The only shots these agents were blocking were coming from José Cuervo (Countries ranked by prosperity)

Football player Travis Kelce is expected to retire after the 2026 NFL season. So, he marries rich, then stops working. Who does he think he is? A woman? —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump just revoked Kamala Harris's Secret Service protection, which had been secretly extended by Joe Biden. I guess it makes sense. The only shots these agents were blocking were coming from José Cuervo. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Amazingly none of them could make bail (sparkling personality bulls**t)

A border patrol traffic stop in Texas led to the discovery of 13 illegal aliens concealed inside a truck carrying hay. Amazingly none of them could make bail. —Greg Gutfeld

According to the New York Times Bill Belichick used to make his girlfriend Jordan Hudson wear red pants so he could spot her in the crowd. No wonder he kept trying to have sex with Travis Kelce. —Greg Gutfeld

Johnny Depp's ex Amber Herd announced that she gave birth to twins. That's something you never hear about. Amber Herd dropping a deuce. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess that means neither got a ring (The last thing you want is teachers getting pregnant)

Travis Kelce didn't propose to Taylor Swift on the their recent romantic getaway. I guess that means neither got a ring. —Greg Gutfeld

Parents in Maryland are outraged at a new bill that would make condoms available in school vending machines. I get it. The last thing you want is teachers getting pregnant. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you’re embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, jeez louise! (Finally, something good happened for Taylor Swift!)

In case you missed it, the Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers, 25-22, in overtime. Finally, something good happened for Taylor Swift! —Stephen Colbert

It was a low-scoring first half – at one point, the Chiefs seemed close to scoring their first touchdown, only to fumble the ball. Travis Kelce was caught on camera yelling at his coach Andy Reid, which I lip-read as ‘you’re embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, jeez louise!’ —Stephen Colbert

The NFL avoided many shots of Swift during the game, but at one point caught her chugging her beer. Have fun, Taylor, but please make sure you have a designated driver for your private jet. The NFL tweeted a picture of the moment with the word “icon”. If that’s what makes you an icon, then my Aunt Rita is an icon-aholic. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Kansas City Chiefs vs Kansas City Chiefs (OT-Super Bowl)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

ratings are going to be higher than Snoop Dogg at a Willie Nelson concert (not-too-Swifties)

“There are so many questions about this Super Bowl: can the 49ers contain Patrick Mahomes? Can the Chiefs stop Christian McCaffrey? And the one that most people care about: can Taylor Swift make it there because she has a concert in Japan the day before?! Between the Super Bowl and Swift, he added, ratings are going to be higher than Snoop Dogg at a Willie Nelson concert.” —Jimmy Fallon

Supporters of former President Donald Trump are spreading conspiracy theories about the Super Bowl, Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs and his girlfriend, Taylor Swift. Even this clown who ran for president, Vivek Ramaswamy, added his nut voice to the chorus of cuckoos. He pointed to the former G.O.P. candidate’s suggestion that Kelce and Swift were “an artificially culturally propped-up couple” and that the Super Bowl would be rigged, all to get President Biden re-elected. And it’s not just on Twitter — this nonsense is now everywhere your angry grandpa goes, I’m calling the conspiracy theorists, the “not-too-Swifties.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I regret nothing (Well, congrats on the payday, Eric.)

There is speculation over whether Taylor Swift would attend the Super Bowl now that her beau Travis Kelce will be playing for the Kansas City Chiefs, who take on the San Francisco 49ers in Las Vegas in two weeks. The whole thing has been great for the NFL and for dads who struggle to bond with their teenage daughters. Swift mania has fully taken over the NFL, he noted, as American Airlines announced it would rename the flight from Kansas City to Las Vegas for the game to AA1989, in honor of Swift’s album and also the last year they checked the bolts on that plane. — Stephen Colbert

It’s still unclear whether the pop star will be able to attend the game, as she is scheduled to perform a concert in Tokyo the day before. It’s just too stressful! Why can’t she just do a concert closer, like Paris or Venice or New York? They’re all there, in Vegas. Of course, I hope Taylor makes it, because I really want to watch the Apple Music Super Bowl Half-time Show starring Shaky Footage of Taylor Swift Cheering in a Skybox, featuring Usher. — Stephen Colbert

In other news, a New York jury ordered Donald Trump to pay a whopping $83.3m to E Jean Carroll for defamation. The former columnist promised to ‘give the money to something Donald Trump hates’. Well, congrats on the payday, Eric.  — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s even harder when there’s an army of 12-year-old girls ready to kill you if you screw it up (or else I would have been invited)

“And then we have Time’s Person of the Year, who is celebrating a birthday today. Taylor Swift turned 34 today. And what an absolutely terrifying situation for Travis Kelce. I mean, getting your new girlfriend the right gift on the first birthday together is always a challenge. It’s even harder when there’s an army of 12-year-old girls ready to kill you if you screw it up.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Man, if you think your job is hard, try being the waiter who has to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Taylor Swift.” — Jimmy Fallon 

“I heard that Taylor celebrated her birthday with close friends here in New York City. I mean, that’s impossible, or else I would have been invited.” — Jimmy Fallon 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Not only does she have the No. 1 song, today, she was seen holding hands with Travis Kelce (Complaints have dropped by 88%)

“The new No. 1 song in the United States, according to the Billboard Hot 100, is 65 years old. ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’ by Brenda Lee, which was released in 1958, is at the top of the charts for the very first time. Brenda Lee was 13 when she recorded the song, which is crazy. A 13-year-old named Brenda? It’s insane.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s never been No. 1 before, but for whatever reason it is now, and now Brenda Lee has a No. 1 hit at 78 years old. It’s nuts. I mean, between the president, the Golden Bachelor, and now Brenda Lee, old people are hotter than ever.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Yep, Brenda’s having a moment. Not only does she have the No. 1 song, today, she was seen holding hands with Travis Kelce.” — Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Brenda Lee’s ‘Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree’ has hit No. 1. Meanwhile, Mariah Carey spent the day cutting letters out of magazines: ‘Back off, B.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“People are loving something that’s been around for over six decades. This is actually the best news Joe Biden’s had in years.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If everyone is king, then no one is king (This is why nobody believes in UFOs, by the way)

Spotify Wrapped users across the nation learned their listening habits of the year. These Spotify year-end wrap-ups are somehow more embarrassing than your porn search history. My top five artists qualified me for the senior discount at IHOP this year. If I show my pharmacist my top five, they give me Lipitor without a prescription. —Jimmy Kimmel

The most globally streamed artist of the year was, unsurprisingly, Taylor Swift, who is rumored to have moved into new beau Travis Kelce’s Kansas City home after a moving truck was spotted outside his house. Meanwhile, no video footage exists of the White House Christmas tree falling over from a gust of wind. Three hundred million iPhones in this country, not one of them was pointed at the White House at 5pm. A moving truck outside of Travis Kelce’s house? That they got, no problem. A 40ft tree almost falling on the White House? Nothing. This is why nobody believes in UFOs, by the way. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Yeah, he’s Vincent van Going-to-jail with real estate, is what he is (She runs, jumped into his arms, and then he ran her back 57 yards for a touchdown)

Taylor Swift and football star Travis Kelce were reunited after her concert in Buenos Aires, Argentina, over the weekend. These two – I mean, she is on tour around the world and still makes it to his games on Sundays, he’s in the middle of a football season and is flying to Buenos Aires. They’re making it very hard for every other couple that’s in a long-distance relationship right now – ‘Oh, you can’t make it to my mom’s house for Thanksgiving this year? Travis flew to Singapore for Taylor!’ —Jimmy Kimmel

“And then after the show, she comes offstage, and he’s there. She runs, jumped into his arms, and then he ran her back 57 yards for a touchdown. It was incredible.” — Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump Jr. walked into the New York courthouse for his father’s civil fraud trial to chants of “crime family!” And that is basically what these people are – a crime family. A very dumb crime family. The Gambozos, if you will. —Jimmy Kimmel

Don Jr is so embarrassing. He’s on the stand, he’s testifying in this $250m fraud trial and he has to compliment his father, an ‘artist’ with real estate. Yeah, he’s Vincent van Going-to-jail with real estate, is what he is. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He finished with a touchdown, 12 catches, 179 yards, and 35 friendship bracelets (we are free to re-write them)

“There are now eight candidates for speaker — seven white men and one Black man, or as Republicans call it, a very diverse slate of choices. It’s like the reunion of a college basketball team from 1955, you know?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, I guess it works, because Travis Kelce had his best game of the season yesterday. He finished with a touchdown, 12 catches, 179 yards, and 35 friendship bracelets, so, what a haul.” — Jimmy Kimmel

I wonder if Travis Kelce knows that if he ever tries to end his relationship with Taylor Swift, he’s dead. They’ll kill him. It’s the dating equivalent of asking the mafia to go in on a restaurant with you. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wow, they put their relationship to the hardest test any couple can (the good news is … there is no good news)

“The two potential speaker options for House Republicans: bad (Louisiana congressman Steve Scalise, an election denier who didn’t have the votes on Thursday) and worse (Ohio’s Jim Jordan, also an election denier accused of covering up sexual misconduct as a wrestling coach at Ohio State). You could not pick a worse speaker of the House. And keep in mind: the GOP just had Kevin McCarthy, so they tried. The bad news here is that the new speaker might be Jim Jordan. But the good news is … there is no good news.” —Stephen Colbert

“NFL star Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift, were photographed holding hands while entering the Saturday Night Live after-party. Wow, they put their relationship to the hardest test any couple can: going anywhere near Pete Davidson.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

That is one anger-glazed ham (the first to end world hunger)

“We looked at the calendar today and — check my math on this — I believe we have been off the air for 154 indictments. And, of course, Donald Trump’s mugshot for a third indictment in Georgia. That is one anger-glazed ham.” — Stephen Colbert

“Taylor Swift is potentially dating the Kansas City Chiefs tight-end Travis Kelce, after she was seen cheering him on at two Sunday games in a row. This is all great publicity for the NFL. Mere rumors that Tay-Tay might be at last night’s game-game sent ticket prices surging more than 40%. It used to be that you couldn’t afford to watch Taylor Swift. Now you can’t afford to watch Taylor Swift watch something.” — Stephen Colbert

“But the Swift Lift is not limited to tickets. Her maybe-boyfriend’s jersey saw a 400% spike in sales, and the jean shorts she was wearing are now sold out everywhere. Everything she touches is instantly revitalized, which gives me an idea: Taylor, if this relationship doesn’t work out, is there any way you can start dating one of our nation’s crumbling bridges?” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”