I was a little disappointed to see that the only time my name appears in the magazine is on the address label (Yard sign)

“Some have criticized the police for pepper spraying a pregnant woman, but don’t forget, the cops were spraying for two.” –Stephen Colbert

It's late November, the weather's getting crisp, and that can only mean one thing: It's time for People magazine's "sexiest man alive" issue. It's got David Beckham on the cover. Spoiler alert — he's sexy. I was a little disappointed to see that the only time my name appears in the magazine is on the address label. –Stephen Colbert

Of course, Hillary also had her moments. Here’s what she said about her tax plans: “We are going to go where the money is.” And she knows where the money is. It’s where she gives her speeches. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The good news is, he just got an offer to be the spokesman for Jell-O pudding (everyone on stage would be nude start to finish)

We are 25 days away from the election and Donald Trump is burning up like a meteor entering the atmosphere. Five women have come forward this week to claim he behaved inappropriately with them, touching, etc., including a reporter from People magazine and former pageant winner. Which is very bad news for his campaign. The good news is, he just got an offer to be the spokesman for Jell-O pudding. –Jimmy Kimmel

Yesterday, the NFL announced that Justin Timberlake is going to do the Super Bowl halftime show. This will be his first Super Bowl halftime performance since 2004 when he was part of the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. Remember when Janet Jackson exposing a breast was the worst thing about America? Justin Timberlake promised there would be no wardrobe malfunction because everyone on stage would be nude start to finish. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can’t even walk down nine flights of stairs without a spotter (You know how long it takes a working man to save $5000?)

It's late November, the weather's getting crisp, and that can only mean one thing: It's time for People magazine's "sexiest man alive" issue. It's got David Beckham on the cover. Spoiler alert — he's sexy. I was a little disappointed to see that the only time my name appears in the magazine is on the address label. –Stephen Colbert

"I’d like to single out some heroes, like the nurses at NYU hospital. After the hospital generators failed, these nurses carried 20 newborns down nine flights of stairs while manually operating respirators. I can’t even walk down nine flights of stairs without a spotter." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The real death panels are health insurance companies (How did Vladimir Putin get his hands on my Match.com profile?)

Donald Trump told People Magazine that he’s good at sports. Which could be true, because it does seem like he’s had a lot of concussions. –Conan O’Brien

"In a speech, Russian president Vladimir Putin slammed the U.S. for being 'genderless and infertile.' My question is: How did Vladimir Putin get his hands on my Match.com profile?"  –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The delicious mercury makes you forget what money was (so you can expect him to use every trick in the book he has never read)

“Donald Trump’s got about how long, 15 months? Fifteen months to keep the economy from collapsing before the election, so you can expect him to use every trick in the book he has never read.” --Stephen Colbert

"Only one publication had a reporter with Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan on day one, 'People Magazine.' Or as Mitt Romney calls it 'Corporation Magazine.'" –Stephen Colbert

“He’ll try every financial maneuver he knows: getting a shady loan from Russia, telling his blackjack dealers to stick on a soft 17. And if all else fails? Selling Dr. Trump’s patented anti-recession elixir. The delicious mercury makes you forget what money was.” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He’s like the Brett Favre of burning books (They both suck)

“Florida Pastor Terry Jones originally planned to burn the Koran tomorrow, then yesterday he called it off because he believed he made a deal with an Imam to stop the plan to build a Mosque near Ground Zero. The Imam said that wasn’t true, he agreed to no such thing. Then Pastor Jones said he was lied to and the burning was back on. This guy is unbelievable. He’s like the Brett Favre of burning books.” –Jimmy Kimmel

We are 25 days away from the election and Donald Trump is burning up like a meteor entering the atmosphere. Five women have come forward this week to claim he behaved inappropriately with them, touching, etc., including a reporter from People magazine and former pageant winner. Which is very bad news for his campaign. The good news is, he just got an offer to be the spokesman for Jell-O pudding. –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama made his big healthcare address to a joint session of Congress last night. It went pretty well, except for one weird part in the middle of it, when a congressman from South Carolina suddenly yelled out, 'You lie!' It's amazing this guy was able to sit through seven years of President Bush telling him everything in Iraq is fine without a peep, but last night, he yells out, 'You lie!'" --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And it's not just because of how much he resembles Russian dressing (1000 Places To Offend People Before You Die)

"Only one publication had a reporter with Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan on day one, 'People Magazine.' Or as Mitt Romney calls it 'Corporation Magazine.'" –Stephen Colbert

"All in all a successful trip. Best of all, Romney has checked three countries off the list of '1000 Places To Offend People Before You Die.'" –Stephen Colbert

"Like Sarah Palin, Rafalca's female, also doesn't read newspapers, and has completed the same number of terms as governor." –Stephen Colbert, on Ann Romney's horse that competed in the Olympic Dressage event

A lot of people are talking about Donald Trump and Russia now. And not just because of how much he resembles Russian dressing. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

People magazine named him 'Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.' (too ignorant for Alabama)

November 2013

"What a week for Chris Christie. First they bring back the McRib, then he wins a blue state by a landslide. First time he's ever won a landslide. He's caused a few." –Bill Maher

"Time magazine put Chris Christie on the cover with the caption, 'The Elephant in the Room.' And People magazine named him 'Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.'" –Bill Maher 

"Is this where we are with journalism now? You just call a guy an elephant? It was not only taken as an insult by the governor, but also by the guy who walks behind him and shovels the s**t." –Bill Maher

"In Alabama, the Tea Party candidate named Dean Young, who wanted to impeach Obama and compared gay people to animals, he lost to a potty-trained Republican. Boy, that is something for your resume – Dean Young: too ignorant for Alabama." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as Mitt Romney calls it 'Corporation Magazine.' (Imbeciles who really mean it)

August 2012

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is doing the keynote speech at the Republican Convention. He didn't want to, but they're going to lure him in by having Paul Ryan drive the Wienermobile." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: Stop implying that this Romney/Ryan bromance is somehow gay. You act like you’ve never seen an older millionaire take a bright young lad under his wing, dress in matching outfits and exchange doting looks while teaming up to save the country. It happens all the time and there’s nothing gay about it." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: Scientists must explain how it's possible that the tiny island country of Jamaica can at the same time possess all the most stoned people in the world and all the fastest people in the world." –Bill Maher

"Only one publication had a reporter with Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan on day one, 'People Magazine.' Or as Mitt Romney calls it 'Corporation Magazine.'" –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But that doesn’t mean he won’t say he was every single chance he gets (the Pope of chicken wings)

“Yesterday, Trump was asked about his threat to halt federal funding to Michigan because of their plan to encourage Michiganders to vote by mail. Trump doesn’t want that. He wants fewer people to vote, and he also wants to be able to claim fraud if he loses. But that’s not the weird thing. The weird thing is while doing it for the umpteenth time, he made the unsubstantiated claim that Michigan once named him ‘Man of the Year.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“He remembers it so well, but there is no evidence he was ever honored with an award like that of any kind. This has been investigated extensively and it would appear, and you’re not gonna believe this, it would appear he made it up. He was never ‘Man of the Year.’ But that doesn’t mean he won’t say he was every single chance he gets.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“According to former Congressman Dave Trott, the man who presented Trump with the thing he remembers so well, there was no ‘Michigan Man of the Year’ award. What he gave Trump was a framed copy of President Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. [as Trump] ‘I want to thank President Lincoln for naming me Michigan’s man of the year. This reminds of the time the D.M.V. gave me a beautiful plastic card naming me People’s “Sexiest Man Alive." I keep it in my wallet with the Applebee’s coupon naming me the Pope of chicken wings.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump's bone spur x-ray finally released (Who’s sexier than Fauci?)

“Dr. Anthony Fauci, “the man whose calm leadership during this crisis has won him the respect of all intelligent people and President Trump. Fauci has reportedly been assigned a security detail due to conspiracy-related threats. Now, unfortunately, getting threats is fairly standard for anyone in the public eye. But what’s not standard is that Dr. Fauci is also receiving lots of ‘unwelcome communications from fervent admirers’. Yes, that’s a nice way to say that your groupies are crazy. And who would’ve thought one day we’d be living in a world where the whole planet would be grounded, and an epidemiologist would be the hottest man on earth. People are just like: ‘I gotta get me some of that Fauci. You know he got that vaccine, girl.’ Who’s sexier than Fauci? No one’s sexier. If People magazine doesn’t put him on the cover, they’re wasting their lives.” —Trevor Noah

“How can a governor be so far behind the curve, hm? A governor. I just picture him, now, what, watching Season 3 of ‘Westworld’ like, ‘Guys, I’m starting to think some of these people might be robots. I don’t know. There's something about them.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They might as well have said he was at a zumba class (Nixon had a TikTok)

“This is big news because it appears to confirm that Trump knew about the attempt to pressure Ukraine to investigate the Bidens, which is the first time we’ve gotten hard confirmation of that since Trump himself. This is what these hearings are going to be like all the way through. Every bombshell will just be confirming things we already know. It will be like if, instead of a secret taping operation, Nixon had a TikTok.” --Samantha Bee

“Also those hearings he didn’t watch? He doesn’t like the cast.” --Samantha Bee

“The president called the hearing a joke, a sham and a hoax and he said he didn’t watch it. A White House spokesperson said the president was too busy working. Right. They might as well have said he was at a zumba class.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump wanted to watch the impeachment hearing, but he threw his T.V. remote out the window when he wasn’t named People magazine’s ‘sexiest man of the year.’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I could lie and they'd still eat it up (I bet my numbers would be terrific)

"The Republicans released their 'Pledge to America.' It's 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and she said, 'How am I supposed to fit all this crap on my hand?'" –Bill Maher

"The Democrats, these pussies, are unbelievable. They are giving up on their tax cut for the middle class until after the election. They have the worst salesmen in the world. They could not talk Lindsay Lohan into a rum and coke." –Bill Maher

"It was a very good week for getting absolutely nothing done in Congress. The Republicans blocked the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We thought this was going to be a done deal. I don’t know what their problem is with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Even if it is repealed, there will still be a major American institution where gays are still forced to hide in shame and secrecy: The Republican party." –Bill Maher

"They're giving up on their tax cuts for the middle class until after the election. Have they seen the polls? Planning to do this after the election. This is like a condemned man asking for a doggie bag at the last meal." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They're the dumbest group of voters in the country (Roman Polanski Catholic Church)

"Because it's Easter, Catholic priests have been hearing confession all week — mostly from other Catholic priests." –Jay Leno

"Sunday was the big White House Easter egg hunt. Of course, the Catholic priests didn't have time to hide eggs, they were too busy hiding each other." –Jay Leno

"As you know, the Roman Catholic Church continues to be rocked by this sex abuse crisis. In fact, they're thinking of changing their name to the Roman Polanski Catholic Church." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

So, congratulations to Donald Trump for sending Comey's book straight to No. 1 (I bet my numbers would be terrific)

Last night was the ABC News interview with former FBI Director James Comey where he promoted his new book. But before the interview, Trump got on Twitter yesterday morning and called Comey a liar and attacked his reputation. So, congratulations to Donald Trump for sending Comey's book straight to No. 1.  --James Corden

Here in Los Angeles, the police department recently confiscated $700,000 of counterfeit makeup that was later determined — and we're not joking here — to contain human feces. People suspected there might be feces in the makeup when they were like, "It says blue eyeshadow, but it keeps making my eyes pink." --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

They're the dumbest group of voters in the country (I bet my numbers would be terrific)

According to Politico, the publishers of former FBI Director James Comey’s upcoming memoir are taking extreme precautions to prevent the manuscript from leaking. Yeah, it would be a shame if something got out at the wrong time and ruined everything for him. -Seth Meyers

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett is offering his employees $1 million per year for the rest of their lives if they can fill out a perfect March Madness bracket. Buffett was like, “It’s just a fun little way to remind my employees that I can buy and sell each and every one of them.” -Seth Meyers

A new report has found that more animals have died while in the care of United Airlines than any other U.S. airline over the last three years. While animals who flew Spirit Airlines only WISHED they were dead. -Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

70 percent of all Rudy Giuliani marriages are in July (Poverty Tour)

"John Edwards is on the campaign trail. He's now doing something called his 'Poverty Tour', where he's visiting people who have no money and no hope. In fact, his first stop today: John McCain's headquarters." --Jay Leno

"And People magazine reports that contrary to popular belief, June is not the biggest month for weddings. I also thought it was. July is, July is the biggest month. In fact, do you know this: 70 percent of all Rudy Giuliani marriages are in July." --Jay Leno

      

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster, soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I just wanted to relive that fond memory (the dumbest group of voters in the world)

The New York Times is reporting that Donald Trump is expected to fire his Secretary of State Rex Tillerson in the coming weeks. Or as Rex Tillerson is calling it, a Christmas miracle. –James Corden

Honestly, Tillerson says he’s not paying attention to the rumors. And as the former head of ExxonMobil, he’s used to ignoring lots of leaks. –James Corden

It’s not really surprising that Trump would fire Tillerson. If you remember, Rex Tillerson, over the summer, reportedly called Trump a, and I quote, a (bleep) moron. I don’t have a joke here, I just wanted to relive that fond memory. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

They're the dumbest group of voters in the country (finally some good news)

"The economy is in big trouble, but the Bush administration is now running it. So finally some good news." --David Letterman

     

"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." --Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

who better than Congress to show you how to make your business run more efficiently?

"In an upcoming interview with the gay magazine The Advocate, Hillary Clinton says the rumors about her being a lesbian are not true and she says she's never had sex with a woman, no matter how many times Bill has begged her to." --Jay Leno

"The old, toe-tapping senator from the great state of Idaho, Larry Craig has changed his mind and is not going to resign. You know what it is? I don't think he wants to give up the key to the executive washroom. You know that bathroom in the Minneapolis airport where he got caught? Well, the airport is now spending a ton of money to build new stall dividers that go all the way to the ground to make it a less inviting spot for sexual activity. And today, Senator Craig said, 'Minneapolis, tear down that wall!'" --Jay Leno

"Congress has been having hearings this week concerning the increasing number of late airline flights. Congress said they may have to intervene in order to help the airlines improve. And really, who better than Congress to show you how to make your business run more efficiently?" --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans