He violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit (Americans with legitimate grievances)

Bill O’Reilly has been fired from Fox News after being accused of sexually harassing up to 12 women. Apparently O’Reilly violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is now making fun of what he calls John Kasich's "disgusting" table manners. As an example, Trump named Kasich's gross habit of having dinner with a wife who’s about his own age. –Conan O’Brien

"A Colorado company has introduced the first marijuana vending machine. As a result, the vending machines around it are doing much better." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyone else as turned on as I am? (585 earthquakes)

Hillary Clinton recently said it's a “low blow” for Bernie Sanders to criticize her for not being progressive enough. And if you want to know more about that story, do NOT Google “Clinton low blow.” Save yourself. –Jimmy Fallon

After finishing second in New Hampshire’s Republican primary, John Kasich said he can handle attacks by Donald Trump saying, “I'm not gonna sit there and be a marshmallow and have somebody pound me." Then Chris Christie was like, "Anyone else as turned on as I am?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers (he also wore a fantastic wig)

President Obama was spotted at a steak restaurant in D.C. This week with Morgan Freeman and Tom Hanks. They didn't even order anything. They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, John Kasich said his favorite president was George Washington because he could have been president forever but stepped down after two terms. While Trump said his favorite president was George Washington 'cause he also wore a fantastic wig. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And, if you’re a 14-year-old boy, use bleach (a solid 24)

The New Hampshire primary was today and in Dixville Notch, the first town to complete voting, Republican candidate John Kasich won, beating Donald Trump by just one vote. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised Trump didn’t win in a place called “Dixville.” –Seth Meyers

In a recent interview, President Trump revealed he has only been sleeping four or five hours a night. While Ben Carson is still getting a solid 24. –Seth Meyers

Today was Clean Out Your Computer Day. And, if you’re a 14-year-old boy, use bleach. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyone else as turned on as I am? (shrinkage)

Well, you guys, it was just five degrees in New York City today. It was so cold, hot dog vendors were complaining about shrinkage. --Jimmy Fallon

After finishing second in New Hampshire’s Republican primary, John Kasich said he can handle attacks by Donald Trump saying, “I'm not gonna sit there and be a marshmallow and have somebody pound me." Then Chris Christie was like, "Anyone else as turned on as I am?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Make the rich kids fight (Mission: Impossible)

Chris Christie, John Kasich, and Rick Perry are currently fighting for the final two spots in Thursday's Republican debate. It's going to be tough – Chris Christie really wants those two spots. –Jimmy Fallon

Happy birthday to Tom Brady, who turned 38 years old today. He had a great party, but it got weird when someone caught him letting air out of the balloons. –Jimmy Fallon

Jeb Bush's campaign and the super PACs supporting him have raised more than $120 million so far. In fact, Jeb's campaign was this weekend's second highest grossing "Mission: Impossible." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly (He still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure")

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly. –Seth Meyers

A source has told Axios that President Trump is triggered by the leaks about special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation, and his instinct is always to be on the offensive. So yeah, it’s not a real good time to meet with the leader of North Korea. Before he leaves, let's also give him a bunch of Red Bull and remind him Hillary won the popular vote. --Seth Meyers

Indiana is holding its primary today, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s a special day when we Americans show our gratitude to teachers in any form but money (He thanked his fifth-grade teacher, Aristotle)

A high school girl brought a cardboard cut-out of Bernie Sanders as her prom date. Meanwhile, another girl brought a cardboard cut-out of John Kasich that turned out to be John Kasich. –Conan O’Brien

Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. It’s a special day when we Americans show our gratitude to teachers in any form but money. –Conan O’Brien

Today is Teacher Appreciation Day, and President Obama thanked his fifth-grade teacher, Ms. Mabel Hefty. Then Bernie Sanders thanked his fifth-grade teacher, Aristotle. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is implying that Ted Cruz’s father had something to do with the Kennedy assassination. Even worse, Ted Cruz’s father had something to do with Ted Cruz. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's all your fault for not voting properly? (prank calling Jeb Bush)

"After 16 days of competition, the closing ceremony for the Winter Olympics is this Sunday. Vladimir Putin was like, 'It has been fun time, and I'm sad to see everyone escape . . . I mean, get away . . . I mean, go home.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, John Kasich said his favorite president was George Washington because he could have been president forever but stepped down after two terms. While Donald Trump said his favorite president was George Washington 'cause he also wore a fantastic wig. –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was asked about the slow pace of his weight loss and said, quote, 'Rome was not un-built in a day.' In fact, Christie and Rome have a lot in common: one was built by Julius Caesar, and the other was built by LITTLE Caesar." –Jimmy Fallon

At the debate last night you can tell the candidates are getting bored up there 'cause at one point they took turns prank calling Jeb Bush. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Honestly, I’m kinda surprised Trump didn’t win in a place called “Dixville.” (then someone reminded him he's still the governor of New Jersey)

Florida firefighters yesterday rescued a man who was trapped inside a garbage truck. “Thank you!” yelled Steve Bannon. –Seth Meyers

The New Hampshire primary was today and in Dixville Notch, the first town to complete voting, Republican candidate John Kasich won, beating Donald Trump by just one vote. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised Trump didn’t win in a place called “Dixville.” –Seth Meyers

Chris Christie announced yesterday that he's dropping out of the presidential race. Christie said he's not sure what he'll do now, and then someone reminded him he's still the governor of New Jersey. –Seth Meyers

In a recent interview, President Trump revealed he has only been sleeping four or five hours a night. While Ben Carson is still getting a solid 24. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyone else as turned on as I am? (First sign of spring)

Today the East Coast was hit with a major snowstorm and it forced New York City public schools to close. When she heard that, new Education Secretary Betsy DeVos was like, “Hey, my plan’s working already.” –Jimmy Fallon

After finishing second in New Hampshire’s Republican primary, John Kasich said he can handle attacks by Donald Trump saying, “I'm not gonna sit there and be a marshmallow and have somebody pound me." Then Chris Christie was like, "Anyone else as turned on as I am?" –Jimmy Fallon

Congratulations to Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump on winning their parties' New Hampshire primaries last night! In his speech, Bernie said he couldn't have done it without the support of millions of Americans. While Trump was like, “This was ALL me! You losers did nothing!" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I could have used seals? (Bed, Bath & Grand Canyon)

"President Obama gave the order for Navy SEALs to kill bin Laden. When President Bush heard about it, he was really upset, saying, 'I could have used seals?'" –Conan O'Brien

Researchers are claiming that humans can only maintain close relationships with five people. Which should make for an interesting Mother’s Day for my mom and her six children. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump is considering opening federal parkland to developers. In fact, builders have already broken ground on a Bed, Bath & Grand Canyon. –Conan O’Brien

A high school girl brought a cardboard cut-out of Bernie Sanders as her prom date. Meanwhile, another girl brought a cardboard cut-out of John Kasich that turned out to be John Kasich. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly (it's just what his iPhone autocorrects to when he types "Hello.")

President Trump said yesterday he is seriously thinking of creating a sixth branch of the military called the "Space Force." They'll patrol the distant reaches between him and Melania. --Seth Meyers

President Trump tweeted today "There was no collusion. It is a hoax, and there is no obstruction of justice. That is a setup and trap." But it's not Trump's fault he tweeted that, it's just what his iPhone autocorrects to when he types "Hello." --Seth Meyers

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly. –Seth Meyers

Indiana is holding its primary today, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just ask any of his three wives (emotional support peacocks)

John Kasich over the weekend said lots of women have left their kitchens to work on his campaign. Yeah, that will certainly help the upcoming election of 1956. –James Corden

United Airlines prevented a woman from boarding her flight out of Newark, New Jersey, because she tried to board with an emotional-support pet, which was her peacock. They were all set to let both of them on, but then they caught the peacock with over three and a half ounces of shampoo. It got even more awkward when the woman was like, "That's not a peacock, that's my friend Lady Gaga." But this was a devastating blow to the peacock's confidence, it really was. They had to stop on the way home and get the peacock an emotional support peacock. --James Corden

In the last two days President Trump has fired his head of the Department of Homeland Security and the head of the Secret Service. I guess Trump’s newest plan is to build his wall out of his former staff. --James Corden

A family returning from vacation recently showed up to their flight with a company called Tui Airlines, only to find that their assigned seats did not exist. So they had to spend their entire flight sitting on the floor. Spirit Airlines heard about this and were like, “Wait, we don’t have to give our customers seats? We’re allowed to do this?” The family’s seat assignments were for seats that didn’t exist or as the airline is now calling it, Economy Minus. --James Corden

Trump's explanation for keeping Lewandowski on staff is that he's a loyal person. And Trump IS a loyal person. Just ask any of his three wives. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyone else as turned on as I am? (This factory is terrible)

After finishing second in New Hampshire’s Republican primary, John Kasich said he can handle attacks by Donald Trump saying, “I'm not gonna sit there and be a marshmallow and have somebody pound me." Then Chris Christie was like, "Anyone else as turned on as I am?" –Jimmy Fallon

"Chinese President Xi Jinping is planning to make his first official state visit to the U.S. Although I'm worried it'll be a little awkward when he visits a school and says, 'This factory is terrible.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Prince William’s nightclub owner friend is said to be planning a wild bachelor party. It must be weird stuffing a bill in a stripper’s g-string when it has a picture of your grandmother on it." –Jimmy Fallon

What is going on with the Republicans? I watch these debates. Trump attacks Cruz. Rubio goes after Bush. Bush gets into a fight with Trump. Remember the good old days when the Republicans were all united against the poor and the minorities? What happened? –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I’m kinda surprised Trump didn’t win in a place called “Dixville.” (I boom-boomed the nukes. I bang-banged the guns.)

President Trump today touted his achievements in office, saying, quote, "I accomplished the military." Trump knows so little about the military, he doesn't even know how to use it in a sentence. Meyers as Trump, "I accomplished the military. I boom-boomed the nukes. I bang-banged the guns." --Seth Meyers

In a recent interview, President Trump revealed he has only been sleeping four or five hours a night. While Ben Carson is still getting a solid 24. –Seth Meyers

The New Hampshire primary was today and in Dixville Notch, the first town to complete voting, Republican candidate John Kasich won, beating Donald Trump by just one vote. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised Trump didn’t win in a place called “Dixville.” –Seth Meyers

Jeb Bush’s mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush, joined him on the campaign trail yesterday for the first time. Though she did emphasize that she still hasn’t decided who she’s voting for. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He believes the Earth orbits the sun and he won’t stab you (where I was four years ago)

August 2020

“I have to say, watching the first night of the convention was very inspiring. It gave me hope because it brought me back to where I was four years ago: in a room with other people.” —Stephen Colbert

“Republican John Kasich was there to underline the theme of this convention: ‘Uniting America.’ Slightly more inspiring than the Republican convention theme, ‘Gas protesters and throw mailboxes into the sea.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Wow, four years of Trump has really lowered the bar for president. [imitating Michelle Obama] ‘I support Joe Biden. He believes the Earth orbits the sun and he won’t stab you.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When they tallied up the score, they were 14 trillion over par (If only they could build a big wall)

June 2011

"President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama's handicap is Joe Biden." –Jay Leno

"The team of Obama and Boehner beat the team of Vice President Joe Biden and Ohio Gov. John Kasich. When they tallied up the score, they were 14 trillion over par." –Jay Leno

"A new study has found that the majority of wealthy people in China want to move to other countries and the government is trying to find ways to keep them. If only they could build a big wall." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

news that doesn't make a f*cking difference one way or the other (racist Xmas eve)

Let me tell you something. Russia didn't make half the country poor or low income. Russia didn't render 63% of our residents unable to afford $1,000 emergency. Russia didn't make 29 million Americans not have healthcare. Russia didn't make medical costs the biggest reason for bankruptcies. Russia didn’t bury our citizens in debt. Russia didn't outsource our jobs. --Jimmy Dore 8/29/18 

You know, Rachel Maddow can connect Kevin Bacon to Russia in just two steps. --Jimmy Dore 6/14/18

Super Tuesday was this week and I just want to say congratulations to hatred and ignorance. Republicans voters have given you a big victory this week. Oh, by the way, I you know what they call the Monday before Super Tuesday they call it racist Xmas eve. --Jimmy Dore 3/3/16

Did John Kasich win Vermont? He came pretty close and I'm putting that in my folder of news that doesn't make a f*cking difference one way or the other. --Jimmy Dore 3/3/16

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

"Sounds like a good plan," said Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and John Kasich

A new report has found that Donald Trump may have used some of his campaign funds to buy thousands of copies of his own book. Oh my God, that’s what he’s gonna use to build the wall! –Seth Meyers

Ryan Lochte is reportedly in talks to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars.” Wow, I knew he was in legal trouble, but I didn’t know we were already at the sentencing phase. –Seth Meyers

Politico is now reporting that Hillary Clinton's campaign is using a run-out-the-clock strategy against Donald Trump, hoping to just outlast him until November. "Sounds like a good plan," said Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and John Kasich. –Jimmy Fallon