By the way, thank you for the cards and letters (Customers can expect no change in service)

Spirit Airlines is warning that it may soon cease operations within the next year. Customers can expect no change in service. —Greg Gutfeld

And finally, the man with the world's largest penis broke his arm after slipping and falling in the shower. By the way, thank you for the cards and letters. —Greg Gutfeld

New Jersey parents are outraged over a new law that could put them in prison for their kids bad behavior. It’s designed to keep families intact since most New Jersey parents are already in prison. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino? (A Bug's Life)

President Trump today met several Native American tribal leaders. They had a lot of questions for the president, such as, "How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino?" –Seth Meyers

 Spirit Airlines recently gave a family 21 years of free travel after a mother went into labor and gave birth mid-flight. Though they probably should have given those free flights to the guy sitting next to her. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's just like the regular marathon but half as stupid (first class)

After an American Airlines plane caught fire in Denver passengers were forced to stand on the wing, or as Spirit Airlines calls it, first class. —Greg Gutfeld

On Sunday the New York City Half Marathon is set to take place. It's just like the regular New York City marathon but half as stupid. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

MSNBC is happy to report they found a replacement for their 7 p.m. time slot (Heaven gained another angel today)

A wild brawl broke out at the Spirit Airlines gate at the Atlanta airport. As punishment every Spirit passenger was allowed to board their flight. —Greg Gutfeld

A Connecticut man who ate parts of another man that he murdered, has been granted supervised release from a mental hospital. While citizens are outraged, MSNBC is happy to report they found a replacement for their 7 p.m. time slot. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They apologized for quote, “All of it.” (We Beg To Differ)

A Massachusetts man was arrested this weekend for stripping naked and doing yoga poses in a Planet Fitness gym. That story again, a man in Massachusetts has become the first person ever to successfully cancel his gym membership. --Seth Meyers

Alaska Airlines apologized today to a gay couple after asking one of them to move so that a straight couple could sit together. Meanwhile Spirit Airlines apologized for quote, “All of it.” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a complaint usually reserved for Gaston (molto necesario)

It was reported that some critics of Donald Trump are preparing Go Bags in case they have to suddenly flee the country.  And I think that's stupid. But Colino Jostini thinks that it is molto necesario. —Colin Jost

A Spirit Airlines flight was forced to divert after it was struck by gunfire from gangs while trying to land in Haiti. A rare setback for people who fly Spirit to Haiti. —Colin Jost

A growing number of visitors to Disney World are complaining that the water ride Tiana's Bayou Adventure is leaving them too wet. Which is a complaint usually reserved for Gaston. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel (Economy Minus)

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is being called out of touch and is facing some backlash after bragging about the Republican tax plan. He tweeted about a Pennsylvania high school secretary saying she was pleasantly surprised when her pay went up $1.50 a week. I guess Trump promised real change. And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel. --James Corden

Isn’t the Super Bowl already patriotic enough? The game is between the Eagles and the Patriots. The only way it could be more American is if they forced the Redskins out of their stadium and played it there. --James Corden

A family returning from vacation recently showed up to their flight with a company called Tui Airlines, only to find that their assigned seats did not exist. So they had to spend their entire flight sitting on the floor. Spirit Airlines heard about this and were like, “Wait, we don’t have to give our customers seats? We’re allowed to do this?” The family’s seat assignments were for seats that didn’t exist or as the airline is now calling it, Economy Minus. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the courtroom sketch artist made him look like that lady who got her face ripped off by a monkey (the evils of capitalism)

The jury in his defamation case has ordered Donald Trump to pay writer E. Jean Carroll $83.3 million. That’s how unlikeable he is. For perspective, O.J. Simpson had to pay $33 million for a double murder. —Colin Jost

This trial must have driven Trump crazy. The judge kept telling him to shut up, the jury made him pay three times what the victim asked for, even the courtroom sketch artist made him look like that lady who got her face ripped off by a monkey. —Colin Jost

Spirit Airlines shares have fallen 58% after a federal judge blocked a merger with JetBlue. So now the only way Spirit and JetBlue will merge is midair. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, they had to spend it all on hospital bills after taking the outfits off (food stamps myths)

A teen couple has won over $20,000 in scholarship money for making their prom outfits. They made their prom outfits entirely from duct tape. Unfortunately, they had to spend it all on hospital bills after taking the outfits off. –Seth Meyers

Alaska Airlines apologized today to a gay couple after asking one of them to move so that a straight couple could sit together. Meanwhile Spirit Airlines apologized for quote, “All of it.” --Seth Meyers

A new book by Dr. Seuss came out today called "What Pet Should I get." He was inspired to write it when his wife said, “I want a baby.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino? (victory party)

President Trump today met several Native American tribal leaders. They had a lot of questions for the president, such as, "How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino?" –Seth Meyers

Spirit Airlines recently gave a family 21 years of free travel after a mother went into labor and gave birth mid-flight. Though they probably should have given those free flights to the guy sitting next to her. –Seth Meyers

Mitt Romney won last night’s Utah Republican Senate primary. Romney celebrated by going to a victory party and turning the music down. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you know why I came in here? (geniuses are often rejected by society)

It just came out that Pope Francis once said that there is no such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group C on Spirit Airlines and said, “Never mind, I found it.” --Jimmy Fallon

This is pretty cool. Scientists have built a 6'10" robot that can hit perfect three-pointers. Unfortunately, rival scientists built a 6'11" robot that can say, "Not in my house." --Jimmy Fallon

An 80-year-old man in Arizona is on trial for robbing a bank. Apparently, he slipped the teller a note that said, "Do you know why I came in here?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s called the Way Too Good for Ken Collection (Jesus realized his wallet was missing)

In honor of International Women’s Day, Mattel is releasing a set of Barbies based on history-making women, like Amelia Earhart and Olympic gold medalist Chloe Kim. It’s called the Way Too Good for Ken Collection. --Jimmy Fallon

Climate change could eventually wipe out crops like strawberries and grapes. Even worse, that means edible arrangements will soon be 100 percent cantaloupe. --Jimmy Fallon

“Everyone is still talking about the coronavirus and now the airline industry is also in trouble. But I read that some young people are taking advantage of cheap flights and booking trips. In one article, a girl actually said, ‘If I die, I die.’ Meanwhile, that’s also the slogan for Spirit Airlines.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, it's the first recall that made people go out and buy more (There's meat inside Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?)

March 2023

“Hey, did you guys see this? Today, the Justice Department filed a lawsuit to block JetBlue's merger with Spirit Airlines. It's actually positive news because lately, when we hear about JetBlue merging with another airline, it's on the runway.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Some business news -- I read that Hershey’s is launching a vegan Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I think the bigger story here is, there's meat inside Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? What the hell is going on?” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, a popular beer in Australia is being recalled because it was found to have too much alcohol. Yeah, it's the first recall that made people go out and buy more.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They said, ‘This is way funnier.’ (or as they call it in the airline world, a ‘Cockpit Block.’)

February 2023

“The NFL used a new type of grass that took two years to prepare, and it was so slippery that the players were falling down on it the entire game. Yeah, always smart to try something new on the biggest game of the year, I think. But the NFL actually released a statement defending the grass. They said, ‘This is way funnier.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Rihanna did a Super Bowl halftime show while pregnant. Meanwhile, everyone at home on their 30th chicken wing was like, ‘I also felt a kick.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Imagine it's the first day of kindergarten and your fun fact is that you've done the Super Bowl halftime show.” —Jimmy Fallon

“President Biden's gonna stop the merger between JetBlue and Spirit airlines. That's right, Biden's gonna stop the merger, or as they call it in the airline world, a ‘Cockpit Block.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel (Economy Minus)

We want to congratulate the Philadelphia Eagles for beating the Patriots last night to win their first Super Bowl championship ever. Now, usually the president will call and congratulate the winners. But breaking with tradition, President Trump actually called the Patriots after the game and just mocked them for being losers. --James Corden

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is being called out of touch and is facing some backlash after bragging about the Republican tax plan. He tweeted about a Pennsylvania high school secretary saying she was pleasantly surprised when her pay went up $1.50 a week. I guess Trump promised real change. And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel. --James Corden

A family returning from vacation recently showed up to their flight with a company called Tui Airlines, only to find that their assigned seats did not exist. So they had to spend their entire flight sitting on the floor. Spirit Airlines heard about this and were like, “Wait, we don’t have to give our customers seats? We’re allowed to do this?” The family’s seat assignments were for seats that didn’t exist or as the airline is now calling it, Economy Minus. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Except for a tiny strip down the middle (the New Jersey Hall of Fame)

December 2022

“WNBA star Brittney Griner was freed from prison in exchange for a Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout. It's actually a great trade because Bout was only averaging five points and two rebounds a game.” —Colin Jost

“I don't know if you guys saw today, Morocco beat Portugal in the quarterfinals of the World Cup. It’s the best World Cup performance by a team of Africans since the unpaid workers who built the stadiums.” —Colin Jost

“Portugal's head coach decided not to start soccer legend Cristiano Ronaldo in today's loss. Even more insulting at halftime he tried to trade Ronaldo for Brittney Griner.” —Colin Jost

“But the biggest upset so far in the World Cup was that favorite Brazil was eliminated. Except for a tiny strip down the middle.” —Colin Jost

“Chris Christie’s niece was arrested on a Spirit Airlines flight to Newark after she accused a Latino family of smuggling cocaine. Then she assaulted multiple officers by biting them and kicking them in the groin. She has been sentenced to life in the New Jersey Hall of Fame.” —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, while we're at it, do we really need two wings? I mean, am I right? (23,000 years)

November 2022

“Today in New York, New York issued the first licenses to open marijuana dispensaries. And if you thought bumping into your teacher at the grocery store was awkward.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, marijuana dispensary sounds much better than the old term, ‘Papa John's delivery guy.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Basically, New York realized everyone's about to see their extended family for Thanksgiving and thought, ‘We need to do this now.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know the dispensaries are open when tourists are complaining that New Yorkers walk too slow.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know the dispensaries are open when people visiting Rockefeller Center are like -- [ Sniffs ] — ‘Tree smells different this year.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I read that, in an effort to cut costs, some airlines are pushing to have only one pilot on flights instead of two. Then Spirit Airlines was like, ‘Yeah, while we're at it, do we really need two wings? I mean, am I right?’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the best way to give my hair this amazing volume (Hey, can I film this?)

October 2022

A popular Peloton instructor is suing the company for nearly $2 Million alleging that an executive mocked him for being Irish. In response the executive counter sued him for all the treasure in his pot of gold. —Colin Jost

A United Airlines passenger who was high on mushrooms assaulted two flight attendants. While over at Spirit Airlines, bath salts are the in-flight snack. —Colin Jost

 Researchers say the number of gray whales off western North America has continued to decline for several years. It’s a sad fact that makes me wonder if whale oil is really the best way to give my hair this amazing volume. —Colin Jost

A video has gone viral of a doctor removing nearly two dozen contact lenses from a woman’s eye that she had forgotten were in there. And you know that you messed up when your doctor is like, ‘Hey, can I film this?’ —Colin Jost

Border officials have discovered $400,000 worth of meth hidden inside pumpkins. They could tell the pumpkins were full of meth because they only had three teeth left. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Think about it — why just be an airline when you can be both an airline and a flying Porta-Potty? (How did we not see this cancellation coming?)

July 2022

“In business news. JetBlue has officially announced that it will buy Spirit Airlines for $3.8 billion. Yeah, 3.8 billion. Yeah. What’s crazy is that Spirit still charged them $30 for a carry-on bag.” —Trevor Noah

“Yes. JetBlue and Spirit, it’s the perfect marriage between broken TVs and broken planes.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Spirit agreed to a deal with JetBlue and canceled their merger with Frontier Airlines. Today, Frontier was like, ‘Well, it’s Spirit, how did we not see this cancellation coming?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“But, I mean, this is a smart move for JetBlue. You know, a lot of people are confused. They’re like, ‘Why?’ But it makes sense. As a business you want to diversify, you know? Think about it — why just be an airline when you can be both an airline and a flying Porta-Potty?” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino? (unbelievably without stopping to have sex once)

President Trump today met several Native American tribal leaders. They had a lot of questions for the president, such as, "How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino?" –Seth Meyers

A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers

It was reported today that Cuba will open its first sex shop. It's called Fideldo's. --Seth Meyers

Spirit Airlines recently gave a family 21 years of free travel after a mother went into labor and gave birth mid-flight. Though they probably should have given those free flights to the guy sitting next to her. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”