"North Korea's Kim
Jong-il acknowledged Monday he was developing a nuclear missile program 'to
deter attacks from the West.' It's called the Taepo-Dong. Before you laugh, you
should know that in Korean, that translates to 'kind of penis.'" --Jon
Stewart
"CBS announced that
this season of 'Survivor,' the teams will be divided by race. CBS said they got
the idea from the Third Reich." --Conan O'Brien
"Last weekend Rush
Limbaugh was arrested at an airport because he had illegal Viagra. So
apparently, Dick Cheney isn't the only Republican who's locked and
loaded." --David Letterman
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