And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico (but, weirdly, he left alone)

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

NASCAR released a statement today calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina capitol. Released a statement? They should have sent a pit crew. That thing would be down in under nine seconds. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s so great to be back here in the town where I was built (weirdly, he left alone)

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton held fundraisers today in Silicon Valley. Said Hillary, “It’s so great to be back here in the town where I was built.” –Seth Meyers

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face (the weapon of tyrants)

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper last night — and she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face. –Seth Meyers

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that's two books in two years, or as she calls it, her trilogy (Today they passed a bill that said beans can only be fried once)

"They passed a bill banning public schools now from offering any courses in ethnic studies. It's funny, you know, they never say they're targeting Mexicans specifically, but I think we get that idea. Today they passed a bill that said beans can only be fried once." –Bill Maher

"Just in time for Christmas, the queen of 'Drill Baby Drill,' Sarah Palin, has a new book out. It was announced this week. It's called, America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag. And for Sarah, that's two books in two years, or as she calls it, her trilogy." –Bill Maher

The conspiracy theories are abounding already because this Jeffrey Epstein guy knew everybody at Clinton Trump Prince Andrew Dershowitz oh it was a who's who of Eww Eww. This Epstein guy was a weirdo I mean, besides the pedophilia, besides the sex island, besides the plane the Lolita Express they called it. A ranch in New Mexico, did you read this? I'm not making this up, where he was gathering scientists and nubile young women and a plan to repopulate the earth from his spawn and Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “or you could just hop on the maid.” --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

in Florida they call that the food pyramid (crying is not an emergency)

February 2023

“It looks like we might in store for an early spring. So New York, say goodbye to winter and say hello to smelling urine again.” —Stephen Colbert

“Republican Lauren Boebert called alcohol, tobacco and firearms ‘a fun weekend’ in western Colorado. Don’t get so full of yourself western Colorado, in Florida they call that the food pyramid.” —Stephen Colbert

“This week, it was suggested that roasted chile become the official aroma of New Mexico. I assumed the official New Mexico aroma was an abandoned RV that a bobcat is living in. Other state smells include a sock full of coins for Pennsylvania, sewer clown for Maine, dust for North Dakota and wet hippie for Oregon.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know me, I don't like to talk about money (Legalize Shemp)

Donald Trump and Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto held a joint press conference where Trump said the two did discuss his proposed border wall but did not address payment for its construction. Said Trump, “You know me, I don't like to talk about money.” –Seth Meyers

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

Following the launch of his own charter school, nearly 14,000 people have signed an online petition to make LeBron James the secretary of education, even though we already have one. "Who is it now?” asked Betsy DeVos. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s not exactly a secret where we got New Mexico (I mean that’s the day after his big anniversary)

December 2021

On Thursday a Chicago jury declared Jussie Smollett really  bad at acting. Smollett was found guilty of charges related to staging a hate crime. It’s the worst staged hate crime since my all-Christian production of Fiddler On the Roof. —Colin Jost

And in legal news where someone definitely won’t get convicted, Donald Trump will be subpoenaed by New York Attorney General Letitia James. James wants to depose Trump under oath on January 7th. Come on. Give a guy a break. I mean that’s the day after his big anniversary. —Colin Jost

Russia has deployed 90,000 troops to its border with Ukraine getting many to believe that Vladimir Putin intends to invade the country. And no offense to Ukraine, but why? Is Russia running low on track suits and counterfeit cologne? At the same time it’s tough for America to criticize countries who take land from their neighbors. It’s not exactly a secret where we got New Mexico. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

they liked Obama a lot better when he was a Democrat (before we did something crazy)

"A new poll shows that President Obama's approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat." –Jay Leno

"The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That's a long trip for Joe Biden." –Jay Leno

"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has announced that he will run for president in 2012. His campaign slogan: 'Even I've never heard of me.'" –Jay Leno

"The Senate Intelligence Committee -- that almost sounds like an oxymoron -- released a report this week saying there's no evidence that Saddam Hussein had a relationship with al Qaeda. Thank God we found that out before we did something crazy." --Jay Leno

"And for the most ridiculous story of the week. This week, Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton is gay. I got to admit he hides it pretty well. Ann Coulter thinks Bill Clinton is gay? But she also thinks George Bush is smart, so you gotta take it with a grain of salt." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's where it gets interesting (Hair Force One)

"Michelle Obama said the most popular member of the family is their Portuguese water dog Bo. Donald Trump said, 'I want to see that Portuguese bitch’s papers.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson announced his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination. Because when the other candidates aren't generating enough excitement, it's time to bring out Gary Johnson." –Conan O'Brien

"His real name is Gary Hussein Johnson. That's where it gets interesting." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump is apparently on top among Republican voters. People are responding to his straight-forward honesty, tough talk, and utter lunacy. If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even worse, he’s going to make New Mexico pay for it (naval bases in Idaho)

“That’s right, a border wall in Colorado. Once they’re done with that, they’re building a naval base in Idaho.” --Stephen Colbert

“Then Trump announced our Coast Guard would be patrolling the ports of Nebraska, so that’s good.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Even worse, he’s going to make New Mexico pay for it.” --James Corden

“Now as a fellow comedian, I get what he’s doing here. Before you tell a joke, it’s very important to kick off the joke by saying ‘kiddingly.’” --Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, today at the White House, Trump participated in a ceremony in honor of the Hindu holiday Diwali. Things got off to a rough start when Trump told everyone, ‘We’re going to build Diwali in Colorado.’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

this is like Cruella de Vil trying to woo Sarah McLachlan (and that was just during the sound check)

President Trump held a campaign rally in New Mexico where he tried to appeal to Hispanic voters.

“So after four years of Donald Trump throwing Latinos under the bus that he stopped at the border, by saying that illegal and legal immigrants are all coming to kill us, Trump’s plan to win is to woo Hispanic voters. Woo, boy. Buena suerte with that, el Trumpo. Right now, Trump’s approval rating among Hispanics is 25 percent, so, this is like Cruella de Vil trying to woo Sarah McLachlan.” --Stephen Colbert

“Trump asked Steve Cortes, ‘Who do you like more, the country or the Hispanics?’ Coincidentally, that’s also the first and only question asked in a White House job interview.” --James Corden

“Those two things aren’t even in the same category: ‘What do you like better: Pepsi or Mongolia?’” --Trevor Noah

“Trump, on his absolute best behavior, still talks about race like it’s fantasy football.” --James Corden

“I know he doesn’t speak Spanish, but now he’s not even speaking English.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“With that kind of sincerity, I can’t believe Trump hasn’t won over more Hispanic voters.” --James Corden

“According to fact checkers, President Trump made at least 26 false statements last night during his rally in New Mexico, and that was just during the sound check.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Didn't you dodge the draft because your feet hurt? (or you could just hop on the maid)

The conspiracy theories are abounding already because this Jeffrey Epstein guy knew everybody. Clinton, Trump, Prince Andrew, Dershowitz. It was a who's who of Eww Eww. This Epstein guy was a weirdo. I mean, besides the pedophilia, besides the sex island, besides the plane the Lolita Express they called it. A ranch in New Mexico, did you read this? I'm not making this up, where he was gathering scientists and nubile young women and a plan to repopulate the earth from his spawn and Schwarzenegger said, “or you could just hop on the maid.” --Bill Maher

Oh course, Trump the conspiracy theorist, retweeting that the Clintons killed Jeffrey Epstein. I mean of all the right-wing conspiracy theories that have been going around, this is the stupidest. The idea that the Clintons go around killing their enemies. First of all, it makes them look cool. Nobody ever accused Mitt Romney of murdering his way to the top. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And, of course, Trump sued New Mexico for obvious reasons (Before he left, he sampled all 32 flavors)

Here's a big story. 16 states are now suing Trump after he declared a national emergency to get money for his wall. Well, now Trump is getting back at some of those states by filing lawsuits against them. Check these out. First up, Trump sued Hawaii for putting pineapple on pizza and acting like it's normal. Next up, he sued Colorado for giving Utah and Wyoming a contact high. Up next, he wanted to take Rhode Island to court for not really being an island. Fake news. And, of course, Trump sued New Mexico for obvious reasons. --Jimmy Fallon

The heir to Baskin-Robbins is walking away from the company so he can promote healthy living instead. But this was annoying. Before he left, he sampled all 32 flavors. --Jimmy Fallon

Over a dozen people in San Diego had to be rescued after they got stuck on a gondola at SeaWorld for four hours. When they heard that, the whales at SeaWorld were like, "Oh, wow. Trapped for four hours. Trapped, huh? For four whole hours? Yeah, wow. Sounds terrible." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

After hearing about it President Bush said, “Show off.” (more barrel and less cracker)

On the campaign trail New Mexico Senator John Kerry spent the day reading children's books to a group of kindergarteners. After hearing about it President Bush said, “Show off.” --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2004

Earlier this week Bill Gates agreed to pay an eight hundred thousand dollar fine for violating the rules of a stock purchase. On the on the bright side in the time it took the judge to say the words eight hundred thousand dollars Gates made four million dollars. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2004

The Cracker Barrel restaurant chain settled a discrimination suit against African-Americans. Afterwards a spokesperson for the restaurant said from now on we'll try to be more barrel and less cracker. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, I love this joke, keep going! (The Power of the People)

And Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won her election in New York yesterday, making her the youngest woman ever elected to congress. Also in a night of many firsts, the first two Native American women were elected to congress. Sharice Davids from Kansas and Deb Haaland from New Mexico. So last night’s winners included an openly gay man, two Native American women, and a 29 year old Latina. Although when staffers told Trump he was like, “Oh, I love this joke, keep going!” --James Corden

Two hours after his wild press conference, President Trump did what he had been threatening to do for months. He fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions. So it looks like another confederate monument got taken down today. I’ll tell you one thing, Jeff Sessions is leaving some very, very tiny shoes to fill. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wonder Bread sandwiches/hanging out with Michael Jackson/Can you call in horny?

"Have you seen New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson? He supported Barack. He's now got a mustache and a goatee. Analysts say he's trying to look more Hispanic, more ethnic. They say that's one of the reasons that Obama joined the Trinity Church with the radical minister, tried to appear more black. See, white politicians can't do that. You can't try to be more white, you know. You don't see white politicians listening to Lawrence Welk, square dancing, eating Wonder Bread sandwiches, you know, hanging out with Michael Jackson, trying to be more white." --Jay Leno 

"I love this story. I saw it in the paper today. Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will explore whether he has an addiction to sex. Oh, shut up. Is sex really an addiction? Is it a disease? Do you think it's a disease? Huh? I mean, I've heard people call into work sick. Can you call in horny?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

That's where it gets interesting

"Michelle Obama said the most popular member of the family is their Portuguese water dog Bo. Donald Trump said, 'I want to see that Portuguese bitch’s papers.'" –Conan O'Brien


"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson announced his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination. Because when the other candidates aren't generating enough excitement, it's time to bring out Gary Johnson." –Conan O'Brien



"His real name is Gary Hussein Johnson. That's where it gets interesting." –Conan O'Brien