So for now, we just address him as Boy George (She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's book is out today. Arnold's book reveals

all the secrets he kept from his wife. That's why it's a million pages

long." –Craig Ferguson

"The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as 'Boy George.'" –Craig Ferguson

Queen Elizabeth's horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's. —Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico (but, weirdly, he left alone)

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

NASCAR released a statement today calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina capitol. Released a statement? They should have sent a pit crew. That thing would be down in under nine seconds. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do with less--so the rich have more? (he did bring enough for everyone)

This weekend was the Kentucky Derby with Nyquist coming in first, Exaggerator coming in second, and — this is crazy — Jeb coming in last. –Seth Meyers

Police in Philadelphia are investigating after a 5-year-old boy walked into his preschool class holding about two dozen vials of crack cocaine. In the kid's defense, he did bring enough for everyone. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately though his forehead is still available for pickle ball (Welcome to my world)

To keep married men from cheating with her, an influencer sprays glitter on herself because it's hard to get off. In a related story, don't miss this exciting new book, How to Remove Pesky Glitter by Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

Lester Holt is stepping down from NBC Nightly News. Unfortunately though his forehead is still available for pickle ball. —Greg Gutfeld

In England a horse was rescued after falling halfway through a wooden bridge. Welcome to my world said Joy Behar. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So You're Telling Me (Boy George)

"The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as 'Boy George.'" –Craig Ferguson

Queen Elizabeth's horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's. —Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She lost most of it betting on cockfights, but still — that's a lot! (frosted Cheerios)

I read that Queen Elizabeth has made nearly $9 million in

winnings from her race horses over the past 30 years. She lost

most of it betting on cockfights, but still — that's a lot!

–Jimmy Fallon

It was announced that Shaquille O’Neal is now the owner of a Krispy Kreme Doughnuts franchise in downtown Atlanta. They serve all kinds of doughnuts, or as Shaq calls them, “frosted Cheerios.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s so great to be back here in the town where I was built (weirdly, he left alone)

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton held fundraisers today in Silicon Valley. Said Hillary, “It’s so great to be back here in the town where I was built.” –Seth Meyers

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A Day Without Women (Betterluck Jonathan)

It's been reported that Britain's Queen Elizabeth has made over $9 million betting on horse racing. When asked to comment, Queen Elizabeth said, "That's nothing! I've won $20 million on dog fighting." --Conan O’Brien

 “Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

Tomorrow, there’s a protest across the country known as “A Day Without Women.” In fairness, I celebrated “A Day Without Women” all through my 20s. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

She lost most of it betting on cockfights, but still — that's a lot! (Girl Donald)

Today when he was talking to reporters, Donald Trump said he

has “one of the greatest memories of all time.” Then Trump said,

“And if you don’t believe me, ask my sons — Derek and Ron Jr.

And my daughter, Girl Donald.” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Queen Elizabeth has made nearly $9 million in winnings from her race horses over the past 30 years. She lost most of it betting on cockfights, but still — that's a lot! –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the dude is almost 90 and his skin looks amazing (the right crisis)

A North Carolina woman celebrated her 100th birthday by asking a sheriff’s deputy to arrest her for the first time ever and take her to jail. No need to look it up. She’s white. —Michael Che

It was reported that as part of William Shatner’s divorce settlement from his ex-wife, he will gain custody of the couple’s supply of horse semen. Now, I don’t want to speculate on what he’s doing with all that horse semen, but the dude is almost 90 and his skin looks amazing. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass! (Jedi Mime Trick)

"Well China, you got us. Michael Phelps was doping -- and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!" –Stephen Colbert

A lot of people are talking about Donald Trump and Russia now. And not just because of how much he resembles Russian dressing. –Stephen Colbert

"Like Sarah Palin, Rafalca's female, also doesn't read newspapers, and has completed the same number of terms as governor." –Stephen Colbert, on Ann Romney's horse that competed in the Olympic Dressage event

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I just hope they're able to get up for work tomorrow (It's a really slow-moving line)

"This royal baby is third in line for the throne. To which Prince Charles said, 'It's a really slow-moving line.'" –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney is now in London to see his horse compete in the dressage event. Dressage is kind of like horse ballet. Finally something that connects Romney with the average American voter." –Jay Leno

"I understand there's a lot of celebrating going on at Buckingham Palace right now. I just hope they're able to get up for work tomorrow." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They open you up to the possibility that everything you know is wrong (Well how do you like that)

“A school in Virginia is returning a wallet to a woman 70 years after she lost it in a school gym. ‘Well how do you like that,’ said the black man still in jail for stealing it.” —Michael Che

“Pennsylvania police arrested a man who tried to rent a horse online so that he and his wife could have sex with the animal, but the man had no idea that the whole time he was actually chatting with a police horse.” —Michael Che

“A new album from R Kelly was removed from streaming sites several hours after being uploaded, and it was not easy to remove his streams, said the maid who cleaned his couch.” —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This is no accident - it's capitalism (amazingly no one was rear-ended)

“A brand of peanut butter is being sold called Steam which contains more caffeine than a Red Bull. It’s perfect for that creep who wants that dog to just go to town down there.” —Michael Che

“A video has been posted of a porn star and her boyfriend having sex in a Tesla while it was driving an autopilot and amazingly no one was rear-ended.” —Michael Che

“A man on an African safari fell off a horse while being chased by a lion. ‘Well that was a close one,’ said the horse.” —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you fellows play sportball? (Didn't I fire your father?)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Mitt Romney Begins

Conversations With Teens"

10. "How's puberty going?" 

9. "Where do you summer?" 

8. "Do you fellows play sportball?" 

7. "Nice shirt — you know, my friend owns the Gap" 

6. "You teens are just the right height" 

5. "Check out my sick Windsor knot" 

4. "Would you like to see my dancing horse?" 

3. "Raise the roof if your municipal bonds have reached maturity" 

2. Just like this: (video of Mitt saying "Who let the dogs out?") 

1. "Didn't I fire your father?"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the nightclub's defense, the horse's ID looked real (Now who can't drive the car?)

"The United States was able to find and kill Osama bin Laden because of a tip from one of his wives. When she saw a picture of his body, she said, 'Now who can't drive the car?'" –Conan O'Brien May 2011

Fox News is about to debut its new tagline. Instead of "fair and balanced," they're going with “thanks for watching, Mr. President.” --Conan O’Brien

A nightclub in Miami has lost its business license after a woman brought a horse onto the dance floor. In the nightclub's defense, the horse's ID looked real. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

McDonald's unveiled their new breakfast offering, the Sea Biscuit biscuit (taste like plumber)

"Congress may allow Americans to start selling horse meat for human consumption. When they heard the news, McDonald's unveiled their new breakfast offering, the Sea Biscuit biscuit." –Conan O'Brien

A new study finds that men with thick biceps are more likely to live longer. The study also found that I died 10 years ago. –Conan O’Brien

Nintendo has teamed with Kellogg's to make a Mario Brothers cereal. Kellogg's promises that the Super Mario cereal will “taste like plumber.” –Conan O’Brien

"This is a crazy story. For two decades, the secret launch code for America's nuclear missiles was 0000000000. Even more amazing, George W. Bush forgot it twice." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then they turned the ball over and the other side said, “Help!” (She lost most of it betting on cockfights)

Donald Trump’s running mate, Mike Pence, threw a baseball to reporters today with a note saying that he’s rooting for the Cubs. And then the reporters turned the ball over and the other side said, “Help!” –Jimmy Fallon

Hillary Clinton made a surprise stop at a campaign event in North Carolina this week where the actress who plays Crazy Eyes on “Orange Is the New Black” was volunteering. Crazy Eyes said it was an honor to meet Crazy Smile. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Queen Elizabeth has made nearly $9 million in winnings from her race horses over the past 30 years. She lost most of it betting on cockfights, but still — that's a lot! –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess Brady just loves anything that releases air (and I have to say, it smells it)

New York Mets player Wilmer Flores excited fans this weekend after changing his walk-up music to the theme song from "Friends." 'Cause if there’s one thing Mets fans understand, it’s when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year. –Seth Meyers

New York City turned 352 years old yesterday, and I have to say, it smells it. –Seth Meyers

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady said over the weekend that he's not sure who he'll vote for, but he loves Donald Trump. I guess Brady just loves anything that releases air. –Seth Meyers

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”