So it sounds like there’s some wiggle room there (I’ve got bad news and worse news...)

Former Mexican President Vicente Fox was on CNN this morning, and he seemed to express his feelings once again about Donald Trump’s border wall pretty clearly: [clip of Fox] “Well, you can use my words, we’ll never play for that [bleeping] wall.” Trump was like, “So it sounds like there’s some wiggle room there.” –Jimmy Fallon

Costco has to pay Tiffany’s $19 million for selling 2,500 fake Tiffany rings. Husbands don’t know what’s worse, having to tell their wife her ring ISN’T from Tiffany, or that it IS from Costco. “I’ve got bad news and worse news...” –Jimmy Fallon

The dating site OkCupid is banning white supremacists. So, white supremacists will have to look for love where they usually do — family reunions. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The point of the assassination, was that America never forgets...unless it's slavery (razor blade missiles)

August 2022

“Twenty years after 9/11, the US military has killed the al-Qaida leader Ayman al-Zawahiri by drone as he stood on his balcony at a safe house in Kabul. Goddamn, America clipped the world’s most wanted terrorist off of his safe house balcony? I mean also, at this point, maybe we should stop calling them safe houses. Every terrorist gets killed in a safe house. They should call it ‘a house that you think you’re safe in, but you never know.’” —Trevor Noah

“What’s crazy is that America didn’t just kill him. They killed him with a razor blade missile, which I didn’t even know was a thing. The Hellfire missile is a non-explosive, unmanned weapon which deploys razorblades in flight. The weapons America has sound like things kids just make up on the playground. [imitating a child]: ‘I’m shooting you with a laser-guided missile with razor blades and a shark’s body.’ Meanwhile the CIA is up in a tree being like ‘with a shark’s body, you get that, boys? We gotta go make one of those.’” —Trevor Noah

“When you see stories like this, when you see stories about what America’s capable of, this is where you realize there’s really no excuse for the amount of domestic terrorism in America. Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden’s deputy and successor, lived in a safe house in Kabul and yet America knew what time of day he liked to go out on to his balcony. But when a white supremacist posts on Facebook that he’s gonna murder everyone, and then buys an AR-15, everyone is like ‘Oh, there was no way to stop this!’ The point of the assassination, was that America never forgets … unless it’s slavery. But everything else, America never forgets.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Said Hallmark, ‘In retrospect, we never should have added that section.’ (That's why I live in your motha)

Eric Trump's wife, Lara, today launched a new Women for Trump re-election initiative at an event in Pennsylvania, while Eric launched one called Sons Who'd Love to Meet Trump. --Seth Meyers

According to a new study, Boston has the least affordable housing of any American city. Said people from Boston, "That's why I live in your motha." --Seth Meyers

“Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez yesterday responded to President Trump’s racist attacks on her and three other congresswomen, calling Trump’s words the, quote, ‘hallmark language of white supremacists.’ Said Hallmark, ‘In retrospect, we never should have added that section.’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You know who else has been on Meet the Press? (Fidel Castro and Judas)

"You cannot swing a cat these days without hitting a hate group. There's your Nazis, your Neo-Nazis. You've also got your Basque separatists, your Islamofascists and worst of all, your Democrat open forum websites led by the goose-stepping, blog-stapo at DailyKos.com. 

This Fourth Reich was rooted out by a man who knows his fatherlands, Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly [on screen: FNC's O'Reilly comparing DailyKos to the Ku Klux Klan and the Nazis]. 

There is one difference. Nazis build bunkers. Daily Kos bloggers build pillow forts. Over the weekend, the head of Ku Kos Klan, grand dragon Markos Moulitsas, appeared on 'Meet the Press.' 

You know who else has been on 'Meet the Press'? Fidel Castro and Judas. I haven't confirmed that, but the show's been on forever." --Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals?

A musical based on Cher’s life will come to Broadway next year. But I dunno — what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? –Jimmy Fallon

A woman in Colorado says that after someone hit her car, they left an apology note, and half a joint. It got weirder when he came back later and said, “Did I accidentally leave my apology note here?” –Jimmy Fallon

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Very Fine People/Sons of Bitches, pt. 2

In political news, Alabama Senate candidate Luther Strange lost in a special Republican runoff election yesterday. Now Luther Strange had been heavily endorsed by Donald Trump, particularly on Twitter. So of course, now that he lost, Trump has deleted all of those tweets. Trump hasn't dumped anyone that fast since his last wife… and his last communications director… and his daughter, Tiffany. –James Corden

Luther Strange lost to a crazy populist candidate who actually pulled out a pistol on stage at his campaign rally earlier this week. Now, technically, it's still not clear if Luther Strange lost to that guy or just surrendered to him. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Choose your torch wisely (secure our supplies of vibranium)

The U.N. is in town this week and Donald Trump hosted a lunch for African leaders. "I'm greatly honored to host this lunch, to be joined by the leaders of Côte d'Ivoire, Ethiopia, Ghana, Guinea, Nambia. Nambia's health system is increasingly self-sufficient." Now, there is no such country as "Nambia." Despite that, they will soon have a better healthcare system than we do. I might move to Nambia. I hear very good things. –Stephen Colbert

Trump went on to praise the African Republicans of Nambla, Wango-Tango, and Wakanda. "We must secure our supplies of vibranium." "I want to thank Prime Minister Chaka Khan, thank you so much for being here. So wonderful." –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Remembering Charlottesville (Choose your torch wisely)

This is the only safe way to view it (Pence measuring drapes)

I love how he’s trying to pretend these white supremacists are art lovers and historical preservationists. “Grab your tiki torch and swastika, Bob, they’re trying to take our sculptures away.” He knows we’re not building one for him, right? –Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, the vice president, Mike Pence, cut his trip to Central America short to come back to Washington with all this going on. He was in the White House today measuring the drapes. –Jimmy Kimmel

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Australian scientists have worked out when sentient life on earth started

You know the band Belle and Sebastian? Well, they accidentally left the drummer behind at a Walmart in his pajamas, with no phone or wallet. So they called Walmart to see if there was a guy wandering around in his PJs with no phone or wallet, and Walmart said, “You gotta be WAY more specific.” –Jimmy Fallon

Some white supremacists are now upset because they’re taking DNA tests and discovering they’re part black. And you know who’s even more upset? Their black ancestors. –Conan O’Brien

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

it was followed by a concert by Paul McCartney (Don't tell me they lost your luggage)

"At the end of this month, the city of Vienna, Austria, will be holding a divorce fair where people can get information on how to get a divorce. I believe the keynote speaker will be Rudy Giuliani, followed by a concert by Paul McCartney." --Jay Leno

"Today, President Bush had a historic meeting with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush saw what the Dalai Lama was wearing and said, 'Don't tell me they lost your luggage.'" --Conan O'Brien

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

you know what $700 billion buys? (100 senators and 435 congressmen)

"Tough choices on TV last night. I couldn't decide whether to watch 'Dancing With The Stars' or toe-tapping with Senator Larry Craig. Matt Lauer had his big interview with Senator Craig last night. At first, they had a lot of sound problems. You always get those echoes from the bathroom." --Jay Leno

     

"You know, the interesting thing is, these numbers are so big that people can't even comprehend them. Like $700 billion. See, the best way to understand large amounts of money is to think of it in terms of what it can buy. For example, you know what $700 billion buys? It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen." --Jay Leno

"A baker in Austria is in trouble for making his employees pay for the time they spend in the bathroom. This guy will record their bathroom breaks and then deduct the money from their pay. Can you imagine that? That's got to be Senator Craig's worst nightmare." --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

The weird thing is... (strip club restroom)

A Florida man who accidentally fired a gun in a strip club restroom while trying to take a selfie has been sent to prison. The weird thing is everyone else at the Florida prison is there for the exact same reason. –Conan O’Brien

Remember yesterday, when Donald Trump came out very clearly against the white supremacists that marched in Charlottesville, Virginia? And we were like, it took too long for him to say it, but at least he said it. Finally got it out. Well, today you'll be pleased to know he totally reversed his statement and said there's blame on "both sides." Blame on both sides. I agree with him, there was blame on both the white supremacist side and on the Nazi side. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems