So for now, we just address him as Boy George (She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's book is out today. Arnold's book reveals

all the secrets he kept from his wife. That's why it's a million pages

long." –Craig Ferguson

"The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as 'Boy George.'" –Craig Ferguson

Queen Elizabeth's horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's. —Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's 33 miles per gallon (Kiss)

President Trump announced a new trade deal with the U.K. that will reopen British markets for American companies. All that Britain demands in return is that we keep Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. —Colin Jost

Insiders are saying that President Trump is trying to create tension between his potential successors, Marco Rubio and J.D. Vance, mostly by pointing at them and saying, “Kiss." —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, that rules out Prince Harry (and of course the Don Lemon exhibit)

The Museum of Failure houses some of the world's greatest flops. Visitors can see attractions such as Crystal Pepsi, carrot cake Oreos and of course the Don Lemon exhibit. —Greg Gutfeld

Amazon Studios the new owner of the James Bond franchise, promises that the beloved super spy will remain male and British. Well, that rules out Prince Harry. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So You're Telling Me (Boy George)

"The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as 'Boy George.'" –Craig Ferguson

Queen Elizabeth's horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's. —Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I've changed my mind on immigrants (Choke him out, Jeeves)

Last night was the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on CBS, and it featured models from Brazil, Sweden, and Brazil, Sweden,. Or as Donald Trump put it, “I've changed my mind on immigrants.” –Jimmy Fallon

“In his forthcoming book, Prince Harry claims that Prince William once knocked him to the floor during an argument about Meghan. Apparently the fight happened at the Buckingham Waffle Palace. It's fun when royals fight 'cause they keep their pinkies out. Harry was shocked because usually when they fight, they just stand back and tell their butlers what to do. ‘Now, perhaps a knee to the groin.’ ‘Choke him out, Jeeves.’”  —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess my bologna really does have a first name (I will never be sober again)

Researchers somewhere studied 75 brands of hot dogs and found some of them contained human DNA. I guess my bologna really does have a first name. –Stephen Colbert

Audience, I’m worried that once they make self-driving cars, I will never be sober again. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We live in the time Einstein warned us about (swooped in after a huge disaster)

Vice President Kamala Harris traveled to North Carolina to survey damage from the hurricane, which is the second time this year she swooped in after a huge disaster. —Colin Jost

It was reported that Diddy once invited Prince Harry and Prince William to one of his parties, but they did not go. Although before Diddy could even finish writing the invite, Prince Andrew was there. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Prince Harry's drag name (and Gruber fell from the tower)

A popular new food item among people staying at home is

whipped strawberry milk. Incidentally, "whipped strawberry

milk" is also Prince Harry's drag name. —Colin Jost

Texas lieutenant governor Dan Patrick is urging his state to completely reopen saying there are more important things than living, which is actually the slogan for the KFC $20 fill up menu. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So if you thought you felt an earthquake, don't worry (Now, perhaps a knee to the groin)

“In his forthcoming book, Prince Harry claims that Prince William once knocked him to the floor during an argument about Meghan. Apparently the fight happened at the Buckingham Waffle Palace. It's fun when royals fight 'cause they keep their pinkies out. Harry was shocked because usually when they fight, they just stand back and tell their butlers what to do. ‘Now, perhaps a knee to the groin.’ ‘Choke him out, Jeeves.’”  —Jimmy Fallon

I read about a company that's working on technology that would let your pet video chat with you. It's fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to watch your cat decline your call. --Jimmy Fallon

China's new law allowing couples to have two children instead of just one went into effect in the new year. So if you thought you felt an earthquake, don't worry — it was just a billion people being told they were allowed to have unprotected sex at the exact same moment. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants (So he’s available?)

Jacksonville Jaguars coach Gus Bradley was fired yesterday after the team lost nine games in a row. Or as the Cleveland Browns put it, “So he’s available?” –Jimmy Fallon

The biggest dog in the world lives in the U.K. and on its hind legs stands at 7 feet, 6 inches tall. When asked if he likes being taken for a walk, his owner said, “I love it.” –Jimmy Fallon

It was reported recently that Prince Harry will opt out of the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan Markle's love of animals. Said Queen Elizabeth, "Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wow – how’d they get a venue so quick?! (Does this mean I can stay in my pajamas?)

Another big story is that Prince Harry is engaged to Meghan Markle. And it was announced that they’ll marry at Windsor Castle this May. Right now, every bride is asking, “Wow – how’d they get a venue so quick?!” –Jimmy Fallon

A little drama out of Washington today. Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi canceled their meeting with President Trump, after he attacked them on Twitter. Then Trump was like, “Does this mean I can stay in my pajamas?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And every single time it turns out they lied (Prince Harry's drag name)

To understand this, I live in Staten Island where, you know, up until now, washing your hands before dinner was known as coming out of the closet. —Pete Davidson

A popular new food item among people staying at home is whipped strawberry milk. Incidentally, "whipped strawberry milk" is also Prince Harry's drag name. —Colin Jost

Tuesday was National Beer Day, which was the first time alcohol has ever helped me remember what day it is. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And much like his wheel, it's a pretty safe bet that he's single (Choke him out, Jeeves)

January 2023

“In his forthcoming book, Prince Harry claims that Prince William once knocked him to the floor during an argument about Meghan. Apparently the fight happened at the Buckingham Waffle Palace. It's fun when royals fight 'cause they keep their pinkies out. Harry was shocked because usually when they fight, they just stand back and tell their butlers what to do. ‘Now, perhaps a knee to the groin.’ ‘Choke him out, Jeeves.’”  —Jimmy Fallon

“Some movie news -- today, M3GAN, the new horror movie about a killer robot doll, hit theaters. That's right -- a horror movie called M3GAN. Prince William was like, ‘Seen it.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Switching gears, a big consumer electronics show just kicked off in Las Vegas, and there are so many new products on display, including a self-driving stroller that's powered by artificial intelligence. The only question is, will it be a billion-dollar lawsuit or a trillion-dollar lawsuit? Yeah, the commercial says, ‘Order one now before we all get arrested.’ But don't worry. It comes with an override button in case your baby needs to take control of the stroller.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Another interesting product being unveiled is the high-tech, snore-silencing pillow. Although that's any pillow if you hold it against someone's face long enough, you know what I'm saying?” —Jimmy Fallon

“And finally, a 19-year-old just travelled nearly 2,000 miles from Maine to Florida on a unicycle. And much like his wheel, it's a pretty safe bet that he's single.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If it's green smoke, Willie Nelson has somehow gotten into the Sistine Chapel (She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's)

Queen Elizabeth's horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's. —Craig Ferguson

So remember, horses, when it comes to drugs, just say Neigh. —Craig Ferguson

"Actually, when the voting's done to elect a new Pope, the cardinals burn their ballots. People wait outside the Sistine Chapel to see what color the smoke is. If it's white smoke, they've agreed on a Pope. If it's black smoke, no decision has been made. If it's green smoke, Willie Nelson has somehow gotten into the Sistine Chapel." –Craig Ferguson

These huge white flags were placed on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. And late this afternoon, word came from the FBI that the New York Mets have surrendered.—Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Warriors of the Rainbow (and whatever you think of the queen, her duet with Tupac was amazing)

June 2022

“That’s right, Britain marked the queen’s 70-year reign with four days of parades, parties and celebrations. Yeah, four days. Basically, the queen is like your annoying friend who insists on celebrating their birthday month.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, the queen celebrated 70 years of sitting on the throne. When he heard, your uncle who does The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle said, ‘Challenge accepted.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“It was a star-studded event with performances from Elton John, Rod Stewart and Ed Sheeran. Yeah, when Ed first walked out, the queen was like, ‘Oh, Harry, you’re back.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“During a parade over the weekend honoring her Platinum Jubilee, a hologram of Queen Elizabeth was shown in her Gold State Coach and whatever you think of the queen, her duet with Tupac was amazing.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants (You lost me at 2,000 pages . . . and lost me again at Don Jr.)

Dunkin' Donuts is celebrating the Royal wedding by offering a heart-shaped donut, and Chili's is offering special burger-inspired hats. Which explains our new slogan: "America: We Don't Understand Royalty." --Jimmy Fallon

“It was reported recently that Prince Harry will opt out of the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan Markle's love of animals. Said Queen Elizabeth, "Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants." --Jimmy Fallon

Today over 2,000 pages of testimony were released about the 2016 meeting between Donald Trump Jr. and a Russian lawyer. The president heard and was like, "You lost me at 2,000 pages . . . and lost me again at Don Jr." --Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else (His bail was set at 200 goats)

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in trouble. He was arrested this week for threatening to expose some sensitive government secrets. And you can tell it's serious. His bail was set at 200 goats." –Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

I want to say congrats to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Today they welcomed a baby boy. The baby's doing great. Buckingham Palace says that he Brexited his mother early this morning. Weighed in at 3.2 kilograms. Americans heard that, and were like, "Yeah, we have no idea how much that is." They're like, "Kilograms? That 32 pounds? I have no idea." And get this. I read that the new baby is seventh in line for the throne. Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else. --Jimmy Fallon

It's being reported that the Kardashians were frustrated when they were in Cuba because most Cubans have not seen their show, so they don't know why they're famous. As opposed to most Americans who have seen their show, and still don't know why they're famous. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants (They can call it, I don't know, March of Crimes)

Then yesterday, the President was dealt another blow when his

personal charity, the Trump Foundation, was forced to shut down

after prosecutors effectively said it acted as a slush fund for Trump's

personal spending. So Trump used his charity to pay for lawsuits,

which then prompted a lawsuit that ended the charity. At this point,

he's going to have to start a new charity to pay for the lawsuit over

the old charity. They can call it, I don't know, March of Crimes.

--Seth Meyers

“It was reported recently that Prince Harry will opt out of the royal

family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan Markle's

love of animals. Said Queen Elizabeth, "Oh, you misunderstood.

We're shooting peasants." --Jimmy Fallon

“President Trump today denied a Washington Post report that he

was considering rescinding his nomination of Supreme Court justice

Neil Gorsuch. Prior to his confirmation, calling it, you guessed it, fake

news. Hey, man, you're burning out your own catch phrase. Pretty

soon you're going to need a new catch phrase, like "It's golfing time."

Or "I hereby resign from the presidency of the United States." Oh,

that's catchy. –Seth Meyers

The House passed a Republican tax bill today, which was great news

for everyone from the super wealthy all the way down to the, that's it.

–Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry