your food will most likely be intercepted and returned for a touchdown (Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch Wheel of Fortune)

North Korea is creating its own time zone. It's going to push the country's time back a half hour. So it's not bad enough that they don't have food and they're ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch Wheel of Fortune. –Conan O’Brien

Football stadiums are going to get a delivery system that will bring food right to your seat. However, if you’re a Los Angeles Rams fan, your food will most likely be intercepted and returned for a touchdown. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If you want to derail Biden, you don’t give him an impeachment — you give him a microphone (You always remember your first)

House Republicans voted to formally open an impeachment inquiry into President Biden on Wednesday. They managed to get the votes they needed for this, even though no one seems to know exactly what they would be impeaching him for. They have presented no evidence of any wrongdoing by Joe Biden. You can’t impeach someone for falling asleep during ‘Wheel of Fortune.’ — Jimmy Fallon

“This headline tells you all you need to know about the Republican Party right now: ‘House Set to Approve Biden Impeachment Inquiry as It Hunts for an Offense.’ In other words, they don’t have a crime, but they do have an investigation. It’s like an episode of ‘CSI,’ but if there was no ‘C,’ just ‘SI.’ — Jimmy Kimmel

“Today, House Republicans held a vote on opening a formal inquiry into President Biden’s impeachment. Yep, when he heard, former President Trump said, ‘That’s nice. You always remember your first.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“The whole thing is ridiculous. If you want to derail Biden, you don’t give him an impeachment — you give him a microphone.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands (Legalize Shemp)

"A high school in Arkansas is letting teachers carry concealed weapons. So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands." –Conan O'Brien

North Korea is creating its own time zone. It's going to push the country's time back a half hour. So it's not bad enough that they don't have food and they're ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch "Wheel of Fortune." –Conan O’Brien

"Pope Francis today said he will not judge priests who are gay. In response, gay priests said they will not judge Pope Francis for wearing that robe with those shoes." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I'm sick of the other Republicans asking me the difference between a chalupa and a chimichanga (getting into step)

North Korea is creating its own time zone. It's going to push the country's time back a half hour. So it's not bad enough that they don't have food and they're ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch "Wheel of Fortune." –Conan O’Brien

A new bar in London specializes in something called "breathable booze." As we called that growing up in my house, standing next to uncle Patrick for five minutes. –Conan O’Brien

"Mel Martinez, the Senate's only Hispanic Republican, announced he's stepping down. When asked why, Martinez said, 'I'm sick of the other Republicans asking me the difference between a chalupa and a chimichanga.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So basically, they’re the Lakers (Haze a nipple heave)

March 2022

Some military experts have been surprised that despite having superior firepower the Russian army has been slowed by aging equipment, poor motivation and inept leadership. So basically, they’re the Lakers. —Colin Jost

The House voted to award the congressional gold medal to the only female all-black unit to serve in World War II. And Tyler Perry plays them all in his new film Inglorious Basterds. —Colin Jost

Dunkin’ Donuts has announced a new beverage called the Shamrock Macchiato, which combines espresso, vanilla and Irish creme. It’s the festive, sugary drink that will have you saying, Top O’ the Morning and losing the bottom O’ your leg. —Colin Jost

 Pat Sajak is asking Wheel of Fortune fans to stop making fun of the two contestants who were unable to solve an easy saying, ‘Have a little heart.’ Or as the contestants would guess, ‘Haze a nipple heave.’ —Colin Jost

According to a new study, just one drink a day may shrink the overall volume of your brain. Though I think I speak for all alcohol enthusiasts when I say, ‘Buh?’ —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day (I also kind of hate Ireland)

January 2022

In a new interview, Bono reveals that he never liked the name U2, adding, ‘I also kind of hate Ireland.’ —Colin Jost

Longtime director of Wheel of Fortune has died at the age of 92. Said Wheel of Fortune viewers, ‘Wow. So young.’ —Colin Jost

This week, Britain’s most eligible bachelor, Prince Andrew, officially deleted his Twitter account after he realized that’s not the App with the dancing teenagers. —Colin Jost

Dwayne Johnson said that a skull of a T-Rex that was seen behind him during a recent interview was a replica and not the real thing. Johnson also said that it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

he's too busy to comment because he's watching Telemundo and eating chalupas (Sarah Jessica Parker's shoe closet)

June 2012

"Mitt Romney has accused President Obama of pandering to the Latino community. The president said he's too busy to comment because he's watching Telemundo and eating chalupas." –Conan O'Brien

"The Supreme Court has decided not to fine broadcast networks for fleeting expletives or momentary nudity. It looks like 'Wheel of Fortune' is about to get a lot more interesting." –Conan O'Brien

"Today the Supreme Court ruled that TV networks can show momentary nudity. So, by popular demand, 'The View' is now a radio show." –Conan O'Brien

"This weekend begins Gay Pride Week. Their big parade begins on 12th Street and ends in Sarah Jessica Parker's shoe closet." –David Letterman 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Oh, that online college? (make the mature choice)

“Today, ‘Wheel of Fortune’ filmed without an audience as a protective measure against the coronavirus. Things are so bad over there, Vanna is now turning all the letters with her elbow.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, because of the virus, the mayor of Boston announced their annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade has been canceled. Yeah, the mayor asked if instead of drinking, puking and blacking out in the streets, people could make the mature choice and do it at home.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Harvard just announced they’re sending all their students home until further notice, and they’ll take classes online. Now if you meet someone who says they went to Harvard, you can be like, ‘Oh, that online college?’” — Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There were no survivors (P*nis Fish)

After yesterday’s vote approving articles of impeachment President Trump could become the first president to face impeachment while also running for re-election. Because only democrats could figure out a way to lose twice in the same year. --Colin Jost

The Scripps National Spelling Bee has announced a change in next years contest after this years spelling bee ended in an eight way tie. The new change. Knives. --Colin Jost

Harvey Weinstein has reached a $25 Million settlement with the women accusing him of sexual misconduct. But in order to get the money, the women have to grab it out of his bathrobe pocket. --Michael Che

For the first time in the history of Wheel of Fortune, the game show was hosted by Vanna White. There were no survivors. --Michael Che

Thousands of what are being called Penis Fish have washed up on the shore of a California beach. Not only that, one kid said he even found one in his mother’s night stand. --Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

they’re off shooting koala bears and playing hackie sack with rolls of $50 bills

By the way, do you think Donald Trump’s real sons are jealous that Jared’s over in Iraq meeting with the general while they’re off shooting koala bears and playing hackie sack with rolls of $50 bills? I mean, they have to be, right? –Jimmy Kimmel

The White House today released the official portrait of the first lady, Melania Trump. I think she was photographed on the set of “Wheel of Fortune” or something. Very strange. It looks like the jewel box cover for her Starbucks CD. Or an ad for Kay Jewelers. She’s the only first lady to use a wind machine in her official portrait. –Jimmy Kimmel

So anyway, now there will at least be one Melania in the White House. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

Make War, Not Love (Wife #4)

"Giuliani dropped out of the presidential race, but don't worry about him. He's already busy looking for wife number four." --David Letterman

"John Edwards also dropped out of the race today. He said he wants to spend more time with his haircut." --David Letterman

"Don't worry about Edwards. He's going back to hosting 'Wheel of Fortune,' so he'll be fine." --David Letterman

"The Florida retirees didn't go for that Mitt Romney, either. He reminded them of a guy who tries to get a hold of their nest egg. He reminded them of a guy who sells subdivisions in the Everglades. He reminded them of the guy who pitches overpriced cemetery plots. He reminded them of the pharmacist who doesn't accept their prescription plan." --David Letterman

I believe a woman can be anything she wants to be..

Donald Trump insisted he's always had a great relationship with women. He said, "I believe a woman can be anything she wants to be, whether that's Miss USA or Miss Universe. Either one." –Conan O’Brien

North Korea is creating its own time zone. It's going to push the country's time back a half hour. So it's not bad enough that they don't have food and they're ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch "Wheel of Fortune." –Conan O’Brien

Less than half of you are parasites

"Where did we go wrong? The Republicans had everything going for them – a terrible economy, an unpopular incumbent, and a positive message for the American voter: 'less than half of you are parasites.'" –Stephen Colbert



"Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed on to a new 'Terminator' film. Due to his age, this one features the catchphrase, 'I'll be back right after 'Wheel of Fortune.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama's focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do Republicans look like they need any help from President Obama? They're doing a hell of a job themselves." –Jay Leno