Excuse Me, I'm Trying to Lie Here (Obama gave him a $4 billion bailout)

"Former first lady Laura Bush said in an interview that she and George W. Bush do everything together. Then she said she had to go because 'SpongeBob' was on." –Conan O'Brien

"Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it's mostly on top of the water." –Conan O'Brien

"Charlie Sheen's live show bombed so badly in Detroit that President Obama gave him a $4 billion bailout." –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's being reported that Katie Couric will be leaving CBS before the presidential campaigns. Who will be brave enough to ask Sarah Palin questions that should be incredibly easy to answer now?" –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it's mostly on top of the water (I like sprinkles on my ice cream)

"Former first lady Laura Bush said in an interview that she and George W. Bush do everything together. Then she said she had to go because 'SpongeBob' was on." –Conan O'Brien

"Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it's mostly on top of the water." –Conan O'Brien 

"Last night President Bush had dinner with the president of Pakistan and the president of Afghanistan. The president of Pakistan claimed Osama bin Laden is hiding in Afghanistan; the president of Afghanistan said Osama's in Pakistan; and President Bush said, 'I like sprinkles on my ice cream.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq? (I was starting to worry that she's underexposed)

"President Bush is everywhere talking about his book and he's being very candid. In one interview, he said that he used to do stupid things while he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq?" —David Letterman

"President Bush is everywhere. He's been on the Larry King show. He's been on the 'Today Show' with Matt Lauer, he's been on all of the programs. He was on Rachael Ray this morning water boarding a veal cutlet." –David Letterman

"Former first lady Laura Bush used to be a librarian. Coincidentally, she's the only thing George W. Bush ever checked out at the library." –David Letterman 

"Sarah Palin has a show about Alaska premiering Sunday. I was starting to worry that she's underexposed." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Whose book would you rather read? The one by the librarian or the one by the guy who choked on a pretzel? (I've already made a decision not to read it)

"And his wife, Laura Bush, also has written a book. They're going to be published at the same time. Both have memoirs. Her story and his story. I was thinking, well, whose book would you rather read? The one by the librarian or the one by the guy who choked on a pretzel?" –David Letterman

"George W. Bush's memoir is coming out in November. It's called 'Decision Points' and it's about big decisions in his life. I've already made a decision not to read it." –David Letterman

"They asked him if he used a ghostwriter and he said, 'No, the guy's still alive.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Or, as Fox News reported it, half a million people (the lights are on when no one is home)

"Sarah Palin launched her book tour this week with a stop in Michigan, where more than 1,000 people waited to meet her. Or, as Fox News reported it, half a million people." –Seth Meyers

"The design for George W. Bush's presidential library was unveiled Wednesday in Dallas, and features a lantern-shaped roof that will glow at night. Mr. President, I don't want to make any more jokes about you being dumb, but you have to meet me halfway. Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home." –Seth Meyers

"The George W. Bush library design was unveiled this week by former First Lady Laura Bush. Did you know that she was a librarian when she first met George? Did you know that? In fact, she's the only thing he ever checked out of a library." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

You can't trust President Bush with a $3,000 plate (To promote a progressive agenda)

"And, of course, you know, being president-elect is kind of awkward, because Barack Obama didn't have any experiences or accomplishments to talk about as president. So, at least he and President Bush had something in common." --Jay Leno

"First Lady Laura Bush is writing a book about her years in the White House. And when she asked President Bush if he would write the foreword, he said, 'Honey, I love you so much I'll write five, six, or seven words.'" --Jay Leno 

"It was an exciting day for our first lady, who got a new set of plates. First Lady Laura Bush showed off the new, gold-rimmed official state china that cost $493,000. But don't worry, it was paid for by a private trust, funded by lunatics who would donate half a million dollars to buy the White House plates. Mrs. Bush said she'd been hoping to use the china herself, but she ordered it two years ago and it just came, which is what happens when you order your table service from FEMA. But it's probably for the best. You can't trust President Bush with a $3,000 plate." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He gets driven around in a limo, surrounded by bodyguards, shot a guy in the face -- he is a rap star (I'm with Stupid)

"By the way, First Lady Laura Bush, Laura Bush is writing a memoir. The name of the memoir, I believe, is 'I'm with Stupid.'" --David Letterman

"The Secret Service has unveiled a new state-of-the-art limousine for Barack Obama. A million dollars for this state-art-limousine. Meanwhile, today, John McCain closed a deal on a used LeSabre. But the limousine is massive. It's a three ton, it's a tank-like vehicle, or, as GM calls it, it's a compact." --David Letterman

"Hey, did you see this in the paper? In an interview with the Washington Times, Vice President Dick Cheney said he is not a big fan of rap music. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was stunned by that. Actually, I'm surprised. I mean, look at the guy. He gets driven around in a limo, surrounded by bodyguards, shot a guy in the face -- he is a rap star." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Another Book My Husband Won't Read (Joe the baby)

"George Bush Sr. recently said he'd like his son Jeb to be president, but that right now is a bad time for him to run. When asked what a good time would be, Bush Sr. said, 'Eight years ago.'" --Conan O'Brien

"First Lady Laura Bush has signed a deal to write her memoirs. We have an advance copy right here. It's called, 'Another Book My Husband Won't Read.'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, congratulations to Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol, who had her baby. They named the baby Tripp, which is better than the name Sarah Palin suggested. She wanted to call the kid Joe the baby." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He is planning on winning the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them (Mitt Happens)

"In a recent interview, First Lady Laura Bush said that President Bush always forgets Valentine's Day. The First Lady went on to say that unless a holiday has a bunny or a flying reindeer, forget it.." --Conan O'Brien

"Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney announced he's running for president. If he wins, he'd be the first Mormon president. Apparently, Romney is planning on winning the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them." --Conan O'Brien

"We have another presidential candidate. Mitt Romney is running on the Republican ticket. If you're anything like me, you don't know Mitt Romney from Roma Downey. I really like his campaign slogan. Have you seen it? 'Mitt Happens.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s like spending all year planning your Halloween party, and you decide the theme is “candy.”

Meanwhile, it was a big day for Melania Trump. She unveiled her platform. We all remember Michelle Obama’s was children’s fitness, Laura Bush’s was child literacy, and Melania’s is "the overall well-being of children.” Just . . .  overall. --Stephen Colbert

That’s kind of vague. You’ve had a year and a half. It’s like spending all year planning your Halloween party, and you decide the theme is “candy.” --Stephen Colbert

The slogan is — and I’m not making this up — "Be Best." Just to be clear: We aren’t making fun of Melania’s accent or the way she talks. She’s a very intelligent woman who speaks multiple languages fluently. But to everyone on her team who signed off on "Be Best": Be Better. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hillary's refusal to admit a mistake is her most presidential attribute (strip searched at the airport)

"According to the latest poll numbers, Hillary Clinton is widening her lead on Barack Obama. Bad news. The only bright spot is Clinton's continuing struggle to win over anti-war Democrats who demand she say her 2002 war authorization vote was a mistake. She hasn't, and I support that. Her refusal to admit a mistake is her most presidential attribute." --Stephen Colbert

"Queen Elizabeth wrapped up her tour of the United States. She's on her way back to England right now. Her visit ended as it began, with her being strip searched at the airport." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Last night, President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush hosted the Queen of England at a big state dinner. One embarrassing moment when the queen told President Bush she'd be on the throne for over 50 years, and Bush said, 'Try Metamucil.'" --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

In fact, Bush's only supporters now are Laura and one of the twins (2% BC)

"And Colin Powell said this week he once spent two and a half hours trying to talk President Bush out of going to war in Iraq. Well actually, the first hour and a half were spent trying to get Bush to put down the Gameboy." --Jay Leno

"Because of the war in Iraq, President Bush's popularity now plunged to 2% BC. You know what that means 'BC'? Below Carter. It doesn't get any worse than that. In fact, Bush's only supporters now are Laura and one of the twins." --Jay Leno

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Why can't health care be more fabulous? (Bush praised her as a lady and a bird)

"Later this summer the first ever gay presidential debate will be held, where Democratic candidates will answer questions posed by the gay community. Yeah, question number one is very good. Question number one: Why can't health care be more fabulous?" --Conan O'Brien

"Some sad news I should mention, Lady Bird Johnson passed away at the age of 94. Laura Bush praised her as a pioneer and an icon, while President Bush praised her as a lady and a bird." --Conan O'Brien

      

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

President Bush will give the rebuttal (Buddy, Slim and Big Guy)

"This Saturday, in Washington, DC, they will hold the Seventh Annual National Book Festival. First Lady Laura Bush will deliver a speech about the joys of reading. And then, President Bush will give the rebuttal."  --Jay Leno

"All the world leaders are in town for the U.N. General Assembly. Yesterday, President Bush met with President Valdis Zatlers of Latvia, President Festus Gontebanye Mogae of Botswana and President Jakaya Kikwete of Tanzania. Or, as Bush calls them, 'Buddy, Slim and Big Guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

In fact, she's the only thing he ever checked out of a library

"This is exciting news. Southern Methodist University announced that they will be the home of George W. Bush's presidential library. This will be the first presidential library to be made up entirely of small, shiny objects. In fact, I understand right now, they're building a shelf for the book." --Jay Leno

"Now, as you probably know, President Bush's wife, Laura, was a librarian when they met. Did you know that? In fact, she's the only thing he ever checked out of a library." --Jay Leno

"This just in, ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama says he has a plan for getting us out of the Academy Awards. The show was very long. And I always think it takes a lot of nerve for a show that's four and a half hours to give an award for editing. I mean, the thing was so long and so dull, I thought I was hosting." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

even the Bush family needed an emotional support dog after that election

Obama is going to walk Trump’s team through all this. So, basically, Obama is going to be going around the White House saying, “OK, now hit control-c. OK, now hit ‘P’ to print.” –James Corden

It was reported that Trump’s team was unaware that they needed to replace the entire West Wing staff. Trump’s team basically thought the White House was like a Best Buy that occasionally gets a new store manager. –James Corden

Former President George W. Bush announced that he and his wife, Laura, went to an animal shelter last week and welcomed their new dog, Freddy, into their family. Yeah, apparently even the Bush family needed an emotional support dog after that election. –James Corden

His massive plan of foreclosures and plummeting real estate prices finally paid off

"The Olympics start the Friday after next. For some reason, they're having them in Beijing, and the government right now is very hard at work trying to cover up all the horrible things they do in that country every day. It's like when your mom comes to visit your dorm." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush is on the hunt for a new home. He just found out he and Laura are going to have to move out of the White House in a few months. His massive plan of foreclosures and plummeting real estate prices finally paid off." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The latest politic gossip is that Hillary Clinton is not particularly high on Barack Obama's vice presidential list. In fact, turns out she's somewhere between the Reverend Wright and Jesse Jackson." --Jay Leno

Snap! Censure! A moral condemnation of the president so severe it's only happened once before

"Snap! Censure! A moral condemnation of the president so severe it's only happened once before to President Andrew Jackson, who was never heard from again. Oh, wait [picture of the $20 bill]." --Jon Stewart, on Sen. Russ Feingold's motion to censure President Bush 

"First Lady Laura Bush said she started exercising when she married President Bush because it was already part of his lifestyle. Isn't that nice? Yeah, that also explains why she stopped reading." --Conan O'Brien

"People in Utah are very upset with HBO because of the show that follows "The Sopranos" called "Big Love." It's about a man in Utah who has three families and seven kids with three different wives. Didn't that used to be called the NBA?" --Jay Leno

Support the Truth (That's Troops!)

"Tom DeLay is giving up his seat. Well actually, he's not giving it up, he's selling it to the highest bidder on eBbay. He said he wants to spend more time taking illegal campaign contributions from his family." --Jay Leno

"A new book about Laura Bush claims Laura was reported being very critical of how Hillary Clinton decorated the White House. But, Bill Clinton didn't care what the furniture looked like. You gave him a desk and a chair and he was happy." --Jay Leno

"Indicted former Republican majority leader Tom DeLay announced he is resigning from Congress and he will not run for re-election. People were shocked. A Republican with an exit plan? They say this will be the first time Tom DeLay actually takes a vacation he pays for himself." --Jay Leno

and she doesn't get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy (Michael Jackson trial)

"President Vicente Fox of Mexico is on an official visit to the United States. Fox has only been in the U.S. for three days, and he's already got a job and a Social Security number." --Conan O'Brien

"Saddam Hussein's former adviser, Tariq Aziz, testified at Saddam's trial while wearing pajamas. Aziz said he was confused and thought he was testifying at the Michael Jackson trial." --Conan O'Brien

"First Lady Laura Bush flew from Washington to New York and instead of flying Air Force One, she took the Delta Shuttle. The first lady said she did this because unlike Air Force One, commercial airlines are cheaper, they waste less gas, and she doesn't get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy." --Conan O'Brien