she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else

"Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else." --Jay Leno

"They have found bird flu in New Jersey, but not to worry. If any of the birds get out, New Jersey's natural toxic waste will take care of them." --Jay Leno

"A mild form of bird flu has been detected in New Jersey. Health officials said the bird flu was hard to detect, because in New Jersey, every bird coughs." --Conan O'Brien