Where was this when they were spying on our phone calls? (And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five)

"The New York Times is reporting that, in his last days in office, Vice President Dick Cheney repeatedly went to President Bush to try to get him to pardon Scooter Libby, and he was furious that Bush wouldn't do it. They say Cheney is now bitter. Yeah, as opposed to the happy go lucky zippity-do-da Cheney." --Jay Leno

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"Today the Republicans said this raid may have violated protections for congressmen that are spelled out in the Constitution. The Constitution? All of a sudden they found a copy? Where was this when they were spying on our phone calls?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

A defiant President Bush said today, 'not if we get there first.' (Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants)

"All the other Democratic candidates are continuing to attack Hillary Clinton. In fact, in the debate the other night, they accused Hillary Clinton of having things both ways. Which is ironic, 'cause Bill's been trying to talk her into that for years." --Jay Leno

"Senator Ted Kennedy said he plans to quit the owl club, a social club that bans women. Today Hillary Clinton asked Ted if he knew of any other clubs that ban women that her husband could join." --Jay Leno

"Andy Card resigned. Finally a Republican leaving Washington not in handcuffs." --Jay Leno

"Scientists in Russia have announced they will send a man to the moon by the year 2025. A defiant President Bush said today, 'not if we get there first.'" --Jay Leno

"While President Bush was doing his taxes, under dependents he listed Scooter Libby, Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff. Then he caught himself, 'Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants.'" --Jay Leno

"To give you an idea about how expensive gas is, this morning I carpooled in with Letterman." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The surprise is that he's still the secretary of defense (Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants)

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit

to Iraq yesterday. The surprise is that he's still the secretary

of defense, I guess." --Jay Leno

"In Orange County, President Bush was talking about

immigration. Bush said that massive deportation is

unrealistic. He said you can't just move 12 million

people to another country. I don't know, Mexico

did it." --Jay Leno

"Republicans in Congress are demanding that

President Bush investigate whether oil companies

are now gouging consumers on these gas prices.

That's a good idea, Republicans asking Republicans

to investigate other Republicans. And you know

who they're going to blame? The Democrats."

--Jay Leno

"Proponents of this amnesty program for illegal

immigrants say they are willing to take on jobs

Americans are not willing to do. You know,

like come up with an immigration policy."

–Jay Leno

"I have to admit that I turned away from the Olympics

yesterday. Fox had a more exciting sporting event on:

Softball with Dick Cheney and Britt Hume." --Jay Leno

"While President Bush was doing his taxes, under

dependents he listed Scooter Libby, Tom DeLay

and Jack Abramoff. Then he caught himself,

'Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants.'"

--Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It could get a little awkward if... (Nah, Jamal is doin' 30 months for jaywalking)

"Republican Presidential hopeful Mike Hucka-BS is attacking actress Natalie Portman for getting pregnant without being married. It could get a little awkward if he runs into Sarah and Bristol Palin at Fox News." –Jay Leno

"President Bush has commuted Scooter Libby ‘s sentence because he felt that 30 months in jail for four felonies was way too harsh, so he reduced it a little. Back to nothing, zero. See, that's called the rich white guy reduction. See, that's 'cause his name's Scooter. There's not a lot of guys named Jamal gettin' that deal. Nah, Jamal is doin' 30 months for jaywalking." --Jay Leno

"Donald Rumsfeld is writing a book about the war in Iraq. To give you an idea of how accurate this book is, it never ends. It's 80,000 pages." --Jay Leno

"But David Vitter says he's not going to talk about his use of prostitutes out of respect for his wife, that's what he said today. It's all these guys getting caught with hookers, they have this newfound respect for their wife. Ya know something, when his pants were down around his ankles leaving the motel, I don't see him going 'you know, I love my wife.' Well you know what makes it especially hypocritical: apparently Vitter has been a strong opponent of same-sex marriage, but today he explained that too. Apparently he's against having sex with the person you're married to." --Jay Leno

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the president means it just as much as FoxNews does (Biden Inert)

"As the war in Iraq grinds on, we can take at least one comfort as the president reiterated recently -- we are not alone [on screen: Bush saying, 'The success of a free Iraq matters to every civilized nation. We thank the 36 nations who have troops on the ground in Iraq']. 36 nations ... a fact not at all diminished by the fact that it's actually 25 nations. You can see it's a very common mistake. 36 is six squared, whereas 25 is five squared. Knowing our commander-in-chief, he's probably thinking in higher math again. You should hear how impressive our coalition sounds in base two." --Jon Stewart

 "Imagine my surprise when I come back to work and find out that the president of the United States commuted Scooter Libby's sentence. How little does the president care what you think about that? [on screen: Bush saying it was a 'fair and balanced' decision]. He's literally just using Fox News' slogan now. Here's the thing about the phrase 'fair and balanced' -- the president means it just as much as Fox does." --Jon Stewart

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Yeah, as opposed to the happy go lucky zippity-do-da Cheney (the margin of error was five)

"President Obama, today, outlined his plan to deal with the mortgage mess and the housing crisis. The good news -- he thinks he's found a solution. The bad news -- it involves arson." --Jay Leno

"The New York Times is reporting that, in his last days in office, Vice President Dick Cheney repeatedly went to President Bush to try to get him to pardon Scooter Libby, and he was furious that Bush wouldn't do it. They say Cheney is now bitter. Yeah, as opposed to the happy go lucky zippity-do-da Cheney." --Jay Leno

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hillary Clinton said she thinks we may need to send more men to Afghanistan (hardly anything rhymes with Barack Obama)

"Muslim American groups are angry over the way Muslims are portrayed on the new season of the Fox drama '24.' A spokesman for Fox said, 'If Muslims are upset about that, they should see how they are portrayed on Fox News.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In her first press conference after her trip overseas, Hillary Clinton said she thinks we may need to send more men to Afghanistan. The men she wants to send? John Edwards and Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"In the Scooter Libby trial, the defense is looking for people for the jury who trust Dick Cheney. Unfortunately, most of the people who trust Dick Cheney have also been indicted." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is infinity here (You'd look idiotic)

"Congress began hearings today on the government's response to Hurricane Katrina. Today? They're just investigating Hurricane Katrina now? That's pretty sad, when the government's investigation of the government's slow response to Katrina is slower than the government's response to Katrina." --Jay Leno

"The perjury trial of I. Lewis Scooter Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Cheney, is underway in Washington. This case dates back to 2003 and the State of the Union address. So, perhaps a quick refresher would be appropriate. Once upon a time, there was a very bad man [on screen: Saddam Hussein] who was doing a very bad thing [on screen: Pres. Bush saying he learned from the British gov't that Hussein sought large quantities of uranium from Africa]. Slam dunk. Amazing story. How did the president know? Because the British told him ... but the British weren't so sure. So, we really wanted to kill this guy, but you can't just go around killing people because you think they have weapons of mass destruction. You'd look idiotic." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him? (The never asked question)

"Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I'm not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?" --Jay Leno

"It looks like the boys at San Quentin prison will soon be riding a scooter. Former Dick Cheney aide Scooter Libby now on trial for perjury. Perjury? If you're on trial for perjury, why do they even bother to make you promise to tell the whole truth?" --Jay Leno

"You know whose birthday it is today? Vice President Dick Cheney's. In fact, they even had a party for him. A lawyer jumped out of a cake and Cheney shot him." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They always see the glass as 80% guilty (Feeling GREAT yet?)

"In the Valerie Plame case, Scooter Libby was found not guilty ... on one of the five charges. But the media is instead focusing, of course, on the four counts of perjury, lying to the FBI and obstruction of justice for which Libby was convicted. It's typical. They always see the glass as 80% guilty." --Stephen Colbert

"We have received word that many hundreds of American troops are being held in deplorable, squalid conditions. What kind of people would treat our soldiers in this horrible manner? Funny story -- turns out, it's us. In a bombshell story, the Washington Post has reported that several buildings at the military's Walter Reed Medical Center are so poorly maintained that they are pits riddled with water damage, black mold, and in the case of the notorious Building 18, rampant infestation of cockroaches and rodents at Walter Reed. I can understand this kind of thing if you were running, I don't know, some kind of fast-food restaurant. Or, let's say, a hospital for cockroaches that had been injured in some kind of vermin battle." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed (what are we talking about again?)

"Yesterday, I. Lewis Libby, a.k.a. 'The Scooter', the vice president's chief of staff found guilty on four of five counts ranging from obstruction of justice to lying to a grand jury. Yes, we got the guy -- the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed." --Jon Stewart

"The man who lied to the FBI about whether the president secretly declassified files so the vice president could pass the identity of an undercover CIA agent to reporters so as to discredit the woman's husband, who had presented evidence undermining the president's case for war, has been ... what are we talking about again?" --Jon Stewart

"Obviously, this has come at a bad time for the White House. Usually, you want the conviction of a high-ranking official and the veterans-sleeping-in-moldy-rat-holes stories on different days." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You are just asking for it (unless there is proof of an underlying BJ)

"Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements -- or, as the White House calls it, a press conference." --Bill Maher

"The Republican base is furious. They are saying it is wrong to convict someone of perjury and obstruction of justice unless there is proof of an underlying blow job." --Bill Maher

"All the Republican papers are saying Bush must pardon Scooter Libby right way. I say that if Bush doesn't pardon him, at least he should give him a new nickname, because if you have 'Scooter' on the back of your prison jumpsuit, you are just asking for it." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush says he doesn't care what a bunch of Canadians think (mister, do you want fries with this?)

"Thirty towns in Vermont have voted to impeach President Bush, but Bush says he doesn't care what a bunch of Canadians think." --Jay Leno

"In a speech in South Carolina, presidential candidate Joe Biden says he has a plan for Iraq, he can solve the problem and it's time to make a change. And then the kid at the counter said, 'Uh mister, do you want fries with this?'" --Jay Leno

"Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel -- he's a Republican -- called a press conference to announce he'll be making a decision about running for president sometime later in the year. So, he called a press conference to say maybe later in the year he's going to say something important. This is the kind of bold, decisive leadership this country needs." --Jay Leno

"People are saying Scooter Libby is taking the fall for Cheney. Personally, I think Libby got off easy -- usually when you take one for Cheney, it's a shot in the face" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Call it 'Los Elephantes.' (I Want a Parade)

"Scooter Libby received a ludicrous 30 months in prison. 30 months? He only obstructed justice for a couple of hours. Now Scooter, I do have some advice for you when you check into the graybar hotel. The second you arrive, punch the first guy you see, then stand over that sucker and shout, 'You've been scootered.' Next, find Duke Cunningham and start your own prison gang. Call it 'Los Elephantes.' In the next few months, you're going to get a lot more members." --Stephen Colbert

"Vice President Dick Cheney said today the surge policy is working. In fact, gas prices have surged almost $4 a minute." --Jay Leno

"Actor and former Senator Fred Thompson, who left the TV show 'Law & Order,' has yet to announce he's running for president but he's already third in the polls among Republicans. Isn't that amazing? He leaves NBC, and his ratings automatically go up." --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He's going to the hoosegow for outing Valerie Plame as a CIA agent (an opportunity to discover Islam)

"Earlier today, a federal judge sentenced  Scooter Libby to 30 months in prison for lying. I believe prison is not the place to be when your nickname is Scooter." --Jay Leno

"Lewis Scooter Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Cheney, is going to the hoosegow for outing Valerie Plame as a CIA agent. Scooter Libby's getting a 30-month sentence and a $250,000 fine and, of course, an opportunity to discover Islam." --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html