A.I. Harvey Weinstein (the most banned book in America)

It was reported that major talent agencies in Hollywood are interested in signing a new A.I.-generated actress named Tilly Norwood. The A.I.-generated actress got her start after she had a hotel meeting with A.I. Harvey Weinstein. —Colin Jost

A new report of American school districts finds that the most banned book in America is "A Clockwork Orange.” In close second… "Michael Che's Guide to Drawing Muhammad.” —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turns out is was just Sean Hannity (Flabby, Grabby and Stabby)

Donald Trump also had his second physical examination as president. Close call, during the rectal exam, this is serious, doctors thought they found something serious up there. Turns out is was just Sean Hannity. --Bill Maher

Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby. —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened (And they all have one thing in common – they’re all surprised)

Taylor Swift announced she is launching a new app called “The Swift Life” that will feature “Taymojis,” which are emojis that look like her. And they all have one thing in common – they’re all surprised. –Seth Meyers

Despite claiming last week that he would have rushed the Oregon shooter to save lives, Dr. Ben Carson yesterday recounted how he was once held up at gunpoint in a Popeye’s Chicken and told the gunman, “I believe you want the guy behind the counter.” So we know at least one guy who’s DEFINITELY not voting for Ben Carson. –Seth Meyers

The New Yorker today released audio of fired Hollywood movie producer Harvey Weinstein begging a model to come into his hotel room and watch him shower. And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Am I right, Bubbale? (because without that body what’s the point of listening)

Pro-Palestinian protestors walked out of Jerry Seinfeld’s commencement address at Duke University and I think that’s disgraceful. During these difficult times it is important to support our Jewish friends. That’s why the only chant you’ll hear from me is “Free Weinstein.” Keep fighting Harvey. Am I right, Bubbale? —Colin Jost

ChatGPT has released a new voice assistant feature inspired by Scarlett Johansson’s AI character in the movie Her. Which I’ve never bothered to watch because without that body what’s the point of listening. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy (nine women are suing him)

While accepting the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, Eddie Murphy did a Bill Cosby impression. Murphy’s Cosby impression was so accurate, nine women are suing him. –Conan O’Brien

Harvey Weinstein just finished a week-long stay at a rehab clinic for sex addiction. Apparently he would’ve have stayed longer, but all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The thief apparently made off with the man's entire argument (And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened)

"This weekend a man in Oregon who is an advocate for the open carry of firearms was robbed at gunpoint. The thief apparently made off with the man's entire argument." –Seth Meyers

The New Yorker today released audio of fired Hollywood movie producer Harvey Weinstein begging a model to come into his hotel room and watch him shower. And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened. –Seth Meyers

Despite claiming last week that he would have rushed the Oregon shooter to save lives, Dr. Ben Carson yesterday recounted how he was once held up at gunpoint in a Popeye’s Chicken and told the gunman, “I believe you want the guy behind the counter.” So we know at least one guy who’s DEFINITELY not voting for Ben Carson. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Come on, doesn't some small part of you sort of want to see where this all goes? (Now get Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew)

Donald Trump announced his 2020 campaign slogan will be "Keep America great!" Well, there were a bunch of other slogans he almost went with instead. For example, Trump also considered "I'm with hair." He also thought about going with "I mean, it can't get worse than it already is." And finally he almost went with, "Come on, doesn't some small part of you sort of want to see where this all goes?" --Jimmy Fallon

Tonight was part one of "The Bachelor" finale. People weren't sure if Colton would go with Hannah or Tayshia or maybe try to win back Cassie. I've got my own theories, but after explaining them, my Uber driver was like, "Sir, we've been at your destination for 10 minutes. Please get out of the car!" --Jimmy Fallon

Some more news here. I saw that Kia just debuted a new electric car that has a dashboard with 21 screens. 21 screens. They even have a name for it: the Accidente. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It seems like someone’s a little jealous that we took their precious dunk contest (What did they even do wrong?)

This week, both Harvey Weinstein and R. Kelly were given additional prison sentences on top of the ones they are already serving. Which brings us to Michael Che’s new segment: What did they even do wrong? —Colin Jost

A new report shows that New Jersey has the second worst roads in the country. While the worst roads are the ones that go into New Jersey. —Colin Jost

The National Brotherhood of Skiers is pushing for greater representation of black people in winter sports, which are predominately white. Huh, so it seems like someone’s a little jealous that we took their precious dunk contest. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maybe we should do that (Was it multiple choice?)

Three people were arrested and charged in New Jersey today after leaving behind a pound of marijuana in their hotel room. How could you forget your marijuana? Oh. Right. –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 29% of people believe President Trump is a good role model for children. What?! [shows picture of Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey] Was it multiple choice? --Seth Meyers

The Taj Mahal is currently undergoing its first cleaning since its construction in the 1600s. “Maybe we should do that,” said New York. --Seth Meyers

According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers (It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.')

At Trump’s impeachment trial Democrats wanted to bring in

witnesses but the Republicans said No. A trial without

witnesses? That’s like a Phish concert without rolling

papers. —Bill Maher

"The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'" –Bill Maher

Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby. —Bill Maher

"Dick Cheney said he felt terrible about shooting a 78-year-old man, but on the bright side, it did give him a great idea about how to fix Social Security." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

T-shirts (slutty hazmat suit)

In a late night vote yesterday, the Senate made it illegal to sue a bank. Which is why today, Harvey Weinstein petitioned to become a bank. –Conan O’Brien

"Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney debate foreign policy. Pundits say it will be close, but it will probably go to the candidate who wore the 'I killed Osama bin Laden' T-shirt." –Conan O'Brien

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning is denying reports that he yelled out “Trump!” to signal an audible during Sunday’s game. Manning said actually “Trump” is a signal for “Illegal Use of Hands.” –Conan O’Brien

"Looks like they're working out the Ebola situation. The CDC has released new guidelines about what healthcare workers should wear to protect themselves when treating Ebola patients. For starters, this Halloween they've outlawed the slutty hazmat suit." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I Do Not Mean To Imply... (explaining why he was wearing a red shirt and no pants)

Yesterday was Winnie the Pooh Day. This is according to a man on the subway explaining why he was wearing a red shirt and no pants. --Colin Jost, SNL

Paramount has begun developing a new movie called Summer Nights, which will be a prequel to the classic movie Grease. A prequel that will finally explain why everyone in that high school was in their late 30s. --Colin Jost

Harvey Weinstein has reportedly beaten the coronavirus, but there's still a chance he could be contagious, at least that's what he's yelling to anyone who gets near him in the showers. —Michael Che

"In the wake of news that the NSA is monitoring American phone records, Sen. Arlen Specter, the judiciary committee chairman, said he would subpoena the phone companies to appear before his committee. The phone companies said they would try to be there some time between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m." --Tina Fey

"This week, the presidential race continued to tighten up. In fact, according to the latest polls, John McCain is now only six points behind Sarah Palin." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers (Flabby, Grabby and Stabby)

“Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby.” —Bill Maher

Americans now are of course waiting for their $1200 stimulus checks which perhaps have been delayed because Trump had to put his name on them. I mean is it really necessary to see his name on the check to know who it’s from? Aren’t we gonna know when it bounces. —Bill Maher

"I have not seen anything this surreal since they canceled 'Twin Peaks.' What else can you say about a Republican debate when the rich guy, who’s avoiding taxes – which they like, gets booed and the fat creep into threesomes gets a standing ovation?" –Bill Maher, on Romney and Gingrich in the CNN debate

"Rick Perry dropped out. He said while it’s sad he won’t be president, he can always run again next year." –Bill Maher

At Trump’s impeachment trial Democrats wanted to bring in witnesses but the Republicans said No. A trial without witnesses? That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can’t believe the Academy has a worse concussion protocol than the NFL (How's that been working out for you?)

April 2022

Intelligence officials are saying that Vladimir Putin is being misinformed by his advisors about how badly the Russian military is performing in Ukraine. Which is kind of like Will Smith’s agent telling him, ‘You crushed it at the Oscars.’ —Colin Jost

Will Smith, for those of you who don’t know, walked on stage during the Academy Awards and slapped Chris Rock after he made a joke about Jada Pinkett-Smith, which I think is a disgraceful act that sets a terrible precedent for having to defend your wife at award shows. —Colin Jost

Yesterday Will Smith resigned from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. If Will Smith had been expelled he would have joined a small group of people kicked out of the Academy including Bill Cosby, Roman Polanski and Harvey Weinstein. Or as they are also known, Bad Boys for Life. —Colin Jost

I also really love that the reason they let Will Smith stay in the audience was that they asked Chris Rock and he said it was okay. So now we just ask the victim right after they get hit in the head? ‘Hey, are you cool if the guy who just attacked you hangs around for awhile? You don’t want to make him mad again.’ I can’t believe the Academy has a worse concussion protocol than the NFL. —Colin Jost

And honestly I can’t even blame the Academy for not knowing what to do. Nobody knew what to do. Even people at the Oscars were Googling, ‘Did Will Smith just slap Chris Rock?’ I think we should just acknowledge that that was one of the craziest things we will ever see in our lives. It’s truly like the Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction but if Janet’s nipple slapped Timberlake. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Academy said it is ‘ready to dole out the pain’ (What the hell is a sock?)

March 2022

“This week has also seen Donald Trump accused of using burner phones during the January 6 riot to maintain privacy. He has claimed to not be aware of what a burner phone is. Dude, you worked in New York real estate for decades. I bet every phone he used was a burner phone. Trump’s former national security adviser John Bolton has claimed that the ex-president is lying, as he has used them before and spoken of them. Trump has always gone overboard with his defense. It’s like if your parents say they found weed in your sock drawer and you say, ‘What the hell is a sock?’” —Seth Meyers

“This week has also seen an investigation launched into Will Smith’s on-stage slap on Chris Rock. The Academy has said it is important to protect the integrity of the institution. And it is so important to protect the integrity of the Academy, Colbert said before coughing out the names of Roman Polanski, Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Academy said it is ‘ready to dole out the pain’ which might involve Smith being forced to watch a double-bill of Hitch and The Legend of Bagger Vance.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the wave was generated when Yo Mama fell overboard (Thanks for believing in the illusion)

February 2022

A man in Iran went to the hospital after he got a Double A battery stuck inside his penis. It was Double A because that’s the sound he makes when it goes in. ‘Ah! Ah!’ —Colin Jost

Researchers have observed a nearly 60 foot tall rogue wave off the coast of British Columbia which is the largest ever recorded. Researchers believe the wave was generated when Yo Mama fell overboard. —Colin Jost

One of the first places the Russians seized when they invaded Ukraine was Chernobyl. The site of the 1986 nuclear disaster. Said Ukrainians, ‘Oh, no. Don’t take that.’ —Colin Jost

Capturing Chernobyl is like landing an audition for Harvey Weinstein now. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the fat creep into threesomes gets a standing ovation (That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers)

"I have not seen anything this surreal since they canceled 'Twin Peaks.' What else can you say about a Republican debate when the rich guy, who’s avoiding taxes – which they like, gets booed and the fat creep into threesomes gets a standing ovation?" –Bill Maher, on Romney and Gingrich in the CNN debate

"Rick Perry dropped out. He said while it’s sad he won’t be president, he can always run again next year." –Bill Maher

At Trump’s impeachment trial Democrats wanted to bring in witnesses but the Republicans said No. A trial without witnesses? That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers. —Bill Maher

“Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby.” —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad (Flabby, Grabby and Stabby)

“Alan Dershowitz, especially, marks an interesting case because of his stance against Bill Clinton during his impeachment in the 90s, though he’s not one to admit he was ever misguided; he recently said on Anderson Cooper’s CNN show of his stance then versus now, ‘I wasn’t wrong, I am just far more correct now than I was then.’ That is one of the most original lines I have ever heard in my life. And that’s a great line for a lawyer, but thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad. ’Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive.’” —Trevor Noah

"Yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released materials that they got from Lev Parnas, a Ukrainian businessman, that have been described as ‘a trove of ridiculously incriminating impeachment evidence.’ That’s pretty bad, because when it comes to Trump crime, the scale goes: incriminating, very incriminating, ridiculously incriminating and Rudy on merlot.” —Stephen Colbert

“Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby.” —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It will be on next month's cover of the Sports Illustrated pants suit issue (That must drive his wife crazy)

February 2013

"The White House officially released portraits of the White House gang. You can all see the portrait of Hillary Clinton. It will be on next month's cover of the 'Sports Illustrated' pants suit issue." –David Letterman

"The Pope does not earn a nickel. No paycheck, no money coming in, nothing. That must drive his wife crazy." –David Letterman

"Somebody noticed that none of the Oscar winners thanked God. To add insult to injury, at his last sermon, the same day, the Pope thanked Harvey Weinstein and Meryl Streep." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

at least that's what he's yelling to anyone who gets near him in the showers (The Harlem Flu)

Reports suggest that in large cities like New York, coronavirus is disproportionately impacting African-American communities and I really wish there was a way to warn black people about this, without also telling white people about this. Because once Trump starts calling this the Harlem flu, we ain't never going to get a cure. —Michael Che

Harvey Weinstein has reportedly beaten the coronavirus, but there's still a chance he could be contagious, at least that's what he's yelling to anyone who gets near him in the showers. —Michael Che

A male panda at a zoo in Hong Kong has for the first time mated with his female companion of ten years, after she finally agreed to get implants. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”