Is it … is it with his neck? (capitalism runs on blood)

“Republicans are refusing to cut a deal with the Democrats to fund health care, and they’re also refusing to do other parts of their job, like swearing in Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election in Arizona almost a month ago. Speaker Mike Johnson says he won’t swear her in until the House is back in session, after the government shutdown ends. Nope! Those two things have nothing to do with each other. That’s like saying, ‘Hey, man, I’d love to come to your child’s clarinet recital, but, ya know, Toyotathon.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Today we got a hum-doozy of a dinger because the R.N.C. chair spilled on the wild way Trump eats his McDonald’s order. So — not by mouth? Is it … is it with his neck?” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which one is the good McDonald’s? (Democrats promised him a cake, but then they gave it to Hillary)

Even though she told people she won, Stacey Abrams claims she was never confused about losing the governor’s race in Georgia. You know what else she's never confused about? Which one is the good McDonald’s? —Greg Gutfeld 

Yesterday was Bernie Sanders 84th birthday. Yeah. Democrats promised him a cake, but then they gave it to Hillary. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turns out the thief thought they were kidnapping Kathy Griffin (security checks)

The TSA is no longer requiring you to take off your shoes during security checks, which started because of the shoe bomber in 2001, causing Bill Clinton to ask, "Why couldn't there have been a panty bomber?” —Greg Gutfeld

And finally, a Ronald McDonald statue was stolen from a McDonald's in Pennsylvania. Turns out the thief thought they were kidnapping Kathy Griffin. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My God what have I done … I’ve hurt the only one I ever loved (Shelves n Smells)

This week also saw McDonald’s report a sales decline of 3.6%, its biggest since the pandemic. Colbert as Trump: “My God what have I done … I’ve hurt the only one I ever loved.” —Stephen Colbert

With imports from China on the decline, the 99¢ store will soon be known as “Shelves n Smells”. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

History is being made! (Big risk to everyone around it)

Time magazine has named President-elect Donald Trump as its person of the year for 2024. Trump is the first man in history to be Time’s person of the year and McDonald’s employee of the month. History is being made! —Jimmy Fallon

“Trump said the honor feels just as exciting as the birth of his child, except he was present for the award.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

stop kidding yourself (the last pigeon)

You know when things are going well when #DontDrinkBleach is trending nationally after a president's speech. —Colin Jost

Paramount has begun developing a new movie called Summer Nights, which will be a prequel to the classic movie Grease. A prequel that will finally explain why everyone in that high school was in their late 30s. --Colin Jost, SNL

McDonald’s has announced plans for new digital menus at their drive-thrus that will offer customers suggestions based on what they order. For example, if you order a salad, it will suggest you stop kidding yourself. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

by the looks of him, he already got the electric chair (Finally, some good news for people who wake up still drunk)

“On the first day of Donald Trump’s civil fraud trial in New York, the New York Post reported that a large takeout order of McDonald’s was delivered to the courthouse. Wow, I knew he was in trouble, but I didn’t know they were seeking the death penalty.” —Seth Meyers

“As for Trump’s lawyers’ claim that Mar-a-Lago would sell for at least $1 Billion – I’m sure he could get that just for the classified documents in the shower.” —Seth Meyers

“In other legal news, jury selection began this week in the trial of disgraced crypto-entrepreneur Sam Bankman-Fried which is surprising, because by the looks of him, he already got the electric chair.” —Seth Meyers

“And the fast food chain Taco Bell announced that it planned to add breakfast tacos to their menu for the first time. Finally, some good news for people who wake up still drunk.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And we can’t even show you what they did over at Hooters (What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches?)

Well, congratulations to everyone who had Rex Tillerson in their office pool. President Trump has fired Rex Tillerson, his secretary of state, which I think means the only remaining White House staffers are Mike Pence and a Roomba. --Seth Meyers

In honor of International Women’s Day, McDonald’s is flipping its golden arches to resemble a W instead of an M. And we can’t even show you what they did over at Hooters. --Seth Meyers

“We should be providing those people with immediate and direct help. Instead, the Trump administration is still moving forward with a truly sadistic plan to kick 700,000 people off food stamps right as a global pandemic tanks the world economy. Trump is like a villain from a Charles Dickens novel. What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches?” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Especially the add where they claim their burgers have a wet a** patty (What are the odds?)

March 2023

A new trend among younger workers is Bare Minimum Monday, in which they do as little as possible on the first day of the work week. While a new trend among World War II veterans is realizing that their sacrifice meant nothing. —Colin Jost

Some owners of McDonald’s franchises are concerned about a campaign partnership with Cardi B. Especially the add where they claim their burgers have a wet ass patty. —Colin Jost

Donald Trump accused Ron DeSantis of wanting to cut Social Security and Medicare and called the Florida governor a wheelchair-over-the-cliff kind of guy. Wheelchair over the cliff is also how Melania will finally get rid of him. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

There is no way he’s getting away this time (It’s gonna be a long campaign)

February 2023

“In other news, Donald Trump visited East Palestine, Ohio to meet with community members disrupted by the toxic train derailment earlier this month. It’s not every day you get to see a train wreck talking about a train wreck. After turning the visit into a campaign rally, Trump passed out Maga hats at a local McDonald’s. It’s gonna be a long campaign.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Former president Trump visited the beleaguered town, which has experienced mass wildlife death since the ‘controlled’ burn of vinyl chloride following the crash. It’s fitting that he’s trying to restart his campaign in East Palestine because, much like the fish there, it’s dead in the water.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, a grand jury in the Georgia election case against Trump appears to have recommended multiple indictments. There is no way he’s getting away this time, unless he does that thing where he always gets away every time.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They’re also not thrilled about the new James Brown biopic starring Benedict Cumberbatch (Pantsuit Email Crunch)

A lot of people are upset because in a new movie, Michael Jackson will be played by British white actor Joseph Fiennes. They’re also not thrilled about the new James Brown biopic starring Benedict Cumberbatch. –Conan O’Brien

"Today, the Olympic torch arrived in Sochi. But Vladimir Putin immediately put it out because he thought it was too flaming." –Conan O'Brien

Ben of Ben & Jerry’s is coming out with an ice cream for Bernie Sanders called "Bernie’s Yearning." It’s selling a lot better than Jerry’s ice cream for Hillary, "Pantsuit Email Crunch." –Conan O’Brien

McDonald’s now has a special kind of Happy Meal that comes with a book instead of a toy. The book is called, "D is for Diabetes." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, the baby’s name is Lucky B*stard Jones (wait for it - 23,000 years)

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien

President Trump has sworn off McDonald’s and KFC. Not only that, he’s trying to get Chipotle deported. –Conan O’Brien

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

Yesterday shortly after the Super Bowl, a brand-new dad named his baby after Tom Brady. Yeah, the baby’s name is Lucky B*stard Jones. Good name for a kid. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

McDonald's unveiled their new breakfast offering, the Sea Biscuit biscuit (taste like plumber)

"Congress may allow Americans to start selling horse meat for human consumption. When they heard the news, McDonald's unveiled their new breakfast offering, the Sea Biscuit biscuit." –Conan O'Brien

A new study finds that men with thick biceps are more likely to live longer. The study also found that I died 10 years ago. –Conan O’Brien

Nintendo has teamed with Kellogg's to make a Mario Brothers cereal. Kellogg's promises that the Super Mario cereal will “taste like plumber.” –Conan O’Brien

"This is a crazy story. For two decades, the secret launch code for America's nuclear missiles was 0000000000. Even more amazing, George W. Bush forgot it twice." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Same-day delivery is gonna be a lot harder when you have to smuggle that air fryer in your b@tthole (stay in your dusky holes)

December 2022

“Let’s talk about wage theft by large corporations, or when companies avoid paying workers what they are legally owed for time spent working. Several companies have been legally forced to pay stolen wages via class-action lawsuits: McDonald’s agreed to pay $26 million to settle accusations of wage theft in a class-action lawsuit by employees in California. Walmart was ordered to pay $4.6 million in backpay and damages to more than 4,500 employees. Amazon settled a wage theft lawsuit for $8.2 million, and Krispy Kreme was ordered to pay $1.1 million after investigators found widespread and frequent failure to pay workers. Huh, that’s so strange – all of this theft occurred, but there’s no mention of anyone going to jail. But then how will they learn their lesson? Oh and before you say, ‘Trevor, you can’t put a corporation in jail’ – says who? They always say corporations are people, so why doesn’t America treat them like American people?” —Trevor Noah

“Every single time a company gets busted stealing their workers’ wages, you know what they should do? They should say that the company’s headquarters need to be taken to prison. You hear that, Amazon? Same-day delivery is gonna be a lot harder when you have to smuggle that air fryer in your butthole.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which means the Russian people are going to be forced to develop diabetes on their own now (Finally, some good news)

March 2022

“As we told you yesterday, McDonald’s, Starbucks and now Coca-Cola have announced that they are suspending business in Russia. Yes, which means the Russian people are going to be forced to develop diabetes on their own now.” —Trevor Noah

“One of the major companies is Starbucks. They just closed all 130 of their stores over there. Yeah, and that was just on one street.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There’s always Dunkin’ Donuts, but Putin was like: ‘Nyet. That’s what America runs on.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“And then, facing growing public pressure, Papa John’s announced that it is halting all Russian business operations. Russians were like, ‘Finally, some good news.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now you know why I hate the democrats and the republicans (Your move, Shasta!)

March 2022

“Food companies like Starbucks, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola said they would temporarily close their stores in Russia or stop distributing products in protest of Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Vladimir Putin has succeeded in uniting the entire free world against Russia One Kremlin spokesperson expressed it in this threatening way: ‘The United States has declared economic war on Russia.’ Thank you for noticing. We feel seen.” —Stephen Colbert

“And with the Golden Arches closing down, Russians are going to have to settle for their local chain, McDostoevsky’s, home of their kids’ meal: the box of sadness. [Sings to the tune of the McDonald’s theme song] ‘Ba, da, ba, ba, da — life’s meaningless.’” —Stephen Colbert

“It looks like all major food brands are ‘Russian’ for the exits. Yesterday, Coca-Cola and Pepsi announced that they will suspend business in Russia. Your move, Shasta!” —Stephen Colbert

“Coke is suspending all of their operations, but Pepsi Co. announced they would continue to sell potato chips and daily essentials such as ‘milk, cheese and baby formula,’ to which Russian babies said, ‘Are you sure you don’t have Coke?’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, I know I’m on the other team but huge fan, don’t tell my coach (I'm a Journalism)

February 2022

“Donald Trump was praising Vladimir Putin during a recent interview with a right-wing radio show. Trump called Putin ‘savvy’ and his political strategy ‘genius,’ which is a pretty brilliant way to make Putin second-guess himself.” —Seth Meyers

“Keep in mind Trump also used the words ‘savvy’ and ‘genius’ to describe McDonald’s Dollar Menu.” —Jimmy Fallon

“So honestly, I’m not sure you want to be called a genius by the guy that clogged the White House toilet with classified documents.” —Jimmy Fallon

“And even when he was president, Trump was always so desperate to buddy up with Putin, even Putin couldn’t believe it. Trump was like those rookie defensive backs who would stop Tom Brady after the game for an autograph: ‘Hey, I know I’m on the other team but huge fan, don’t tell my coach.’” —Seth Meyers

“It’s just insane that Trump is still so desperate to praise a bloodthirsty tyrant like Putin every chance he gets. Trump narrates Putin’s every move like he is Tony Romo calling the last drive of a playoff game.” —Seth Meyers

“As for all those war-mongers like Mike Pompeo and Newt Gingrich and the House Republicans who have gone on to Fox News and declared Biden’s response ‘weak’ – your dude is the one who just called Putin savvy and praised his genius. Do you guys even pay attention to what Trump is saying anymore or do you just assume like most of us that he got lost wandering around the 18th hole of one of his golf courses and now he just lives in a sand trap with a bunch of pigeons.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And she's actually starting to get insulted that God doesn’t want to meet her (clown urine)

February 2021

After customers pleaded for it online McDonald’s announced that it will bring back the fan favorite Hi-C orange drink. But to honor Ronald McDonald they are rebranding it as clown urine. —Colin Jost

It was reported that a 117 year old nun in France has survived coronavirus. And she's actually starting to get insulted that God doesn’t want to meet her. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches? (the great McRib shortage of 2018)

“We should be providing those people with immediate and direct help. Instead, the Trump administration is still moving forward with a truly sadistic plan to kick 700,000 people off food stamps right as a global pandemic tanks the world economy. Trump is like a villain from a Charles Dickens novel. What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches?” —Seth Meyers

“During his address, Trump said starting Friday people from Europe can’t fly to the U.S. He was like, ‘We have to stop the virus so instead of everyone flying here, I want everyone to take a cruise.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“But Trump wanted to give a speech to reassure the nation that everything is going to be OK, and I think it worked. Today the stock market only dropped 2,000 points.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Sarah Palin was rapping on the Masked Singer – I’m sure it’s fine. I mean, when has a conservative celebrity on a reality show ever been a problem? Trump’s speech to calm fears about the Coronavirus: This is only the second time Trump has addressed the country from the Oval Office. The first was during the great McRib shortage of 2018.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I haven’t seen a group of white guys that angry since... (ran out of Viagra)

“The Democrats did everything they could to get the republicans who stormed the hearing out of the room. But here’s the thing — they were trying to get them out of the room, they didn’t know what to do. If they wanted the Republicans to leave so badly, they should have just held a gay wedding in there. They would have been out of there in a shot.” --James Corden

“I haven’t seen a group of white guys that angry since they found out their Don Henley tickets were ‘obstructed view.’” --Seth Meyers

“That’s either a bunch of Republican lawmakers or a Black Friday sale on pleated khakis.” --Stephen Colbert

“It really turned into an ugly scene among Republicans. I haven’t seen that many angry white guys since NBC canceled ‘Frasier.’” --Jimmy Fallon

“I haven’t seen that many old white guys storm a room since Applebee’s offered half off the surf-and-turf combo.” --James Corden

“Looks like a protest outside a pharmacy that ran out of Viagra.” --Seth Meyers

“They shouldn’t be at the Capitol — they should be standing at the counter at a McDonald’s demanding to see a manager.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”