It's like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire (a monster truck rally on cocaine)

“Wednesday’s vice-presidential debate bore the marks of a pandemic now tearing through the White House, with two plexiglass barriers separating the candidates on stage. But once you got past the whole plague thing, the debate itself was actually pretty normal. It was kind of like a throwback to what campaigns used to be like, before Donald Trump arrived on the scene and turned every political event into a monster truck rally on cocaine.” —Trevor Noah

“For those keeping score, Trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star, which means if the I.R.S. wants to get money from Trump, you guys know what you got to do.” —Trevor Noah

“While Kamala Harris avoided answering a question about expanding the supreme court, Pence dodged questions all evening like they were a PG-13 movie. To be fair, defending Donald Trump is like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think that legally makes you a **** star (Americans’ G-strings)

“Uh, I don’t think anyone wants a check that Trump signed. I think that legally makes you a porn star.” — Stephen Colbert

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They stepped in and fixed it in 70 minutes (If the workers take a notion/English translation)

This week Doge perfectly exposed government bureaucracy in a nutshell. While working on the IRS website Doge noticed the site's login button wasn’t in the top right like most websites. It's a small thing but Doge noted it was weirdly placed in the middle of the page. So Doge wanted to move it to the right spot but an IRS engineer said the soonest they could do that was July 21st, over a 100 days from now. 

So what did Doge do? They stepped in and fixed it in 70 minutes. Here's how it looks now. See there it is. They moved it from the middle to the top. It's a small thing, but the government would have needed a hundred days to do it. To go from there to there. So imagine how long it takes for them to do stuff that actually requires more effort.

This is how the government works. Hey Steve, can we change the website a little? No problem Joe. I'll have to submit a work order for that which requires approval from the boss. And then we'll circle back at the monthly meeting for the next round of approvals. Then we'll hire a contractor to hire a subcontractor that will hire a teenager to make the change. Total cost of John Q taxpayer? 60 billion dollars. 

But when it's no longer on the taxpayers's dime it gets done in minutes. See this is why you need Elon and Doge. A government website shouldn't be harder than translating Jasmine Crockett into English. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Betterluck Jonathan (Art thou up?)

“Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

There's a new app that turns your texts into lines from Shakespeare. The most popular one used for booty calls is, "Art thou up?" –Conan O’Brien

The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2015 while eating a hot dog from 2005. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But, He Was Charming (finally someone less popular than us)

The Trump White House has unveiled a new Twitter account to hold fake news accountable. It's called Rapid Response 47, not to be confused with Rapid Response 46, which is how many times they called 911 when they thought Joe Biden was dead. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump has recently floated the idea of sending nearly 990,000 newly hired IRS agents to the border. The drug cartels welcomed the news saying, ‘finally someone less popular than us.’ —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think it's pretty natural to lose trust in a guy who shoots his friends in the face (Uh, Yeah, About That Job...)

I saw that David Allan Coe, the writer of the famous country song “Take This Job and Shove It,” was charged with tax evasion and owes the IRS almost half a million dollars. Which explains his new song called "Uh, Yeah, About That Job..." –Jimmy Fallon

"Dick Cheney is back in the news. He's talking about his memoirs. Cheney said that George Bush stopped taking his advice during the second term of their Administration. And in Bush's defense, I think it's pretty natural to lose trust in a guy who shoots his friends in the face." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

because as of August 1, you're back to being roommate (But, it’s a dry death)

The latest polls show that Hillary Clinton is tied with Donald

Trump. Ever since the damning FBI report about Hillary

Clinton's private email servers came out, her poll numbers

have not looked good. Though the truth is she may have much

better numbers hidden on her private server. We don't know.

–Stephen Colbert

And today, temperatures are expected to reach 127 degrees in Death Valley. But, it’s a dry death. –Stephen Colbert

Now, in a letter to President Trump, Justice Kennedy wrote, "This letter is a respectful and formal notification of my decision, effective July 31 of this year, to end my regular active status as an associate justice of the Supreme Court." OK, "effective July 31." So, enjoy your gay marriages now, because as of August 1, you're back to being roommates. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings (drone crimes)

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who need them

and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for

Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile in Zambia an energy drink has been banned after it was found to contain viagra. So, obviously it’s not a soft drink. --Stephen Colbert

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Giving birth to a baby wearing a crown is very hard (Other nations would fear us for being so adorable)

"Prince William and his lovely bride are pregnant. Buckingham Palace announced Kate is pregnant. They've been married for a year and a half. That's like five marriages for a Kardashian. Kate is said to be very nervous about giving birth. Giving birth to a baby wearing a crown is very hard." –Craig Ferguson

"Seventy-six percent of people polled thought that Mitt was short for mittens. I'd vote for him if his name was Mittens Romney. Other nations would fear us for being so adorable." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

China is limiting their greenhouse gas emissions, bringing them down from their current level of "infinite." (washed up on the banks of a river)

The president of China announced an agreement today aimed at limiting greenhouse gas emissions. Yes, China is limiting their greenhouse gas emissions, bringing them down from their current level of "infinite." –Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump is slumping in the polls. Don't leave me, Donald. Don't you understand, if you go away, I'm going to have to talk about those other boring people. I'm going to have to learn their names. –Stephen Colbert

“Additionally, in 2010, Trump claimed and received a tax refund of $72.9 Million – a refund the IRS has not confirmed is legal, and whose penalties would cost Trump $100 Million. And there’s a good ole chance that good ole fake billionaire President Trump wouldn’t be able to pay that bill. Trump’s golf courses, for example, have reported losses of $315.6 Million since 2000. Someone really needs to explain to him that in golf, you want a low score. In the golf business, you really don’t want to finish 315 million under par. On top of the business losses, the Times also found that Trump is personally responsible for loans and other debt totaling $421 Million. To put that in layman’s terms – I can’t. It’s 421 million dollars. Normally you don’t find someone who owes that kind of cash in the Oval Office. You find them washed up on the banks of a river. And Trump only looks like he washed up on the banks of a river.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you didn’t chip in, you don’t get to put your name on the card (you guys know what you got to do)

“Hold on, hold on — the president of the country almost never pays taxes? And when he does, he only pays $750? Yo, that [expletive] pisses me off. Because Trump is always out there like, ‘We’re building back our military.’ We? No, mother [expletive]. We’re building back the military — you didn’t pay for [expletive]. If you didn’t chip in, you don’t get to put your name on the card.” —Trevor Noah

“For those keeping score, Trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star, which means if the I.R.S. wants to get money from Trump, you guys know what you got to do.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I think it's pretty natural to lose trust in a guy who shoots his friends in the face (I wasn't anywhere near that dude)

I saw that David Allan Coe, the writer of the famous country song “Take This Job and Shove It,” was charged with tax evasion and owes the IRS almost half a million dollars. Which explains his new song called "Uh, Yeah, About That Job..." –Jimmy Fallon

"Dick Cheney is back in the news. He's talking about his memoirs. Cheney said that George Bush stopped taking his advice during the second term of their Administration. And in Bush's defense, I think it's pretty natural to lose trust in a guy who shoots his friends in the face." --Jimmy Fallon

At last night’s Republican debate on CNN, one of the big moments was when Jeb Bush admitted to smoking marijuana during high school. Marijuana denied having anything to do with Jeb Bush. “I wasn't anywhere near that dude.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric (tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings)

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who needs them and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

"The Democrats accuse the Republicans of launching a war on women. Then the Republicans accuse the Democrats of the same thing. At this point, who can remember who enacted reproductive health restrictions in 36 states including mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds?" –Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're now the leading contenders in the Republican presidential race (Art thou up?)

There's a new app that turns your texts into lines from Shakespeare. The most popular one used for booty calls is, "Art thou up?" –Conan O’Brien

The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2015 while eating a hot dog from 2005. –Conan O’Brien

Two dangerous mentally-ill men have escaped from a Washington state psychiatric hospital. They're now the leading contenders in the Republican presidential race. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But it doesn't affect us cause what we serve is technically neither (How to beat the 1%)

December 2022

“According to a poll, one-third of Americans start buying holiday gifts two months in advance. That's risky 'cause a lot can happen in two months. It's like, ‘Here's that Kanye sweatshirt you wanted.’ You go, ‘Hey. Wait. Hold on.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Switching gears, apparently the IRS has been contacting OnlyFans creators as part of a criminal tax investigation. The IRS actually said they're sending two agents at a time — one to do the investigation and the other to make sure that the first guy is actually doing the investigation.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Guys, I heard that the CEO of Taco Bell says Gen Z wants to eat chicken instead of beef. Then they added, ‘But it doesn't affect us cause what we serve is technically neither.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

to put it into context, the green M&M not being sexy any more also enraged his base (He is the messiah)

August 2022

“We do know that the raid was part of an ongoing investigation initiated by the National Archives and Records Administration. That’s right, he’s going to be taken down by the librarians! They’re coming for you, baby. They’re organized, they know where everything is, and you never know from which way they’re coming because they’re so quiet. They are silent but deadly.” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, first, Watergate was Dick Nixon breaking the law. This was the law breaking in on a dick. Second, Watergate was an illegal burglary by political mercenaries called ‘the plumbers’. This was the FBI with a legal warrant signed by a judge because of evidence of probable cause. You may not like it, but it’s how the government works. The same reason you don’t hear 911 calls that go ‘Help! I’ve been robbed! The IRS has been stealing small amounts regularly from all of my paychecks.’” —Stephen Colbert

“The FBI raided Mar-a-Lago. You know you’ve done some shady stuff when the FBI shows up and you’re like ‘and which investigation is this regarding?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The raid was a big deal, as it not only set off a political firestorm but also enraged Trump’s base. Although, to put it into context, the green M&M not being sexy any more also enraged his base.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The highest-rated series on CNN is like being the least drunk Australian (Don't get any ideas, Willie Nelson)

April 2014

"CNN announced that Anthony Bourdain's show is taking over Piers Morgan's time slot. Anthony is a culinary expert who loves good food. His show is the highest-rated series on CNN. But let's be honest. The highest-rated series on CNN is like being the least drunk Australian." –Craig Ferguson

"Every year, the IRS collects over $950 billion in taxes. There's more money coming at them than a stripper at Charlie Sheen's house." –Craig Ferguson

"A new study says that an average person's chances of getting audited by the IRS is the lowest they've been since the 1980s. Don't get any ideas, Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

‘Well, I wouldn’t say reported,’ said the IRS. (as long as that body be bangin’)

The makers of Barbie have announced the first ever Barbie with hearing aids. It teaches an important lesson. It doesn’t matter if you’re deaf, as long as that body be bangin’. —Colin Jost

New York City officials say that they have received over 7,000 rat sightings here in New York. So everybody look under your seat! —Colin Jost

The Trump International Hotel in Washington D.C. has been sold for a reported $375 Million. ‘Well, I wouldn’t say reported,’ said the IRS. —Colin Jost

The Oklahoma City Zoo announced that a 14 year old endangered chimpanzee named Naia is pregnant. Said the zoo’s janitor, ‘She told me she was 18!.’ —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he’s known for falsely tripling the size of his assets (male pattern fraudness)

January 2022

“According to documents filed by the attorney general in New York last night, they’ve uncovered evidence that indicates the Trump Organization repeatedly engaged in ‘fraudulent or misleading’ practices. The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls. Mexico’s like, ‘Let us know if you need us to chip in with that, muchachos.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“New York State’s attorney general, Letitia James, says that her office has uncovered significant evidence that the former president fraudulently valued multiple assets, including his own private residence. He claimed the triplex apartment was 30,000 square feet in size, but the actual size was just under 11,000 square feet. Yeah, that’s no surprise — he’s known for falsely tripling the size of his assets.” —Stephen Colbert

“You know how when people are shocked, they spit out their water? When I heard Donald Trump exaggerated the value of his assets for the purposes of lying to banks and the I.R.S., it was so the reverse of shocking, I sucked the water back into my mouth.” —Seth Meyers

“But it’s a fairly straightforward case. To find fraud in a business, you just have to look for the signs — particularly the signs at the top of the building that say ‘Trump’ on them — and you will find it there. There is where you will find his male pattern fraudness.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I mean, at the same time, Donald Trump does not give a [expletive]. Let’s be honest: This dude will brag about himself even if it gets him in trouble. I bet when a cop asks him if he knows how fast he was going, he’s like, ‘Yeah, I do, 400 billion miles a second, the fastest anyone has ever gone. I was so fast. So fast.’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry