The warden said it was an “open-and-can’t-quite-get-it-shut case.” (You May Be Cool)

 

There was a crazy story out of Venezuela. A 25-year-old woman was arrested after attempting to break her boyfriend out of prison by smuggling him in a suitcase. The warden said it was an “open-and-can’t-quite-get-it-shut case.” –James Corden

Isn’t the Super Bowl already patriotic enough? The game is between the Eagles and the Patriots. The only way it could be more American is if they forced the Redskins out of their stadium and played it there. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Madden: Philadelphia Eagles vs Kansas City Chiefs (Super Bowl)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Yeah, well, 179 if we take over Canada by Saturday (Taylor Swift’s boyfriend)

“Yeah, between the game and the commercials, it’s going to be four straight hours of Patrick Mahomes on TV.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Taylor Swift will also be in attendance to support her boyfriend, the Chiefs’ superstar tight end, Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.” — Stephen Colbert

“I saw that this year’s Super Bowl will be watched in 180 countries. Yeah, well, 179 if we take over Canada by Saturday.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Joint session sounds like more fun than it is (he chugged a quart of almond milk and ate half a grape)

"Well, tonight in Washington, President Barack Obama gave his State of the Union address before a joint session of Congress. Joint session sounds like more fun than it is." –Jimmy Kimmel

But what a game! The Eagles won their first Super Bowl ever, toppling Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. They said Tom Brady was so distraught after the game, he chugged a quart of almond milk and ate half a grape. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Philadelphia Eagles vs Washington Commanders

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Y'all can't even push AOC left (I can't do math either)

The UK said it would not recognize President Trump's name change from the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Trump replied, Great UK, from now on we’ll call you FUK. —Greg Gutfeld

Philadelphia mayor Cheryl Parker is being mocked by sports fans for her inability to spell the word Eagles. When asked to spell the 76ers she said, I can't do math either. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Biden told the waiter it was their anniversary (complaints have dropped by 88%)

A pair of zebras got loose in downtown Philadelphia this weekend after escaping from a nearby circus. They were chased down and captured almost immediately by Eagles fans who mistook them for referees. –Seth Meyers

Vice President Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Mike Pence had lunch together this afternoon. And just to [tick] him off, Biden told the waiter it was their anniversary. – Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s about time hiding drugs in soft cheeses wasn’t just for the family dog (NATO blocked you)

We want to congratulate the Philadelphia Eagles for beating the Patriots last night to win their first Super Bowl championship ever. Now, usually the president will call and congratulate the winners. But breaking with tradition, President Trump actually called the Patriots after the game and just mocked them for being losers. Did you see they partied hard in the streets of Philly last night? Everyone in Philadelphia was a winner last night. They really were, unless your car was parked at the intersection of Broad Street and Chestnut. Then today you were riding the bus because your car is still on fire. --James Corden

According to a new report, some middle-class women have started hosting dinner parties around a new trend called “brieing.” Brieing is where the women consume the drug MDMA, also known as Molly, wrapped in brie cheese. It’s about time hiding drugs in soft cheeses wasn’t just for the family dog. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

nothing says “great car” like a complimentary helmet (referees)

A pair of zebras got loose in downtown Philadelphia this weekend after escaping from a nearby circus. They were chased down and captured almost immediately by Eagles fans who mistook them for referees. –Seth Meyers

Nissan is now offering a limited-edition version of its Rogue SUV to promote the new movie “Star Wars: Rogue One” featuring a collectible helmet, because nothing says “great car” like a complimentary helmet. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel (Economy Minus)

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is being called out of touch and is facing some backlash after bragging about the Republican tax plan. He tweeted about a Pennsylvania high school secretary saying she was pleasantly surprised when her pay went up $1.50 a week. I guess Trump promised real change. And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel. --James Corden

Isn’t the Super Bowl already patriotic enough? The game is between the Eagles and the Patriots. The only way it could be more American is if they forced the Redskins out of their stadium and played it there. --James Corden

A family returning from vacation recently showed up to their flight with a company called Tui Airlines, only to find that their assigned seats did not exist. So they had to spend their entire flight sitting on the floor. Spirit Airlines heard about this and were like, “Wait, we don’t have to give our customers seats? We’re allowed to do this?” The family’s seat assignments were for seats that didn’t exist or as the airline is now calling it, Economy Minus. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was so distraught after the game, he chugged a quart of almond milk and ate half a grape (Who doesn’t like to see the overdogs win?)

Last night was caucus night in Iowa and Ted Cruz was the winner on the Republican side with 28 percent of the vote. Donald Trump came in second with 24 percent, and Marco Rubio is right behind him with 23 percent. Third is pretty good considering the fact that most Iowa voters think that Marco Rubio is a game you play in the swimming pool. –Jimmy Kimmel

The New England Patriots made what turned out to be the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history to beat the Atlanta Falcons in overtime last night. Who doesn’t like to see the overdogs win? –Jimmy Kimmel

But what a game! The Eagles won their first Super Bowl ever, toppling Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. They said Tom Brady was so distraught after the game, he chugged a quart of almond milk and ate half a grape. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, so you LIKE protests now? (Both major parties need to go)

Some people are upset with Nike over the new campaign, and are even destroying their Nike gear in protest. Then Colin Kaepernick was like, "Oh, so you LIKE protests now?" --Jimmy Fallon

The NFL season kicked off tonight with a game between the Atlanta Falcons and the Philadelphia Eagles. And it's perfect timing for the Eagles' fans. 'Cause they just sobered up from the Super Bowl. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump has been keeping busy. He just met with the leaders of Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania. And until that meeting, Trump thought Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania were cast members on "Real Housewives." [imitates Trump] "Do you know Melania?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Philadelphia Eagles (Super Bowl)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Philadelphia Eagles (Super Bowl)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Madden: Kansas City Chiefs vs Philadelphia Eagles (Super Bowl)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel (Economy Minus)

We want to congratulate the Philadelphia Eagles for beating the Patriots last night to win their first Super Bowl championship ever. Now, usually the president will call and congratulate the winners. But breaking with tradition, President Trump actually called the Patriots after the game and just mocked them for being losers. --James Corden

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is being called out of touch and is facing some backlash after bragging about the Republican tax plan. He tweeted about a Pennsylvania high school secretary saying she was pleasantly surprised when her pay went up $1.50 a week. I guess Trump promised real change. And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel. --James Corden

A family returning from vacation recently showed up to their flight with a company called Tui Airlines, only to find that their assigned seats did not exist. So they had to spend their entire flight sitting on the floor. Spirit Airlines heard about this and were like, “Wait, we don’t have to give our customers seats? We’re allowed to do this?” The family’s seat assignments were for seats that didn’t exist or as the airline is now calling it, Economy Minus. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump is worried he might not pass the NFL’s concussion protocol (a leak from the machine)

"The Super Bowl this year will be played in Governor Chris Christie's home state of New Jersey. It's a state that lately has gotten used to 300-pound guys blocking things." –Conan O'Brien

During Super Bowl celebrations in Philadelphia yesterday, an Eagles fan got so carried away, he ate horse poop right off the street. In his defense, the man thought it was dog poop. --Conan O’Brien

President Trump has decided not to take part in the traditional presidential Super Bowl interview. Apparently, Trump is worried he might not pass the NFL’s concussion protocol. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You'll never be Johnny Cash eating cake in a bush High (Joint session sounds like more fun than it is)

While all this was happening, Donald Trump was hosting a screening at the White House of the movie "Finding Dory," which ironically is a movie about a fish trying to find her parents. To his credit he was so moved by the film, he lifted all travel restrictions on clownfish. So that is good. –Jimmy Kimmel

What a game! The Eagles won their first Super Bowl ever, toppling Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. They said Tom Brady was so distraught after the game, he chugged a quart of almond milk and ate half a grape. --Jimmy Kimmel

"Well, tonight in Washington, President Barack Obama gave his State of the Union address before a joint session of Congress. Joint session sounds like more fun than it is." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The warden said it was an “open-and-can’t-quite-get-it-shut case.” (Man, I wish I could eat here?)

Isn’t the Super Bowl already patriotic enough? The game is between the Eagles and the Patriots. The only way it could be more American is if they forced the Redskins out of their stadium and played it there. --James Corden

There is a new restaurant in Spain that just opened where everybody dines in the restaurant completely naked. And you thought it was awkward going to dinner with your parents before. Everyone in there is fully nude. Because who amongst us hasn’t been in a crowded locker room and thought, “Man, I wish I could eat here?” –James Corden

There was a crazy story out of Venezuela. A 25-year-old woman was arrested after attempting to break her boyfriend out of prison by smuggling him in a suitcase. The warden said it was an “open-and-can’t-quite-get-it-shut case.” –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even Tom Brady is like, ‘Hey, give someone else a chance.’ (Masters of War)

January 2023

“Guys, I want to say congrats to the Kansas City Chiefs and the Philadelphia Eagles on advancing to Super Bowl LVII. Yeah, to all Chiefs fans, I want to say congratulations. To all the Eagles fans, I want to say good morning. You could tell Philly partied hard last night because today, the Rocky statue is holding up Tylenol and a Gatorade.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Of course, everyone in Kansas City is just as pumped. This is the Chiefs' third Super Bowl appearance in the last four years. Even Tom Brady is like, ‘Hey, give someone else a chance.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, before becoming coach of the Chiefs, Andy Reid was head coach of the Eagles for 14 years. He looks just the same as he did then. I don't know how this is possible, but somehow, Andy Reid is the Paul Rudd of the NFL.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”