What's a New York Times? (under a pile of $8 billion)

The New York Times published a quote calling millennials lazy, narcissistic, and obsessed with social media. Meanwhile, millennials have called The New York Times, “What's a 'New York Times?’” –Conan O’Brien

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We can stop hacking now. It's all over (ohhhh, Buffett…)

According to The New York Times, the Russian effort to influence the 2016 election on social media used tactics to try to suppress Democratic voters from turning out on Election Day though in the end she wrote this joke all by herself. Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail, “But I'm trying to figure out how we get them to have Pokémon Go To The Polls.” After that the Russians said, “We can stop hacking now. It's all over." --Seth Meyers

Warren Buffett yesterday joined Hillary Clinton at a rally and tried to drum up support for a tax increase on people making over $1 million a year. Chris Christie also showed up and reportedly said “ohhhh, Buffett…" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion (a staunch Republican who has never heard of bumper stickers)

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien

"A man in Indiana got a tattoo of Mitt Romney's campaign logo on his face. They describe the man as a staunch Republican who has never heard of bumper stickers." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A rising tide should lift all boats (sex with Neanderthals)

"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien

"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It doesn't work without you (just as our forefathers intended)

"Cosmo magazine is encouraging female students in North Carolina to vote by offering a party bus to the voting polls that includes shirtless male models — just as our forefathers intended." –Conan O'Brien

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien

"Before the World Series game last night, Aaron Lewis from the band Staind botched the National Anthem. To make things worse he started the song with, 'Are you ready for some football?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And today Bill Clinton said, "Good answer, good answer." (You know what that means? We're all going to jail.)

 

"Today Warren Buffett announced he's giving away his multi-billion dollar fortune to charity rather than leaving it to his kids. He said he doesn't believe someone's son should inherit his father's position in society. Today President Bush had him put under surveillance." --Jay Leno

 

"The Bush administration is asking Google to turn over all its records in a porn investigation. They want to know who has been using Google to look up pornography. You know what that means? We're all going to jail." --Jay Leno

"As I'm sure you know by now, Patrick Kennedy blamed this whole incident on a sleep medication he was taking. That's what he said, he said he couldn't remember getting out of bed in the middle of the night and leaving his home. And today Bill Clinton said, "Good answer, good answer." --Jay Leno

"John McCain said again today that the fundamentals of our economy are still sound. The fundamentals of our economy are still sound. To which O.J. Simpson said, 'Hey, is it too late to get him on the jury?'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Right now, she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville (I'm sorry I enriched uranium)

"The comic book makers of 'Batman' have announced that Batman will go after Osama bin Laden. So you see Bush does have a plan." --David Letterman

"President Bush says he is 100% sure he was right to wiretap. 100% sure that he was right to wiretap. And you know Bush, when he says he's 100% sure, he's always right." –David Letterman

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is trying to win over the American people. It's sort of a PR campaign. Earlier today, over at the U.N., he was signing baseballs that said, 'I'm sorry I enriched uranium'." --David Letterman

"Oh, but Sarah Palin, you know, was at the U.N. yesterday, and she was a big hit. She's over there meeting all of the world leaders. She's still learning who the world leaders are. Right now, she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's true, now hand me another golden sausage (Warren Buffet may have to move in with his cousin Jimmy Buffet)

"I'm not a political expert, but I think going after the rich is a good idea in an election year, or any other year for that matter. Because let's face it, rich people are bastards. Even rich people would agree with that. They're like, 'It's true, now hand me another golden sausage.'"  –Craig Ferguson

"So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they won't get mad about it, it just means they don't know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet." –Craig Ferguson

"The new taxes are going to put rich people in a very tough spot. Paris Hilton may have to carry her own cocaine. Donald Trump may have to fire the guy who trims that thing on his head. Warren Buffet may have to move in with his cousin Jimmy Buffet." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Any meat on those bones? (King Mookie)

It's come out that Red Sox star Mookie Betts is related to soon-to-be royal Meghan Markle. This means there's a chance that one day there will be a "King Mookie." --Conan O’Brien

In a new interview, billionaire Warren Buffett called Bitcoin "rat poison." Which is an unfair comparison because people actually understand how rat poison works. --Conan O’Brien

In Utah, a couple gardening in their yard found the skeleton of a 16,000-year-old horse. After hearing about it, Arby's asked, "Any meat on those bones?" --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

23 percent of the Russian population has gone missing today (And you do not want to double that)

Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin won a fourth term as president of Russia. It’s Putin’s first presidential victory since the 2016 American election. --James Corden

Putin won in a landslide. He got 77 percent of the vote. In other news, 23 percent of the Russian population has gone missing today. --James Corden

In financial news, billionaire investor Warren Buffett is facing some criticism after saying in a recent interview, “You will not be way happier if you double your net worth.” Spoken like someone who has $90 billion. But he is partially right. Happiness does not come from net worth. It comes from the things you can BUY because of your net worth. He might have a point because thanks to student loan debt, most people’s net worth is negative $40,000. And you do not want to double that. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

They're the dumbest group of voters in the country (I bet my numbers would be terrific)

According to Politico, the publishers of former FBI Director James Comey’s upcoming memoir are taking extreme precautions to prevent the manuscript from leaking. Yeah, it would be a shame if something got out at the wrong time and ruined everything for him. -Seth Meyers

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett is offering his employees $1 million per year for the rest of their lives if they can fill out a perfect March Madness bracket. Buffett was like, “It’s just a fun little way to remind my employees that I can buy and sell each and every one of them.” -Seth Meyers

A new report has found that more animals have died while in the care of United Airlines than any other U.S. airline over the last three years. While animals who flew Spirit Airlines only WISHED they were dead. -Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville (second-hand FEMA trailers)

"We are in an economic tail spin. It's a nightmare on Wall Street, and a once in a century financial crisis. Of course, the New York Times called the crisis 'a wolf howling at the door.' Wrong! No one's got money for doors anymore! It's a wolf howling at our cardboard flaps." --Stephen Colbert

"Yup, John McCain said to me the economy 'is about to crater.' You folks worried about the economy? Whoo! Not me. Not me. I’ve got all my money in second-hand FEMA trailers." --David Letterman

"Oh, but Sarah Palin, you know, was at the U.N. yesterday, and she was a big hit. She's over there meeting all of the world leaders. She's still learning who the world leaders are. Right now, she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done (top ten richest people)

"Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Lawrence Ellison topped the Forbes list of the top ten richest people in the U.S., having a combined wealth, as of Friday, of nearly $8,000." --Seth Meyers

"Hey, guess what? Turns out the free market? Not so free. Wall Street was hit hard Monday when Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch was sold to Bank of America, and insurance giant AIG neared a collapse of its own. Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done." --Amy Poehler



"A top McCain policy adviser claimed this week that McCain's work in the Senate helped create the BlackBerry, saying, 'You're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create.' He then handed the BlackBerry to McCain, who attempted to withdraw $20 from it." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville (I hope I get to meet Queen Latifa)

"We are in an economic tail spin. It's a nightmare on Wall Street, and a once in a century financial crisis. Of course, the New York Times called the crisis 'a wolf howling at the door.' Wrong! No one's got money for doors anymore! It's a wolf howling at our cardboard flaps." --Stephen Colbert

"Oh, but Sarah Palin, you know, was at the U.N. yesterday, and she was a big hit. She's over there meeting all of the world leaders. She's still learning who the world leaders are. Right now, she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville." --David Letterman



"And she was at the General Assembly, Sarah Palin was, and somebody said, 'Look, over there, that's the president of Georgia.' And she said, 'Wow, Jimmy Carter?' And then she said, 'Boy, I hope I get to meet Queen Latifa.'" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Why does everyone always spell in front of me? (ten Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs)

"Yesterday, the federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banking institutions. One expert said it might cost Americans more than a trillion dollars. To put that in perspective, ten Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs still don't add up to a trillion dollars." --Jimmy Kimmel 



"Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Lawrence Ellison topped the Forbes list of the top ten richest people in the U.S., having a combined wealth, as of Friday, of nearly $8,000." --Seth Meyers

"President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. And today, a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got upset and said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'" --Conan O'Brien



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Bush had him put under surveillance (that Saddam is sneaky)

"We finally found some weapons of mass destruction. The bad news? They're in North Korea. Boy, that Saddam is sneaky." --Jay Leno

"Today Warren Buffett announced he's giving away his multi-billion dollar fortune to charity rather than leaving it to his kids. He said he doesn't believe someone's son should inherit his father's position in society. Today President Bush had him put under surveillance." --Jay Leno

"In a recent speech, former President Bill Clinton said that if  Hillary runs for president, he'll do whatever is asked of him. Hillary says the first thing she's going to ask Bill to do is to stop winking when he says that." --Conan O'Brien

Today President Bush had him put under surveillance (FEMA headquarters floated away)

"Today Warren Buffett announced he's giving away his multi-billion dollar fortune to charity rather than leaving it to his kids. He said he doesn't believe someone's son should inherit his father's position in society. Today President Bush had him put under surveillance." --Jay Leno

"President Bush will not concede that global warming may have something to do with this crazy weather though he has been conducting all official business wearing floaties." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Bad times on the East Coast as much of Washington, D.C. is flooded. Several government agencies had to close down including the Justice Department, the IRS and the National Zoo. FEMA headquarters floated away." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The Census Bureau revealed today that Las Vegas is about to pass Washington, D.C. in population. The big difference between Las Vegas and D.C., of course, is that in Las Vegas people gamble with their own money." --Jay Leno

the first time the FBI has used someone’s face as evidence

Martin Shkreli, the pharmaceutical CEO who once tried to raise the price of an HIV medication by 5,000 percent, has been arrested on securities fraud charges. It’s also the first time the FBI has used someone’s face as evidence. –Seth Meyers

Warren Buffett yesterday joined Hillary Clinton at a rally and tried to drum up support for a tax increase on people making over $1 million a year. Chris Christie also showed up and reportedly said “ohhhh, Buffett…" –Seth Meyers

Congress this weekend ended the federal government’s ban on medical marijuana. Good news for people with glaucoma as well as people with “glaucoma.” –Seth Meyers

Human beings had sex with Neanderthals?

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien



"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien



"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien