OK, but they didn’t have to do it in front of the class (wait till his boss at the factory hears about this)

Doctors in China removed more than 120 magnetic beads swallowed by a five year old boy. Wow, wait till his boss at the factory hears about this. —Michael Che

Officials in Hong Kong announced that after some hamsters in a pet store tested positive for Covid, they had to kill more than 2,000 of the pets. OK, but they didn’t have to do it in front of the class. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s not about the size of the impeachment, it’s about the friction of the conviction (LeBron should be sponsored by Kingsford lighter fluid)

“The good news for Donald Trump is that he’s only facing two charges. Although in a way, that’s also kinda sad for him, since Nixon had three articles brought against him (he resigned before they were passed), Bill Clinton had four, and Andrew Johnson had 11, which means Trump will have the smallest impeachment of all time. You know that’s going to make him insecure – he’s gonna be like, ‘It’s not about the size of the impeachment, it’s about the friction of the conviction.’” --Trevor Noah

“Yes, LeBron James is getting a lot of heat for not taking a stand against China and their oppression, with people even burning his jersey in Hong Kong. Which, by the way, if the N.B.A. kept statistics of most jerseys burned, I think LeBron would dominate that, too. Yeah, yeah, Hong Kong burned his jersey, Cleveland burned his jersey, Miami burned his jersey. Like, forget Nike: LeBron should be sponsored by Kingsford lighter fluid.” --Trevor Noah, The Daily Show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They think they're getting Tina Fey (you're one president too late)

"And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement in Hong Kong. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house. The Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they're getting Tina Fey." --David Letterman

"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He is an inspiration to everyone who takes six years to graduate (90 seconds)

 

"A heat wave is gripping the entire country. This week scientists in Boulder, Colorado, installed what they call 'an early warning system to detect global warming.' The scientists say that they call their global warming detection device a 'thermometer.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, Governor Sarah Palin held a meeting with several leaders from other countries to showcase her foreign policy expertise. That's right, yeah. Experts say the meeting took 90 seconds." --Conan O'Brien

 

"President Bush gave the commencement address at the Merchant Marine Academy. While he was there a cadet, who took six years to graduate, surprised President Bush by giving him a bear hug. When asked about it, the cadet said, 'President Bush is an inspiration to everyone who takes six years to graduate.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A rising tide should lift all boats (sex with Neanderthals)

"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien

"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I don’t know what the rules are anymore (Ain’t nobody got time for that)

“And you know, normally, I would agree that NBA players shouldn’t have to know the intricacies of East Asia policy, but at the same time, Dennis Rodman is basically the U.S. ambassador to North Korea, so I don’t know what the rules are anymore.” --Trevor Noah

“Yes, LeBron James is getting a lot of heat for not taking a stand against China and their oppression, with people even burning his jersey in Hong Kong. Which, by the way, if the N.B.A. kept statistics of most jerseys burned, I think LeBron would dominate that, too. Yeah, yeah, Hong Kong burned his jersey, Cleveland burned his jersey, Miami burned his jersey. Like, forget Nike: LeBron should be sponsored by Kingsford lighter fluid.” --Trevor Noah, The Daily Show

“It really seems like there’s nothing Trump wouldn’t do to profit off the presidency. Like, I bet you he’s going to be outside his own impeachment trial just scalping tickets.” --Trevor Noah

“This might be the true genius of Donald Trump. Because you realize, with one scandal, you get kicked out of office. But with seven in one day? Ain’t nobody got time for that.” --Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

for an extra grand, an extra thousand dollars, she'll actually shoot the main course (They think they're getting Tina Fey)

"You can have dinner with Sarah Palin. They're auctioning it off. Have you heard of it? And the starting bid is $25,000. And this could be exciting. And they say now, unofficially, that for an extra grand, an extra thousand dollars, she'll actually shoot the main course." -David Letterman

"And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement in Hong Kong. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house. The Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they're getting Tina Fey." --David Letterman

"Happy Rosh Hashanah. In honor of the Jewish new year, Mayor Bloomberg has banned the 16-ounce brisket." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

OK, but they didn’t have to do it in front of the class (The opposite of what America does)

Officials in Hong Kong announced that after some hamsters in a pet store tested positive for Covid, they had to kill more than 2,000 of the pets. OK, but they didn’t have to do it in front of the class. —Michael Che

R. Kelly is facing a string of financial problems including unpaid child support. Although for R. Kelly, unpaid child support is also alimony. --Michael Che, SNL

NASA announced it is looking for people of diverse backgrounds to become astronauts for future missions to Mars. Good luck getting black people on a ship to a new world. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This time he was in the room when they made it up (Give me treats, you must)

"President Bush said the Iranians are sending weapons into Iraq. He's sure it's reliable intelligence, 'cause this time he was in the room when they made it up." --Bill Maher

"That Edward Snowden dude got out of Hong Kong, flew to Russia, has been in the Russian airport the whole week, but still no one can find him. When Sarah Palin today heard that he may be incognito, she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito." –Bill Maher

"Michele Bachmann claims that she has lost her healthcare plan. She said, 'I have a husband with very significant health issues.' She said, 'At some point we're going to have to figure it out.' Girlfriend, there's a lot about your husband you're going to have to figure out. Healthcare is the last of your worries." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals (snake charmers)

"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker. Afterwards, Bush said, 'The crowd was so motivated, many of them left halfway through.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Former President George W. Bush is busy. That's right. He's going to India tomorrow to give a speech. Yep. The speech will be entitled, 'Hey, which of you snake charmers is going to fix my computer?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now he's in Mexico, and he was taunted by a matador (They think they're getting Tina Fey)

"Sarah Palin is going to do her best to promote capitalism while she's in Hong Kong, and then I guess at the end of the trip, she'll be riding around in helicopters, shooting pandas." --David Letterman

"And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house. The Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they're getting Tina Fey." --David Letterman

"But Sarah Palin, very serious now she's out of office up there in Alaska. She wrote a critique of President Obama's health care plan and then she went back to seating customers at the Olive Garden." --David Letterman

"Chris Christie has to brush up on foreign policy, so he went to Mexico. Remember when he was in Africa? He was followed by ivory poachers. Now he's in Mexico, and he was taunted by a matador." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now, he leaves out the part that he was fishing in downtown New Orleans (she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito)

"The federal government, you know them, they announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan to save their asses with other peoples' money. It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay." --Bill Maher

"A German publication did an interview with the president and asked Mr. Bush what was his best moment of his presidency, and he said it was the day that he caught a 7.5 pound perch. I couldn't make that up. Now, he leaves out the part that he was fishing in downtown New Orleans." Bill Maher

"That Edward Snowden dude got out of Hong Kong, flew to Russia, has been in the Russian airport the whole week, but still no one can find him. When Sarah Palin today heard that he may be incognito, she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See, Bush thinks a news conference is where reporters give him the news (For example, the Superdome during Hurricane Katrina)

"That Edward Snowden dude got out of Hong Kong, flew to Russia, has been in the Russian airport the whole week, but still no one can find him. When Sarah Palin today heard that he may be incognito, she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito." –Bill Maher

"Thirty-eight million people watched Barack Obama at the stadium in Denver. There were 84,000 full-throated supporters who turned out there at the field. The Republicans fired back today. They say, 'We can also fill a stadium with thousands of screaming people. For example, the Superdome during Hurricane Katrina.'" --Bill Maher

"At the press conference, they asked him about the fact gas is approaching $4. You know what Bush said? He said, 'That's interesting. I hadn't heard that.' See, Bush thinks a news conference is where reporters give him the news." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

OK, but they didn’t have to do it in front of the class (Hopefully not to a theater)

January 2022

Actor Jon Voight recently released a video claiming that Abraham Lincoln’s spirit was guiding Donald Trump. Hopefully not to a theater. —Michael Che

In a new documentary, an ex-girlfriend of Prince Andrew describes Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell as Batman and Robin. Come on. What does Batman and Robin have in common with a billionaire that grooms teenagers? —Michael Che

Officials in Hong Kong announced that after some hamsters in a pet store tested positive for Covid, they had to kill more than 2,000 of the pets. OK, but they didn’t have to do it in front of the class. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

Aw, man, that's never coming out (I'm not racist. One of my best friends is white)

June 2013

"Due to the government spy scandal, sales of the classic George Orwell book '1984' have skyrocketed. So the fallout is worse than we thought. It's making Americans read." –Conan O'Brien

"Conservative commentator Glenn Beck is suffering from paralyzed vocal cords that have made him unable to speak. But not to worry – doctors are working around the clock to make sure this condition continues." –Conan O'Brien

"Edward Snowden shows up in a hotel in Hong Kong and announces to the world that he's leaked confidential National Security Agency memos and documents. He's now gone. Where is this guy? Gosh, if only there was a way to keep track of people." –David Letterman

"I'm excited that this Sunday is Father's Day because I'm a dad. Yeah, I don't know what I'm getting yet but I have a feeling the government knows." –Conan O'Brien 

"A recent report finds that by the year 2043 white people will no longer be the majority in America. And by 2050 people will be saying, 'I'm not racist. One of my best friends is white.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That is some sick twisted sh*t (It’s because they are boobs)

July 2011

"Republicans have to stop thinking up intricate psychological explanations for why liberals don't like Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann. Let me save you all some time. Are you ready? Because they’re crazy people. People who are not that bright and full of awful ideas. Pretty much the same exact reasons we didn’t care about George W. Bush, and make jokes about him. So trust me, it's not because they have breasts. It’s because they are boobs." –Bill Maher

"Michele Bachmann proudly tells the story of how she has no desire to become a tax lawyer, but her husband commanded her to. That’s right, he commanded her to become a tax lawyer, and what are you going to do. It says so right in the bible. She quotes it, ‘wives you are to be submissive to your husbands,’ and I’m the sexist? That’s weird, but you know what’s really weird? Michele Bachmann tells her husband I’ll do anything you want me to do, and his response isn’t let’s have a three way or I want to cover you in Cool Whip. It’s I want you to be a tax lawyer. That is some sick twisted sh*t." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

at least that's what he's yelling to anyone who gets near him in the showers (The Harlem Flu)

Reports suggest that in large cities like New York, coronavirus is disproportionately impacting African-American communities and I really wish there was a way to warn black people about this, without also telling white people about this. Because once Trump starts calling this the Harlem flu, we ain't never going to get a cure. —Michael Che

Harvey Weinstein has reportedly beaten the coronavirus, but there's still a chance he could be contagious, at least that's what he's yelling to anyone who gets near him in the showers. —Michael Che

A male panda at a zoo in Hong Kong has for the first time mated with his female companion of ten years, after she finally agreed to get implants. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

LeBron should be sponsored by Kingsford lighter fluid (I don’t know what the rules are anymore)

“Yes, LeBron James is getting a lot of heat for not taking a stand against China and their oppression, with people even burning his jersey in Hong Kong. Which, by the way, if the N.B.A. kept statistics of most jerseys burned, I think LeBron would dominate that, too. Yeah, yeah, Hong Kong burned his jersey, Cleveland burned his jersey, Miami burned his jersey. Like, forget Nike: LeBron should be sponsored by Kingsford lighter fluid.” --Trevor Noah

“And you know, normally, I would agree that N.B.A. players shouldn’t have to know the intricacies of East Asia policy, but at the same time, Dennis Rodman is basically the U.S. ambassador to North Korea, so I don’t know what the rules are anymore.” --Trevor Noah

“I also understand why people think LeBron’s comments were insensitive or misguided — but at the same time, I get where he’s coming from. Yeah. Because the Houston Rockets G.M. slammed China on Twitter when LeBron was on his way to China. So LeBron was probably like, ‘Hey, man, start this beef after I leave. What’s wrong with you, man? I’m going there.’ Because I would do the same thing. Like, if you asked me in China what I thought about China’s policies, I would be like, ‘I think China has policies, and they’re the policies that allow me to fly home from China.’” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

LeBron James Faces Backlash For China Comments

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm going to wait and see what the Andrews Sisters say (Well, I bet that got a nice laugh)

"Today's Yom Kippur and what that means is down in Houston earlier today former President George W. Bush got up early and started looking for Easter eggs." --David Letterman

"Sarah Palin went to Hong Kong, delivered a speech last week. And we're learning more and more about the speech that she delivered there. Palin says China needs to deal with its ethics problems. Well, I bet that got a nice laugh." --David Letterman

"It's interesting now. A lot of people say, they're bragging, 'I didn't lose any money. I'm smarter than that. I didn't lose any money.' For example, Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska, did not lose a penny when the stock market tanked. You know why? She has all her money in pelts." --David Letterman

"Do you folks remember Andy Williams? Fantastic singer. He says that President Obama is following Marxist theory. I said, 'That's interesting. I think I'm going to wait and see what the Andrews Sisters say.'" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”