"This is the worst day of my life," said Melania 12 years ago (pLopLop #7)

President Trump has gone back on his claims that he had no involvement in any payments to Stormy Daniels and now says he repaid his lawyer for the $130,000 used in their hush agreement. "This is the worst day of my life," said Melania 12 years ago. --Seth Meyers

During his interview last night, Rudy Giuliani said if special counsel Robert Mueller's team goes after Ivanka Trump, the whole country will turn on Mueller. “Yeah, can we just drop the Ivanka stuff?” said Nordstrom. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I don't want to say Giuliani screwed Trump, but Michael Cohen gave him $130,000 (You really only need a DVR)

A growing number of people are going to e-sport arenas to watch other people play video games. It combines the thrill of going to a live sporting event with the thrill of having an unemployed roommate. --Jimmy Fallon

Rudy Giuliani was interviewed last night by Fox News host Sean Hannity — and I don't want to say Giuliani screwed Trump, but Michael Cohen gave him $130,000. --Seth Meyers

Rudy Giuliani also said last night that the list of questions special counsel Robert Mueller wants to ask President Trump are designed to trap him in some way. Though you don't have to work that hard to catch Trump in a lie. You really only need a DVR. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He said he first got into Beyoncé’s music when Hillary Clinton smashed his car windshield with a baseball bat (Don’t Stop Believing)

I saw that when John Kelly became Trump’s chief of staff, the Secret Service director emailed him, saying, “Congratulations, I think.” Which is the same thing everyone said to Melania at her bridal shower.  --Jimmy Fallon

This week, former FBI Director James Comey said that he’s actually a big fan of Beyoncé. He said he first got into Beyoncé’s music when Hillary Clinton smashed his car windshield with a baseball bat.  --Jimmy Fallon

A member of the band Journey said “Don’t Stop Believing” was inspired by the time he borrowed money from his dad to pay his dog’s vet bill. Apparently, the dog was hit by a midnight train goin’ anywhere.  --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No one is going to stop you, there are no doors (nobody wants to give it CPR)

Housing prices are so high in the San Francisco Bay Area right now that a small one-story burned-out home is selling for — brace yourself — $800,000. It comes with two-and-a-half baths and two-and-a-half walls. The house is loaded with fun features like a fire pit out back, a fire pit in the kitchen, a fire pit in the living room, and all the bedrooms got fire pits. Why not save $800,000 and just move in now? No one is going to stop you, there are no doors. --James Corden

Scientists have just added a new animal to the endangered species list. It's a green-haired Australian turtle that breathes through its genitals. It breathes through its genitals. The reason it's endangered is because in an emergency, nobody wants to give it CPR. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Donald Trump spent most of the last 30 years trying to make America pregnant again (Put Your Name On It)

It’s being reported that a former doorman at a Trump building in New York was paid $30,000 to keep quiet about a rumor that Trump fathered an illegitimate child with his housekeeper in the 1980s. A secret illegitimate child. I don’t believe it. Finally, something Trump didn’t want to put his name on. --James Corden

It's beginning to sound like Donald Trump spent most of the last 30 years trying to make America pregnant again. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

When asked if he's using a Magic 8-Ball, Trump said, "Ask again later." (hiding negative stories)

The president has been very busy. This morning he tweeted that an attack on Syria could happen "very soon or not so soon at all." When asked if he's using a Magic 8-Ball, Trump said, "Ask again later." --Jimmy Fallon

Investigators are looking into whether the National Enquirer protected Trump by hiding negative stories about him. It might not be true because I read about it in the National Enquirer, so I don't know. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

it was like ordering a Jägerbomb, then getting a Shirley Temple (turn ons)

President Trump was supposed to go to South America today, but he canceled, and Mike Pence went instead. For South America, it was like ordering a Jägerbomb, then getting a Shirley Temple. --Jimmy Fallon

Even though the FBI raided his office, Trump's lawyer said that he would rather jump out of a building than turn on Trump. When Melania heard the words "turn on" and "Trump," she said that she was going to jump out of the building. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Republicans are Red, Democrats are Blue (Then she pretended to be a table)

Trump had to do some tap dancing today after repeatedly criticizing the previous administration for tipping our enemies off to what are we going to do before we do it. Trump informed Russia we would be firing missiles on Syria . . . which is telling enemies what we’re going to do before we do it. Today he tried to correct the perception. He tweeted, “Never said when an attack on Syria would take place. Could be very soon. Or not so soon at all.” Have you ever played hide-and-seek with a 4-year-old? I do it a lot. She’s like, “I’m going to go hide under the bed, you come find me.” That’s basically what he does. --Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, his White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was asked about this today. She said all options are on the table. Then she pretended to be a table. Until everyone went away. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

How can he let our enemies know what he’s doing when even he doesn’t know what he’s doing? (nibbling on chicken nuggets in a Speedo)

This was another difficult day for President Trump. Details from a forthcoming book written by former FBI Director Jim Comey came out today, and Comey said, among other things, Trump is “untethered from the truth.” He says chief of staff John Kelly offered to quit when Trump fired Comey, he was so disgusted. He said he believes the president wears tanning goggles. That I would like to see, Trump on the roof of the White House, a little mask over his eyes like a raccoon, nibbling on chicken nuggets in a Speedo. --Jimmy Kimmel

But see, this is the genius of Donald Trump. How can he let our enemies know what he’s doing when even he doesn’t know what he’s doing? --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

The No. 1 weapon they’re asking for is "a different president" (it’s so cold here in Alaska...)

The city of Anchorage, Alaska, has voted down a bathroom bill that discriminates against transgendered people. Residents said, "You know, it’s so cold here in Alaska we can’t tell what genitals you have anyway." --Conan O’Brien

The Navy is calling for new weapons, so they can fight much more effectively against Russia. The No. 1 weapon they’re asking for is "a different president." --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Indianapolis Colts Mock Draft (3/31/18)

1. Quenton Nelson G Notre Dame 1st Round, 6

2. Da’Ron Payne DL Alabama 2nd Round, 36

3. Leighton Vander Esch LB Boise State 2nd Round, 37

4. Dallas Goedert TE South Dakota State 2nd Round, 49

5. Equanimeous St. Brown WR Notre Dame 3rd Round, 67

6. Darius Phillips CB Western Michigan 4th Round, 104

7. Kentavius Street DL North Carolina State 5th Round, 140

8. Christian Campbell CB Penn State 6th Round, 178

9. Allen Lazard WR Iowa State 7th Round, 221

Tiffany Haddish said someone bit Beyoncé (What does Beyoncé taste like?)

So, the president almost definitely colluded with Russia, but there's equally important news out there. Tiffany Haddish said someone bit Beyoncé. This is serious! --Stephen Colbert

This is a huge mystery at this point. As of show time we still don't know. So far, all sorts of celebrities have denied being the biter, including Lena Dunham, Jennifer Aniston, Sanaa Lathan, Frances McDormand, even Shirley MacLaine, whose spokesperson said, "No, Shirley did not bite anything. She's 83 years old, for God's sake." Not a good alibi. I get bit by 83-year-olds all the time. Because I like to start fights with old people, because I want to win. --Stephen Colbert

The fact is, Beyoncé's biter remains at large, and it's extremely important to me we figure this out, because America needs to know: What does Beyoncé taste like? --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Putin's good side/punch-back mode/nerve gas burrito

The odd thing is that Trump has not made any public comments. He hasn't even tweeted about it. One friend says that the president is "not in punch-back mode." Yes, Trump only has a few settings. There's "punch-back," there's "lie," "self-promote," and "popcorn." --Stephen Colbert

New documents show that former Trump deputy campaign chairman Rick Gates communicated with a former Russian spy before the election, who "has ties to a Russian intelligence service and had such ties in 2016." And I'm guessing this spy is still on Putin's good side because, as of show time, no one had served him a nerve gas burrito. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

no matter how many times he clears his browser history (raw cleavage footage)

The darned Stormy Daniels scandal just will not go away for Donald Trump — no matter how many times he clears his browser history. --Stephen Colbert

Huge developments yesterday, when Stormy Daniels' attorney Michael Avenatti, filed a motion seeking to depose President Donald Trump and his lawyer Michael Cohen. Avenatti says that he "Intends to prove that the hush agreement did not have a lawful object or purpose." Oh, how dare you? Of course this agreement has a lawful purpose! It has given Anderson Cooper hundreds of hours of Stormy Daniels raw cleavage footage. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html