Please return to your home and cease rebellion (What are you in for?)

A House ethics report on the disgraced congressman George Santos found that he misspent campaign funds on Botox, lavish trips to Atlantic City, designer goods and “smaller purchases” on OnlyFans, among other things. It’s quite a list – Botox, Atlantic City, OnlyFans and designer goods. Is he a congressman or a lesser Kardashian? He’s got the shopping list of a 98-year-old oil tycoon’s 20-year-old wife. —Seth Meyers

“If there are any fans of stupidity and corruption out there, you have joined us on the right night, hours after the House ethics report on George Santos revealed that the disgraced New York congressman sought to fraudulently exploit every aspect of his House candidacy for his own personal financial profit and “brought severe discredit upon the House”. That is not easy to do. Because these days, the dignity of the House is slightly below a Golden Corral that just ran out of steak. —Stephen Colbert

“George Santos got caught spending campaign money on Botox and OnlyFans. And this is on top of him stealing credit cards, wire fraud and identity theft. When he goes to jail, and they ask him, ‘What are you in for?’ he’s going to be, like, ‘Everything!’” — Leslie Jones

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Great! Thank you Hillary Clinton (If this was Judge Judy...)

“That’s right — one step out of line, he will run Turkey into the ground like it was one of his casinos in Atlantic City.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“In a rare show of unity, Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell denounced the decision. And even the president’s own potbellied pig, Lindsey Graham, called into Fox & Friends to label the move a ‘disaster in the making’ that will ‘undo all the gains we’ve made’ and ‘throw the region into further chaos.’ And then he hung up chanting, ‘Four more years!’” --Jimmy Kimmel

“So to recap, we now have two whistle-blowers; we have the transcript of the phone call; a bunch of highly incriminating text messages; and not only did Trump do it privately with Ukraine, he asked China to do it on television. If this was ‘Judge Judy,’ he’d be out before the first mesothelioma commercial.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I spent more time gasping for breath than Jeffrey Epstein (Hold my beer!)

I appreciate you putting on this brave face because it's a tough day. John Hickenlooper has dropped out of the presidential race.  It was a huge blow to his supporter and he said he just wants to go back to what he does best. Looping Hickens. --Bill Maher

And Trump is never informed really about any foreign country. Trump doesn't know a lot about Israel. When he went to the Wailing Wall he brought a harpoon. --Bill Maher

Trump the financial genius is driving the economy over the cliff. For years everyone at the world's economies has been doing great, growing. Nobody, they said could screw it up. Enter Trump saying, “Hold my beer!” His new slogan is make America Atlantic City Again! --Bill Maher

Did you see what happened in the stock market this week. I mean I spent more time gasping for breath than Jeffrey Epstein. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Taj Mommy Please Look at Me! (You first!)

Two psychologists were hired to evaluate President Trump. Both diagnosed him as a “10 out of 10 Narcissist.” They also said that Trump has deep seated mommy issues as a symptom of his upbringing and a mother who didn’t pay enough attention to him. Which explains why the original name of Trump’s Atlantic City casino was the “Taj Mommy Please Look at Me!” --Stephen Colbert

Just this afternoon, President Trump unveiled his new immigration plan, which would require immigrants to learn English, pass a civics exam, and get a health screening. Trump wants immigrants to learn proper English and pass a basic exam about how American government works. To which immigrants said, “You first!” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He was so drunk he couldn't even remember the Alamo (It was their final, most essential command)

It's been reported that Donald Trump's Atlantic City casinos are in such bad shape they could go bankrupt. Now you can tell something's wrong because Trump has changed his trademark slogan from “You're fired” to “Can you loan me five bucks.” --Conan O’Brien 3/31/2004

Jason Patric the star of the new movie the Alamo was arrested for public drunkenness. Apparently Patric was so drunk he couldn't even remember the Alamo. --Conan O’Brien 3/31/2004

The mayor of St. Louis announced he's starting a campaign to get St. Louis off the list of America's fattest cities. Apparently the people of St. Louis realized they had a problem when someone got stuck walking through the arch. --Conan O’Brien 4/1/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

No offense intended guys. It was just a botched war (Think inside the bun)

"And more problems with John McCain. The New York Times is now saying there is a question as to whether McCain is eligible to become president because he was born in Panama. See, his parents were in the military, so he was born in Panama. In fact, the reason they moved away from Panama, the building of the canal was keeping the young John McCain up." --Jay Leno

"I don't want to say McCain is old, but yesterday he got on the wrong bus, and ended up taking a gambling junket to Atlantic City." --Jay Leno

"And Senator Larry Craig, America's favorite restroom enthusiast, announced he's actually looking for interns who want to work in his office. Here's the creepy part. His advice to anyone who wants to be his intern, 'Think inside the bun.'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

You know what they say, "The house always loses." (taylor swift vs lady gaga)

Over the weekend, three pages of Donald Trump's 1995 tax return were leaked, revealing that he declared a $916 million loss from his three Atlantic City casinos. That's right. Donald Trump lost money on casinos. You know what they say, "The house always loses." –Stephen Colbert

But here's the thing, as a real estate developer, he was able to use that loss to wipe out more than $50 million a year in taxable income over 18 years. Well, when life gives you lemons, don't pay taxes. –Stephen Colbert

It's not like Donald Trump does his own taxes. He's not there doing the numbers. Shouldn't we really be voting for his accountant? Jack Mitnick. Something about the "Mitt" that sounds so presidential. –Stephen Colbert

Lady Gaga told People magazine that her new album was influenced by the men in her life. Taylor Swift was like, “Hey! Stay in your lane, pal.” –Jimmy Fallon