I'm lean and I'm mean and I'm King of the Jungle! (Screw you! I've been sick!)

A lion walks up to a zebra and says,

"Hey zebra! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're black, you're white, you're half mule

and half donkey.

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

The zebra shrugs off the insult and walks on...

The lion then comes upon a giraffe and says,

"Hey, giraffe! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You gotta long neck and tiny antlers on the top

of your head!

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

Finally, the lion comes upon a frog and says,

"Hey, frog! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're green and you're slimy.."

Before the lion could finish his next sentence

the frog says,

"Screw you! I've been sick!"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Either way, it's a good time to be in the couch business (look for the house that's been set on fire)

"A new report claims that by the year 2020 the marijuana industry could be bigger than the NFL. Either way, it's a good time to be in the couch business." –Conan O'Brien

"For Halloween, a woman in Vermont is handing out kale to trick-or-treaters. If you're in Vermont and you want to stop by, look for the house that's been set on fire." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the holy trinity (february)

According to a study, being a new mother is the equivalent of working two and a half full-time jobs. And, even worse, the boss is constantly grabbing for your breasts. --Conan O’Brien

President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star, and a Playboy model – or as Trump's evangelical supporters call that, "the holy trinity." --Conan O’Brien

A 102-year-old woman broke a pair of world track and field records. The 102-year-old ran the 100-meter dash with a time of "February." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Except for that wet T-shirt contest I judged in Cancun (I guess you could do it)

"Sarah Palin is going to Haiti this weekend to deliver humanitarian aid. If there's one thing that's reassuring, it's seeing Sarah Palin above you in a helicopter." –Jimmy Fallon

Today, the Electoral College officially cast its votes for president, and Bill Clinton actually teared up after voting for Hillary, saying that he’s never cast a vote he’s been prouder of. Then he said, “Except for that wet T-shirt contest I judged in Cancun.” –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush’s brother Neil said that their mother has 'come around' to the idea of Jeb running for president in 2016. Because if there's anything that says you're qualified to be president, it's your own mom saying, 'I guess you could do it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think since George W. Bush, actually (later he was ejected for head-butting)

"Do you folks know anything about the Skull And Bones society?

It's like a fraternal organization, at Yale University. Well, they're

auctioning off a human skull. And I was thinking about this. I

believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well,

I think since George W. Bush, actually." –David Letterman

"It's so hot today, George W. Bush told Al Roker to stop doing that [bleeped]. That's what President Bush said at the G-8 Summit. He was overheard using dirty language at the G-8 Summit and not only that, later he was ejected for head-butting." --David Letterman

"Next week Katie Couric begins as the anchor of the 'CBS Evening News.' Katie is the first solo female anchor. Pretty good if you don't count the two years Tom Brokaw worked in a skirt and heels." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy (nine women are suing him)

While accepting the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, Eddie Murphy did a Bill Cosby impression. Murphy’s Cosby impression was so accurate, nine women are suing him. –Conan O’Brien

Harvey Weinstein just finished a week-long stay at a rehab clinic for sex addiction. Apparently he would’ve have stayed longer, but all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can’t believe I’m saying this to Donald Trump of all people, but don’t overthink it (The Real Cocaine Bear)

March 2023

“The burgeoning rivalry between Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis is heating up, after reports emerged of Trump’s new nickname for the Florida governor: ‘Meatball Ron.’ Personally, I think is the best option so far. I mean, why keep digging when you strike gold? I can’t believe I’m saying this to Donald Trump of all people, but don’t overthink it.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump is reportedly still trying out other nicknames, such as ‘Ron DisHonest’, ‘Ron DeEstablishment’ and ‘Tiny D’. I think we have our fucking winner: Tiny D. I bet when Trump finally comes up with a right nickname for someone, white smoke comes out of the Mar-a-Lago chimney like when they elect a new pope.” —Seth Meyers

“DeSantis notably skipped last week’s Conservative Political Action Conference, also known as CPAC, during which Trump attempted to gin up support for his 2024 presidential run. Among the efforts was a speech by his eldest son, Donald Trump Jr, to a half-empty room. That looks less like an audience and more like the tour group at a spoon museum on a Tuesday morning. I’ve seen middle school dance recitals with a bigger audience. He looks like he’s doing an off-Broadway one-man show called The Real Cocaine Bear.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is so empty, it’s actually being reclaimed by nature (a great thing for democracy and for people who love waiting in lines)

November 2022

“All year long we’ve been waiting to find out if Republicans will take control of Congress and stop President Biden’s agenda, or if Democrats will keep control of Congress and somehow stop Biden’s agenda. And it’s all led up to today, election day: a great thing for democracy and for people who love waiting in lines.” —Trevor Noah

Political commentators and politicians tell us that this may be the most important election of our lifetime. And I know they said that about 2020. I also know that they said that about the 2018 midterms, and they definitely said that about 2016. Which I know makes some people say, ‘Well, clearly none of these elections are as important as people say.’ But maybe we’re thinking of it wrong. Maybe everything is getting worse and worse, which makes every election more and more important. Think about it like this for a minute. When you’re in your driveway, it helps to have good brakes on your car. But then when you get on the road, the brakes become more important. Then you’re on the freeway going a hundred miles per hour, the brakes are even more important. Then, a school bus gets stuck in front of you and then you realize that the school bus is full of puppies and the puppies are holding the only copy of Rihanna’s new album! Now the brakes are the most important brakes of our lifetime!” —Trevor Noah

“A JC Penny store in Pennsylvania had to be closed temporarily after a deer entered the store and got into a dressing room. The story again, a JC Penny is so empty, it’s actually being reclaimed by nature.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm sorry, but today's teenagers do not know how to party (the foundation stone of what is to come)

July 2014

"Yesterday, a judge said that Obamacare is an acceptable substitute for state-run health insurance. He actually said that, 'It's just like Domino's being a substitute for Pizza Hut.' Then, Americans said, 'Well, either way, it's taken you guys way longer than 30 minutes to deliver it, so give us our free healthcare.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A new investigation found that people are using fake ID's to sign up for Obamacare. I'm sorry, but today's teenagers do not know how to party." –Conan O’Brien

"Instead of us sending troops down to the border, we just do what you do when you run out of candy on Halloween. Let's turn off the lights and pretend America's not home. So the kids move on to the next house – Canada." –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess the Masked Singer money dried up (it's like paste-eating endorsing glue-sniffing)

April 2022

“In other Trump news, the former president endorsed Sarah Palin for Congress over the weekend. As Trump said in a statement: ‘Sarah Palin is tough and smart and will never back down.’ Even for Trump, it’s impressive to fit three lies in an eleven-word sentence. I guess the Masked Singer money dried up and Sarah is running for office. Trump endorsing Sarah Palin is like paste-eating endorsing glue-sniffing. It’s ridiculous.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I saw that Sarah Palin has announced that she is running for Congress in Alaska, which is good news for Republicans and great news for Democrats.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know, for someone who could see Russia from her house, she should have known years ago what Putin was up to, don’t you think?” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

900 made-up words (Thinking is difficult)

"Sarah Palin's new book can be found right next to George W. Bush's new book in the 'Apparently Anyone Can Write One of These' section." –Jimmy Fallon

"A new study says that radiation from Wi-Fi is hurting trees. Environmentalists are calling it the worst assault on trees since George W. Bush and Sarah Palin became authors." –Jimmy Fallon

"Palin's book just came out. It has just over 300 pages and just under 900 made-up words." –Jimmy Fallon

"The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity." –Jimmy Fallon

"In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do it. Still think she's not qualified to be President?" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This never would have happened if Bush were still president (dangerously sane)

"Michael Steele, the head of the Republican party, is in very hot water this week, once again, for suggesting that, actually, it is the woman's choice, if she's pregnant, what to do. And also suggesting that homosexuality is something you're born with. Rush Limbaugh attacked him today for being dangerously sane." -- Bill Maher

"I want to tell you, a beautiful day in New York City. Am I right about that? It was so nice today that AIG gave a bonus to Al Roker." --David Letterman

"Hey, Obama is being criticized for trying to solve too many problems at the same time. I'll tell you one thing. This never would have happened if Bush were still president. We wouldn't even be having this conversation." -- Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”