he's the man to bring a dinosaur to life (nah, not feeling it)

After shaking as many hands as possible in Saudi Arabia President Trump teased Joe Biden for only offering up a fist bump years ago, which is still better than Hunter who offered a bump off his fist. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new book Biden brought in Steven Spielberg to help his campaign. His staff had just watched Jurassic Park and figured he's the man to bring a dinosaur to life. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

please make sure you read the questions carefully (her trusty beer helmet)

According to a new book Joe Biden brought in famed director Steven Spielberg to help with his campaign. They called the operation Saving Dying Biden. —Greg Gutfeld

According to the same book Kamala Harris's campaign team held a fake cocktail party without alcohol so she could work on her social skills without a drink in her hand. But she showed them and brought her trusty beer helmet. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark (keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave)

While campaigning in New Hampshire, Jeb Bush said that Marco Rubio has never been challenged in his life. Then Jeb told the shocking story about the time his father put him in charge of his own trust fund. –Conan O’Brien

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

BUT that’s what they like about him (particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark)

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

“After President Trump gave his State of the Union address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore it in half. Tore in half! Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Then Melania said, ‘Great, now do my prenup.’” —Conan O’Brien

An ABC news poll showed that 48% of Americans think President Trump is mentally unstable. The remaining 52% agree BUT that’s what they like about him. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He probably won’t be able to do this when they take away his phone in prison (Get me Spielberg!)

President Biden was in town to raise money for his re-election campaign, and also to see if Steven Spielberg can de-age him like he did Harrison Ford in the Indiana Jones movie. —Jimmy Kimmel

In other Republican news, the party’s presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump, took aim at me personally on Truth Social. In response to an Los Angeles Times interview in which I pondered letting my contract expire in 2026, Trump posted: “They could get a far more talented person, who would also get better Ratings, for 5% of what they are paying this Loser!” I’ve got to say, that’s a helluva way to find out you’re not going to be somebody’s running mate. He has no idea how delighted I am by something like this. I’m going to try to enjoy it, because he probably won’t be able to do this when they take away his phone in prison. So I’m gonna really soak it in. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, the baby’s name is Lucky B*stard Jones (wait for it - 23,000 years)

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien

President Trump has sworn off McDonald’s and KFC. Not only that, he’s trying to get Chipotle deported. –Conan O’Brien

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

Yesterday shortly after the Super Bowl, a brand-new dad named his baby after Tom Brady. Yeah, the baby’s name is Lucky B*stard Jones. Good name for a kid. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unless you think it means Probably Three Secret Daughters (keeping the ants in line)

October 2022

“There have been complaints about lighting during the latest episode of House of the Dragon, HBO’s prequel series to juggernaut Game of Thrones. After many viewers expressed their disappointment with dark lighting in pivotal scenes, making it difficult to see, HBO Max tweeted that the ‘dim lighting of this scene was an intentional creative decision’. Look, I’m not Steven Spielberg or Barry Jenkins, I haven’t directed anything. But in my opinion, if your intentional creative decision is that people can’t see the TV show that you’re making, then you’re making a podcast, all right?” —Trevor Noah

“There is a trend of dimness on prestige television. Everything on TV is so dark. You can’t see anything. I don’t know why. Are they trying to make it grittier? Or are they trying to make it feel like a movie? Maybe they figure if they make it dark enough, we can’t complain about the cast not being diverse. HBO has faced backlash for the lighting choices, but I think if they’re smart about this, this could be a good business opportunity for them. They should just add a higher price tier, such as offering HBO Max at $9.99 a month – or $14.99 a month if you want to be able to see what the fuck is happening.” —Trevor Noah

“In other news, GOP commentator Newt Gingrich went on Fox News to defend Herschel Walker, the anti-abortion Senate candidate in Georgia who was recently revealed to have paid for his then-girlfriend’s abortion in 2009. Gingrich defended Walker’s fitness as a Republican candidate: He’s been through a long, tough period. He had a lot of concussions coming out of football, he suffered PTSD. See? Walker isn’t a bad guy! He’s just had so many concussions he can’t possibly be held accountable for his actions. You know, a senator. Also PTSD isn’t the acronym you’re looking for, Newt. Unless you think it means Probably Three Secret Daughters.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say this is a slippery slope to dental care (But freedom is dead)

"Sarah Palin said, 'Obama lies, freedom dies.' And then she and Todd got on their snowmobile, road across the tundra, shooting anything they want with a machine gun.' But freedom is dead." –Bill Maher

"The Tea Party is furious that Obamacare became the law of the land. They say this is a slippery slope to dental care." –Bill Maher

"This is who the Democrats brought out last night -- James Bond was there, Leo DiCaprio, Diane Keaton, Steven Spielberg. Now, not to be outdone, this was who John McCain was campaigning with last week -- Wilford Brimley, the Quaker Oats dude. They are a little celebrity challenged. John McCain must have said to his staff, 'Find me someone who makes me look young. Make up a short list of people who are older than me.' And they said, 'Sir, that is a short list. Joan Rivers doesn't want to do it, and we're not sure if Abe Vigoda is dead.'" --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the hackers could've made off with as much as negative $14 trillion (Nixon Smell vs Trump Smell)

February 2013

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien

"It was just revealed that the Federal Reserve was hacked on Sunday. It's pretty serious. In fact, they say the hackers could've made off with as much as negative $14 trillion." –Jimmy Fallon

"The Postal Service announced that it will stop delivering mail on Saturdays in an effort to save $2 billion a year. Postal workers were shocked: 'We were supposed to deliver mail on Saturdays?" –Jimmy Fallon

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

"In the last two months Fox News has fired Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, and Dick Morris, well-known political pundit. Well, great. Two more jobs lost under Obama." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New York state of mind (The American dollar is strong)

September 2011

"President Obama addressed the United Nations General Assembly. He opened up with a joke: 'The American dollar is strong.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"During a fundraiser in New York last night, President Obama said he was quote 'in a New York state of mind.' Of course, in a year he might be singing that other Billy Joel song, ''Movin' Out.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln – by sending people to the theater." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

al Qaeda is claiming credit for the vague ending of The Sopranos (giving him the lead role in E.T.)

"Director Steven Spielberg has announced that he will endorse  Hillary Clinton for president. He says he likes Hillary because she combines the warmth of the raptors in 'Jurassic Park' with the charisma of the mashed potato tower in 'Close Encounters.' You'd think he'd endorse Dennis Kucinich after giving him the lead role in 'E.T.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

"This just in: al Qaeda is claiming credit for the vague ending of 'The Sopranos.'" --David Letterman

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: James Bond was there (we're not sure if Abe Vigoda is dead)

"Last night, Hillary and Obama debated at the Kodak Theatre. The camera showed so many celebrities in the audience, I thought I was watching a Lakers game. Hillary and Obama. Is it just me or did they look like the local weekend news anchor team? 'Over to you, Hillary. That is a lot of puppies. Thank you.'" --Bill Maher

"This is who the Democrats brought out last night -- James Bond was there, Leo DiCaprio, Diane Keaton, Steven Spielberg. Now, not to be outdone, this was who John McCain was campaigning with last week -- Wilford Brimley, the Quaker Oats dude. They are a little celebrity challenged. John McCain must have said to his staff, 'Find me someone who makes me look young. Make up a short list of people who are older than me.' And they said, 'Sir, that is a short list. Joan Rivers doesn't want to do it, and we're not sure if Abe Vigoda is dead.'" --Bill Maher

This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien



"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien



"In the last two months Fox News has fired Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, and Dick Morris, well-known political pundit. Well, great. Two more jobs lost under Obama." –David Letterman