when she goes to Buckingham Palace, the guards try to make her smile (his second-favorite king and queen)

President Trump and the first lady arrived in London on Tuesday ahead of a British state visit beginning Wednesday. It’s fun when the first lady joins President Trump, because when Melania goes to Buckingham Palace, the guards try to make her smile. — Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, President Trump just arrived in the U.K. for a state visit with King Charles and Queen Camilla. Charles and Camilla are Trump’s second-favorite king and queen, next to Burger and Dairy.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can assure you that’s the best thing that’s ever happened in a Burger King bathroom in Bolivia (We give our biggest criminals bonuses)

While he was in Bolivia last week, Pope Francis stopped off at a Burger King to change his clothes before Mass. I’m no expert but I can assure you that’s the best thing that’s ever happened in a Burger King bathroom in Bolivia. –Jimmy Fallon

"Mexico's government just offered a $2 million bounty on its top drug lords, which is different from what we do here in America. We give our biggest criminals bonuses." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! (Take a Wish Foundation)

Burger King has merged a Whopper with a burrito to make a Whopperito. So take note, Donald Trump: THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! –Conan O’Brien

A new report came out and it says that Donald Trump once shifted charitable donations for sick kids into his own business. Trump referred to the charity as the "Take a Wish Foundation." –Conan O’Brien

In a new interview, Kanye West talks about being bipolar. Kanye said sometimes he loves himself but other times, he really loves himself. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Um, you put your name on the cabin (a second carry-on)

"A flight headed from San Francisco to Phoenix had to make an emergency landing in L.A. today after a passenger gave birth mid-flight. The parents called the birth a miracle while the airline called it a second carry-on." –Seth Meyers

For the first time, you have federal prosecutors essentially saying that Donald Trump committed a felony. Damn. Forget running for re-election. In two years, Trump might be running from the feds. The FBI is going to bust into a cabin in Montana and find Trump with a Unabomber beard surrounded by Burger King wrappers. "Wait. Wait. How -- How did you find me?" "Um, you put your name on the cabin." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you dad (They call it a hot dog)

"North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has not appeared in public for weeks. There are rumors he's sick due to too much cheese, fried chicken, and beer. Sounds like someone is applying for American citizenship." –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger was on '60 Minutes' promoting his book. He said you can't run from your mistakes. You have to confront them. Yeah, especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you dad." –Conan O'Brien

Burger King has begun bottling its own merlot and they call it Whopper Wine. Not to be outdone, 7-Eleven has begun selling a product fermented for six months. They call it a hot dog. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw (This is Monopoly money)

Stormy Daniels has written a book about Donald Trump. An advance copy just came out. And she actually writes about her night with Trump in detail. Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw. --Jimmy Fallon

Last night, Toys R Us officially filed for bankruptcy after falling $5 billion in debt. I guess they tried to pay it off, but the bank said, "This is Monopoly money." –Jimmy Fallon

A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. Of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy’s. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

that’s the best thing that’s ever happened in a Burger King bathroom in Bolivia (eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion)

"I just read that George W. Bush is getting his own limited edition baseball card. You can tell it's Bush's card because eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion." –Jimmy Fallon

The president of Iran prematurely announced the nuclear deal on Twitter yesterday before it was official. Which isn’t that big a deal until you realize the guy who almost had nukes is known for accidentally hitting "Send." –Jimmy Fallon

While he was in Bolivia last week, Pope Francis stopped off at a Burger King to change his clothes before Mass. I’m no expert but I can assure you that’s the best thing that’s ever happened in a Burger King bathroom in Bolivia. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just a little something to take the edge off, Ma. (which is also his spray tan setting)

New York's State Assembly is considering a new bill that would legalize alcoholic ice cream. "That's great news," said a five-year-old having a rough day. “Just a little something to take the edge off, Ma.” --Seth Meyers

Burger King Russia has apologized for offering a lifetime supply of Whoppers to any Russian woman who could get pregnant with the child of a World Cup player. In related news, no matter what this guy says [picture of Burger King’s “The King” ad mascot], he does not play for Spain. --Seth Meyers

Donald Trump thanked crowds in Phoenix for their support this weekend, saying, “I feel like a supermodel, except like times ten.” By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! (The real story here is that Mike Pence drives for Uber)

Burger King has merged a Whopper with a burrito to make a Whopperito. So take note, Donald Trump: THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! –Conan O’Brien

In New York City, an Uber driver kicked a lesbian couple out of his car after they kissed. The real story here is that Mike Pence drives for Uber. --Conan O’Brien

"Today, in a suburb of Detroit, Mitt Romney asked supporters to donate money to his campaign. Of course, the people then pointed out that they live in Detroit. And he's Mitt Romney." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm starting to think maybe it's the car that has the problem (I Don't Want That)

"A woman got a DUI while driving a car that belongs to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. So, I'm starting to think maybe it's the car that has the problem." –Jimmy Fallon

"Burger King is adding a new kids' meal that's lower in fat, sodium and calories. It's called the 'I Don't Want That.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Chris Christie has really worked hard on the campaign. I heard he spent all weekend shaking hands and kissing bagels." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw (Of course they were very embarrassed)

A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. Of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy’s. –Jimmy Fallon

KFC just unveiled a sunscreen that smells like extra crispy fried chicken. So if you want to smell like KFC ... there’s a pretty good chance you already do. –Jimmy Fallon

Stormy Daniels has written a book about Donald Trump. An advance copy just came out. And she actually writes about her night with Trump in detail. Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw. --Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan had a campaign event at an apple orchard. There was one awkward moment when they told the granny smiths they were considering cutting their Medicare." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s how many people Donald Trump lost by (Checking the math)

August 2022

Donald Trump keeps saying that he got more votes by far than any sitting president in the history of our country. I know that sounds good but it doesn’t mean much when you lose by 7,o52,770 votes. Let’s do some math. That is more than the entire population of Ireland, plus the entire population of Nebraska combined. Plus a completely sold out stadium in Ann Arbor, plus everyone who works at a Burger King in America, plus every person that an average American will meet in their entire life, plus every major league baseball player and NBA player, plus a Southwest flight at maximum capacity. And throw in every person to date who’s got Monkey Pox in Indiana and there’s still six people left over. That’s the entire Allman Brothers band. That’s how many people Donald Trump lost by. —Al Franken

Checking the math:

Population of Ireland 4,937,786

Population of Nebraska 1,961,504

Michigan Stadium at capacity 107,601

Burger King employees 34,248

People you’ll meet in lifetime 10,000

MLB players 906

NBA players 450

Southwest plane capacity 189

Indiana Monkeypox cases 80

Allman Brothers Band 6

Total: 7,052,770

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting (Lord Love a Lefty)

Donald Trump thanked crowds in Phoenix for their support this weekend, saying, “I feel like a supermodel, except like times ten.” By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting. –Seth Meyers

Burger King Russia has apologized for offering a lifetime supply of Whoppers to any Russian woman who could get pregnant with the child of a World Cup player. In related news, no matter what this guy says [picture of Burger King’s “The King” ad mascot], he does not play for Spain. --Seth Meyers

Yesterday House Speaker Paul Ryan referred to the Democratic-led sit-in for gun control as “nothing more than a publicity stunt.” He then added, “Now if you’ll excuse me, my party’s nominee has a WWE match to fight.” –Seth Meyers

A Canadian woman was arrested for having an open container of liquor while driving Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s SUV. Although when Rob Ford’s in the car, anyone not smoking crack is legally considered a designated driver.--Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! (The Take a Wish Foundation)

Burger King has merged a Whopper with a burrito to make a Whopperito. So take note, Donald Trump: THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! –Conan O’Brien

Last week, a 90-year-old letter to Santa Claus was found in a chimney. On the bright side, the 96-year-old who wrote the letter is still alive and finally got that tricycle. –Conan O’Brien

A new report came out and it says that Donald Trump once shifted charitable donations for sick kids into his own business. Trump referred to the charity as the "Take a Wish Foundation." –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sometimes everything you need is right in your own house (So that's a NO on healthcare, Huh?)

The Scripps National Spelling Bee was last night on ESPN. I watched it, and ESPN was the only word all night I knew how to spell. –Jimmy Fallon

"Burger King is adding a new kids' meal that's lower in fat, sodium and calories. It's called the 'I Don't Want That.'" --Jimmy Fallon

One of the winners of this year's national spelling bee has an older brother who won the competition in 2014. Or as their dad put it, "I'm just going to throw these baseball mitts away." –Jimmy Fallon

"Lindsay Lohan began her house arrest. When he heard about it, Arnold Schwarzenegger was like, 'Don't worry, Lindsay. Sometimes everything you need is right in your own house.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a missed opportunity for a legendary G.I. Jane joke (Have you been injured in an accident?’)

April 2022

Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky made a televised speech during Sunday’s Grammy Awards. It was a heartfelt impassioned plea to help the people of Ukraine but a missed opportunity for a legendary G.I. Jane joke. —Colin Jost

A personal injury attorney in Florida allegedly drove her car into four people. Said the attorney, ‘Have you been injured in an accident?’ —Colin Jost

A new lawsuit accuses Burger King of falsely advertising their Whoppers as bigger than what people actually get. It’s the same accusation made in the case of Women vs Michael Che. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

despite eating like a rat behind the Bob’s Big Boy (There are no rules)

“Trump’s acquittal is bad for many reasons. For one, it would have been fun seeing Pence try to figure out if he wants to call his wife ‘first lady Mother’ or ‘first Mother lady.’ But more importantly, now that his executive overreach has been sanctioned by the Senate, Trump is free to basically do anything. Trump is, in effect, a king. Not like King Arthur — more like a Burger King.” —Samantha Bee

“Even Senators who acknowledge that what Trump did was wrong were unwilling to do anything about it. By voting to acquit Donald Trump, the Senate has set a devastating precedent. Future presidents can solicit foreign interference in an election; they can investigate private citizens. There are no rules. That’s not America; that is Outback Steakhouse.” —Samantha Bee

“The only lesson Trump ever learns is that he gets away with everything: multiple bankruptcies — nothing. Multiple sexual assault accusations — nothing. He’s in perfect health despite eating like a rat behind the Bob’s Big Boy — nothing!” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You think that's bad, when our last President was sworn in, he was Donald Trump (Bernie Beats Trump Nationwide!)

Well, you know what they say, “Ignorance is president.” --Stephen Colbert

According to Politico, Democrats are concerned about former Vice President Joe Biden's age, because, if elected, he would be 78 years old when sworn in. You think that's bad, when our last President was sworn in, he was Donald Trump. --Seth Meyers

In honor of the upcoming season premiere of "Stranger Things," Burger King announced today that it will start selling a so-called Upside Down Whopper, and McDonald's announced that the McRib is back in honor of the HBO series "Chernobyl." --Seth Meyers

A Florida man is attempting to break a Guinness World Record by seeing "Avengers: Endgame" 200 times. And he's already set a record by seeing "Dark Phoenix" twice. That's right -- a Florida man has reportedly seen "Avengers: Endgame" 114 times. Said theater staff, "Oh, wait. Never mind. He's just dead." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump just walked into a McDonald’s and went, “Give me the usual.” (his four most trusted advisors)

Last Night President Trump hosted the National Championship winning Clemson Tigers football team at the White House, where he paid $3,000 out of his own pocket to provide them with pizza, fries and hamburgers. To place this order, Trump just walked into a McDonald’s and went, “Give me the usual.” --James Corden

Trump bought food from McDonald’s, Wendy’s Burger King and Domino’s -- or as Trump calls them, his four most trusted advisors. --James Corden

This morning Trump tweeted about the dinner, and proceeded to misspell the word “hamburgers.” Of course he did. He’s the President of the United States. He called them “hamberders.” But anyway this afternoon it was back to business as usual. Trump was 100% focused on his “Berder” wall. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And they were just covering the first base coach (eight pounds two ounces)

Here at New York City this Big King sandwich is such a big hit the lines at the Burger King are around the block and down the street. And the wait is even longer if you tell them to hold the e.coli. --David Letterman 9/9/1997

Hey congratulations to supermodel Kate Moss. I think this is nice. She had a baby girl, brand-new baby girl a couple of days ago. The baby weighed eight pounds two ounces. Just like her mother. --David Letterman 10/2/2002

The Yankees defeated the Angels up there in the first game of the division playoffs. Security was tight. Folks up in the stadium you know this for a fact. Security was very tight they had like a thousand cops. And they were just covering the first base coach. --David Letterman 10/2/2002

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”