And if you thought bumping into your teacher at the grocery store was awkward (his first visit to a war zone)

In an interview with Fox News, Donald Trump said that he's planning his first visit to a war zone. Troops were glad to hear that until they realized he was talking about Walmart on Black Friday. --Jimmy Fallon

“Today in New York, New York issued the first licenses to open marijuana dispensaries. And if you thought bumping into your teacher at the grocery store was awkward.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if the next 9 billion things go their way, we can finally call it even (from the comfort of your brand new full-body cast)

If you went shopping on black Friday, I assume you are watching this on a brand new 60-inch flat screen from the comfort of your brand new full-body cast. –James Corden

The Dakota Access oil pipeline, which the Sioux tribe has been protesting for months, will no longer be routed through their land. It’s a big win for Native Americans — and if the next 9 billion things go their way, we can finally call it even. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

everybody talks about it, but nobody actually experiences it (just hire the Texas A&M marching band)

November 2021

“Experts are hoping that the new strain of Covid,  Omicron ends up being like the second season of ‘Tiger King’ where everybody talks about it, but nobody actually experiences it.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, we need another variant like we another turkey sandwich for lunch.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But the White House said it would take two weeks to have definitive data on the new strain. That’s right, even our Covid information has shipping delays. Unbelievable!” —Jimmy Fallon

“Due to concern over delivery times, many holiday shoppers are stockpiling their favorite gifts. That’s why really smart shoppers don’t wait till Black Friday – they start trampling people weeks ago. One survey found that 20% of shoppers plan to order more gifts in case some orders are delayed or canceled. So if you’re doing the 12 days of Christmas, be safe and double your order. That’s 16 maids a-milking, that’s 20 lords a-leaping, and forget about 12 drummers drumming – just hire the Texas A&M marching band.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He told everyone in Gomorrah there were half-off TVs at the Sodom Best Buy (slowly turning into a rat palace)

November 2021

“There are warnings from health experts that the US could face a fifth wave of the coronavirus. No! No more waves, science. I was promised a normal holiday season. The family dinners on Thanksgiving, the carolers on Christmas, the fights on Black Friday, as God intended. That’s how god destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah – he told everyone in Gomorrah there were half-off TVs at the Sodom Best Buy.” —Stephen Colbert

“A fifth wave would not sweep the country equally, as the hardest-hit areas also have the lowest vaccination rates. Well, yeah – at this point, staying unvaccinated is like wearing a Yankees hat to a Red Sox game. You’re probably going to end up in a hospital and it’s your own damn fault.” —Stephen Colbert

“In a crossover of pandemic/environmental despair news, the National Academy of Sciences journal published a study that found the world created about 8 Million tons of plastic pandemic waste, much of which is now in the ocean. That is shocking and that is wrong. In New York, we don’t throw our trash in the ocean! We put it where it belongs: piled on the sidewalk, where it stays forever, slowly turning into a rat palace.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don't You Dare Tell Me How To Freedom (War Zones)

November 2021

“It is Veterans Day here in the United States, the day on which we honor the men and women who served and fought in wars to defend our country so the rest of us can fight on Facebook.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The closest most of us have come to a war zone is shopping on Black Friday at T.J. Maxx.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yup, the only people who have seen more combat than you guys are flight attendants on Southwest.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I remember telling my dad that I thought a life in uniform might be right for me, so he went out and got me a job application for Pizza Hut.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I haven’t seen a group of white guys that angry since... (ran out of Viagra)

“The Democrats did everything they could to get the republicans who stormed the hearing out of the room. But here’s the thing — they were trying to get them out of the room, they didn’t know what to do. If they wanted the Republicans to leave so badly, they should have just held a gay wedding in there. They would have been out of there in a shot.” --James Corden

“I haven’t seen a group of white guys that angry since they found out their Don Henley tickets were ‘obstructed view.’” --Seth Meyers

“That’s either a bunch of Republican lawmakers or a Black Friday sale on pleated khakis.” --Stephen Colbert

“It really turned into an ugly scene among Republicans. I haven’t seen that many angry white guys since NBC canceled ‘Frasier.’” --Jimmy Fallon

“I haven’t seen that many old white guys storm a room since Applebee’s offered half off the surf-and-turf combo.” --James Corden

“Looks like a protest outside a pharmacy that ran out of Viagra.” --Seth Meyers

“They shouldn’t be at the Capitol — they should be standing at the counter at a McDonald’s demanding to see a manager.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don't start none...won't be none (Forget it. They're both goners)

Americans actually get to vote on which turkey Trump pardons, and I saw that the two finalists are named Peas and Carrots. When he heard they're both named after vegetables, Trump was like, "Forget it. They're both goners.” That's right. Americans can vote on which turkey gets pardoned. You can tell the turkeys want to drag it out as long as possible, 'cause today they asked if that vote could happen in Florida. --Jimmy Fallon

In an interview with Fox News, Trump said that he's planning his first visit to a war zone. Troops were glad to hear that until they realized he was talking about Walmart on Black Friday. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”