Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs New York Giants (Touchdowns)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs New York Giants

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

“Not us!” said the New York Giants (Fred Lobster)

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

A couple in Arkansas recently named their baby Olivia Garten in honor of the restaurant chain Olive Garden. Olivia is joined at home by her older brother, Fred Lobster. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the last pigeon (McFlurry)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka said that her father loves eating at McDonald's. It makes sense, considering the “McFlurry” is also what Trump asks for when he goes to the barber. –Jimmy Fallon

Let’s get to some sports here. The Giants announced that they are benching Eli Manning this weekend. Eli’s not sure what’s worse – not getting to play for the Giants, or having to WATCH the Giants. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers Game Highlights | NFL 2024 Season

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Although Brady himself is still fully owned by the Giants (furious dancing)

Tom Brady has officially become a part owner of the Las Vegas Raiders. Although Brady himself is still fully owned by the Giants. —Colin Jost

The winner of the annual America's Best Restroom contest is a service station in Salt Lake City. Though keep in mind the contest is run by Trucker Sex magazine. —Colin Jost

According to nutritionists, the healthiest Halloween candy is peanut M&Ms, with the tiny exception of kids that die from touching them. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Coincidentally, on the same day Chris Christie addressed the International House of Pancakes (they are asking citizens to please spy on each other)

"President Obama addressed the U.N. today. Coincidentally, on the same day Chris Christie addressed the International House of Pancakes." –David Letterman

"Speaking of President Bush, did you see him last night at the big football game? It was the Giants and Cowboys down there in Texas. And President Bush did the coin toss at the start of the game. Now here's a bit of trivia. The coin that they used to start the game was the same coin that the Supreme Court tossed that won Bush the election." --David Letterman

"Even the NSA is out of business. And while they're closed, while the government is shut down, they are asking citizens to please spy on each other." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs New York Giants (Super Bowl)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

most of his words are slurs (fake chews)

Towards the end of the speech on Israel today, President Trump began to slur his words, leading some to speculate that he may have been wearing dentures. But the White House insists that it's nothing unusual and that most of his words are slurs. –Seth Meyers

I can't believe both our first and our last president had fake teeth. Or as Trump calls dentures, "fake chews." –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's not a tax, that's barely a tip (But that's still one less ring than Newt Gingrich)

"Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That's not a tax, that's barely a tip." –Jay Leno

"Actually, Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race yesterday - which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood." –Jay Leno

“Congratulations once again to the world champion New York Giants. They played a great game. Eli Manning now has two rings. Two! But that's still one less ring than Newt Gingrich.” –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Eli’s not sure what’s worse (Double-edged sword)

In a recent interview, Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka said that there are times when she disagrees with her father. But then there are MORE times when she likes the idea of inheriting a billion dollars. Double-edged sword. –Jimmy Fallon

It seems like as the election goes on, we’re actually starting to learn more about all of the candidates. For instance, I just saw that Chris Christie prefers texting to making phone calls. But I guess it starts to get annoying when he keeps texting "U up?" to Domino’s. –Jimmy Fallon

Let’s get to some sports here. The Giants announced that they are benching Eli Manning this weekend. Eli’s not sure what’s worse – not getting to play for the Giants, or having to WATCH the Giants. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

historically, people who take on the Teamsters end up with season tickets to Giants Stadium … underneath the end zone (I will eat their delicious face)

Senator Markwayne Mullin, Republican of Oklahoma, challenged Sean M. O’Brien, the president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, to a physical fight during a Senate committee hearing on Tuesday. If there’s going to be a fight, I’d like to warn that senator: You look pretty big, but, historically, people who take on the Teamsters end up with season tickets to Giants Stadium … underneath the end zone. — Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump has long toyed with the language of fascism, but is now openly cribbing from Hitler and Mussolini. In response to such comparisons, Trump’s team released a statement: “Those who try to make that ridiculous assertion are clearly snowflakes grasping for anything … and their entire existence will be crushed when President Trump returns to the White House.” To that I offer an addendum: ‘Furthermore, anyone who says I’m a cannibal is a liar, and if they say it again, I will eat their delicious face.’ — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And, if you’re a 14-year-old boy, use bleach (Spock's neck and shoulder massage)

We are in this situation because Trump sold his supporters an obvious lie he had no intention of keeping, and now he's desperately trying to save face. For example, now he's just lying and saying the wall is already getting built. In fact, he even said recently that his supporters should start chanting "finish the wall" rather than "build the wall." Even your supporters know that you haven't started the wall. Because they know, if you had, Fox News would have a camera pointed at it 24/7, and the foreman on the job would be the fourth Fox and Friend. --Seth Meyers

“On Tuesday President Barack Obama called New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin to congratulate him on his Super Bowl victory. He tried to call the Patriots too, but the call was dropped.” –Seth Meyers

Today was Clean Out Your Computer Day. And, if you’re a 14-year-old boy, use bleach. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why do you have to be so specific? (Information Control)

January 2023

“Yep, everyone's still talking about the classified documents that were found in President Biden's garage. Even worse, it came out that his neighbor asked to borrow one and still hasn't returned it.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Of course, Democrats are concerned this scandal could weaken Biden as a candidate in 2024, as opposed to their previous concern, that the ravages of time would weaken him by 2024.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Imagine losing the most powerful job on Earth because you kept putting off cleaning out the garage.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, for the first time in six years, the New York Giants made the playoffs. Then the Jets were like, ‘Just say New York is in the playoffs, okay? Why do you have to be so specific?’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maybe he's not the problem (My bad?)

"You know, if I wanted to pick out one thing that best exemplifies our country's peculiar relationship with guns, it's that the phrase 'minor shooting incident' exists." –Jon Stewart on reports that the Navy Yard shooter was previously in involved in minor shooting incidents

"If it turns out that President Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable totalitarian mullahs in the world, but not with Republicans, maybe he's not the problem." –Jon Stewart on Republican complaints that Obama was willing to negotiate with Iran and Russia but not Republicans

"How powerful a man do you have to be to shoot a man in the face and have that person say, 'My bad'?" --Jon Stewart, on Harry Whittington's apology to Cheney

"Did you see the Giants game on Sunday? They lost 31-7. Do you know what the Giants didn't say after that game? 'If you don't give us 25 more points by midnight on Monday, we will shut down the f**king NFL.'" --Jon Stewart on Republicans shutting down the government over their opposition to Obamacare

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

T-shirts (slutty hazmat suit)

In a late night vote yesterday, the Senate made it illegal to sue a bank. Which is why today, Harvey Weinstein petitioned to become a bank. –Conan O’Brien

"Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney debate foreign policy. Pundits say it will be close, but it will probably go to the candidate who wore the 'I killed Osama bin Laden' T-shirt." –Conan O'Brien

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning is denying reports that he yelled out “Trump!” to signal an audible during Sunday’s game. Manning said actually “Trump” is a signal for “Illegal Use of Hands.” –Conan O’Brien

"Looks like they're working out the Ebola situation. The CDC has released new guidelines about what healthcare workers should wear to protect themselves when treating Ebola patients. For starters, this Halloween they've outlawed the slutty hazmat suit." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was the same coin that the Supreme Court tossed that won Bush the election (Whatever you do, don't tell British Petroleum)

"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

"The good news is that scientists have found a giant Earth-like planet, and it may support human life. Whatever you do, don't tell British Petroleum." –David Letterman

"Speaking of President Bush, did you see him last night at the big football game? It was the Giants and Cowboys down there in Texas. And President Bush did the coin toss at the start of the game. Now here's a bit of trivia. The coin that they used to start the game was the same coin that the Supreme Court tossed that won Bush the election." --David Letterman

"Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she's running in 2056." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you know you’re part of the top 1%, when your bank’s address has the word ‘island’ in it (Penguins are probably delicious)

“Newt Gingrich has been attacking Mitt Romney for being wealthy and having money in bank accounts in the Cayman Islands. See, that’s when you know you’re part of the top 1 percent, when your bank’s address has the word ‘island’ in it.” –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants off. When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my heart." –Jay Leno

"Actually, Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race yesterday - which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood." –Jay Leno

“Congratulations once again to the world champion New York Giants. They played a great game. Eli Manning now has two rings. Two! But that's still one less ring than Newt Gingrich.” –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Where do I see myself in five years? (13%)

February 2022

“Looking into the lawsuit against the NFL by former Miami Dolphins coach Brian Flores for racial discrimination. Now, sure, almost 70% of NFL players are Black, and there’s only one Black head coach in the entire league, but the NFL can’t be racist! They spray-painted a tiny ‘end racism’ next to the Kansas City Chiefs logo!” —Stephen Colbert

“Flores was fired by Miami on 10 January, despite leading the team to its first back-to-back winning seasons since 2003. Despite his overall record, winning seven of his last eight games this season, Flores was fired, apparently because he did not get along and go along with the owner. But eight other teams also lost their coaches, and Flores got several interviews for open positions, including with the New York Giants. Such coaching searches are bound by the NFL’s ‘Rooney Rule’, which requires NFL teams to interview a diverse range of candidates for head coaching jobs and other leadership positions. It’s a great idea, gives everybody an opportunity, unless you don’t give an opportunity to anybody, which is what happened in this case. Flores learned via mistaken text from Bill Belichick, the New England Patriots coach, that the head coaching job had gone to someone else – three days before his interview with the team. So he’s saying they wasted his time just to check a pretend box about how they pretend care about diversity, though I imagine it did take the pressure off the job interview – ‘Where do I see myself in five years? Uh, I don’t know, suing you?’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Jam (“Not us!” said the New York Giants)

"The head of the Federal Aviation Administration has

been arrested on charges of drunk driving. I don't want

to say how much the guy drank, but when they pulled

him over, he was driving the beverage cart.'" –Jay Leno

"There was an embarrassing moment for Rick Perry.

He announced that it was the anniversary of the

Japanese attack on Pearl Jam." –Jay Leno

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men

believe they face pressure to act interested in sports.

“Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

An Italian winery is releasing five limited-edition

bottles of Hello Kitty-themed wine for the holiday

season. It’s the perfect gift for your alcoholic niece.

–Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry