an extra two million pounds of soybeans (420-mile markers)

The Idaho Department of Transportation has gotten rid of its 420-mile marker because stoners kept stealing it. The government is replacing the 420 signs with signs that read "Mile 419.9." They're going to be so upset when they realize that "419.9" is street slang for crystal meth. –James Corden

“China is no longer buying from American farmers, so be sure to do your part to help out. At the farmer’s market this weekend, pick up a couple of extra tomatoes and maybe an extra two million pounds of soybeans.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In his defense, there's not a lot to do in Idaho (Try Finding Nemo Now)

"Because of the success of 'Toy Story 3,' Pixar is now rushing ahead with its plans to do a sequel to one of its most popular movies, presented by BP. It's BP presents 'Try Finding Nemo Now.'" –Jay Leno

"Now that the Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act, this ruling means California gay guys can finally marry someone other than Liza Minnelli." –Jay Leno

"Idaho state senator and former Republican legislator of the year, John McGee, is charged with drunk driving and suspicion of felony grand theft after reportedly stealing an SUV with a 20-foot trailer attached to it. In his defense, there's not a lot to do in Idaho." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She's a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive (most of the voters there are sober)

There was a primary in Arizona and caucuses in Idaho and Utah. Donald Trump was behind in the polls in Utah — Utah is not particularly friendly territory for Donald Trump because most of the voters there are sober. –Jimmy Kimmel

It's tricky for journalists to write about Caitlyn Jenner, because she was a 65-year-old man, now she's a 2-year-old woman. She's a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What are you if not a villain? (they treated him for exhaustion, malnutrition, and not taking a hint)

A Dutch man flew to China to meet a woman that he'd met on the internet, and when she didn't show up, he just waited for her in the airport for 10 days. He actually got sick and had to go to the hospital. And they treated him for exhaustion, malnutrition, and not taking a hint. –James Corden

The Idaho Department of Transportation has gotten rid of its 420-mile marker because stoners kept stealing it. The government is replacing the 420 signs with signs that read "Mile 419.9." They're going to be so upset when they realize that "419.9" is street slang for crystal meth. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It really makes you feel for the second-most successful sex capsule salesman in Idaho, Utah and Nevada (Did he write himself a check for $130,000?)

“Today was Donald Trump’s chance to wake up and snort a line of gas station energy powder and get on that stand to prove that this is all a big Joe Biden witch-hunt, but it was confirmed on Tuesday that Trump would not testify in his own trial. That is shocking – Trump is not talking? What happened? Did he write himself a check for $130,000? —Stephen Colbert

Outside the courthouse, the crowds have been much smaller than the police prepared for, according to the New York Times, and included amateur puppeteers, a DJ with a portable speaker and a self-proclaimed “most successful” sex capsule salesman in Idaho, Utah and Nevada. It really makes you feel for the second-most successful sex capsule salesman in Idaho, Utah and Nevada. —Stephen Colbert

Without grassroots support, Trump has been forced to call in the Maga goons on his behalf. So far 25 members of Congress have attended, including Matt Gaetz, the Florida representative who was mostly there for the sex capsules. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That sounds about right (Rat Orgy, Delaware)

A new survey lists the best city to live in in America is Boise, Idaho. While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware. --Colin Jost, SNL

And this Monday is tax day. So if you haven’t paid any taxes yet, you’re Amazon. --Colin Jost, SNL

It was reported that Nicolas Cage is filing for an annulment four days after getting married in Las Vegas. Read all about it in this month’s issue of “That sounds about right.” --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Take all the time you need. Make 100 stops! See the sights! (420-mile marker)

Donald Trump went on to say that he will be going on the road and making 50 campaign stops, but he has "no problem with that." You know who else doesn't have a problem with that? Melania. "Go, go. Take all the time you need. Make 100 stops! See the sights!" --James Corden

The Idaho Department of Transportation has gotten rid of its 420-mile marker because stoners kept stealing it. The government is replacing the 420 signs with signs that read "Mile 419.9." They're going to be so upset when they realize that "419.9" is street slang for crystal meth. –James Corden

“Donald Trump is supposed to be consoling people in a hospital, and I think we all know nothing says ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ quite like the double thumbs up.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware (Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast)

Batman turns 80 years old this month which explains his new

arch nemesis, Jamaican nurse. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new survey lists the best city to live in in America is Boise, Idaho. While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new study shows that in the past twenty years prediabetes in children has more than doubled. Thanks largely to the popularity of Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In his defense, there's not a lot to do in Idaho (If only they could build a big wall)

"A new study has found that the majority of wealthy people in China want to move to other countries and the government is trying to find ways to keep them. If only they could build a big wall." –Jay Leno

"Idaho state senator and former Republican legislator of the year, John McGee, is charged with drunk driving and suspicion of felony grand theft after reportedly stealing an SUV with a 20-foot trailer attached to it. In his defense, there's not a lot to do in Idaho." –Jay Leno

"Well, folks, Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions, impaired her thinking, and she's hoping that the effects will eventually wear off." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day (Real Girls' Talk)

A new study lists the best city in the U.S. to raise a family as Moscow, Idaho. While the worst is once again Handsy Uncle, Maryland. --Colin Jost, SNL

Last week was a pretty bad year for Donald Trump. Think about what’s currently under investigation for him. Trump’s campaign, his transition, his inauguration, his business and his presidency. So everyone check your card. You might have impeachment Bingo. --Colin Jost, SNL

Dwayne Johnson said that a skull of a T-Rex that was seen behind him during a recent interview was a replica and not the real thing. Johnson also said that it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day. —Colin Jost

And this Monday is tax day. So if you haven’t paid any taxes yet, you’re Amazon. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Have you ever tried to open a condom while you’re wearing mittens? (odds of being hit by an asteroid)

But the No. 1 most sexually diseased state is, fortunately, not attached to us. It is Alaska. And the reason they have the most STDs in Alaska is, have you ever tried to open a condom while you’re wearing mittens? –Jimmy Kimmel

There was a primary in Arizona and caucuses in Idaho and Utah. Donald Trump was behind in the polls in Utah — Utah is not particularly friendly territory for Donald Trump because most of the voters there are sober. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders canceled rallies on Tuesday because of the coronavirus, but President Trump said he would continue on as normal, which is a first.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A network that's more trustworthy than NBC. How about Al Jazeera? (Iraq rememberer)

"Conan says he wants to work for a network that's more trustworthy than NBC. How about Al Jazeera?" –David Letterman

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, here is great news. Senator Larry Craig from Idaho is looking for interns. What parent doesn't want to hear, 'Well guess what, Dad, I got accepted into Larry Craig's intern program'? But if you're interested, Larry Craig is now accepting applications from interns. Just slide your resume under the stall." --David Letterman

"Things are so bad at NBC now that earlier today, the NBC peacock walked into a KFC and surrendered." –David Letterman

 

"It turns out now that Dick Cheney did not have a license to hunt, and coincidentally, turns out we didn't have a license to go into Iraq." --David Letterman

"The bad news is Iran is capable of making a nuclear bomb. The good news is they have to drop it from a camel." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races (street slang for crystal meth)

In other Clinton news, her campaign manager, Robby Mook, said

in an interview on CNN that they are having a hard time finding

someone as "hateful" and "divisive" as Trump to go up against

Hillary in her practice debates. It seems like it'd be easy to prep

for a Trump debate — just get a parrot and train it to say three

things: "email," "wall," and "huge." –James Corden

The Idaho Department of Transportation has gotten rid of its 420-mile marker because stoners kept stealing it. The government is replacing the 420 signs with signs that read "Mile 419.9." They're going to be so upset when they realize that "419.9" is street slang for crystal meth. –James Corden

At the Tour de France today the police were trying to control protestors at the race by spraying tear gas, but they held up the race because they accidentally sprayed the cyclists. See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's what they're doing right now for Hillary Clinton (Thanks, but I'm happily married)

May 2014

"The earthquake damaged the Washington Monument. They had to do some sandblasting, had to have the graffiti removed, and then they filled in the cracks with some sort of sealant. It's what they're doing right now for Hillary Clinton." –David Letterman

"During his trip to the White House yesterday, Uruguay's president said that more Americans should be bilingual. Then Joe Biden said, 'Thanks, but I'm happily married.'' –Jimmy Fallon 

"A federal judge ruled yesterday that Idaho's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional, so now it's legal for gay couples to get married. Idaho's gay people all cheered – from their homes in San Francisco and New York." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Put the coffee on, honey, it’s gonna be an all-nighter (POINCK)

May 2022

“You can feel the electricity in the air because it is Primary Day all across America. Five states are choosing their party nominees for state and federal office: Pennsylvania, Oregon, Idaho, North Carolina and Kentucky. Or as election experts collectively know them, ‘POINCK.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Ah, yes, the excitement of midterm state primaries. Put the coffee on, honey, it’s gonna be an all-nighter.” —James Corden

“Idaho, Kentucky, North Carolina, Oregon and Pennsylvania all held primaries today, which, of course, is news to the vast majority of people in Idaho, Kentucky, North Carolina, Oregon and Pennsylvania.” —James Corden

“One of the most-watched races is in Pennsylvania, where Dr. Oz is trying to win the Republican nomination for senate. My apologies to Dr. Oz, but I can’t cross party lines — I’m a Dr. Phil guy through and through.” —James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Utah is not particularly friendly territory for Donald Trump because most of the voters there are sober (Terrible Idea)

There was a primary in Arizona and caucuses in Idaho and Utah. Donald Trump was behind in the polls in Utah — Utah is not particularly friendly territory for Donald Trump because most of the voters there are sober. –Jimmy Kimmel

One of Donald Trump's most high-profile supporters, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, is working on a new gig. Sarah Palin is planning to host a new reality courtroom show. She would be the judge. The show doesn't have a title yet but they're thinking about calling it "Terrible Idea." –Jimmy Kimmel

Chris Christie flew all the way to Florida to stand behind Donald Trump supporting him. Throughout the speech, he looks genuinely miserable. He looks like he saw the bottom of a supposedly bottomless pasta bowl at Olive Garden. He looks as though someone just told him butterscotch causes cancer. –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump got his first approval rating numbers and they aren’t good. His approval rating stands at 45 percent, which is the lowest in history for a new president. Or as his press secretary Sean Spicer put it today, “The highest in history for a new president.” –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

while Trump just spoke English, but louder (Rat Orgy, Delaware)

Batman turns 80 years old this month which explains his new arch nemesis, Jamaican nurse. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new survey lists the best city to live in in America is Boise, Idaho. While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware. --Colin Jost, SNL

Michael Cohen also said that Donald Trump inflated his net worth by 4 Billion dollars in order to buy the Buffalo Bills. You lied to buy the Buffalo Bills? That’s like using a fake ID to get into a Nickelback concert. --Colin Jost, SNL

This week President Trump met with North Korean dictator, and let’s face it, one of his top five closest friends, Kim Jong Un. Talks broke down when the two leaders could not agree on sanctions. Another problem was Kim Jong Un used an interpreter while Trump just spoke English, but louder. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In his defense, there's not a lot to do in Idaho (It’s the same thing no matter where you go)

June 2011

"Idaho state senator and former Republican legislator of the year, John McGee, is charged with drunk driving and suspicion of felony grand theft after reportedly stealing an SUV with a 20-foot trailer attached to it. In his defense, there's not a lot to do in Idaho." –Jay Leno 

"The Wall Street Journal is reporting that a Chinese billionaire investor named Wang Gongquan announced to the world that he is leaving his wife to elope with his mistress, and he did it on a Chinese blogging site like Twitter. Men are the same all over the world, aren’t they? We have Weiner, they have Wang. It’s the same thing. No matter where you go." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even worse, he’s going to make New Mexico pay for it (naval bases in Idaho)

“That’s right, a border wall in Colorado. Once they’re done with that, they’re building a naval base in Idaho.” --Stephen Colbert

“Then Trump announced our Coast Guard would be patrolling the ports of Nebraska, so that’s good.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Even worse, he’s going to make New Mexico pay for it.” --James Corden

“Now as a fellow comedian, I get what he’s doing here. Before you tell a joke, it’s very important to kick off the joke by saying ‘kiddingly.’” --Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, today at the White House, Trump participated in a ceremony in honor of the Hindu holiday Diwali. Things got off to a rough start when Trump told everyone, ‘We’re going to build Diwali in Colorado.’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”