Please scream inside your heart (all the sacred teachings of Jesus)

President Trump attended the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington on Thursday. He covered a lot of subjects. He bragged about deporting immigrants, his war on diversity, fighting ‘transgenders’ — all the sacred teachings of Jesus.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“President Trump spoke today at the National Prayer Breakfast, in case you needed more proof that those don’t work.” — Seth Meyers

“Trump also told the audience we need to bring religion back, and who better to bring it back than the guy who sells ‘God Bless the U.S.A.’ bibles for $59.99.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just scroll on. You saw nothing... (Uh-oh, hold my hair)

Liquor brand Svedk will release a new product that combines rosé and vodka. It's called "Uh-oh, hold my hair." --Seth Meyers

President Trump spoke this morning to religious leaders at the National Prayer Breakfast. It's always a slightly awkward situation for a president who's been married three times, paid hush money to a porn star, and has probably, at best, skimmed the Bible. Meyers as Trump, “And as you all know, God set a fire to a bush so he could collect the insurance money and build a casino. It was smart. It was a smart move." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Though she did emphasize that she still hasn’t decided who she’s voting for (That's not true, comma. I speak from the heart, exclamation point.)

President Trump spoke this morning to religious leaders at the National Prayer Breakfast. It's always a slightly awkward situation for a president who's been married three times, paid hush money to a porn star, and has probably, at best, skimmed the Bible. [Meyers as Trump] “And as you all know, God set a fire to a bush so he could collect the insurance money and build a casino. It was smart. It was a smart move." --Seth Meyers

A Tennessee man with the word "Psycho" tattooed on his forehead was arrested this week for stabbing someone in the stomach. Of course, if you have a tattoo on your forehead, no matter what it says, it says "Psycho." –Seth Meyers

Chris Christie, in a new interview, continued to criticize Marco Rubio for his performance in this weekend's debate and said Rubio is scripted and not spontaneous. To which Marco Rubio replied, "That's not true, comma. I speak from the heart, exclamation point." –Seth Meyers

Jeb Bush’s mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush, joined him on the campaign trail yesterday for the first time. Though she did emphasize that she still hasn’t decided who she’s voting for. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, last year’s after party got pretty wild (Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops)

"CNN is developing a game show to be hosted by Anderson Cooper. It will be just like the other CNN shows except the contestants will make wild guesses instead of the news anchors." –Seth Meyers

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie yesterday slammed the rollout of President Trump’s executive order on immigration, saying it was terrible. Christie added, “It was the worst rollout since that time I got stuck in a hammock.” –Seth Meyers

President Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast this morning. Of course, ever since he was elected, every breakfast is a prayer breakfast. “Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops.” –Seth Meyers

The Westminster Dog Show has added three new breeds to its annual events. Said the dogs, “Yeah, last year’s after party got pretty wild.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops (all it did was make them impossible to arrest)

Police in Philadelphia have announced they will not grease light poles ahead of the Super Bowl because the grease did not deter people from climbing poles following the NFC championship game. In fact, all it did was make them impossible to arrest. --Seth Meyers

A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much is that doggie in the window? –Seth Meyers

A man ate 409 chicken wings to become champion of Philadelphia’s Wing Bowl over the weekend, which was unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone. –Seth Meyers

President Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast this morning. Of course, ever since he was elected, every breakfast is a prayer breakfast. “Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Does Trump look like a guy who could pull off a cover-up? (I assume to prove that prayers don’t work)

President Trump spike at the National Prayer Breakfast and held up a newspaper with the headline about his acquittal. I assume to prove that prayers don’t work. —Colin Jost

Researchers say they’ve developed a new way to stitch wounds together using a new type of yarn made from human skin. They also say, where they got the yarn made from human skin isn’t important. —Colin Jost

In his speech Trump also railed against public schools calling them failing government schools. Okay, but Trump went to a private school and he doesn’t even know where Kansas City is. After the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, Trump mistakenly tweeted congratulations to the state of Kansas, despite the fact that the Chiefs are from Kansas City, Missouri. Incidentally, Kansas has the only Manhattan where Trump is still welcome. —Colin Jost

President Trump was acquitted in a senate trial this week. And democrats are calling it a cover-up. Does Trump look like a guy who could pull off a cover-up? —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Because what is prayer if not a time to air petty grievances? (just as Jesus would have done)

“This is a prayer breakfast at which he’s naming people he doesn’t like. Nancy Pelosi was so upset she ripped her pancakes in half.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Before his victory speech, Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast, which was a tough decision, because on the one hand, he doesn’t like to pray, but on the other hand, he loves breakfast. So he went. He used it as an opportunity to lash out at those who oppose him, just as Jesus would have done.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Because what is prayer if not a time to air petty grievances?” —Seth Meyers

“Trump showed off a copy of USA Today, with the headline, ‘Acquitted.’ Trump was like, [as Trump] ‘Now I can do anything I want. I even stole this USA Today from a Holiday Inn.’” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

OK, where do I sign the check? (the angriest meal of the day)

“On Thursday morning, Trump began his toxic victory shamble at the National Prayer Breakfast, attended by every president since the tradition began in 1953. You know what they say, the Prayer Breakfast is the angriest meal of the day.” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump condemned perceived enemies, hyped his impeachment ‘victory’ and flouted the event’s theme of forgiveness in a performance that was so inappropriate that even Fox News summed it up as ‘Trump Slams Opponents At National Prayer Breakfast.’ That is the worst presidential headline since ‘Nixon Drop-Kicks Baby Panda at National Zoo’.” —Stephen Colbert

“As usual, Trump defended his 25 July phone call with the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelensky, in which he promised aid and then said, ‘I’d like you to do us a favor, though,’ as a ‘very good phone call. I know bad phone calls.’

Oh I’m sure you do, Mr President. [Colbert as Trump]: ‘They always start with ‘I swear I’ve never met her before,’ and they end with ‘OK, where do I sign the check?’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I created the Middle Class. You're Welcome! (a criminal record will be provided for you)

Trump is filling dozens of positions on his communications team. And they are interviewing candidates as we speak. The campaign does say that it doesn’t want anyone with a criminal record. Once you start working for them, a criminal record will be provided for you. --Stephen Colbert

A job on Trump’s re-election campaign can’t be easy. It’s like being a mall Santa. Remember, it’s only temporary, it’s completely degrading, and you are constantly getting demands from a child. --Stephen Colbert

Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, D.C. where he thanked religious leaders for their support and then offered them some words of reassurance. Trump, “I will never let you down. I can say that, never.” And then Stormy Daniels said, “Too late.” --James Corden

When Trump said, “I will never let you down,” what you didn’t see in that video is that Trump is speaking directly to a stack of blueberry pancakes. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

God set a fire to a bush so he could collect the insurance money and build a casino (“That’s what she said.”)

Trump spoke this morning to religious leaders at the National Prayer Breakfast. It's always a slightly awkward situation for a president who's been married three times, paid hush money to a porn star, and has probably, at best, skimmed the Bible. Meyers as Trump, “And as you all know, God set a fire to a bush so he could collect the insurance money and build a casino. It was smart. It was a smart move." --Seth Meyers

This morning at 7:30 a.m., Trump was in an All Caps mood tweeting, “PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT! It should never be allowed to happen again.” If ever there was a time for, “That’s what she said.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If that was true, Congress would have lost money (I was only following orders)

"President Bush spoke at the 55th Annual National Prayer Breakfast. President Bush said that he's prayed every single day since he took office. Hey, you're not the only one. Join the club." --Jay Leno

"President Bush also went to the New York Stock Exchange this week. Bush said the salaries of top executives should be based on their success. They should only get paid if they were successful. If that was true, Congress would have lost money." --Jay Leno

"Today was Groundhog Day. Punxsutawney Phil was spotted. In fact, as he was coming out of his hole, he ran into Joe Biden digging a hole. Hillary Clinton saw her shadow. Turns out, it was Barack Obama climbing up in the polls." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops

President Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast this morning. Of course, ever since he was elected, every breakfast is a prayer breakfast. “Please, God, don’t let these be my last Froot Loops.” –Seth Meyers

According to President Trump’s doctor, Trump takes four different pills every day. Well, it’s actually one pill cut into four pieces that are small enough for him to hold. –Seth Meyers

There may be some Obama-Lama drama

"At today's National Prayer Breakfast, President Obama and the Dalai Lama avoided a direct meeting. Uh-oh, sounds like there may be some Obama-Lama drama." –Seth Meyers

"Never again will Brian Williams mislead this great nation about being shot at in a war we probably wouldn’t have ended up in if the media had applied this level of scrutiny to the actual f**king war." –Jon Stewart



"Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams." –Conan O'Brien