Am I right, Bubbale? (because without that body what’s the point of listening)

Pro-Palestinian protestors walked out of Jerry Seinfeld’s commencement address at Duke University and I think that’s disgraceful. During these difficult times it is important to support our Jewish friends. That’s why the only chant you’ll hear from me is “Free Weinstein.” Keep fighting Harvey. Am I right, Bubbale? —Colin Jost

ChatGPT has released a new voice assistant feature inspired by Scarlett Johansson’s AI character in the movie Her. Which I’ve never bothered to watch because without that body what’s the point of listening. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Great, now I have to worry about leaving my brain in the couch (writing and speaking in size 72 font)

“This weekend the news broke that Joe Biden's chief of staff Ron Klain is stepping down. Yep. Klain said, ‘Look, I hate leaving you with such a mess, but I will anyway.’ Of course, being Biden's chief of staff is a tough job. You have to be able to write and speak in size 72 font.” —Jimmy Fallon

Experts at this week's world economic forum said that in the future, cell phones will likely be tiny computer chips implanted in our brains. Great, now I have to worry about leaving my brain in the couch. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not percent — people. (Just let it ring)

A new poll shows Donald Trump has 36 percent support among

Republicans and Ted Cruz is in second place with 16 percent.

Meanwhile, Jeb Bush is at 3. Not percent — people.

–Jimmy Fallon

American Airlines accidentally sent someone's pet corgi to Honolulu instead of Jackson, Mississippi. The owner frantically called the airport in Hawaii, but the dog was like, “Just let it ring.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? (I assume they meant with his makeup?)

President Trump tried to have braille removed from the elevators in Trump Tower, because "no blind people are going to live in Trump Tower." Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? --Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 11 percent of Americans say they view President Trump as very liberal. I assume they meant with his makeup? --Seth Meyers

Earlier this week, a woman in Taiwan fulfilled her husband’s last wishes and invited strippers to perform at his funeral. She said it was the least she could do, because when he asked for strippers at his funeral, she murdered him. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Oddly enough, the audience reaction was the same as if the room had been completely full (You should have seen his face)

“No, this is true; I guess Mitt Romney’s staff played a practical joke on him yesterday. They sent him out to give a speech in a room that was completely empty. He got there and the room was completely empty. Oddly enough, the audience reaction was the same as if the room had been completely full.” –Jay Leno

“Gas prices are so high that Mitt Romney's wife can only afford to drive one Cadillac.” –Jay Leno

“I guess Mitt Romney's staff played an April Fools' joke on him. They told him there was a run on the banks in the Cayman Islands. You should have seen his face.” –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Hey easy with that! That's my lucky stabbing hat! (two cakes)

In a brilliant move during closing arguments the O.J. Simpson Attorney, Johnnie Cochran, put on the knit cap prosecutors say OJ wore the night he committed the murders. Although OJ may have hurt his case when he suddenly blurted out, “Hey easy with that! That's my lucky stabbing hat!” --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Well it's official. Michael Jordan is leaving baseball to return to basketball. It is unclear whether the media will now refer to him by his old basketball nickname, Air Jordan, or his more recent baseball nickname, Senior Crappie. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

The richest girl in the world, billionaire Athina Onassis celebrated her 10th birthday this week. What's it like to be the richest girl in the world? Well to give you some idea, at the party they had two cakes. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Experts are calling him a temporary leader - and so is SEAL Team 6 (Oh, and he was also deflating footballs)

"Al-Qaida has a new leader. Experts are calling him a temporary leader - and so is SEAL Team 6. " --David Letterman

"A lot of Republicans attended President Obama's Super Bowl party. And I thought oh, yeah, they care about New Orleans, now!" –David Letterman

“Romney said the poor ought to get together and go to Best Buy to watch the Super Bowl on the wide screen.” –David Letterman

"I have nothing against the North Koreans but this Kim Jong Un has got a screw loose. A member of his cabinet, his security minister, nods off, falls asleep. We've all done it. Kim Jong Un takes the guy out and has him executed, just for just falling asleep. Oh, and he was also deflating footballs." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the nightclub's defense, the horse's ID looked real (Now who can't drive the car?)

"The United States was able to find and kill Osama bin Laden because of a tip from one of his wives. When she saw a picture of his body, she said, 'Now who can't drive the car?'" –Conan O'Brien May 2011

Fox News is about to debut its new tagline. Instead of "fair and balanced," they're going with “thanks for watching, Mr. President.” --Conan O’Brien

A nightclub in Miami has lost its business license after a woman brought a horse onto the dance floor. In the nightclub's defense, the horse's ID looked real. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”