We totally caught ourselves by surprise (if all of them were Fredo)

“So all the bad stuff they’ve been saying the president didn’t do, now they’re saying he did it and he does it all the time? The defense has gone from ‘If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit’ to ‘Give me back my glove!’” --Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Jr. hired a lawyer yesterday. This lawyer, in the past, represented members of the mafia. That actually makes sense — the Trumps are like the Corleone family, if all of them were Fredo. –Jimmy Kimmel

“But meanwhile, this U.S. exit from Syria was so sudden and hasty, we actually had to bomb one of our own bases to destroy the ammunition that was left behind. Thanks to our genius commander in chief, the U.S. military is now bombing itself. And it was a success, too. We totally caught ourselves by surprise.” --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What's next, a tax on rainbows? (if all of them were Fredo)

"As part of a plan to close his state's budget deficit, New York Governor David Paterson is proposing a tax on Internet pornography. You see, this is why we can't have blind governors. I mean, no offense, but of course he's going to tax pornography. If he can't enjoy it, nobody can. What's next, a tax on rainbows?" --Jimmy Kimmel


Donald Jr. hired a lawyer yesterday. This lawyer, in the past, represented members of the mafia. That actually makes sense — the Trumps are like the Corleone family, if all of them were Fredo. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's on the reduced for quick sale table next to dented cans of green beans (and Tony Soprano demands you call him Tina)

Lawrence O’Donnell of MSNBC said that he needed a break after covering the first 52 days of Donald Trump’s presidency. It’s kind of amazing though that an anchor would admit on TV that he's taking a break from doing his job. Especially since MSNBC's lost so much value it's on the reduced for quick sale table next to dented cans of green beans. But maybe it's because Larry's finally sweating. He went from lying about a dead president to lying about a real one. But when asked to tell the truth the Legacy Media reacts like a vampire getting a holy water enema. —Greg Gutfeld

The left is like the mafia except the food sucks and Tony Soprano demands you call him Tina. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If you haven't figured it out by now (Screw you! I've been sick!)

                                 A lion walks up to a zebra and says,

"Hey zebra! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're black, you're white, you're half mule

and half donkey.

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

The zebra shrugs off the insult and walks on...

The lion then comes upon a giraffe and says,

"Hey, giraffe! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You gotta long neck and tiny antlers on the top

of your head!

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

Finally, the lion comes upon a frog and says,

"Hey, frog! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're green and you're slimy.."

Before the lion could finish his next sentence

the frog says,

"Screw you! I've been sick!"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful (That's between me and Donny Three Wives)

It's reported that Donald Trump may have actually done business with the mob ... even has ties to an ex-convict named Joey No Socks. When asked about his relationship with Trump, Joey No Socks said, "That's between me and Donny Three Wives." –Jimmy Fallon

"If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday Chris Christie said he thinks it would be fun to run against Jeb Bush for the Republican presidential nomination. While Jeb Bush said it would be fun just to watch Chris Christie run." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He finished with a touchdown, 12 catches, 179 yards, and 35 friendship bracelets (we are free to re-write them)

“There are now eight candidates for speaker — seven white men and one Black man, or as Republicans call it, a very diverse slate of choices. It’s like the reunion of a college basketball team from 1955, you know?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, I guess it works, because Travis Kelce had his best game of the season yesterday. He finished with a touchdown, 12 catches, 179 yards, and 35 friendship bracelets, so, what a haul.” — Jimmy Kimmel

I wonder if Travis Kelce knows that if he ever tries to end his relationship with Taylor Swift, he’s dead. They’ll kill him. It’s the dating equivalent of asking the mafia to go in on a restaurant with you. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

So don't expect to see another one of those 1-0 blowouts (In a related story, the Pope is missing. And nobody saw nothin')

"Both the U.S. and German teams have very good goalies, so many are predicting a very low-scoring game tomorrow. So don't expect to see another one of those 1-0 blowouts." –Conan O'Brien

"England was knocked out of the World Cup. It's the most English people wiped out at one time since the last episode of 'Game of Thrones.'" –Conan O'Brien

​​"Over the weekend Pope Francis implied that the Mafia should be excommunicated. In a related story, the Pope is missing. And nobody saw nothin'." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Up to this point, the kid thought his father was Jean-Claude Van Damme (He's had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives)

"Amazing how quickly things change in politics. I was discussing it this morning with my driver, Mitt Romney." --Jay Leno

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's maid said when her son was told that Schwarzenegger was his father he said 'cool.' It was a big improvement. Up to this point, the kid thought his father was Jean-Claude Van Damme." –Jay Leno

"To his credit President Bush knew all the protocol when meeting a Japanese prime minister. He's had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we had a great lawyer who knocked it down to criminal trespassing and necrophilia (God the old man was into some really crazy sh*t)

I don't think I ever got over my grandmother's death when I was a kid. My grandmother died from a heart attack during my ninth birthday party, literally while she was eating cake. And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit. I mean I still have birthday parties but now I'm just careful what I wish for. --Anthony Jeselnik

Maybe the most uncomfortable moment of my life was when my dad gave me the sex talk. God the old man was into some really crazy shit.  --Anthony Jeselnik

When I was a kid, my friends and I got arrested for vandalizing a graveyard. $10,000 in damages, but we had a great lawyer who knocked it down to criminal trespassing and necrophilia. --Anthony Jeselnik

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, the Pope is missing. And nobody saw nothin' (or if any one of the other teams gets malaria)

June 2014

"As weird as it sounds, that tie might be the biggest win in U.S. soccer history. The U.S. will advance to the next round with a win or a tie against Germany, or if Ghana and Portugal tie on Thursday, or if the goal differential, which is the total of points, falls in our favor, or if any one of the other teams gets malaria." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The World Cup is very confusing. It could take up to a month after the final game to figure out who won." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Over the weekend Pope Francis implied that the Mafia should be excommunicated. In a related story, the Pope is missing. And nobody saw nothin'." –Conan O'Brien 

"President Obama said he wants his daughters to work minimum wage jobs because it builds character. The president then announced he will be raising the minimum wage to $50 an hour." –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And when I say "talk," I mean loud, angry, incomprehensible talk (Quick tip - if they stab you . . . fake monk)

Tourists visiting New York City are being warned about "fake monks" on the street who wear orange robes and demand money. Quick tip - if they stab you . . . fake monk. –Conan O’Brien

"Over the weekend Pope Francis implied that the Mafia should be excommunicated. In a related story, the Pope is missing. And nobody saw nothin'." –Conan O'Brien

Because of England’s Brexit vote, there’s now talk in Scotland and Northern Ireland about leaving the UK. And when I say "talk," I mean loud, angry, incomprehensible talk. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the mafia is now very invested in stopping climate change (Freddie Spaghetti)

May 2022

“Elon Musk said that should his purchase of Twitter go through, he plans to lift the ban on Donald Trump’s account. Musk explained that permanent bans should be reserved for bots, scam or spam accounts. I could say it’s a scam. It’s a scam! Donald Trump is a scam account. It’s all a scam.” —James Corden

“The guy who names his kids Roman numerals will make sure they don’t do anything foolish.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Officials in Nevada said they’ve found numerous human remains in Lake Mead as water levels drop during an ongoing drought. On the upside, the mafia is now very invested in stopping climate change.” —Seth Meyers

“Earlier today, President Biden met with the prime minister of Italy at the White House. It was Mario Draghi’s first trip to Washington. Italy’s prime minister, Mario Draghi — or as Joe Biden calls him, ‘Freddie Spaghetti.’” —James Corden

“It was a friendly meeting. Biden opened with, ‘Welcome, or as they say in your country, when you’re here, you’re family.’” —James Corden

“This is true: back at home, the prime minister is facing growing dissent, even from his own party. When Biden heard this, he was like, ‘Nice, man — me too.’” —James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is why now every morning the Pope makes his assistant start the Popemobile (That was a bad idea)

March 2014

"One of President Obama's secret service agents is in trouble now after getting drunk and passing out in a hotel hallway. In his defense, it's spring break! He was wearing a helmet with a beer on either side. That was a bad idea." –Conan O'Brien 

"The first lady is in China. During her trip, Michelle Obama fed panda bears. Like most people the first lady feeds, the bears politely ate the bamboo and then had a cheeseburger the minute she left." –Conan O'Brien

"In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted he has three sexist bones and his spine is homophobic. " –Conan O'Brien

"In a speech, Pope Francis criticized the Mafia and urged its members to repent. Which is why now every morning the Pope makes his assistant start the Popemobile." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only guy who can turn things around for Ukraine — Phil Jackson (He's not going to get the G-8 tote bag)

March 2014

"They've kicked Vladimir Putin out of the G-8, the most powerful economic organization. So now he won't be getting his G-8 jacket. He won't be getting the G-8 mug. And he's not going to get the G-8 tote bag." –David Letterman

"Ukraine is in a lot of trouble, and I was thinking about this. The only guy who can turn things around for Ukraine — Phil Jackson." –David Letterman 

"Michelle Obama is in China. I wonder if while she's over there she could get them to do something about those leaky cardboard takeout containers." –David Letterman 

"Pope Francis called out the Mafia. He said, 'You Mafia guys are all going to hell.' It got me to thinking, who else is going to hell? What about those guys who honk the second the light turns green?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They weren’t just trying to overturn democracy, they were trying to bore it to death (There’s just the one slide)

December 2021

“The House committee investigating the Jan. 6th attack on the Capitol is looking into a 38-page PowerPoint document sent to President Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, that included plans to overturn the 2020 election. PowerPoint? They weren’t just trying to overturn democracy, they were trying to bore it to death.” —Stephen Colbert

“So what was in these slides of sedition? We’re not exactly sure yet, but there is one deck that’s been circulating, that may be the deck in question, and one of the slides on that was a list of recommendations, including a plan to ‘declare a national security emergency.’ I’m sure exactly how you do that. I assume by breaking into every broadcast using the emergency [expletive] system.” —Stephen Colbert

“They were also planning to declare electronic voting in all states invalid. Instead, they wanted to rely on ‘legal and genuine paper ballot counts.’ OK, so if you can’t trust computers, how are you giving your presentation, via PowerPoint pigeon? They’re staging a coup-coup!” —Stephen Colbert

“Even the Mafia knows to use code words. If the Mafia ever made a PowerPoint presentation, it would say something vague like, ‘Plan for the guys at the place to do the thing.’ ‘OK, boss, what’s the next slide?’ ‘There’s no more slides. There’s just the one slide.’” —Seth Meyers

“They did everything they could, left no stone unturned, looked for every crack and crevice in our democracy they could possibly find to prevent the transition of power. Trump tried so many different avenues. He was like the guy in the grocery store during Christmas rush who keeps switching checkout aisles.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Safe to come out yet? (Thoughts and Prayers)

Amazon just announced that teens can now shop on their parents’ accounts, but the order will only go through if Mom and Dad approve it. Or if they click the button that says, “Mom and Dad approve it.” –Jimmy Fallon

Amazon is also working with a company to deliver items to the trunk of your car. The company has an interesting name — “The Mafia.” –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

It’s like a five-second rule for your soul (Tony Soprano vs Donald Trump)

Before he left the president, who’s been notoriously stingy with on-camera interviews lately, sat down with the 700-year-old host of “The 700 Club,” Pat Robertson. This is a religious television show. And Donald Trump is a very religious guy. [clip of Robertson responding “yeah,” “that’s right” several times as Trump speaks] So they got along just great. –Jimmy Kimmel

Of course Trump got asked about the biggest story in France — his son’s collusion with Russia. [clip of Trump] “He took a meeting with a Russian lawyer, not a government lawyer, but a Russian lawyer. It was a short meeting. It was a meeting that went very, very quickly, very fast.” Welcome to Trump’s America, where morality is measured by speed. Because it was over quickly, it wasn’t wrong! It’s like a five-second rule for your soul. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

Under Trump's New Tax Plan (if all of them were Fredo)

Donald Trump Jr. released a series of emails showing he actively tried to collaborate with the Russians before the election. When he heard this, Donald Trump said, "Good luck trying to connect me to Donald Trump Jr." –Conan O’Brien

Today was one of those days I woke up, I cracked my neck, I brushed my teeth, I looked in the mirror and I thought, "Boy, am I glad I'm not Donald Trump Jr." I have that thought about three times a week, but today I said it out loud. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Jr. hired a lawyer yesterday. This lawyer, in the past, represented members of the mafia. That actually makes sense — the Trumps are like the Corleone family, if all of them were Fredo. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

Hey, don’t lump me in with those guys (strange choice of words)

A new study just found that the Republican healthcare bill has the same approval rating as Nickelback and herpes. When asked to comment, the herpes virus said, "Hey, don’t lump me in with those guys." –Conan O’Brien

White House chief of staff Reince Priebus has dismissed the latest Trump-Russia story as "a nothingburger." When questioned about his really strange choice of words, he explained, "My name is Reince Priebus." –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump Jr. is being represented by a mafia lawyer who has defended four New York crime families. So now the lawyer has updated his resume to say "defended five New York crime families." –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020