It seems like someone’s a little jealous that we took their precious dunk contest (What did they even do wrong?)

This week, both Harvey Weinstein and R. Kelly were given additional prison sentences on top of the ones they are already serving. Which brings us to Michael Che’s new segment: What did they even do wrong? —Colin Jost

A new report shows that New Jersey has the second worst roads in the country. While the worst roads are the ones that go into New Jersey. —Colin Jost

The National Brotherhood of Skiers is pushing for greater representation of black people in winter sports, which are predominately white. Huh, so it seems like someone’s a little jealous that we took their precious dunk contest. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s extremely hard to ski straight when you are kegeling a jade egg (I don’t know how that guy could run with testicles that big)

A 72 year old man is suing Gwyneth Paltrow for knocking him unconscious and breaking his ribs in a skiing accident at a Utah ski resort in 2016. The man is now seeking more than $3.1 Million -- or two items on GOOP. Even if true, you have to cut Gwyneth a break here. It’s extremely hard to ski straight when you are kegeling a jade egg. --Stephen Colbert

Governor Ralph Northam is now denying it was him in the photo wearing blackface. But Northam admitted to once appearing in blackface as Michael Jackson. Never a good sign when there’s a story about you and Michael Jackson, and you’re the creepy one. --Stephen Colbert

A Colorado runner was attacked by a mountain lion. But he fought back and killed the lion with his bare hands. Wow! I don’t know how that guy could run with testicles that big. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Also, people who love skiing, we're going to have a problem if you ask me to hit the powder and you don't have cocaine (Oh crap, she's up!)

Today was National Hot Sauce Day, or as Mike Pence calls it, ketchup. --Seth Meyers

First up, skiing. Ah, skiing, the sport that combines everyone's two favorite things -- frostbite and broken bones. Hey, skiing, if I wanted to see something go downhill quickly, I'd just go back and watch the second season of "Lost." Also, people who love skiing, we're going to have a problem if you ask me to hit the powder and you don't have cocaine. Skiing, go down on this! Ya burnt! --Seth Meyers

Bounce houses, a.k.a., the child concussion factory. Here's a good idea. Let's put 20 kids with bad coordination in an enclosed space and an uneven surface, let them jump at each other. What could possibly go right? Bounce houses are full of air and dangerous as hell. It's like if Fisher Price made the "Hindenburg." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You can't go wrong with another pair of ladies' sunglasses (I feel like I'm watching someone's home movies)

"The Winter Olympics are under way in Canada. Skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating, these are not sports. They're vacation activities. I feel like I'm watching someone's home movies." –Jimmy Kimmel

"They showed the biathlon today, a combination of cross-country skiing and shooting rifles, which is known to Sarah Palin as 'commuting.' " –Jimmy Kimmel

"Today is the birthday of North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. And a lot of people want to get the guy gifts. I have a suggestion. You can't go wrong with another pair of ladies' sunglasses." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he's living out every 14-year-old boy's fantasy every day (we've all got bone spurs)

Let's move on to another story the president doesn't want you to hear about. A former Playboy model who claims that she had an affair with Donald Trump has filed a lawsuit to break a hush agreement so that she can speak openly about their relationship. Trump probably should have seen this coming because in her centerfold she listed her hobbies as skiing, cooking, breaking hush agreements, and beach volleyball. --James Corden

You've got to hand it to Trump. Between Playboy models, porn stars, and having his own helicopter, he's living out every 14-year-old boy's fantasy every day. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the Russians set a new speed record for skiing UP the mountain (And, this is nice...)

Russia has been banned from the upcoming Winter Olympics for the use of performance-enhancing drugs. And, this is nice — Russia was also banned from participating in the next presidential election. –James Corden

Olympic officials first got suspicious that Russians were using performance-enhancing drugs when the Russians set a new speed record for skiing UP the mountain. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans