Well, at least the corn will sleep better (carpooling rats)

"Last week Congress found a topic everybody in any party could grandstand about. Violent video games were the latest target of Washington's election year ire. The issue is the video game industry's rating system. Many feel that the 'M' for 'Mature' rating is too vague in describing content. Not to mention, completely inaccurate to describe anyone who plays video games. They proposed a three-tiered system that would start with 'D' for  'Dropout.' 'W' for 'Wastoid' and max out at 'CMB' for 'Child in Man's Body'" --Jon Stewart

"Did you hear about this? Homeland Security is cutting funding to New York City and raising funding for Nebraska. Well, at least the corn will sleep better." --David Letterman

"Gas prices, aren't they crazy? It's so expensive that rats are carpooling in from New Jersey." --David Letterman

"There's a guy in Washington, D.C. and he's searching through garbage and he finds a copy of President Bush's travel plans. Why don't we put this guy in charge of looking for bin Laden?" --David Letterman