President Trump even imposed tariffs on remote islands that are only inhabited by penguins. Well, then maybe penguins shouldn't keep pushing their gay agenda. —Colin Jost
The live stream of Cory Booker's speech got more than 350 million likes on TikTok and was reshared millions more times with the hashtag #WhyVinDieselTrippin? —Colin Jost
“A Kentucky woman has been arrested for giving a 1-year-old child beer and rum. She broke the Kentucky rule — never mix beer and liquor.” —Conan O’Brien
After losing in Wisconsin, there has been a big shake-up in the Trump campaign staff. In fact, the guy in charge of racist comments is now in charge of sexist comments. –Conan O’Brien
“Vin Diesel said that "Fast and Furious 7" will win the Oscar for best picture. He's being kept in a hospital overnight for observation.”—Conan O’Brien
“There is a close Senate race in Georgia between the Rev Raphael Warnock and former football star Herschel Walker. Walker, a Trump supporter and anti-abortion candidate, has faced numerous scandals throughout his campaign – he lied about his work with law enforcement, the number of children he fathered, and that he graduated from the University of Georgia. At this point, I want to meet the Herschel Walker that Herschel Walker thinks he is. He treats real life the way we treat dating apps – you know, just in your profile like ‘I’m one of the tallest people you’ll ever meet, I founded my own industry, and my mom lives with me, not the other way around.’” —Trevor Noah
“But the bigger thing about Herschel Walker isn’t all the lying and the hypocrisy. He’s also just weird. Walker gave one of my favorite answers ever in politics, when he was asked about the biggest problem facing America today and responded: ‘We have so many celebrities telling people that they can’t do it. Telling a lot of people that you gotta feel bad for yourself, feel sorry for yourself, which is sad to me because they’ve done it. But they telling you you can’t do it.’ The biggest problem? You think the average American right now is saying, ‘I know inflation is bad right now, but the bigger issue is that Vin Diesel has never told me to follow my dreams! I could’ve owned a bakery by now.’” —Trevor Noah
Nancy Pelosi’s 82-year-old husband was assaulted by a lunatic with a hammer, he went to the hospital with a fractured skull. While Pelosi was in the hospital, Donald Trump Jr. tweeted a picture of white underwear with a hammer, calling it his ‘Paul Pelosi costume’. What is wrong with these people? And by the way, I have my Donald Trump Jr. costume ready – it’s hair gel, a bag of a white powder and a penis pump. Put that on, you shameless wart on your father’s nutsack. This is the ‘family values’ gang we’re seeing here.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Guys, today is May the 4th, also known as Star Wars Day — as in ‘May the fourth be with you.’ That’s right, Star Wars’Day, or for guys in their 30s celebrating it, Solo de Mayo.” —Jimmy Fallon
“‘Star Wars’ is one of the only movie franchises with its own holiday. You don’t see anybody dressing up as Vin Diesel and wishing you a happy Fast 5th.’” —Mike Birbiglia
“Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien
“A Kentucky woman has been arrested for giving a 1-year-old child beer and rum. She broke the Kentucky rule — never mix beer and liquor.” —Conan O’Brien
“According to a new study, human waste contains gold and other special minerals. In the future this could make things awkward when a cashier asks, "How would you like to pay for that?"—Conan O’Brien
“Vin Diesel said that "Fast and Furious 7" will win the Oscar for best picture. He's being kept in a hospital overnight for observation.”—Conan O’Brien
Ex-Trump advisor Steve Bannon, seen here moments after shooting out of a sewage pipe, was indicted this week for contempt of congress. If convicted, Bannon faces up to two years in prison. Which, from the looks of him, might be a life sentence. —Colin Jost
Cambridge University in England has released a new calendar featuring student athletes naked. Unfortunately, they are all from the Quidditch team. —Colin Jost
Bud Light is releasing a carbonated eggnog-flavored drink called Seltzer Nog. If you want a preview of the taste, throw up in your mouth. —Colin Jost
In an effort to end his long standing feud with Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel posted an open letter on Instagram. Of course for Vin Diesel, an open letter is just a C. —Colin Jost
"A new report found that President Obama's campaign spent $6 million more than it raised last month. Which explains why his latest campaign ad ended with the phrase, 'I'm Barack Obama and I'm selling some old CDs on Craigslist.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"A new survey found that only 31 percent of Americans would want to sit next to Mitt Romney on a flight. Romney was so upset, he was like, 'I don't understand. How would they get on my private jet?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Today President Obama used his executive privilege to withhold documents about a weapons operation called 'Fast and Furious.' I don't know what's scarier: that we can't see those documents or that the government is naming operations after Vin Diesel movies." –Jimmy Fallon
I have been working on a
paper for the Education Market.
The paper talks about using
video games as a teaching tool for
children with learning
disabilities.
The age demographic would be
10 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to chose. Games might
include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about
various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their
team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion,
sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of
their team. The students would even be able to play along side their created
characters.
In this example I used PS4
Madden 17. On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and
Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway
and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a
simple and fun way for kids to learn.
Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might
be donated or discounted to schools for these classes.
More on the paper as it is
fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Offensive Line
LT Paul McCartney,
musician The Beatles
LG Jesus, some folks
Lord and Savior
C Charles Bukowski,
poet
RG God
RT John Lennon,
musician The Beatles
More Colts players include
Martin Luther King, Stephen
Hawking, Albert Einstein,
Muddy Waters, Winston
Churchill, Nelson Mandela
even characters from Star
Trek
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf,
Cmdr Data, James Kirk,
Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer,
Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge
Ben Sisko
and fictional characters
Jack Bauer, 24, played by
Keifer Sutherland
Nate Fisher, Six Feet Under,
played by Peter Krause
Also for sentimental reasons,
some fallen friends are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in peace.
St. Louis Rams Fantasy Roster
Offense
QB Kurt Warner, NFL
QB Roman Gabriel, NFL
HB Marshall Faulk, NFL
HB Eric Dickerson, NFL
HB Elroy “Crazy Legs”
Hirsch, NFL
WR Isaac Bruce, NFL
WR Miles Davis,
musician
WR Jon Snow, Game of
Thrones, played by Kit Harington
WR David Palmer, 24,
played by Dennis Haysbert
TE Ernest Hemingway,
author
LT Jackie Slater, NFL
Defense
LE Deacon Jones, NFL
LE Jack Youngblood, NFL
LE John Wick, John Wick
played by Keanu Reeves
LE Keith Olbermann,
journalist
LE Malcolm X, civil
rights activist
RE Lamar Lundy, NFL
RE Chuck D, musician
DT Merlin Olsen, NFL
DT Rosie Grier, NFL
DT Keyser Soze, Usual
Suspects
LB Tupac Shakur,
musician
LB Cannonball Adderley,
musician
LB Crazy Horse, Native
American leader
LB Sitting Bull, Native
American leader
LB Malcolm Reynolds,
Firefly, played by Nathan Fillion
LB Dominic Toretto,
Fast and Furious, played by Vin Diesel
CB Night Train Lane,
NFL
CB John Glenn,
astronaut
CB Robert Johnson,
musician
FS Jaqen H’ghar, Game
of Thrones, played by Tom Wlaschiha
FS Zeke Anderson, Tour
of Duty, played by Terence Knox
SS John Rambo, Rambo,
played by Sylvester Stallone
SS Django Freeman,
Django Unchained, played by Jamie Foxx
SS Arthur Rimbaud, poet
Special Teams
K Greg House, House,
played by Hugh Laurie
P Johnny
Handsome, Johnny Handsome played by Mickey Rourke
A
lot of people are upset by the total lack of diversity by the Oscar nominations
— Spike Lee and Jada Pinkett Smith announced they will be boycotting this
year’s Oscars. After hearing about it, Vin Diesel said, "Hey, I boycott
the Oscars every year." –Conan O’Brien
Today
is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It’s a very important day, it’s the day where
the struggle for racial equality is remembered by all Americans and snubbed by
the Oscar committee. –Conan O’Brien
Khloe
Kardashian has announced she’ll be hosting a new talk show where she drinks
cocktails with her guests. The show will be called, "Throwing Up With The
Kardashians." –Conan O’Brien
"Ted
Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he’s running for
president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for
president." —Jimmy Fallon
"Vin
Diesel said that "Fast and Furious 7" will win the Oscar for best
picture. He's being kept in a hospital overnight for observation."—Conan
O’Brien
