The working poor are the major philanthropists of our society (This is a game-changer!)

According to CNN, Anderson Cooper’s tweet yesterday calling President Trump a pathetic loser came from someone using his assistant’s phone that was left unattended at the gym. Wait a minute. You can have your assistant go to the gym for you? This is a game-changer! A game-changer! –Seth Meyers

"During the Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday, President Obama presented an award to Bruce Springsteen, saying, 'I'm the president, but he's the boss.' At which point Springsteen ordered our troops out of Afghanistan." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess the VMA gift bags were pretty crazy this year (because nobody could possibly lie to that face)

During a standoff yesterday, outside his home, singer Chris Brown reportedly threw a duffel bag out his window containing weapons and drugs later recovered by the police. I guess the VMA gift bags were pretty crazy this year. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper last night — and she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was the worst rollout since that time I got stuck in a hammock (Spies Who Lie)

"CNN is developing a game show to be hosted by Anderson Cooper. It will be just like the other CNN shows except the contestants will make wild guesses instead of the news anchors." –Seth Meyers

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie yesterday slammed the rollout of President Trump’s executive order on immigration, saying it was terrible. Christie added, “It was the worst rollout since that time I got stuck in a hammock.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Two proxy wars at the same time, Jack (Wait, what's consent?)

In that tweet, Trump insinuates that the New York Times set up Bob Corker by recording him, but the transcript actually shows that they had Corker's full consent. When Trump heard that, he said, “Wait, what's consent?” –James Corden

Yesterday Donald Trump’s devoted wife Melania gave an interview to Anderson Cooper where she defended Donald, saying that Billy Bush basically manipulated her husband into saying those things. Because if there’s one thing we know about Donald Trump, he usually does exactly what people tell him to do. –James Corden

But then late Sunday morning, Bob Corker gave an interview and he said it concerned him that Trump runs the White House “like he’s doing ‘The Apprentice.’” Again, not entirely accurate. On “The Apprentice” only one person got fired per week. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face (the weapon of tyrants)

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper last night — and she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face. –Seth Meyers

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, last year’s after party got pretty wild (Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops)

"CNN is developing a game show to be hosted by Anderson Cooper. It will be just like the other CNN shows except the contestants will make wild guesses instead of the news anchors." –Seth Meyers

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie yesterday slammed the rollout of President Trump’s executive order on immigration, saying it was terrible. Christie added, “It was the worst rollout since that time I got stuck in a hammock.” –Seth Meyers

President Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast this morning. Of course, ever since he was elected, every breakfast is a prayer breakfast. “Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops.” –Seth Meyers

The Westminster Dog Show has added three new breeds to its annual events. Said the dogs, “Yeah, last year’s after party got pretty wild.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive (They can't even afford to pay the pizza delivery guy?)

Here's a headline for you, Porn Star Gets Screwed. Adult film star Stormy Daniels today was ordered to pay president Trump nearly two hundred ninety three thousand dollars for legal fees. This is related to her defamation suit against the president which was tossed out in October. Two hundred and ninety three thousand dollars? How is a porn star gonna pay for that? They can't even afford to pay the pizza delivery guy? --Trevor Noah

“This might be the true genius of Donald Trump. Because you realize, with one scandal, you get kicked out of office. But with seven in one day? Ain’t nobody got time for that.” --Trevor Noah

“Alan Dershowitz, especially, marks an interesting case because of his stance against Bill Clinton during his impeachment in the 90s, though he’s not one to admit he was ever misguided; he recently said on Anderson Cooper’s CNN show of his stance then versus now, ‘I wasn’t wrong, I am just far more correct now than I was then.’ That is one of the most original lines I have ever heard in my life. And that’s a great line for a lawyer, but thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad. Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How much sawdust can we put in a Rice Crispy treat before people notice? (He’s literally a Scooby-Doo villain at this point)

January 2023

“Santos’s former roommate and a disabled veteran named Richard Osthoff also revealed that the New York representative tricked Osthoff into setting up a GoFundMe for his ailing service dog, then took the money when the fundraiser reached its goal. Well, that there is a ticket straight to hell. He’s literally a Scooby-Doo villain at this point.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This week, the new Republican congressman’s former roommate told Anderson Cooper on CNN that George Santos (who went by the name Anthony Devolder at the time) stole his Burberry scarf to wear at the Stop the Steal rally on January 6th. What’s the problem? Stealing was the theme of the rally! The Burberry bandit is on the loose.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“So you’re telling me this man didn’t just steal $3,000 from a dog? He didn’t just steal from a service dog. He didn’t just steal from a dying service dog. He stole from a disabled homeless veteran’s dying service dog? Oh my God! You evil and stupid. You’re going to mess with somebody’s dog – have you not heard of John Wick? Your ass is in trouble.” —Leslie Jones

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look to them as examples of intelligence and leadership (it had all the excitement of a sober New Year's Eve party)

November 2022

“CNN just announced that they're no longer allowing their anchors to drink, on- or off-camera, during the network's New Year's Eve coverage. When they heard that, Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper were like, ‘Okay, edibles, it is.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, no drinking on New Year's Eve. At that point, it's not a party. It's just a news channel filming a clock.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Seriously, why would CNN mess with the one night people actually watch CNN? Speaking to CNN, last night, they hosted a town hall with former Vice President Mike Pence. And, ironically, it had all the excitement of a sober New Year's Eve party.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines (Oh, that's catchy)

“President Trump today denied a Washington Post report that he was considering rescinding his nomination of Supreme Court justice Neil Gorsuch. Prior to his confirmation, calling it, you guessed it, fake news. Hey, man, you're burning out your own catch phrase. Pretty soon you're going to need a new catch phrase, like "It's golfing time." Or "I hereby resign from the presidency of the United States." Oh, that's catchy. –Seth Meyers

 

The House passed a Republican tax bill today, which was great news for everyone from the super wealthy all the way down to the, that's it. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper last night and she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face. --Seth Meyers

A 101-year-old man recently became the oldest person to skydive. At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you! (He was two seconds away from pretending he doesn’t speak English)

"Rick Santorum won Alabama and Mississippi, and Mitt Romney won Hawaii and American Samoa. Here's a little mnemonic device to help you remember. Places you can get to in a Winnebago, go to Santorum. Places that require a jet or a yacht, go to Romney. Romney, of course, always does well with islands, that's where his money lives." –Jon Stewart

"You're not a Washington insider? You, the former Speaker of the House and Freddie Mac consulting millionaire, are the Washington insider. When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you!" –Jon Stewart, on Newt Gingrich campaigning as a Washington outsider

“Alan Dershowitz, especially, marks an interesting case because of his stance against Bill Clinton during his impeachment in the 90s, though he’s not one to admit he was ever misguided; he recently said on Anderson Cooper’s CNN show of his stance then versus now, ‘I wasn’t wrong, I am just far more correct now than I was then.’ That is one of the most original lines I have ever heard in my life. And that’s a great line for a lawyer, but thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad. ’Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive.’” —Trevor Noah

I’m surprised the summit talks broke down in Vietnam. I thought Kim Jong Un and Trump had a good relationship. Even Trump said that he and Kim “Fell in Love.” I know that sounds weird but when you think about it, Kim Jong Un is totally Donald Trump's type. All of Trump’s best relationships are with people who are half his age and don’t speak English. --Trevor Noah

“At his press conference Trump played footage from Monday’s press conference but he refused to address what was achieved in February. It was a masterclass in dodging the question. He was two seconds away from pretending he doesn’t speak English.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad (Flabby, Grabby and Stabby)

“Alan Dershowitz, especially, marks an interesting case because of his stance against Bill Clinton during his impeachment in the 90s, though he’s not one to admit he was ever misguided; he recently said on Anderson Cooper’s CNN show of his stance then versus now, ‘I wasn’t wrong, I am just far more correct now than I was then.’ That is one of the most original lines I have ever heard in my life. And that’s a great line for a lawyer, but thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad. ’Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive.’” —Trevor Noah

"Yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released materials that they got from Lev Parnas, a Ukrainian businessman, that have been described as ‘a trove of ridiculously incriminating impeachment evidence.’ That’s pretty bad, because when it comes to Trump crime, the scale goes: incriminating, very incriminating, ridiculously incriminating and Rudy on merlot.” —Stephen Colbert

“Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby.” —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen (or as Trump calls it, "A spell!")

The New York Times reported that New York Governor

Eliot Spitzer was a customer of a high-end prostitution

ring, that the prostitutes knew him as Client #9. Client #9,

yeah. Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were

Charlie Sheen. --Conan O'Brien

A new Earth-like planet has been discovered a few

months before an election where Donald Trump could

be president. If that's not perfect timing, I don't know

what is. –James Corden

Hillary Clinton cited an old Mexican proverb in her

speech in Nevada today to highlight the unchanging

nature of Donald Trump. A Mexican proverb, or as

Trump calls it, "A spell!" –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's

Anderson Cooper last night — and she HAD to do

it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to

that face. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it would be the biggest breakup since, I don’t know, Elon Musk and reality? (It was a personal best in being just the worst)

“This is so surreal — Fox News condemning Donald Trump. I mean, this is like doing something so bad that your own dog takes off its collar and just walks away in disgust.” —Trevor Noah

“And if Trump actually goes through with this threat and stops watching Fox, it would be the biggest breakup since, I don’t know, Elon Musk and reality?” —Trevor Noah

“Even other idiots are going, ‘Don’t be an idiot.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump’s claim that he is taking hydroxychloroquine alarmed several public health officials, as well as the speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, who told CNN’s Anderson Cooper she was concerned the president would take an unrecommended, potentially dangerous drug ‘especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group – what is morbidly obese, they say’. Oh, that is a very polite way to say a mean thing. (Colbert imitating Pelosi) ‘I’m concerned about the president because he is, shall we say, 20 pounds of pudding in a 10 pound sack. What I’m saying is, your president is so fat that when he sits around the White House, he – shall I put this diplomatically? – sits around the White House, which is a very, very large building indeed.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Asked about Pelosi’s comments by a reporter, Trump retorted: ‘I don’t respond to her, I think she’s a waste of time.’ Trump should know, as he is the world’s leading authority on wasting time. This one time, there was this huge, deadly global pandemic and he didn’t do anything about it for like two months! It was a personal best in being just the worst.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive (super horny presidents)

“Check out the defense team working for Trump: there’s Ken Starr, the lawyer famous for conducting the investigation that led to Clinton’s impeachment, and Alan Dershowitz, who defended OJ Simpson at his infamous murder trial in 1995. It’s a ‘perfect’ team for Trump, because they have experience with super guilty people and super horny presidents.” —Trevor Noah

“Alan Dershowitz, especially, marks an interesting case because of his stance against Bill Clinton during his impeachment in the 90s, though he’s not one to admit he was ever misguided; he recently said on Anderson Cooper’s CNN show of his stance then versus now, ‘I wasn’t wrong, I am just far more correct now than I was then.’ That is one of the most original lines I have ever heard in my life. And that’s a great line for a lawyer, but thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad. ’Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

but the good news was he was delicious... (Make your toilet great again!)

"Apparently something is going on over in Egypt. Anderson Cooper and his crew got attacked by pro-government forces. He got hit in the head about 10 times, and I think he got kicked in the Mini Cooper too." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The big rumor: Sarah Palin said she may run for president. I understand there's an opening in Egypt." –Jay Leno

"Today Al Gore blamed the current snow storms on global warming. Al Gore said, 'a rise in global temperature creates havoc ranging from hotter dry spells to colder winters, increasing violent storms, flooding, forest fires and loss of endangered species.' And finally Tipper said, 'Al will you just pay the kid for shoveling the walk, please.'" –Jay Leno

"Vice President Cheney says that it was an accident. He claims the guy got in his line of fire, but the good news was he was delicious. Eat what you shoot!" --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

you'll be able to see everything, except what the hell your teenage daughter's up to (how do we get Glenn Beck over there?)

"While in Egypt, CNN’s Anderson Cooper was attacked and beaten, which raises 2 questions. Is it safe to send our media into these places? And how do we get Glenn Beck over there?" –Conan O'Brien  

"President Mubarak says he won’t step down until September, but that he won’t seek another rigged election. He plans to retire to his ranch in Crawford, Texas. Is this guy really leaving in September, or is he just pulling a Leno?" –David Letterman

"Anderson Cooper from CNN was there (in Egypt), and he got punched 10 different times. And I thought, well, wait a minute, that happens to me walking to work every day (here in New York)." –David Letterman

"Experts say -- this is interesting -- that since Sarah Palin became the vice presidential nominee, there's been an actual spike in the sales of her style of eyeglasses. Gone way up. Yeah. Yeah, with Palin's glasses, you'll be able to see everything, except what the hell your teenage daughter's up to." --Conan O'Brien

"A lot of celebrities now getting involved in the campaign. It bothers me a little bit, but it's just what happens. Well, Barack Obama's campaign just announced that Barbra Streisand will headline an upcoming fundraiser for Obama. Yeah. And after hearing this, John McCain said, 'and he says I'm out of touch with the American people.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

except the 6-foot mouse is real (God, what an ego on that guy!)

"Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real." –Conan O'Brien

"Time magazine is now ranking the best tweets of the year and, according to Time, the best tweet for 2010 was written by John McCain. Experts say it's even more impressive because McCain thought he was opening his garage door." –Conan O'Brien

"Anderson Cooper has announced that the title of his new show is just 'Anderson.' I think I speak for everyone here at 'Conan' when I say, 'God, what an ego on that guy!'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it's not exactly the resurrection of the Easter bunny, but it's fun for the kids (Out of force of habit, he blamed George Bush)

"Anderson Cooper did a show this week from inside that half-mile long drug smuggling tunnel between San Diego and Mexico. It's quite an amazing tunnel. It has lighting, ventilation, a rail car, a Starbucks..." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The miracle of Hanukkah is that there was only enough oil to keep the menorah lit for one night and it lasted for eight nights. As far as religious miracles go, it's not exactly the resurrection of the Easter bunny, but it's fun for the kids." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama received 12 stitches in his lip after being elbowed in the mouth during a basketball game. Out of force of habit, he blamed George Bush." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”