rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters (Wonder Man)

“Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job. –Seth Meyers

A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

especially since he barely passed his autopsy (she's going to reopen some al-cohol)

A new book revealed that Joe Biden's team chose not to have him take a cognitive test before his disastrous debate, especially since he barely passed his autopsy. —Greg Gutfeld

Donald Trump said he's going to reopen Alcatraz. Meanwhile Kamala Harris says she's going to reopen some al-cohol. —Greg Gutfeld

But in response to Trump reopening Alcatraz, Democrats have already vowed to teach the Maryland dad how to swim. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Indianapolis Colts Mock Draft (2025)

                            R1 P14 Armand Membou  OT Missouri

                            

                            R2 P45 Mason Taylor TE LSU

                            R3 P80 Jared Wilson C Georgia

                            R4 P117 Joshua Farmer   DT   Florida State

                            R5 P151 Jordan Phillips DT Maryland

                            R6 P189 Craig Woodson S California

                            R7 P232 Kobe King         LB         Penn State

 

She should have just stopped at Nein! (His message for career success?)

In Germany a 66-year-old woman gave birth to her 10th child. She should have just stopped at Nein! —Greg Gutfeld

Kermit the Frog is going to deliver the commencement address at the University of Maryland. His message for career success? Always have a guy's hand up your a**. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess that means neither got a ring (The last thing you want is teachers getting pregnant)

Travis Kelce didn't propose to Taylor Swift on the their recent romantic getaway. I guess that means neither got a ring. —Greg Gutfeld

Parents in Maryland are outraged at a new bill that would make condoms available in school vending machines. I get it. The last thing you want is teachers getting pregnant. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings (So there's enough for two people)

A Maryland couple is suing their realtor because they say the agent knew the home was infested with snakes, but sold it to them anyway. In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice. —Seth Meyers

Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is officially the smallest amount of money ever stolen by a Republican (Long story short)

"Tough day for the Bush administration. A guy named Claude Allen has been arrested and charged in Maryland with swindling Target and some other department stores out of refunds. He allegedly made off without about $5000 or so which is officially the smallest amount of money ever stolen by a Republican." --Jimmy Kimmel

The president is also said to be unhappy with his newest attorney, Rudy Giuliani. He's been making a mess on cable and network news. Trump is reportedly irritated and disappointed by the interviews Giuliani's been giving. He's like, "Look, I'll say the crazy stuff. You stick to pretending it isn't crazy." Can you imagine being so rambling, incoherent, and contradictory that even Donald Trump is like, "You're embarrassing me." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters (Even worse, her kids failed)

An Oklahoma woman was arrested for attempting to have her kids blow into her car's breathalyzer so that she could drive drunk. Even worse, her kids failed. –Seth Meyers

A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Indianapolis Colts Mock Draft (4/24/2024)

                        15     Laiatu Latu                                    Edge     UCLA

 

                                    46    Ladd McConkey                            WR    Georgia

                                  82     Jaden Hicks                    S    Washington State

                                  117     Audric Estime                      RB    Notre Dame

                

                                   151     Beaux Limmer                           C    Arkansas

                                   191    Tarheeb Still                            CB    Maryland

                                    234     J.D. Bertrand                 LB     Notre Dame

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice (American exceptionalism)

A couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a Massachusetts amusement park while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this is cool — the reception was open barf. –Seth Meyers

A Maryland couple is suing their realtor because they say the agent knew the home was infested with snakes, but sold it to them anyway. In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice. —Seth Meyers

A new article has been published ranking New York City’s best public restrooms. So congratulations yet again to ... the subway! –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters (five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long)

A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters. –Seth Meyers

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers

“Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day (Real Girls' Talk)

A new study lists the best city in the U.S. to raise a family as Moscow, Idaho. While the worst is once again Handsy Uncle, Maryland. --Colin Jost, SNL

Last week was a pretty bad year for Donald Trump. Think about what’s currently under investigation for him. Trump’s campaign, his transition, his inauguration, his business and his presidency. So everyone check your card. You might have impeachment Bingo. --Colin Jost, SNL

Dwayne Johnson said that a skull of a T-Rex that was seen behind him during a recent interview was a replica and not the real thing. Johnson also said that it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day. —Colin Jost

And this Monday is tax day. So if you haven’t paid any taxes yet, you’re Amazon. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Next time you’re in Rupert’s office, make sure you’re not standing on top of any trapdoors (It’s like that, but without Simon Cowell)

March 2023

“The Conservative Political Action Conference, also known as CPAC, kicked off this week in Maryland. It’s kinda hard to explain. Every like low-rent radio host and podcast racist with a dye job and a fleece vest shows up to try to out-crazy each other. Remember the first seasons of American Idol? When the losers would just line up and get mowed down by Simon Cowell? It’s like that, but without Simon Cowell.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“One notable absentee from this year’s CPAC is Mike Pence. Not only is the former vice-poodle skipping CPAC this year, he appears to be distancing himself further from his former boss. Asked by CBS News if he would support Trump as the Republican nominee for 2024, Pence deferred: ‘Well, I think we’ll have better choices, and I really trust Republican voters.’ So, no. Has anyone dodged more questions than Mike Pence? This man was Donald Trump’s vice-president and he wouldn’t vote for him. Do you realize how unusual that is? It’s like if macaroni said goodbye to cheese.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Looking into the defamation lawsuit against Fox News by Dominion Voting Systems. For years now, the shtick over at Fox should be the same. They lie to their viewers while simultaneously telling those same viewers that it’s the rest of the media who’s lying to them and that Fox is the only outlet telling the truth. But their shtick is falling apart now that we have definitive proof in these court filings from the billion-dollar Dominion lawsuit that were not only lying, but they knew they were lying. Billionaire Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch said under oath that Fox News executives who knowingly allowed lies about the 2020 election to be broadcast ‘should be reprimanded’ or ‘maybe got rid of’. Wow, notice he didn’t say fired. He said ‘got rid of’. I’d be a little nervous if I worked over at Fox News. Next time you’re in Rupert’s office, make sure you’re not standing on top of any trapdoors.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is officially the smallest amount of money ever stolen by a Republican (rule of thumb)

 

"I don't know if anything happened or not, but I think the rule of thumb should be every year you're in a Vietnamese prison camp, you should be allowed one extramarital affair." –Jimmy Kimmel

Barack Obama was on 'The View' this morning. I guess they are still trying to find somebody to fill the Rosie spot. The ladies of 'The View' were absolutely giddy to have him there. You know, he's related to Brad Pitt. They loved him so much, it almost got uncomfortable [on screen: Barbara Walters telling Obama they find him sexy]. I haven't seen Barbara so smitten with a candidate since a young Warren G. Harding hit the scene back in 1919." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Tough day for the Bush administration. A guy named Claude Allen has been arrested and charged in Maryland with swindling Target and some other department stores out of refunds. He allegedly made off without about $5000 or so which is officially the smallest amount of money ever stolen by a Republican." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano (Ze robot vill hug you now)

A Maryland couple is suing their realtor because they say the agent knew the home was infested with snakes, but sold it to them anyway. In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice. —Seth Meyers

Scientists working on The Syracuse University Lava Project have discovered how to grill a steak using lava. The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano. —Seth Meyers

Two passengers on a flight to Ibiza over the weekend reportedly had sex while in their seats. And nobody was more upset than the guy in the middle. –Seth Meyers

Scientists in Germany have programmed a robot to hug humans due to research showing hugs can reduce stress and help stave off illness. Which is the most German reaction to that news. “Oh, you need a hug? Come here — let me build you a robot. Ze robot vill hug you now.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is officially the smallest amount of money ever stolen by a Republican (other than that, they say the trip went very well)

"Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton was in Indiana trying to

get more people there to like her. She claims to have

taken some incoming sniper fire at the Indianapolis

airport baggage carousel, but other than that, they

say the trip went very well." --Jimmy Kimmel

 

"Tough day for the Bush administration. A guy named

Claude Allen has been arrested and charged in

Maryland with swindling Target and some other

department stores out of refunds. He allegedly made

off without about $5000 or so which is officially the

smallest amount of money ever stolen by a

Republican." --Jimmy Kimmel

 

"Yesterday, the federal government announced

a massive plan to bail out a number of banking

institutions. One expert said it might cost Americans

more than a trillion dollars. To put that in perspective,

ten Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs still don't add up to a

trillion dollars." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”