As a result, President Trump has banned those flowers from serving in the military (Would you look at the time)

Scientists just discovered that millions of years ago, flowers had both male and female parts. As a result, President Trump has banned those flowers from serving in the military. –Jimmy Fallon

The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot. –Jimmy Fallon

This morning, two senators were caught on a hot mic calling President Trump "crazy." And when the news came out, literally every member of the Senate was like, "Wait, was it me?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be hopeful in bad times (in a related story Kamala Harris just moved to Nevada)

Hillary Clinton weighed in on the signal story saying ‘you got to be kidding me,’ then she offered Pete Hegseth her hammer to smash his phone. —Greg Gutfeld

The Nevada legislature is considering a bill that would allow home delivery for cocktails. Yeah, in a related story Kamala Harris just moved to Nevada. —Greg Gutfeld

DOGE just discovered that the Small Business Association gave a 9-month-old baby a $100,000 loan. Now the kid's so worried he won't make the payments he sh*t his pants. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It really makes you feel for the second-most successful sex capsule salesman in Idaho, Utah and Nevada (Did he write himself a check for $130,000?)

“Today was Donald Trump’s chance to wake up and snort a line of gas station energy powder and get on that stand to prove that this is all a big Joe Biden witch-hunt, but it was confirmed on Tuesday that Trump would not testify in his own trial. That is shocking – Trump is not talking? What happened? Did he write himself a check for $130,000? —Stephen Colbert

Outside the courthouse, the crowds have been much smaller than the police prepared for, according to the New York Times, and included amateur puppeteers, a DJ with a portable speaker and a self-proclaimed “most successful” sex capsule salesman in Idaho, Utah and Nevada. It really makes you feel for the second-most successful sex capsule salesman in Idaho, Utah and Nevada. —Stephen Colbert

Without grassroots support, Trump has been forced to call in the Maga goons on his behalf. So far 25 members of Congress have attended, including Matt Gaetz, the Florida representative who was mostly there for the sex capsules. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm about to get kicked out of this supermarket (he likes getting spanked while everyone watches)

The GOP has just a razor-thin majority in the House, so clearly Speaker Johnson would bring this to the floor for a vote only if he knew with absolute certainty they had the votes to … and, they lost. Mike Johnson, are you definitely against porn? Because you sure like getting spanked while everyone watches. —Stephen Colbert

Recapping Nikki Haley’s embarrassing loss in the Nevada Republican primary, where Donald Trump wasn’t on the ballot. Haley got about 30% of the vote, while “none of the candidates” got 63%. You know how they say you’re second to none? She finished second to none! —Jimmy Kimmel

“I like the idea that people took time to wait in line to vote for none of these candidates. It’s like going to the Wendy’s drive-thru and saying ‘nothing for me, thanks!’ None of the candidates is probably the only thing America can agree on right now. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you (It's a combo platter)

The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot. –Jimmy Fallon

A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you. –Jimmy Fallon

Chris Christie attended the Italian-American Heritage Festival street fair in Iowa this weekend, where they celebrated Italian culture and Italian food. The street fair involved two of Christie’s favorite pastimes – eating, and shutting down traffic. It's a combo platter. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re getting cyber bullied by the Pope (Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea)

The Cuban government recently returned a missing U.S. missile that was sent to Europe for training, but was accidentally shipped to Cuba. So the good news is that the missile was returned to America. But the bad news is THAT CAN HAPPEN! –Jimmy Fallon

Last night was the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. A Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the big stories everyone’s talking about is the immigration debate. Pope Francis has actually been tweeting Bible references that oppose President Trump’s travel ban. You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re getting cyber bullied by the Pope. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t Worry I Was Adopted (4.5 billion reasons)

Today is the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump is projected to win. When asked why they’re voting for him, Americans said, "We’re used to doing things in Nevada that we’ll regret tomorrow." –Conan O’Brien

When asked about Cuba Gooding Jr.’s portrayal of him, O.J. Simpson said he’s "not tall enough and his head is too small." Simpson then said, "Also, he didn't kill my wife." –Conan O’Brien

Despite Jeb Bush’s poor campaign, some analysts are already talking about the political rise of his son, George P. Bush. George P. Bush has already got his campaign slogan: "Don’t Worry I Was Adopted." –Conan O’Brien

Although she herself is an immigrant, Donald Trump’s wife Melania says she is fine with her husband’s tough anti-immigration stance. When asked why, Mrs. Trump said she had about 4.5 billion reasons. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's coming home and he's not in a good mood (American Exceptionalism)

"Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno

"Actually, Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race yesterday - which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood." –Jay Leno

"The Shady Lady brothel in Nevada has a 25-year-old man named Marcus, and he's become the first legal male prostitute in American history. Well, the first one not elected to the United States Senate, of course." –Jay Leno

"Well, folks, it looks like California's about to legalize marijuana. Yeah, yeah. You thought Governor Schwarzenegger was hard to understand before." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws (Imagine how much they could do if we got rid of all of them?)

"This is really unified in both parties. House Speaker Dennis Hastert has attacked the FBI for raiding the congressman's office, saying it was an abuse of power. Imagine the nerve of the FBI treating members of Congress like they are regular Americans. Can you imagine? If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws." --Jay Leno

"In an interview on Fox News, Dick Cheney took full responsibility for shooting a fellow hunter. Then surprisingly, he broke down and admitted to killing two drifters in Flagstaff, Arizona in 1989." --Jay Leno

"The payroll tax extension passed the House and Senate by unanimous consent. This was a procedural move allowing it to pass, even though most members of congress were already home for the holidays. They weren't even there! Only 12 people out of 535 were there and they got it done. Imagine how much they could do if we got rid of all of them?" –Jay Leno

 

"A Nevada brothel is encouraging its customers to give their tips to the Ron Paul campaign. How did this endorsement deal slip by Bill Clinton? He must be getting old." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For many of them, it will be, ‘he’s my dad!’ (which explains why Melania will live forever)

November 2022

“We all can breath a sigh of relief at the news that Democrats would keep control of the Senate following Catherine Cortez Masto’s victory in Nevada. Ah, turns out that ‘red wave’ was actually a blue splash, just as the maxi pad commercials foretold. Cortez Masto’s win means the Georgia runoff election will not determine control of the Senate, so Georgians will have to come up with a new reason to vote for Herschel Walker. For many of them, it will be, ‘he’s my dad!’” —Stephen Colbert

“After a disappointing midterms performance, Republicans are rolling up their sleeves and coming together to pick a scapegoat and hurl them down an elevator shaft. Right now, knives are out for Senate minority leader and clinically depressed pudding Mitch McConnell and the Florida senator Rick Scott. Republican candidates are mad at McConnell for not telling the voters what the GOP would do if they got control of the Senate. And they’re madder at Rick Scott for telling voters what they would do if they got control of the Senate. Specifically, Scott discussed cutting social security and Medicare, which probably scared older voters. Most shocking of all, some of the GOP blame is going to the person who actually deserves it. That would be Donald Trump, whom one Republican strategist blamed for picking conspiracists to run for office, saying: ‘The MyPillow-ization of the GOP has been a disaster.’ To which Mike Lindell responded: use promo code ‘GOP-Disaster for 20% your next pillow sham!” —Stephen Colbert

“It was an emotional weekend for Trump, because he gave away a daughter and the Senate on the same night. Many of the candidates Trump endorsed wound up losing. Everything Trump touches dies, which explains why Melania will live forever.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the first time in history that a health inspector has ever issued a rating of “NOPE.” (second jug)

And finally some French news, or as they call it in France, News. The first restaurant in Paris created exclusively for naked diners has announced it’s closing due to a lack of customers. It’s a shame. Is this a shock to anyone? Scalding hot soup and no pants do not mix. They obviously had some problems. It’s the first time in history that a health inspector has ever issued a rating of “NOPE.” --James Corden

Papa John’s has started selling extra-large jugs of its signature garlic sauce. Each jug of garlic sauce is 8 pounds and costs $20. You know you’re depressed when you consume something by the 8-pound jug. But Papa John’s says it’s a lifetime supply of garlic sauce. Because you’re not expected to survive long enough to need a second jug. --James Corden

The Supreme Court ruling came down seven-to-two, which is weird because my bookie had it at eight-to-one. Before the ruling, it was only legal to gamble in the state of Nevada. As a result, Las Vegas is changing their slogan to, “What happens in Vegas, apparently happens in other places now, too.” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A society based on care would render them obsolete (I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie.")

"Rush Limbaugh criticized President Obama's support of gay marriage, accusing the president of leading a war on traditional marriage. And Limbaugh wants it to mean something if he ever gets traditional-married for the fifth time." –Seth Meyers

According to Politico, former Vice President Joe Biden has been less touchy with voters on the campaign trail and is doing more selfies, and I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie." --Seth Meyers

Then yesterday, the President was dealt another blow when his personal charity, the Trump Foundation, was forced to shut down after prosecutors effectively said it acted as a slush fund for Trump's personal spending. So Trump used his charity to pay for lawsuits, which then prompted a lawsuit that ended the charity. At this point, he's going to have to start a new charity to pay for the lawsuit over the old charity. They can call it, I don't know, March of Crimes. --Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton cited an old Mexican proverb in her speech in Nevada today to highlight the unchanging nature of Donald Trump. A Mexican proverb, or as Trump calls it, "A spell!" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the mafia is now very invested in stopping climate change (Freddie Spaghetti)

May 2022

“Elon Musk said that should his purchase of Twitter go through, he plans to lift the ban on Donald Trump’s account. Musk explained that permanent bans should be reserved for bots, scam or spam accounts. I could say it’s a scam. It’s a scam! Donald Trump is a scam account. It’s all a scam.” —James Corden

“The guy who names his kids Roman numerals will make sure they don’t do anything foolish.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Officials in Nevada said they’ve found numerous human remains in Lake Mead as water levels drop during an ongoing drought. On the upside, the mafia is now very invested in stopping climate change.” —Seth Meyers

“Earlier today, President Biden met with the prime minister of Italy at the White House. It was Mario Draghi’s first trip to Washington. Italy’s prime minister, Mario Draghi — or as Joe Biden calls him, ‘Freddie Spaghetti.’” —James Corden

“It was a friendly meeting. Biden opened with, ‘Welcome, or as they say in your country, when you’re here, you’re family.’” —James Corden

“This is true: back at home, the prime minister is facing growing dissent, even from his own party. When Biden heard this, he was like, ‘Nice, man — me too.’” —James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The first legal male prostitute in American history (Ten thousand idiots)

"The Shady Lady brothel in Nevada has a 25-year-old man named

Marcus, and he's become the first legal male prostitute in American

history. Well, the first one not elected to the United States Senate,

of course." –Jay Leno

"Well, folks, it looks like California's about to legalize marijuana. Yeah, yeah. You thought Governor Schwarzenegger was hard to understand before." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That's not a tax, that's barely a tip." –Jay Leno

"A new poll says 84% of Americans disapprove of Congress' job. The other 16% weren't aware Congress was doing one." –Jay Leno

"According to Time magazine, executives at the Wall Street firm of Goldman Sachs were paid an average of $600,000 last year. And that was just by Congress." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

Let me help you with your co-pay (Kids hate this movie)

December 2013

"One of the biggest movies to come out this weekend was the Disney movie, 'Frozen,' which is an animated film about the Obamacare website. Kids hate this movie. An hour and a half of characters trying to fix the website." –Conan O'Brien

"In Nevada, where prostitution is legal – true story – prostitutes are signing up for Obamacare. Which explains why the most popular pick-up line in Nevada is, 'Let me help you with your co-pay.'" –Conan O'Brien

"This week, fast-food workers in 100 American cities are going on strike, a true story. The workers behind the counter want higher wages and better conditions. The drive-thru workers? No one can understand what they want. What? What did you say?" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen (Smells Like Teen Spirit)

"The New York Times reported that New York Governor

Eliot Spitzer was a customer of a high-end prostitution

ring, that the prostitutes knew him as Client #9. Client

#9, yeah. Not surprisingly, clients one through eight

were Charlie Sheen." --Conan O'Brien

A new Earth-like planet has been discovered a few

months before an election where Donald Trump could

be president. If that's not perfect timing, I don't know

what is. –James Corden

Hillary Clinton cited an old Mexican proverb in her

speech in Nevada today to highlight the unchanging

nature of Donald Trump. A Mexican proverb, or as

Trump calls it, "A spell!" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can only show you the door (but definitely not as surprised as North Korea)

December 2012

"According to the latest census poll, a large number of Californians are moving out of state and going to places like Texas and Nevada. Look, I know a lot of us are disgusted with the Lakers, but that's no reason . . ." –Jay Leno

"The Lakers are so bad, when Mitt Romney talks about the 47 percent, he means Dwight Howard's free throw shooting." –Jay Leno

"Japan and South Korea are on high alert after North Korea successfully launched a long-range rocket. Both countries are surprised by North Korea's successful launch, but definitely not as surprised as North Korea." –Jimmy Fallon

"A company in California designed a flying drone that will drop burritos over your house using a parachute — or as Chris Christie calls that, 'the best forecast ever!'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen (or as Trump calls it, "A spell!")

The New York Times reported that New York Governor

Eliot Spitzer was a customer of a high-end prostitution

ring, that the prostitutes knew him as Client #9. Client #9,

yeah. Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were

Charlie Sheen. --Conan O'Brien

A new Earth-like planet has been discovered a few

months before an election where Donald Trump could

be president. If that's not perfect timing, I don't know

what is. –James Corden

Hillary Clinton cited an old Mexican proverb in her

speech in Nevada today to highlight the unchanging

nature of Donald Trump. A Mexican proverb, or as

Trump calls it, "A spell!" –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's

Anderson Cooper last night — and she HAD to do

it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to

that face. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”