They say this is a slippery slope to dental care (But freedom is dead)

"Sarah Palin said, 'Obama lies, freedom dies.' And then she and Todd got on their snowmobile, road across the tundra, shooting anything they want with a machine gun.' But freedom is dead." –Bill Maher

"The Tea Party is furious that Obamacare became the law of the land. They say this is a slippery slope to dental care." –Bill Maher

"This is who the Democrats brought out last night -- James Bond was there, Leo DiCaprio, Diane Keaton, Steven Spielberg. Now, not to be outdone, this was who John McCain was campaigning with last week -- Wilford Brimley, the Quaker Oats dude. They are a little celebrity challenged. John McCain must have said to his staff, 'Find me someone who makes me look young. Make up a short list of people who are older than me.' And they said, 'Sir, that is a short list. Joan Rivers doesn't want to do it, and we're not sure if Abe Vigoda is dead.'" --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who's the Freak in the generals uniform? (then he flew to Japan and threw up on the Prime Minister)

One of the jurors chosen for the Michael Jackson trial is an 81 year old woman who says she never reads newspapers or watches TV. Yet apparently she's telling the truth because at one point she said, ”Who's the Freak in the generals uniform?” --Conan O’Brien 2/25/2005

It’s two days until the Oscars and in Hollywood they're getting ready. They’re hammering, sawing and scraping. And that's just Joan Rivers face. --Conan O’Brien 2/25/2005

George W. Bush finally picked his running mate. It’s Dick Cheney. Some political analysts are saying that by picking Dick Cheney as his running mate and hoping to put Colin Powell in his cabinet George W. Bush just wants to recreate his father’s administration. And in response George W. Bush said that is ridiculous, then he flew to Japan and threw up on the Prime Minister. --Conan O’Brien 7/26/2000

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

there's a new app that lets you burn them (it's like Joan Rivers after a Brazilian)

"The iPad has only been out for a few days and it has revolutionized the publishing industry. You can download books, you can read them and store them, and for religious fundamentalists, there's a new app that lets you burn them." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama signed a historic treaty with the Russian president today. Not everyone's happy about it. Fox News said it was a 'summit between a powerful communist leader and the president of Russia.'" –Craig Ferguson

"When I went to Moscow, I saw the tomb of Lenin. They keep his body preserved in a glass coffin. It's waxy, it's falling apart — it's like Joan Rivers after a Brazilian." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: James Bond was there (we're not sure if Abe Vigoda is dead)

"Last night, Hillary and Obama debated at the Kodak Theatre. The camera showed so many celebrities in the audience, I thought I was watching a Lakers game. Hillary and Obama. Is it just me or did they look like the local weekend news anchor team? 'Over to you, Hillary. That is a lot of puppies. Thank you.'" --Bill Maher

"This is who the Democrats brought out last night -- James Bond was there, Leo DiCaprio, Diane Keaton, Steven Spielberg. Now, not to be outdone, this was who John McCain was campaigning with last week -- Wilford Brimley, the Quaker Oats dude. They are a little celebrity challenged. John McCain must have said to his staff, 'Find me someone who makes me look young. Make up a short list of people who are older than me.' And they said, 'Sir, that is a short list. Joan Rivers doesn't want to do it, and we're not sure if Abe Vigoda is dead.'" --Bill Maher

So, now the only fictional president is Bush (Bush holds breath for 9 minutes)

"Last night was the season finale of 'West Wing.' 'West Wing' is gone. And ABC has cancelled 'Commander In Chief.' So, now the only fictional president is Bush." --David Letterman

"President Bush addressed the United States about immigration. This was odd. During the speech, he laid out his proposal and then he tried to hold his breath for nine minutes." --David Letterman

"President Bush is sending National Guard members to the Mexican border. And I'm telling you, between Iraq and the Mexican border, the National Guard is stretched tighter than Joan Rivers' face." --David Letterman