He bowled sober. See, you never do that. (What can I get for an extra $50?)

"According to a new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard, money can buy happiness, but only if you spend the money on someone else. To which former Governor Eliot Spitzer said, 'See.'" --Jay Leno

 

"According to the New York Post, Eliot Spitzer has entered therapy for his sex addiction. He has sex addiction. He's not horny, a sex addiction. See, I don't know if it's gonna work. When the therapist told him it was 300 bucks an hour, he said, 'What can I get for an extra $50?'" --Jay Leno

"But, see, I tell you - you know what's interesting? He's not a bowler, obviously. And Barack Obama made the typical mistake a lot of rookie bowlers make. He bowled sober. See, you never do that." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the wave was generated when Yo Mama fell overboard (Thanks for believing in the illusion)

February 2022

A man in Iran went to the hospital after he got a Double A battery stuck inside his penis. It was Double A because that’s the sound he makes when it goes in. ‘Ah! Ah!’ —Colin Jost

Researchers have observed a nearly 60 foot tall rogue wave off the coast of British Columbia which is the largest ever recorded. Researchers believe the wave was generated when Yo Mama fell overboard. —Colin Jost

One of the first places the Russians seized when they invaded Ukraine was Chernobyl. The site of the 1986 nuclear disaster. Said Ukrainians, ‘Oh, no. Don’t take that.’ —Colin Jost

Capturing Chernobyl is like landing an audition for Harvey Weinstein now. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We're saving ourselves for our 25th wedding anniversary (The joke's on them, they didn't find my crystal meth)

Another tell-all book is coming out about the Trump presidency. And according to an excerpt, on the night of the election, Mike Pence tried to kiss his wife after Trump's victory but she turned away and said, "You got what you wanted. Now leave me alone." In all fairness, I'm pretty sure 99 percent of Mike Pence's conversations end with the other person saying, "Now leave me alone." She was upset that her husband had aligned himself with Donald Trump. But don't worry, I'm sure him spending the day with Brett Kavanaugh is bound to win her over. Pence tried to explain why there wasn't a kiss with his wife. He said, "We're saving ourselves for our 25th wedding anniversary." --James Corden

Police in British Columbia responded to an unusual emergency recently. A man called 911 reporting that he had been robbed. When asked what had been taken, he said that the thieves had stolen all of his marijuana and cocaine. He told the cops, "The joke's on them, they didn't find my crystal meth." --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”