A rising tide should lift all boats (sex with Neanderthals)

"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien

"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals (snake charmers)

"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker. Afterwards, Bush said, 'The crowd was so motivated, many of them left halfway through.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Former President George W. Bush is busy. That's right. He's going to India tomorrow to give a speech. Yep. The speech will be entitled, 'Hey, which of you snake charmers is going to fix my computer?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Republicans wanted every polling place to be at a yacht club (OK, I think I’m ready for my riddle)

June 2021

“The Senate voted yesterday to block the For the People voting rights bill, but not until they got their voting paperwork in order. Let’s see, I got my license, passport, tax returns, high school yearbook. OK, I think I’m ready for my riddle.” — Seth Meyers

“Senate Republicans haven’t been this happy since Kenny G started touring again.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, Democrats wanted things like automatic voter registration and Election Day to be a national holiday, while Republicans wanted every polling place to be at a yacht club.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Republican Senator Mike Lee said in an interview yesterday with Fox News host Sean Hannity that the For the People voting rights act was, quote, ‘written in hell by the devil himself,’ which is also what it says on the poster for ‘F9.’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

for the first time in his life, Mitt Romney tasted pepper (chanting on the downbeat)

“Hey, you know who was out there yesterday, marching with the protesters in Washington? America’s whitest man, Utah Senator Mitt Romney, marched to support Black Lives Matter — and to break in a new pair of penny loafers. It was a win-win.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Senator Mitt Romney marched in a Black Lives Matter protest in Washington yesterday, which means that for the first time in his life, Mitt Romney tasted pepper.” —Seth Meyers

“When Mitt was spotted walking with thousands of people, everyone thought he was just taking his family to lunch.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Mitt Romney marched with Black Lives Matter protesters — that’s like seeing the Wu-Tang Clan show up at a Kenny G concert.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Now you have your answer if you were wondering who kept chanting on the downbeat.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In North Korea, they have the Kim Jong Ill-ith Fair (Kenny G-had!)

"Starting today, there is a huge rock festival in England. It is called Glastonbury. These days, every country has its own music festival. England has Glastonbury. Here, we have Lollapalooza and Coachella. In North Korea, they have the Kim Jong Ill-ith Fair." –Craig Ferguson

"In Afghanistan, they have the al Qaeda Palooza. 'Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for — Kenny G-had!'" –Craig Ferguson

"BP executives are saying that Hurricane Alex has rendered their clean-up efforts completely useless. In other words, nothing has changed." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump asked what motivated her to stay in space so long, Whitson answered, “You.”

American Airlines is under fire after one of its flight attendants allegedly yanked a stroller away from a mother with a baby. Passengers were outraged that the attendant took the stroller and not the baby. –Conan O’Brien

Today, Astronaut Peggy Whitson set a record for the longest time spent in space by an American astronaut, and got a congratulatory call from President Trump. When Trump asked what motivated her to stay in space so long, Whitson answered, “You.” –Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, musician Kenny G was on a Delta flight and gave a brief performance. Passengers are describing the performance as “not brief enough.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Kenny G flies Delta (You never said it could be super-duper)

Trump says now the wall will cost less than $10 billion, but it could be more if he makes it “super-duper.” And taxpayers said, “Wait a second. You never said it could be super-duper.” –Jimmy Fallon

On Saturday, Kenny G gave a surprise performance on a Delta flight. Or as United put it, “Touché.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Jeb Bush spent the night home crying (Pence dispenser)

The only thing more confusing than Pokémon Go is the Republican National Convention, which is under way in Cleveland. They say there haven't been this many white people at the Quicken Loans Arena since the night they double-booked Jimmy Buffett and Kenny G. –Jimmy Kimmel

A number of key Republicans are skipping the convention. Jeb Bush, instead of traveling to Cleveland, spent the night home crying. –Jimmy Kimmel

Apparently Trump was unsure about the guy he was choosing for vice president all the way down to the wire. They say he wanted to dump Gov. Mike Pence at midnight the night before the announcement — which would have made him a Pence dispenser. –Jimmy Kimmel

Human beings had sex with Neanderthals?

"The stock market is going crazy. Earlier this week, Warren Buffett lost $2 billion. Luckily, Buffett found it this morning under a pile of $8 billion." –Conan O'Brien



"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" –Conan O'Brien



"Kenny G caused a controversy. I never get to say that. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters. Now China's communist government is mad at him. China has threatened to pull Kenny G's music out of all of their elevators." –Conan O'Brien