In a related story, Fox News has finally found its replacement for Bill O’Reilly (Mother of Dragons)

"Today President Obama came out in favor of same-sex marriage. He said he hoped his support would make it easier for gay people to get married and for John Travolta to get a massage." –Conan O'Brien

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has been given a new title, "Chairman of the Workers' Party." This narrowly beat out his second choice, "Mother of Dragons." –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, Kim Jong Un hurled a series of insults at Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. In a related story, Fox News has finally found its replacement for Bill O’Reilly. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The most extensive underground city ever found (a foreign spy looking to overhear our nation’s nuclear secrets at the dinner buffet)

“Steve Scalise is a far-right Republican who voted to overturn the 2020 election and has refused in interviews to state without equivocation that Joe Biden won. In a 2021 interview with ABC News, Scalise also declined to pin responsibility for January 6 on Trump, saying he ‘ended up’ at Mar-a-Lago to meet with the then-president post-insurrection. No one just ends up at Mar-a-Lago. Mar-a-Lago is a place you go to for one of three reasons: a kiss-up to Trump, a real bad wedding, or if you’re a foreign spy looking to overhear our nation’s nuclear secrets at the dinner buffet.” —Seth Meyers

“In other congressional messes, GOP representative George Santos of New York was hit with even more fraud charges, including illegally charging his campaign donors’ credit cards. He’s less like a member of Congress and more like a telemarketer scam your grandpa would fall for. Is there a crime George Santos hasn’t been accused of?” —Seth Meyers

“When asked about the charges by reporters on Capitol Hill, Santos plead ignorance – he was in a meeting without access to his phone, he said while holding his phone. Nothing sums up George Santos more than claiming he didn’t have access to his phone while talking on his phone. Unless that’s not his phone and he stole it from someone’s grandpa.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Resurrection: Ertugrul (Season 1 Episode 16)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Resurrection: Ertugrul (Season 1 Episode 12)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why do people make fun of self-made billionaires? (What are they protecting him from? Reality?)

"Apparently President Charles In Charge (Bush) did not know about this whole thing until the story broke in the newspapers. You know, you could say Ronald Reagan was asleep at the switch. At least he knew there was a switch." --Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich was campaigning at a zoo this week and he was bitten by a penguin. Newt Gingrich is always campaigning at zoos. Mitt Romney once did a photo op at a zoo. That was a big mistake, because he stood next to the chameleon, and he changed colors." –Bill Maher

"The people who are really getting tough with the Middle East are the House Foreign Relations Committee. Those motherf------ are not kidding around. They voted yesterday to condemn, as an act of genocide, the killings of Armenians in Turkey in 1915. See, this is exactly why the voters gave control to the Democrats. They send a stern message to the Ottoman Empire." --Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich is still receiving Secret Service protection. What are they protecting him from? Reality?" –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The enemy arrives by limousine (They’re stuck in a tank conga line)

March 2022

“Russia and Ukraine held their highest-level peace talks on Thursday since the war began. But please do not get your hopes up. Not only did Russia not agree to end the war; it wouldn’t even admit that it started a war. They met in Turkey. Isn’t it just nice to see Russia going somewhere where they’re actually invited?” —James Corden

“I can’t even imagine how strange these meetings must be. It’d be like trying to have a conversation with someone who’s actively setting your house on fire.” —James Corden

“The Russians also appear to be low on fuel, which would help explain why their giant convoy remains stuck in a column about 20 miles outside of Kyiv and has barely moved in a week. They’re stuck in a tank conga line.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that's still better than getting your head chopped off (he wants to be named ambassador to Colombia)

November 2013

"President Obama's approval rating is at 37 percent, the lowest point of his presidency. Here's how bad it is. You know the Thanksgiving turkey he's pardoning this week? The turkey said: No pictures. It didn't want to be seen." –Jay Leno

"PETA says that today's turkeys are being bred to have such large breasts, they're dying of heart attacks. I don't want to be insensitive, but that's still better than getting your head chopped off." –Jay Leno

"The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you'll be able to make calls during your flight. The bad news? The person sitting next to you will be able to make cellphone calls during your flight." –Jay Leno

"They got three feet of fresh powder back East. And that was just in freshman Florida Congressman Trey Radel's office. Radel says he's going into rehab and when he gets out, he wants to be named ambassador to Colombia." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a half million dollars and a brand new Hummer (not the toy)

"Al Gore won the Nobel prize for his work on global warming.

Here's what he gets for the Nobel prize: one and a half million

dollars and a brand new Hummer." --David Letterman

"The people who are really getting tough with the Middle

East are the House Foreign Relations Committee. Those

motherf------ are not kidding around. They voted yesterday

to condemn, as an act of genocide, the killings of Armenians

in Turkey in 1915. See, this is exactly why the voters gave

control to the Democrats. They send a stern message

to the Ottoman Empire." --Bill Maher

"This week, the presidential race continued to tighten up.

In fact, according to the latest polls, John McCain is now

only six points behind Sarah Palin." --Amy Poehler

"Following a John Kerry speech this Monday at the

University of Florida, a student asked too many

questions, forcing security to provide him with

the answers [on screen: video of the tasering].

Of course the mainstream media was horrified.

Personally, I don't see what the big deal is about

being tasered. It can't be worse than when I wash

my hair and blow dry it at the same time."

--Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bill Gates wants to use your spine as a compass (It's EVERYWHERE)

October 2021

“Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you tonight from a room full of warriors. Heroes. Survivors. Forget World War II, this is the greatest generation, because yesterday, every single person in this room had to dig down deep within themselves and find the strength to make it through Facebook’s six-hour worldwide outage.” —Stephen Colbert

“A quick look at the cascading effects of the Facebook outage around the globe. In Mexico, politicians were cut off from constituents; in Turkey and Kenya, shopkeepers couldn’t sell their wares. And here in the United States, your aunt Gloria had to wait six full hours before ‘doing her own research’ about how the vaccines magnetize your blood because Bill Gates wants to use your spine as a compass.” —Stephen Colbert

“And as the company’s stock fell, its CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, lost $6 Billion in a few hours. Just 115 more to go, and he’ll have to sell his old stuff on Facebook Marketplace.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's hard to trust a secretary of state who is not wearing a pantsuit (they spent the whole time bitching about their boss)

March 2013

"New Secretary of State John Kerry — what do you think? Is he getting the job done? I don't know. It's hard to trust a secretary of state who is not wearing a pantsuit." –David Letterman

"During its trip to the Middle East, President Obama helped restore Israel's relationship with Turkey. Now, onto the final hurdle – restoring Israel's relationship with pork." –Conan O'Brien

"Over the weekend the current Pope and the former Pope had lunch together. The waiter who served them said they spent the whole time bitching about their boss." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

your temporarily uncut brake cables/and threw them in Jeffrey Epstein’s prison cell/No Things Considered

“During an interview on NPR’s ‘All Things Considered’ last Friday, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo refused to answer questions about Ukraine. So if you have all this stuff you don’t want to be asked about, maybe don’t go on a show called ‘All Things Considered.’ They mean ‘all things.’ If you don’t like questions, I think Fox News has a show called ‘No Things Considered.’” —Seth Meyers

“Guys, more revelations are coming out from John Bolton’s new book. Apparently, he was afraid that Trump was granting favors to the leaders of Turkey and China. I’m not saying Trump wants this book to disappear, but he just bought all the copies and threw them in Jeffrey Epstein’s prison cell.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today we learned that the White House issued a formal threat to Bolton to keep him from publishing his book. Wow, so rare for Trump to issue a formal threat. [Imitating Trump] ‘Dearest esteemed colleague, it is my sincerest recommendation that you keep one eye open while you sleep. Best regards to your family and your temporarily uncut brake cables, Donald J. Trump.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If only we could pay no attention to the man behind the curtain (there is nobody who matches his wisdom)

“Before you judge Trump, he is technically correct — there is nobody who matches his wisdom. He is correct! I mean, no other person — no other person had the wisdom to stare directly into a solar eclipse, huh?” --Trevor Noah

“And people were very quick to point out that this made Trump sound like the wizard from The Wizard of Oz. If only we could pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.” --James Corden

“That would be reassuring if you ever considered anything off limits. You had sex with a porn star, you partied with Jeffrey Epstein, and you drive your golf cart on the green. The only way you’ll stop Turkey is if they try to get your tax returns.” --Seth Meyers

“Come on — he’s the president; we have to take his job seriously. It’s not his job to outrage people. You’re talking about him like he’s some shock jock with a morning radio show.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Great! Thank you Hillary Clinton (If this was Judge Judy...)

“That’s right — one step out of line, he will run Turkey into the ground like it was one of his casinos in Atlantic City.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“In a rare show of unity, Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell denounced the decision. And even the president’s own potbellied pig, Lindsey Graham, called into Fox & Friends to label the move a ‘disaster in the making’ that will ‘undo all the gains we’ve made’ and ‘throw the region into further chaos.’ And then he hung up chanting, ‘Four more years!’” --Jimmy Kimmel

“So to recap, we now have two whistle-blowers; we have the transcript of the phone call; a bunch of highly incriminating text messages; and not only did Trump do it privately with Ukraine, he asked China to do it on television. If this was ‘Judge Judy,’ he’d be out before the first mesothelioma commercial.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You can't change a corrupt system by taking their money (This might be the true genius of Donald Trump)

“It really seems like there’s nothing Trump wouldn’t do to profit off the presidency. Like, I bet you he’s going to be outside his own impeachment trial just scalping tickets.” --Trevor Noah

“This might be the true genius of Donald Trump. Because you realize, with one scandal, you get kicked out of office. But with seven in one day? Ain’t nobody got time for that.” --Trevor Noah

“Yes, civilization is very happy. Centuries from now, historians will look back at the greatest achievements of all time: the development of democracy, the invention of electricity and the time Trump negotiated a really short cease-fire in a war he basically started.” --Trevor Noah

“Because the deal is that they have five days to leave the land and then Turkey gets the land. That’s the deal. Yeah. Doesn’t sound like a deal. Sounds like the deal I had with my high school bully: I would give him my lunch money and he would give me a black eye. Win-win.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's why you have to go to Kuwait to see figure skating (robot to robot)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger got together with Al Gore for a climate change summit. Even though he's a Republican and Al Gore's a Democrat, it's good they could talk robot to robot." --Jay Leno

"President Bush gave a speech urging Congress to reauthorize the No Child Left Behind Act. See, I think the reason President Bush is so adamant about this is, I think he might have been a child left behind himself. Listen carefully to what he says here [on screen: Bush saying, 'Childrens do learn']. Exactly, see that." --Jay Leno

"No gays in Iran. That's why you have to go all the way to Turkey for a facial. That's why you have to go to Jordan to look at drapes. That's why you have to go to Syria to get a decent perm. That's why you have to go to Kuwait to see figure skating." --David Letterman

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Don’t worry, we’ll have them back for Thanksgiving (Cash Bounty)

I read that the U.S. is suspending visa applications from Turkey. Trump was like, “Don’t worry, we’ll have them back for Thanksgiving.” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump stages his photos so that you can’t see his double chin. In response, Trump was like, (LOOKS WAY UP) “Fake news!” –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the most depressing animated Christmas special ever was born (Overkill)

Of course Santa is dead, you force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen? –Jimmy Kimmel

They found this tomb below the St. Nicholas church in Antalya. They believe the body inside is the fourth-century saint the church is named after, which makes sense. One of the archaeologists said, “We will reach the ground and maybe find the untouched body of St. Nicholas” – and thus the most depressing animated Christmas special ever was born. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

NRA Hotel (Moral Vacancy)

Archaeologists believe they have found the tomb of St. Nicholas beneath an ancient church in Turkey. St. Nicholas, of course, is the basis for the legend of Santa Claus. And they think they found him. Which means now when my son asks me if Santa is real, I can confidently say, “Yes! He is dead though. That’s why you didn’t get that bike.” –James Corden

So this was the closest thing I could find. A group of Turkish archaeologists claimed they’ve uncovered the final resting place of St. Nicholas, Old St. Nick. How do you explain that to kids? “I have some good news about Santa and some bad news. Good news is he was real. Santa is real – and Santa is dead.” –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

The Dalai Lama just doesn't want to get shot by Cheney (stern message to the Ottoman Empire)

"The people who are really getting tough with the Middle East is the House Foreign Relations Committee. Those motherf------ are not kidding around. They voted yesterday to condemn, as an act of genocide, the killings of Armenians in Turkey in 1915. See, this is exactly why the voters gave control to the Democrats. They send a stern message to the Ottoman Empire." --Bill Maher

"On the peaceful side of the equation, the Dalai Lama is coming to the United States next week. He's going to get the Congressional Medal of Honor, meet with President Bush. He is going to, of course, be wearing his famous flowing orange robes. Nothing religious about that, he just doesn't want to get shot by Cheney." --Bill Maher

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

all of his questions were about what it's like to live in Michael Jackson's zoo

"The Turkish Parliament has voted to approve the idea of invading Iraq.  President Bush was furious. He said, 'What kind of country takes a vote before it invades Iraq?'" --Bill Maher

"George W. Bush met the Dalai Lama this week. I'm not sure that he really understands what being a Lama means, because all of his questions were about what it's like to live in Michael Jackson's zoo." --Bill Maher

"Good news for the terrorists: Undercover agents posing as passengers were able to get simulated bombs through the screening process here at LAX 75% of the time but not one drop of shampoo." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems