we’re not necessarily believers in climate change.” Now if that statement is confusing to you, it’s because it is. Trump thinks he has a high level of intelligence. Now listen, you would think that you have superintelligence too if you spent your days with Eric and Donald Jr. You would feel like a genius. --James Corden

Guys, tonight was the big Rockefeller Center. Christmas tree lighting. There were thousands of people out in the plaza. It was really nice watching parents show their kids the true meaning of claustrophobia. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

mostly because he thought getting his agenda thwarted meant something totally different (I'm Above You...)

Everybody is talking about this big bombshell in The New York Times. They published an article written by an anonymous senior White House official that claims members of the the administration are concerned about Donald Trump's mental stability. So from within the White House they are actively working to thwart the president's agenda. As you can imagine, Trump is furious about this today, mostly because he thought getting his agenda thwarted meant something totally different. --James Corden

When he heard about the editorial Trump was like, "How dare this person publicly undermine a high-level government official? Anyway, I'm going to go and humiliate the attorney general on Twitter." --James Corden

The anonymous source assured readers that they should remain calm knowing that there are "adults in the room with the president." So right off the bat, we can go ahead and rule out Eric Trump. He's gone. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Honesty is the best policy (Fake News, Franklin!)

Today Omarosa released another secret recording. On this one, Eric Trump's wife, Lara, offers Omarosa $180,000 so she won't say anything negative about the White House. Then Melania said, "Hey, that's WAY more than I'm getting." --Jimmy Fallon

Lara offered Omarosa 180 grand to keep quiet about her time in the administration. Listen to this: [Audio of Lara Trump] "I think we can work something out where we keep you right along those lines. We're talking about, like, 15k a month." $180,000. Does that sound like a fair deal for you? In response, Lara said, "I am so embarrassed about this tape. Now everyone will know that I'm married to Eric Trump." --Jimmy Fallon

In her book "Unhinged," Omarosa says the White House staff has immediate access to any prescription drugs they need. Americans heard that and were like, "Yeah, we all did. It was called Obamacare." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”