The guy's been up since 2004 (Everyone is so pretty today)

"PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.'" –Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list." –Conan O'Brien

"After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he's taking a leave of absence, and of course he's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm about to get kicked out of this supermarket (finding something to do in Kansas)

"PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Televangelist Pat Robertson said he wishes Facebook had a 'vomit button' he could push whenever someone posts a picture of a gay couple kissing. Of course, the other option would be for Pat Robertson to stop searching online for gay men kissing." –Conan O'Brien

A man in Kansas was arrested after trying to have sex with the tailpipe of a car. He is being charged with "finding something to do in Kansas." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today (12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list)

"PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.'" –Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list." –Conan O'Brien

"They celebrated Cinco de Mayo at the White House. In keeping with the times, President Obama whacked a giant piñata and then gave it a burial at sea." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He says P stands for 'Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush.' (12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list)

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list." –Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he's still adjusting after his surgery to reduce how much he can eat. He said, 'I now have six free hours a day I don't know what to do with.'" –Conan O'Brien

"PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.'" –Conan O'Brien

"George W. Bush's nephew, George P. Bush, is running for office in Texas. He says P stands for 'Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that's still better than getting your head chopped off (he wants to be named ambassador to Colombia)

November 2013

"President Obama's approval rating is at 37 percent, the lowest point of his presidency. Here's how bad it is. You know the Thanksgiving turkey he's pardoning this week? The turkey said: No pictures. It didn't want to be seen." –Jay Leno

"PETA says that today's turkeys are being bred to have such large breasts, they're dying of heart attacks. I don't want to be insensitive, but that's still better than getting your head chopped off." –Jay Leno

"The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you'll be able to make calls during your flight. The bad news? The person sitting next to you will be able to make cellphone calls during your flight." –Jay Leno

"They got three feet of fresh powder back East. And that was just in freshman Florida Congressman Trey Radel's office. Radel says he's going into rehab and when he gets out, he wants to be named ambassador to Colombia." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush (Nobody Knows You're Drinking in Here)

May 2013

"The National Park Service is launching a new campaign to attract younger visitors. It has a very creative slogan: 'National Parks: Nobody Knows You're Drinking in Here.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"George W. Bush's nephew, George P. Bush, is running for office in Texas. He says P stands for 'Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush." –Conan O'Brien

"PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.'" –Conan O'Brien

"According to a new report, Al Gore now has more money than Mitt Romney. Gore said Mitt and I are living proof that if you're a boring white guy, anything is possible." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s only going to lead to monkey spanking, chicken choking, goose strangling, gopher whacking (What I Got)

September 2011

"President Obama was in town speaking at the U.N. General Assembley. He said he's very proud of three things: No. 1: Bin Laden dead; No. 2: Gadhafi toppled; and No. 3: Regis fired." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin's website sent out an email to her supporters hinting that if they send her enough money, she'll run for president. I need this woman to run. This kind of material doesn't just show up every day." –Craig Ferguson

"The animal rights group PETA is launching a porn web site to promote their cause. This is a terrible idea. It’s only going to lead to monkey spanking, chicken choking, goose strangling, gopher whacking." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

his face turned red 20 years ago

Donald Trump asked a young man who appeared to be Asian-American if he was from South Korea, to which the man replied, "I was born in Texas." Trump was so embarrassed that his face turned red 20 years ago. –Seth Meyers

Playboy magazine is going to stop publishing nude photos of women starting next year. So now if you want to see a naked woman you'll have to go to HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, the Internet, Burning Man, a PETA protest, perfume ads, or ESPN The Magazine. –Seth Meyers

Unfortunately it was on CNN, so there weren't any witnesses

"PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"If Obama can't take our guns, he'll make sure you can't put anything in them. After that, he's going to come after Rush by buying up all the hookers and canned frosting." --Stephen Colbert, mocking the conspiracy theory that the government is buying bullets

"CNN anchor Carol Costello was robbed of her iPhone in broad daylight while walking down the street in Atlanta. Unfortunately it was on CNN, so there weren't any witnesses." –Jay Leno