We’ve never been so embarrassed (beer goggles)

Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles. –Conan O’Brien

Volkswagen's settlement for its emissions cheating scandal is going to cost it nearly $15 billion. A spokesperson for Volkswagen said, "We’ve never been so embarrassed — and we were founded by Hitler." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles (And nobody saw nothin')

Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles. –Conan O’Brien

"Over the weekend Pope Francis implied that the Mafia should be excommunicated. In a related story, the Pope is missing. And nobody saw nothin'." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How Joe Biden Launched a New Prison Boom (That unborn child is Luke Skywalker)

"I'm upset that friend of the show Mike Huckabee criticized Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock. Listen, I'm no fan of unwed mothers either, but this is Natalie Portman we're talking about. That unborn child is Luke Skywalker." –Conan O'Brien

 New research says that Neanderthals used to relieve pain by chewing on a plant containing the main ingredient in aspirin. Or as that’s now being called, “the Republican healthcare plan.” –Conan O’Brien

"A flight attendant was fired from Virgin Airlines for placing a baby in an overhead compartment. To be fair, the baby did not fit under the seat." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

A rising tide should lift all boats (sex with Neanderthals)

"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien

"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles (They're doing it just because Taylor Swift told them to)

Amazon announced it's discontinuing products with the Confederate flag. They won't sell it. So now Amazon no longer has to use the phrase "You may also like slavery." –Conan O’Brien

Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles. –Conan O’Brien

South Carolina and Mississippi are on the verge of taking down their state Capitol's Confederate flag. Here's the surprising part. They're doing it just because Taylor Swift told them to. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record (To be fair, the baby did not fit under the seat)

New research says that Neanderthals used to relieve pain by chewing on a plant containing the main ingredient in aspirin. Or as that’s now being called, “the Republican healthcare plan.” –Conan O’Brien

Hawaii is suing President Trump over his latest travel ban. In response, President Trump is suing Hawaii for “being hard to spell.” –Conan O’Brien

"A flight attendant was fired from Virgin Airlines for placing a baby in an overhead compartment. To be fair, the baby did not fit under the seat." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals (snake charmers)

"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker. Afterwards, Bush said, 'The crowd was so motivated, many of them left halfway through.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Former President George W. Bush is busy. That's right. He's going to India tomorrow to give a speech. Yep. The speech will be entitled, 'Hey, which of you snake charmers is going to fix my computer?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Neanderthals are a lot smarter than they previously gave them credit for (I didn't even know Pluto had oil)

"NASA launched its first-ever mission to Pluto, did you see this? The rocket took off to Pluto. President Bush is very excited about this. I didn't even know Pluto had oil." -Jay Leno

"Some of the other Oscar-nominated movies people are talking about, George Clooney's film, 'Good Night, and Good Luck.' If you haven't seen it, it's about the Bush's Medicare plan for the elderly." --Jay Leno

 

"And archaeologists are now saying that based on the latest findings, Neanderthals are a lot smarter than they previously gave them credit for. Today, President Bush asked these same researchers to analyze his Presidency." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Could you call your congressman? I can’t talk to these people (world’s saddest tangerine)

July 2011

"Scientists say DNA shows humans used to have sex with Neanderthals. Scientists don’t call them cave men because they often lived other places. We’ve spent a lot of time looking for them in caves when they were actually living in million-dollar compounds in Pakistan." –Craig Ferguson

“Did the president just quit? Seriously, you’re the president. You’re asking us to call Congress? I actually feel bad for the president. He interrupted 'The Bachelorette' to be like, 'Could you call your congressman? I can’t talk to these people.'" –Jon Stewart

"The world’s saddest tangerine." –Jon Stewart on John Boehner

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

For example, the Superdome during Hurricane Katrina (filling stadiums)

Well, there was a rumor that McCain might pick former eBay C.E.O. Meg Whitman as his running mate. That makes sense. You know, she’s an expert at selling Americans really old stuff." --Jay Leno

"And archaeologists are now saying that based on the latest findings, Neanderthals are a lot smarter than they previously gave them credit for. Today, President Bush asked these same researchers to analyze his Presidency." --Jay Leno

"Thirty-eight million people watched Barack Obama at the stadium in Denver. There were 84,000 full-throated supporters who turned out there at the field. The Republicans fired back today. They say, 'We can also fill a stadium with thousands of screaming people. For example, the Superdome during Hurricane Katrina.'" –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

it’s the first time Trump has said something nice to an immigrant (Two Wild and Crazy Guys)

A new study says that the first humans to arrive in what is now North America may have been Neanderthals. Apparently they came here to vote in the 2016 election. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump is considering opening federal parkland to developers. In fact, builders have already broken ground on a Bed, Bath & Grand Canyon. –Conan O’Brien

Today President Trump tweeted, “Happy birthday to our first lady, Melania!” And this is historic — it’s the first time Trump has said something nice to an immigrant. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: Trump is suing Hawaii for “being hard to spell.”

New research says that Neanderthals used to relieve pain by chewing on a plant containing the main ingredient in aspirin. Or as that’s now being called, “the Republican healthcare plan.” –Conan O’Brien

Disney has announced that its upcoming live-action “Aladdin” movie is going to feature Middle Eastern actors. Filming will begin in May, or whenever the actors are no longer detained at the airport. –Conan O’Brien

Hawaii is suing President Trump over his latest travel ban. In response, President Trump is suing Hawaii for “being hard to spell.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

They're doing it just because Taylor Swift told them to

South Carolina and Mississippi are on the verge of taking down their state Capitol's Confederate flag. Here's the surprising part. They're doing it just because Taylor Swift told them to. –Conan O’Brien

Amazon announced it's discontinuing products with the Confederate flag. They won't sell it. So now Amazon no longer has to use the phrase "You may also like slavery." –Conan O’Brien

Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles. –Conan O’Brien

Human beings had sex with Neanderthals?

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien



"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien



"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien