Congress, very quietly voted themselves a $3,300 pay raise (Why not? Job well done)

"Speaking of Congress, the other day -- very quietly -- they voted themselves a $3,300 pay raise. Why not? Job well done. A lot of added expenses this year: legal fees, criminal defense lawyers."  --Jay Leno

"Congress gave itself a big raise this week and voted against the minimum wage, which is kind of ironic. I mean if anybody should getting minimum wage, it's Congress." --Jay Leno

"Apparently at the G-8 luncheon, the president, not realizing his mic was on, made some comments about Syria, Kofi Annan and Diet Coke. Diet Coke came out on top. Anyway, the mainstream media seems to think we have a right to know what he said to Tony Blair. Well, we don't folks. If we need to know, it would have been put in a press release. I've said it before, reporting is putting press releases into your own words." --Stephen Colbert