Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month? (the murder of my waistline)

Ben and Jerry from Ben & Jerry's ice cream got themselves into a

scoop of trouble yesterday at Capitol Hill protesting against

money and politics. The two were arrested — surprisingly, not for

the murder of my waistline. –Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made

during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for

Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What you're really getting (extra toppings)

Chicago became the largest U.S. city to call for a ceasefire in Gaza, and in return, Gaza called for a ceasefire in Chicago. —Michael Che

Black History Month started on Thursday. Twenty minutes late. —Michael Che

A Pizza Hut in Canada has gone viral after employees posted a sign on the door explaining that the location was closed due to ‘Unforeseen Circumcisions.’ It was obviously a misprint because Pizza Hut loves extra toppings. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric (tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings)

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who needs them and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

"The Democrats accuse the Republicans of launching a war on women. Then the Republicans accuse the Democrats of the same thing. At this point, who can remember who enacted reproductive health restrictions in 36 states including mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds?" –Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is just a terrible way to end Black History Month (the weapon of tyrants)

It was announced that Brittney Griner has signed with the Phoenix Mercury for one year. Unfortunately, the WNBA pays less than a Russian prison. —Michael Che

The NBA’s slam dunk contest was won by Mac McClung, a 6’2” white man who has only appeared in two NBA games, which is just a terrible way to end Black History Month. —Michael Che

Experts have debunked claims that an unwanted pregnancy can be terminated with high does of Vitamin C. That’s the last time I ask a woman to stay over for breakfast, Colin. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then he sashayed away in a feather boa (That is our current system)

February 2023

The revived A.P. African-American History Class removed the names of several black authors that Florida officials called problematic. Instead they have been replaced by authors they call one of the good ones. —Michael Che

Representative George Santos said that he is stepping aside from his committee assignments to prevent being a distraction. He added that the last thing he wants is attention. Then he sashayed away in a feather boa. —Michael Che

AMC Theaters is celebrating Black History Month by offering $5 tickets to recently released black led movies like Wakanda Forever and The Woman King. They are also honoring black people by starting the movie twenty minutes late. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

House resolution 302: Make Channing Tatum Wear a Shirt (anybody shout it out, no ideas are bad!)

February 2023

“We on the Late Show, honor the first day of Black History month, or as Ron DeSantis calls it, ‘month.’” —Stephen Colbert

“America’s debt ceiling, which some House Republicans are using to force major spending cuts on popular social programs such as social security and Medicare. It’s not clear why they would cut programs everybody loves the most. That seems … unpopular. Next up: House resolution 302: Make Channing Tatum Wear a Shirt.” —Stephen Colbert

“No longer committed to cutting social security of Medicaid, some House Republicans are still demanding spending cuts, but will no longer specify from where. So they’re holding us hostage, but they won’t tell us what the ransom is. It’s like a super-villain saying, ‘I will destroy Gotham with my heat ray, unless you give me … anybody shout it out, no ideas are bad!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A study from the University of No Sh*t (But it's a trick. He's blind.)

"And Bill Clinton said that when “Hillary attacks Obama it’s wrong, but when Sarah does it, it’s somehow hot.’" --Jay Leno

"And the new governor of New York, David Paterson, is speaking out. Remember, he announced he had a bunch of affairs? Well, now he says he's no longer seeing other women. But it's a trick. He's blind." --Jay Leno

"The stock market crashed this week, but market analysts are not calling it a crash. They're calling it a 'correction.' Oh, shut up! A correction. You never hear that at NASCAR. 'Oh, we had a fiery correction on turn three. Four men are dead.'" --Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton out on the campaign trail. She's very sly. You know, she's been campaigning about Black History Month, and she said today that America has come so far that a black man could one day grow up and possibly be vice president of the United States." --Jay Leno

"President Bush has a plan to get us out of this financial mess. It takes place in January when he leaves office, that's the first step." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If only we could emulate the economic miracle that is Myanmar (To read them right?)

February 2022

“In other, more ominous news, the House committee on the January 6 attack on the Capitol received evidence that Trump, in the weeks after the 2020 election, personally directed his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, to ask the Department of Homeland Security if it could seize voting machines in swing states. 

Let’s be clear: it is difficult, after years of building a thick, protective callous over my heart and my brain just to protect myself from the hot black tar of his narcissistic, evil impulses, for me to take this information in, for the gargantuan and grotesque violation of everything this country holds dear. 

But I think it’s worth taking a moment right now just to let this sink in. Just to marinate in his madness. Because the former president – still the leader of one of the two major parties, who has all the Republican balls in a little velvet pouch that he wears around his neck like an amulet – wanted troops, US troops, to go into your local polling place, grab the machines, throw them in a truck, and then God knows what?

 Waterboard them until they he won? You should be alarmed, even if you voted for him, because military coups do not lead to healthy societies. Nobody ever says, ‘if only we could emulate the economic miracle that is Myanmar.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But the former president had a very good reason (he ran out of ranch)

February 2022

“Now, it violates the Presidential Records Act to tear up official documents, but the former president had a very good reason: He was afraid of going to jail.” —Stephen Colbert

“According to White House advisers, Trump once ate a sensitive document. He would have eaten more sensitive documents, but he ran out of ranch.” —Stephen Colbert

“Tuesday 1 February, marked the first day of Black History Month – for Americans, this is a time to celebrate the black experience and black contributions to our country. And for corporate brands, it’s a time to suggest that Langston Hughes would’ve enjoyed the new Wendy’s Double Baconator.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We just got rid of our pro-Russian leader, and he was a disaster (he will do anything to ruin Black History Month)

January 2022

“Russia’s movement to amass troops on the Ukrainian border, which has prompted Joe Biden to consider deploying thousands of troops to eastern Europe and the Baltics. The US isn’t the only country making moves – Denmark deployed F-16 planes to Lithuania, France has prepared to send troops to Romania, and Spain is sending four fighter jets to Bulgaria. Why all the posturing? On Saturday, the British government accused Moscow of scheming to install a pro-Russia government in Ukraine. Oh Ukraine, you don’t want that. We just got rid of our pro-Russian leader, and he was a disaster.” —Stephen Colbert

“An executive order, which Trump tried to keep hidden from the public, outlined plans to seize voting machines after the 2020 election. In the attempt to overturn the election, the former president wanted the military to seize the voting machines! The only thing standing between us and authoritarian takeover would’ve been elderly poll workers. Is this getting through to everyone here, that he was going to militarize the election, and seize the votes? The order would have given the voting machines to the defense department for a 60-day review, keeping Trump in power until at least mid-February 2021. Man, he will do anything to ruin Black History Month.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

This is my kind of Senator – socially liberal and fiscally conservative (or as Republicans call it)

February 2013

"Senator Bob Menendez was caught in a little scandal. Apparently he's been going down to Puerto Rico and getting underage prostitutes. He denies it. But he says the path to citizenship passes through his pants." –Bill Maher

"The Daily Caller website found two women in Puerto Rico, who claim that he promised them $500 for their services and only paid them $100. This is my kind of Senator – socially liberal and fiscally conservative." –Bill Maher

"In an interview last week, Obama said he loves to shoot skeet up at Camp David. Republicans said if he is a skeet shooter, why have we not heard of it? Why have we not seen photos of it? Yes, because nothing would ease the Republican mind more than a photo of the black president with a gun." –Bill Maher

"This is the first day of Black History Month; or as Republicans call it, February." –Bill Maher

"Con men like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are one reason the Republicans are in such dire straits today. Because they don't care about winning elections. They care about separating rubes from their money. They've discovered there's a fortune to be made by keeping a small portion of America under the illusion that they are always under attack. From Mexicans, or ACORN, or Planned Parenthood, or gays, or takers, global warming hoaxers; it doesn't matter. They don't want a majority. They want a mailing list, a list of the kind of gullible Honey Boo Boos out there who think that there's a War on Christmas, and that the socialist policies of our Kenyan President have been so disastrous that the end of the world is coming." –Bill Maher 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For some reason it co-stars Katherine Heigl (it means you have completely missed the point)

February 2012

“A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.” –Jimmy Fallon

“It's the first day of Black History Month. So if you're watching me right now, it means you have completely missed the point.” –Conan O'Brien

“It's being reported that California needs to raise $3 billion by March. This according to California State Treasurer Nicolas Cage.” –Conan O’Brien

“The government may be legally required to release a video of the Osama bin Laden killing. For some reason it co-stars Katherine Heigl.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when your house is engulfed in flames — the first thing you do is burn down the fire department (I agree with Bill Gates and this time)

“Trump’s move to defund the World Health Organization has angered many, including Bill Gates who warned of what would follow. I agree with Bill Gates and this time I’m not just saying it to get in his will.” —Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who needs them and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

“He’s defunding the World Health Organization during a global pandemic. Brilliant! It’s like when your house is engulfed in flames — the first thing you do is burn down the fire department.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Incidentally, 1,000 No’s is what Trump calls consent (the first fight decided by natural causes)

What better way to start Black History Month than to be failed by the justice system. Why was this impeachment ever a good idea? We would have been better off yelling, “Citizen’s Arrest!” —Michael Che

I can’t be a democrat and a Knicks fan. That’s too much heartbreak, man. —Michael Che

Boxers Larry Holmes and Jerry Cooney are in talks for a rematch nearly 40 years after they last fought. It will consist of 10 rounds and 80 bathroom breaks. It will be the first fight decided by natural causes. —Michael Che

The Palestinian president has rejected Trump’s Middle East peace plan saying, “1,000 No’s to the deal.” Incidentally, 1,000 No’s is what Trump calls consent. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

When Black History Month is over, it’s really over (It's called Joe Biden)

"President Obama returned from South America and found the White House door locked. The NFL players are locked out. President Obama is locked out. When Black History Month is over, it’s really over." –Jimmy Kimmel

"House Speaker John Boehner says President Obama should have clearly outlined his exact plans before bombing Libya. Apparently it's only Iraq where you don't have to do that." –Jay Leno

"Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obama over Libya. There's a very good case against impeachment. It's called Joe Biden." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's the first known case of lesbians and gay men being excited about the same thing (crumpet munchers)

Here we go. February is Black History Month. So find a black person and leave them alone. --Amber with Seth Meyers

At an aquarium in New Zealand, a pair of lesbian penguins recently welcomed a baby chick. You could tell they were lesbians because they were both wearing tuxedos. --Jenny with Seth Meyers

Singer Melissa Etheridge is currently writing songs for a Broadway musical. It's the first known case of lesbians and gay men being excited about the same thing. --Jenny with Seth Meyers

Martin Luther King Day was last month. And he saw his shadow, so it's 200 more years of racism. --Amber with Seth Meyers

A woman in China has been diagnosed with a rare type of hearing loss that prevents her from hearing male voices. Said women, "Oh, please be contagious." --Jenny with Seth Meyers

"BlacKkKlansman" was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. And white Klansman was nominated for attorney general. --Amber with Seth Meyers

According to a recent study, the number of British people identifying as lesbians has gone up in the last five years. Lesbians or, as they call them in Britain, crumpet munchers. --Jenny with Seth Meyers

A Texas sheriff has placed cardboard cutouts of officers holding radar guns on the side of several roads to deter speeding. And even one of those managed to shoot a black guy. --Amber with Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, my God, I don't even have a costume yet (It's not you, it's I-95)

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft was seen at the Super Bowl victory party last night wearing a large diamond chain around his neck that said "champions." And Rob Gronkowski was seen wearing one that said, "If found, my address is 242 Maple Street." --Seth Meyers

Officials have announced that Manhattan will be getting its first public beach in 2022. And even though it's three years away, a body has already washed up onshore. --Seth Meyers

February is Black History Month. "Oh, my God, I don't even have a costume yet," said Virginia Governor Ralph Northam. --Seth Meyers

According to a new study, men who live near heavily used roads are more likely to have trouble achieving an erection due to pollution exposure. Said one man, "It's not you, it's I-95." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In 20 years you're gonna be the senator from Atlantis (Today he had a shout-out to Malcolm 10)

It's Black History Month. I mean Trump knows nothing about black people. Today he had a shout-out to Malcolm 10. --Bill Maher

Stop hiring weather girls based on their bust size. Who is this for? Guys who like to spank it while hearing the pollen index. --Bill Maher

America does need to build a wall. A seawall, because the ice is melting and rising oceans are going to swallow Miami. Hey Marco Rubio, you're from there. You're the senator from Florida. In 20 years you're gonna be the senator from Atlantis. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, seriously, it only could have happened in America (he'd now like to be buried in the Bahamas)

"According to the Taliban, Osama bin Laden is alive. But they said if he dies, he'd now like to be buried in the Bahamas." --Jay Leno

"It's March 1st. Black History Month is officially over. But did you know that black history continues ... almost all the time. Take the story of one Reverend Al Sharpton -- Democrat, one-time presidential candidate and outspoken leader on civil rights. Funny story. Some genealogist is looking into his background and ... you're not going to believe this. It turns out his great grandfather had been enslaved by a relative of late South Carolina Senator and famed segregationist Strom Thurmond. Only in America. I mean, seriously, it only could have happened in America." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

President Trump gave a shout-out to his three favorite black people (tickets are still available!)

President Trump has decided not to take part in the traditional presidential Super Bowl interview. Apparently, Trump is worried he might not pass the NFL’s concussion protocol. --Conan O’Brien

The preserved forearm of a 16th century saint is on a tour across Canada. And get this... tickets are still available! --Conan O’Brien

Today is the first day of Black History Month, which is why President Trump gave a shout-out to his three favorite black people: Ben Carson, Omarosa, and Ben Carson. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html