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Showing posts with label Stephanie Grisham. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stephanie Grisham. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

Deep-sea diving surrounded by sharks who won’t shut up about winning Wisconsin (Turns out, free shrimp)


October 2021

“Stephanie Grisham has a new tell-all about her time working in the Trump White House. Grisham worked in the White House for four years, and as press secretary, she famously never gave a single press conference. But now she’s spilling all the tea in her new book, ‘I Just Recently Grew a Spine.’” Stephen Colbert

“In the book, Grisham uses a lot of colorful language to describe the administration, calling it ‘a clown car on fire running at full speed into a warehouse full of fireworks.’ Or as Fox News would put it, ‘a brave band of flaming harlequins rushing patriotically into the explosive jaws of danger.’” Stephen Colbert

“Yeah, just a reminder: She knew all about the fiery clown car and she still called shotgun for four years.” Stephen Colbert

“Grisham goes on to write, ‘I can give you endless metaphors: living in a house that was always on fire, or in an insane asylum where you couldn’t tell the difference between the patients and the attendants, or on a roller coaster that never stopped.’ Ooh, ooh, let me try: Being in his administration is like sliding blindfolded down a 50-foot razor blade into a tub of gin. It’s like walking through a minefield led by a baby trying to change his own diaper. Driving a manure truck over a cliff into a pit of other manure trucks. Deep-sea diving surrounded by sharks who won’t shut up about winning Wisconsin.” Stephen Colbert


“Grisham’s book, actually called I’ll Take Your Questions Now, reveals that Grisham called the South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham ‘Senator Freeloader’ since he used to regularly visit Mar-a-Lago and ‘stuff his face with free food’. For years, people have been asking: why would Lindsey Graham abandon all of his principles and kowtow to a demagogue bent on destroying democracy? Turns out, free shrimp.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Hey doc, how are the ratings? (they only found three polyps and Rudy Giuliani)


September 2021

“A new book by the former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, ‘I’ll Take Your Questions Now,’ revealed some fun facts about Donald J. Trump on Tuesday. One of the biggest bombshells was about the former president’s mysterious visit to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in 2019, which Grisham said was for a colonoscopy that Trump stayed conscious for, in part to keep late night television hosts from finding out and making fun of him. I have to say, it gives me a lot of satisfaction, as a late night talk show host, to know that he opted to stay awake while they augered his innards with a sewer snake specifically because he didn’t want us making fun of him.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The president’s doctor decided to schedule this procedure after the White House toilet killed itself.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It took a while because the doctor kept accidentally sticking the camera in his mouth.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“As soon as they switched the camera on, Trump turned around and said ‘Hey doc, how are the ratings?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Afterward, the whole medical team kept saying, ‘Wow, what an unbelievable [expletive].” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The doctors said the hardest thing about giving Trump a colonoscopy was getting the camera around Mike Pence’s nose.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, colonoscopy was no big deal — they only found three polyps and Rudy Giuliani.” —Jimmy Fallon


“Well, sure, with this president, they had to film it in Imax.” —Stephen Colbert

“Oh, my God, that had to be terrible — for the doctor who had to give a colonoscopy while the guy on the table kept screaming about how he won Michigan.” —Stephen Colbert


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Saturday, November 30, 2019

I don’t want him to leave the White House feet first (bankrupt tall buildings in a single bound)


“Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham later explained that Trump decided to get parts of his physical done early because he had a ‘free weekend in Washington.’ O.K., that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. [Imitating Trump] ‘Hmm, let’s see, I’ve got the day off. I could spend it with my children — not really my thing. Uh, with my wife? No, she hates me. Uh, my friends? All in jail. Uh, tell you what: I’ll just go to the hospital and have them stick me with needles, just to feel something.’” --Stephen Colbert
“But Trump said he’s feeling great. Today he was like, ‘I’m the picture of health. I do 10 steps a day, I drink eight glasses of Diet Coke, and I try to get a good seven to eight hours of tweeting.’” --Jimmy Fallon
“He’s faster than a tweeting bullet. He’s able to bankrupt tall buildings in a single bound.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“I am sincerely relieved to say that it looks like there’s nothing wrong with the president’s health. I might not be Trump’s biggest fan, but I don’t want him to leave the White House feet first. I want handcuffs first.” --Stephen Colbert

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


Sunday, June 30, 2019

And if things escalate, I'm willing to put boobs on the ground (You're gonna need this. Trust me)

Meanwhile, here's a big story from the White House. Today, we found out the replacement for Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be a woman named Stephanie Grisham. There was a lovely ceremony today when Sarah handed Stephanie the keys to the liquor cabinet. She was like, "Here, you're gonna -- You're gonna need this. Trust me. --Jimmy Fallon
Finally, you guys, get this -- I saw that Costco is now selling a giant two-pound doughnut. There's actually a name for that. It is called a cake. --Jimmy Fallon
Everybody's still on edge about the U.S. and Iran. I guess after Iran shot down our drone, Trump ordered a strike on them. But then he called it off, and listen to how he described it. President Trump says the United States was, quote, "cocked and loaded." Cocked and loaded? Of course, the correct phrase is "locked and loaded." Then Trump was like, "And if things escalate, I'm willing to put boobs on the ground." --Jimmy Fallon
During an interview Chuck Todd asked Trump what he'd change if he could have one do-over. Trump said he would not have appointed Jeff Sessions to be Attorney General. Then both Eric and Don Jr. were, like "Whew! Wow, that was close! Oh, man!" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”