I just hope he never gets into politics (Rampage)

Last night Villanova beat Michigan to win the men’s college basketball

tournament. We had about 75 people in our office pool and one of our

producers, Gina, won it. She beat everybody. So I asked her today, "On

a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you follow college basketball?" She said,

"Zero." That's how it goes. You know nothing and you win. Like being

president in a way. --Jimmy Kimmel

We are all in very good hands if there's an earthquake tonight because

Dwayne Johnson is here. The Rock is promoting a new movie called

"Rampage," which is based on either the classic video game or what

happens when the president runs out of McNuggets. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly (work together for the benefit of all)

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly. –Seth Meyers

"A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

just because you went for a long time, doesn’t mean you did a good job (1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day)

President Biden marked the end of his first year in office with a two hour press conference. Because that’s how long it took to list everything that’s gone wrong. But as I have been told many times before, just because you went for a long time, doesn’t mean you did a good job. —Colin Jost

Dwayne Johnson said that a skull of a T-Rex that was seen behind him during a recent interview was a replica and not the real thing. Johnson also said that it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Anaheim Ducks

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Stop pointing out our lies and hypocrisy! (Postnut clarity)

A new poll shows that President Biden and Donald Trump are tied in a hypothetical 2024 rematch, but they’re both running 50 points behind Kill Me! —Michael Che

After Dwayne Johnson complained that a wax figure of him at a museum in France had the wrong skin tone, the museum has attempted to darken the statue. Unfortunately, it melted in the tanning bed. —Michael Che

New research suggests that Viagra can help lower a man’s chances of developing Alzheimer’s by 60%, thanks to an effect researchers are calling Postnut Clarity. —Michael Che

Olive Oil prices have more than doubled following extreme weather, which sadly has forced many New Jersey residents to bathe in water. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can you start tomorrow? (Hey, if anyone deserves a medal here, it’s me!)

Last week, a 90-year-old letter to Santa Claus was found in a chimney. On the bright side, the 96-year-old who wrote the letter is still alive and finally got that tricycle. –Conan O’Brien

During their meeting, the Pope gave President Trump a medal. Then Melania said, “Hey, if anyone deserves a medal here, it’s me!” –Conan O’Brien

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said that he might run for president of the United States later on down the line. When they heard, the Republican Party asked him, "Can you start tomorrow?" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Well, 11 days, you must be on your, like, 50th scandal by now? (when The Rock runs for president)

Last night, a Republican congressional candidate named Greg Gianforte apparently body-slammed a reporter. Some Republicans are defending him, saying the body slam wasn't a big deal — which they might regret in three years when The Rock runs for president. –Jimmy Fallon

Last week, President Trump announced the United States will withdraw from the Paris climate agreement. Trump said he wants the entire country to be the same temperature as a Florida golf course. –Jimmy Fallon

Today, President Trump had lunch with French President Emmanuel Macron, who was just sworn in 11 days ago. Trump was like,“Well, 11 days, you must be on your, like, 50th scandal by now?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly (He still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure")

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly. –Seth Meyers

A source has told Axios that President Trump is triggered by the leaks about special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation, and his instinct is always to be on the offensive. So yeah, it’s not a real good time to meet with the leader of North Korea. Before he leaves, let's also give him a bunch of Red Bull and remind him Hillary won the popular vote. --Seth Meyers

Indiana is holding its primary today, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day (Real Girls' Talk)

A new study lists the best city in the U.S. to raise a family as Moscow, Idaho. While the worst is once again Handsy Uncle, Maryland. --Colin Jost, SNL

Last week was a pretty bad year for Donald Trump. Think about what’s currently under investigation for him. Trump’s campaign, his transition, his inauguration, his business and his presidency. So everyone check your card. You might have impeachment Bingo. --Colin Jost, SNL

Dwayne Johnson said that a skull of a T-Rex that was seen behind him during a recent interview was a replica and not the real thing. Johnson also said that it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day. —Colin Jost

And this Monday is tax day. So if you haven’t paid any taxes yet, you’re Amazon. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Floridians are being asked to take shelter in their meth labs (what happens when the president runs out of McNuggets)

“The governor of Florida today issued a long-overdue, statewide stay-at-home order. Floridians are being asked to take shelter in their meth labs.” — Jimmy Kimmel

We are all in very good hands if there's an earthquake tonight because Dwayne Johnson is here. The Rock is promoting a new movie called "Rampage," which is based on either the classic video game or what happens when the president runs out of McNuggets. --Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump officially declared the month of April to be National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. At this point he's just messing with us, right? He might as well declare it National Bankrupt Casino Awareness Month. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly (it's just what his iPhone autocorrects to when he types "Hello.")

President Trump said yesterday he is seriously thinking of creating a sixth branch of the military called the "Space Force." They'll patrol the distant reaches between him and Melania. --Seth Meyers

President Trump tweeted today "There was no collusion. It is a hoax, and there is no obstruction of justice. That is a setup and trap." But it's not Trump's fault he tweeted that, it's just what his iPhone autocorrects to when he types "Hello." --Seth Meyers

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly. –Seth Meyers

Indiana is holding its primary today, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day (I also kind of hate Ireland)

January 2022

In a new interview, Bono reveals that he never liked the name U2, adding, ‘I also kind of hate Ireland.’ —Colin Jost

Longtime director of Wheel of Fortune has died at the age of 92. Said Wheel of Fortune viewers, ‘Wow. So young.’ —Colin Jost

This week, Britain’s most eligible bachelor, Prince Andrew, officially deleted his Twitter account after he realized that’s not the App with the dancing teenagers. —Colin Jost

Dwayne Johnson said that a skull of a T-Rex that was seen behind him during a recent interview was a replica and not the real thing. Johnson also said that it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

Which, from the looks of him, might be a life sentence (Unfortunately, they are all from the Quidditch team)

November 2021

Ex-Trump advisor Steve Bannon, seen here moments after shooting out of a sewage pipe, was indicted this week for contempt of congress. If convicted, Bannon faces up to two years in prison. Which, from the looks of him, might be a life sentence. —Colin Jost

Cambridge University in England has released a new calendar featuring student athletes naked. Unfortunately, they are all from the Quidditch team. —Colin Jost

Bud Light is releasing a carbonated eggnog-flavored drink called Seltzer Nog. If you want a preview of the taste, throw up in your mouth. —Colin Jost

In an effort to end his long standing feud with Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel posted an open letter on Instagram. Of course for Vin Diesel, an open letter is just a C. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it looks like Dwayne Johnson standing next to Kevin Hart (We’d also like to give him his knife back)

“But in that master impeachment report, there was a 20-page dissent from Republicans. That’s 638 pages for impeachment, 20 against. If you put those stacks next to each other, it looks like Dwayne Johnson standing next to Kevin Hart.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Senator Lindsey Graham told a crowd this weekend, ‘I have made up my mind. I’m not trying to pretend to be a fair juror here.’ Really? You should at least pretend.” --Stephen Colbert

“How is that O.K.? That’s like one of the jurors standing up at the beginning of a trial and saying, ‘Your honor, we think the defendant is a really good guy, and we’re going to be coordinating with him throughout the trial. We’d also like to give him his knife back.’” --Stephen Colbert

“That’s right — not one Republican evidently has a problem with the president blackmailing a foreign government to get dirt on a political opponent. In a related story, the G.O.P. has changed its mascot from an elephant to an ostrich.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

My man, you’ve built a door (any other guy named Dwayne)

“Just after Trump bragged about his super wall, we learned that smugglers have been cutting through the new border wall with basic tools that you can buy at any hardware store. And I wouldn’t be shocked if the guys at Home Depot showed the smugglers how to do it because — because those guys will help you with any project. Yeah, they don’t judge.” --Trevor Noah

“For four years, this guy told us this wall would be impenetrable. But now he’s like, ‘Of course you can cut through anything.’ In a span of a few hours, the wall went from Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson to literally any other guy named Dwayne.” --Trevor Noah

“[imitating Trump] You’ve got to have a see-through wall because if the wall is not see-through, the only way to know what’s on the other side is by yelling ‘Marco’ and hope they yell ‘Polo.’ That’s the only way. But some Mexicans aren’t named Marco. A lot of people don’t know that, folks.” --Trevor Noah

“And also, if Trump is saying he built it on purpose to be something that’s easy to open and then close, it isn’t a wall. My man, you’ve built a door.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

at halftime all five starters left for the NBA (what happens when the president runs out of McNuggets)

We are all in very good hands if there's an earthquake tonight because Dwayne Johnson is here. The Rock is promoting a new movie called "Rampage," which is based on either the classic video game or what happens when the president runs out of McNuggets. --Jimmy Kimmel

The NCAA Tournament wrapped up last night, with Villanova coming out on top! And if you won your office March Madness pool, congratulations — all of your coworkers hate you now. --Jimmy Fallon

Villanova really played great. They beat Michigan 79 to 62. I'm not saying Villanova was cocky, but at halftime all five starters left for the NBA. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

Well, 11 days, you must be on your, like, 50th scandal by now?

Today, President Trump had lunch with French President Emmanuel Macron, who was just sworn in 11 days ago. Trump was like,“Well, 11 days, you must be on your, like, 50th scandal by now?” –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, a Republican congressional candidate named Greg Gianforte apparently body-slammed a reporter. Some Republicans are defending him, saying the body slam wasn't a big deal — which they might regret in three years when The Rock runs for president. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! (Whopperito)

A new poll found that Donald Trump’s recent outrageous comments might cost him the state of Florida. You know things are bad when a candidate is considered "too crazy for Florida." –Conan O’Brien

Burger King has merged a Whopper with a burrito to make a Whopperito. So take note, Donald Trump: THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! –Conan O’Brien

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said that he might run for president of the United States later on down the line. When they heard, the Republican Party asked him, "Can you start tomorrow?" –Conan O’Brien

Last week, a 90-year-old letter to Santa Claus was found in a chimney. On the bright side, the 96-year-old who wrote the letter is still alive and finally got that tricycle. –Conan O’Brien

While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure."

A report came out last week that members of ISIS are trying to fake doctor's notes to get themselves out of front line duty. Imagine a member of ISIS calling in like, "Hey guys, I have actually got a bit of a cough and don't think I can go to the suicide bombing today." –James Corden

Indiana is holding its primary tomorrow, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure." –Seth Meyers

A 100-year-old Brooklyn woman has become the oldest runner to ever cross the finish line in the 100-meter dash. On the down side, she started the race in 2009. –Seth Meyers

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly. –Seth Meyers

And then Stormy Daniels was like, ‘Second worst.’ (Worst President Ever)

I hope everyone had a good Halloween. It seemed like there were lots of good costumes this year. I saw that The Rock went as Popeye; Heidi Klum went as Jessica Rabbit; and this year's Mets went as LAST year's Mets. –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to the Kansas City Royals, who beat the Mets to win their first World Series in 30 years. Since the Royals won, they'll get to meet President Obama. And since the Mets blew an early lead and lost, they'll get to meet Jeb Bush. –Jimmy Fallon

“Well, after the hearing, Trump said Mueller’s performance was, quote, ‘one of the worst performances in the history of the country.’ And then Stormy Daniels was like, ‘Second worst.’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”