the last pigeon (McFlurry)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka said that her father loves eating at McDonald's. It makes sense, considering the “McFlurry” is also what Trump asks for when he goes to the barber. –Jimmy Fallon

Let’s get to some sports here. The Giants announced that they are benching Eli Manning this weekend. Eli’s not sure what’s worse – not getting to play for the Giants, or having to WATCH the Giants. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

OK, this isn't funny anymore (Protect the establishment at all costs)

Guys, tonight was the big Rockefeller Center. Christmas tree lighting. There were thousands of people out in the plaza. It was really nice watching parents show their kids the true meaning of claustrophobia. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is 20 points ahead of the other Republican candidates. Even Trump was like, “OK, this isn't funny anymore.” –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush’s brother Neil said that their mother has 'come around' to the idea of Jeb running for president in 2016. Because if there's anything that says you're qualified to be president, it's your own mom saying, 'I guess you could do it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, it's colder here (just like everyone who invested in crypto)

November 2022

“That’s right, tonight was the 90th annual Christmas tree lighting here at Rockefeller Center. The crowd spent hours waiting in the freezing cold, the pouring rain, and 40-mile-per-hour winds. But at the end of the day, at least they had a beautiful view of the umbrella in front of them.” —Jimmy Fallon

“If you couldn't see the lighting in person, good news, the tree will be lit daily from 6:00 a.m. to midnight, just like everyone who invested in crypto.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, during tonight's tree-lighting ceremony, 50,000 lights were turned on at once. So, on behalf of everyone here at 30 Rock, I just want to say sorry to the guy who lives next door at 32 Rock.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I read that the tree in D.C. is about 55 feet shorter than the one here in New York City. The national tree heard and said, ‘Hey, it's colder here.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, while we're at it, do we really need two wings? I mean, am I right? (23,000 years)

November 2022

“Today in New York, New York issued the first licenses to open marijuana dispensaries. And if you thought bumping into your teacher at the grocery store was awkward.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, marijuana dispensary sounds much better than the old term, ‘Papa John's delivery guy.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Basically, New York realized everyone's about to see their extended family for Thanksgiving and thought, ‘We need to do this now.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know the dispensaries are open when tourists are complaining that New Yorkers walk too slow.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know the dispensaries are open when people visiting Rockefeller Center are like -- [ Sniffs ] — ‘Tree smells different this year.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I read that, in an effort to cut costs, some airlines are pushing to have only one pilot on flights instead of two. Then Spirit Airlines was like, ‘Yeah, while we're at it, do we really need two wings? I mean, am I right?’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month (Trump asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

It's big news. Michael Cohen was one of Trump's closest allies, and now he's working with Robert Mueller. I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends, but he today he asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month (I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends...)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

It's big news. Michael Cohen was one of Trump's closest allies, and now he's working with Robert Mueller. I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends, but he today he asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's the only time Trump can press a giant button without everyone in America being absolutely terrified (900 pounds and 3 million crystals)

Actually, I read that the star on the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree weighs 900 pounds and features 3 million crystals. 900 pounds and 3 million crystals, or as guys from New Jersey call that, a pinky ring. --Jimmy Fallon

Oh, I saw that tonight was also the Christmas-tree-lighting ceremony at the White House. President Trump said it's the only time he can press a giant button without everyone in America being absolutely terrified. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

parents showing their kids the true meaning of claustrophobia (The Trump Economy)

In a Washington Post interview Donald Trump discussed his views on climate change. Trump pointed out his “amazing” analytical skills. Trump said, “A lot of people like myself, we have very high levels of intelligence but we’re not necessarily believers in climate change.” Now if that statement is confusing to you, it’s because it is. Trump thinks he has a high level of intelligence. Now listen, you would think that you have superintelligence too if you spent your days with Eric and Donald Jr. You would feel like a genius. --James Corden

Guys, tonight was the big Rockefeller Center. Christmas tree lighting. There were thousands of people out in the plaza. It was really nice watching parents show their kids the true meaning of claustrophobia. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Until then, they’re keeping him in the Haunted Mansion (Fred Lobster)

The official Rockefeller Center Christmas tree was lit earlier tonight. And it will stand there until early January when I have to drag it out to the curb. –Seth Meyers

According to reports, Disney’s Hall of Presidents is scheduled to debut their Donald Trump statue sometime before Christmas. Until then, they’re keeping him in the Haunted Mansion. –Seth Meyers

A couple in Arkansas recently named their baby Olivia Garten in honor of the restaurant chain Olive Garden. Olivia is joined at home by her older brother, Fred Lobster. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Just a minute. I'm in the middle of rolling a joint (HR Rep Blues)

The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree was lit tonight! Also getting lit tonight – the HR rep over at the "Today" show. –Jimmy Fallon

That’s the big story today. NBC has fired Matt Lauer from the “Today” show after he was accused of inappropriate sexual behavior. So if you were wondering “Where in the World is Matt Lauer?” – he’s probably at a bar with Charlie Rose. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Mall Santas are now able to have their checks direct-deposited right to the liquor store

The holiday season is in full swing and Macy’s has hired over 80,000 seasonal employees. So, good news, the busiest shopping time of the year is being run by people who have had exactly one day of training. –Jimmy Fallon

American businesses added a total of 216,000 jobs over the last month, as stores hire workers for the holidays. Mall Santas are now able to have their checks direct-deposited right to the liquor store. Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that sweet? –Jimmy Fallon

Rockefeller Center is jammed with people here to see the Christmas tree. If you go outside, you hear the festive sounds of jingle bells, holiday music, and every parent yelling, “Stay with me!” –Jimmy Fallon

and then home to Hillary...

"Ramsey Usef, you know that name? He was the mastermind of the first World Trade Center attack back in '93. He's been rotting in prison -- as he should -- for many years. He said he's now converted to Christianity. He has seen the light. He can't wait to get out and bomb an abortion clinic" --Bill Maher

"Congratulations to our own Matt Lauer of the 'Today Show.' Matt has secured the very first TV interview with Idaho Senator  Larry Craig. I believe it will be conducted in the men's room at Rockefeller Center. Senator Craig said he's looking forward to meeting with Matt and going toe to toe." --Jay Leno

"It's the Clinton's 32nd wedding anniversary. It's kind of sweet. Even after 32 years, Bill planned a very romantic evening -- candlelight dinner, dancing, and then home to Hillary" --David Letterman

Great — now I look fat.

Last night was the fifth Republican debate, and at one point Donald Trump was interrupted by a heckler yelling at him from offstage. Then the moderators said, "You'll have more than enough time to speak at your next debate, Hillary." –Jimmy Fallon

With Christmas around the corner it seems like everyone is going to parties. I heard that this week Beyoncé went to a Christmas party here in New York dressed as a Christmas tree. Or as the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree put it, “Great — now I look fat.” –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists are saying that an asteroid over a mile wide is going to pass by Earth on Christmas Eve, but they say it PROBABLY won't hit the Earth. Then the scientists were like, “Anyway, happy holidays, everyone!” –Jimmy Fallon

It's the same way they get Chris Christie into his pants

"Folks, I'm no fan of 'Sesame Street.' They expose our children to dangerous liberal ideas like befriending the homeless, two men sleeping in the same bedroom and counting." –Stephen Colbert

"A woman in Arizona ran over her husband with her Jeep because she blamed him for Obama getting reelected. See, I don't think the woman is being fair. If Obama hadn't saved the auto industry, she wouldn't have been able to run over her husband with an American-made car." –Jay Leno



"The Rockefeller Center's Christmas tree is being put in place this afternoon. They bring it in and hoist it with a crane and steel cables. It's the same way they get Chris Christie into his pants." –David Letterman