Thanks a lot, Celine Dion! (I mean, talk about Junk Mail)

A personalized greeting card company that allows you to upload your own photos, was forced to go on Twitter to plead with their customers to stop uploading pictures of their genitals. Greeting cards with people’s genitals on them? I mean, talk about Junk Mail. --James Corden

Just days after legalizing marijuana all across Canada, store owners throughout the country say their supply of weed is almost gone. All of Canada’s weed has been smoked. Thanks a lot, Celine Dion!” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But if they were, what would they be doing differently? (Is it possible he’s even weirder than we thought he was?)

November 2022

“President Biden has said that he will make a decision about running for 2024 in the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Whatever you think of him, it’s impressive that an 80-year-old man is planning that far ahead. If I was 80 I don’t think I’d plan on bingeing a show that had more than one season.” —Seth Meyers

“A court has ruled that former President Trump must release his tax returns. We may actually finally maybe get to see what Darth Tax Evader has been hiding from us. Remember all the times when Trump promised to release his taxes which is more times than he promised to release Melania.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This week also saw a report that Trump’s team is requesting that the FBI return personal items that were seized from Mar-a-Lago, including golf shirts and multiple pictures of Celine Dion. Is it possible he’s even weirder than we thought he was?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This week also saw the annual arrival of the Christmas tree to the White House, a presidential tradition since Joe Biden was a teenager in 1889.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

but that is where the similarities end (Thanks a lot, Celine Dion!)

 Just days after legalizing marijuana all across Canada, store owners throughout the country say their supply of weed is almost gone. All of Canada’s weed has been smoked. Thanks a lot, Celine Dion!” --James Corden

During the Detroit Marathon, a pair of runners stopped at the halfway point to get married. Then they continued on with the race. Yeah, nothing says the most romantic day of your life like matching sets of chafed nipples. --James Corden

In a 60 Minutes interview Donald Trump was asked about some very serious foreign policy issues to which he responded, “I’m not a baby! I know these things.” You know. How all president’s respond to tough questions. Trump was like, “Sure I may throw tantrums, communicate mostly in gibberish, and occasionally wet the bed, but that is where the similarities end.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

today three pigeons walked into Kentucky Fried Chicken and surrendered (throw out the first articles of impeachment)

I tell you folks around the United States, maybe you know this, maybe you don't. We're in the middle of a miserable cold spell here in New York and it was unbelievably cold here again today. I'll give you an idea how cold it was today. Here in New York City the mice down there at Dunkin Donuts, it was so cold they packed up and they went down to the Dunkin Donuts in Miami. --David Letterman 1/6/1999

It was so cold in New York City today three pigeons walked into Kentucky Fried Chicken and surrendered.  --David Letterman 1/6/1999

Tomorrow is the big impeachment trial down there in a Washington DC. Apparently it’s going to be quite a festive occasion. Celine Dion is singing the national anthem, the Nixon family will be on hand to throw out the first articles of impeachment. --David Letterman 1/6/1999

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Pennsylvania merges with Mississippi to form new mega state called "Penississippi." (Thanks a lot, Celine Dion!)

Just days after legalizing marijuana all across Canada, store owners throughout the country say their supply of weed is almost gone. All of Canada’s weed has been smoked. Thanks a lot, Celine Dion!” --James Corden

The midterm elections are just two weeks away. And aside from voting for a candidate, you'll also be voting on several ballot measures and proposals. Every state has their own proposals, and some of them are pretty specific to the state they're in. For example, there's Maine -- Proposition 4. Slowly be absorbed by Canada and hope nobody notices. Next there's South Carolina -- Proposition 5. Merge with North Carolina to form new mega state called "Sweet Carolina." Next up, there's Pennsylvania -- Proposition 7. Merge with Mississippi to form new mega state called "Penississippi." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

A Conversation With French Canada (getting ahead of the story)

"Yesterday, big announcement. Senator Clinton picked the winning [campaign] song during this clever parody of 'The Sopranos' finale. Clever, of course, because it compares the Clintons to a notorious crime family. Parody? Or is that what they call in the business, 'getting ahead of the story?'" --Jon Stewart

"The winning song is 'You and I' by Celine Dion. Hillary Clinton, why did you even ask us? Maybe you should change your campaign slogan to 'A Conversation With French Canada'?" --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Now if she could just pick a position on Iraq (campaign theme songs)

"A new poll puts  Hillary Clinton in the clear lead over her other Democratic opponents. They say her largest support is among women. 2-1 compared to the other candidates. She has two women for every one woman the other has. But then, so does Bill." --Jay Leno

"It was announced this week that Hillary Clinton has finally picked a theme song for her campaign. Now if she could just pick a position on Iraq." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton has picked 'You and I' by Celine Dion as her campaign theme song. In a related story, John McCain's campaign song also by Celine Dion. It's the theme from 'Titantic.'" --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Larry King sent a huge check to President Woodrow Wilson (a chilling window into his personal hell)

"Hillary Clinton has a new campaign ad that  spoofs 'The Sopranos' finale. In the ad, she orders carrot sticks at a diner, then switches the jukebox to a Celine Dion song. Hillary's calling the ad a lot of fun, and Bill is calling it a chilling window into his personal hell." --Conan O'Brien

"A new report that just came out suggests that television journalists are biased because 90% of the money they donate to politicians goes to Democrats. Apparently it's true, because earlier today, Larry King sent a huge check to President Woodrow Wilson." --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Johnny Sack, which, coincidentally, was also Clinton's Secret Service codename (All My Exes Live In Texas)

"Have you seen that campaign commercial for Hillary Clinton? It's a  spoof on 'The Sopranos' finale. Bill Clinton appears in the ad too, along with the actor who played 'Johnny Sack.' Johnny Sack, which, coincidentally, was also Clinton's Secret Service codename." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton has chosen the Celine Dion song 'You and I' as her campaign theme. I understand Bill was leaning towards 'My Humps.'" --Jay Leno

"For his campaign,  John Edwards has chosen a theme song from 'Hair.' And Giuliani chose 'All My Exes Live In Texas.'" --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

his hooker will finish her full term, so that's exciting (going down on the Titanic)

"Governor Eliot Spitzer has resigned. However, his hooker will finish her full term, so that's exciting." --Jay Leno

"More and more information is starting to come out about the young lady who charged the former governor $5,000 an hour for her services. It seems she's a singer. And on her MySpace page, she lists Celine Dion as one of her idols. Celine Dion. Of course, the big difference is, Celine Dion sang about going down on the Titanic." --Jay Leno

 "Anyway, the young lady has been identified as Ashley Dupre. That doesn't sound like a hooker name, does it? No. She says she doesn't want to be thought of as a monster. She can also play a Catholic schoolgirl, a nurse, a dominatrix, any number of things." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

She-Bacca

The fifth Republican debate took place tonight in Las Vegas. The Vegas debate included nine candidates, and, due to a little mix-up, Celine Dion and a white tiger. –Conan O’Brien

Kim and Kanye’s 2-year-old daughter North has released her first tweet. It was just three letters, "SOS." –Conan O’Brien

Critics are saying the new "Star Wars" film has strongly-written female characters. The most surprising of these is the new breakout character, "She-Bacca." –Conan O’Brien 

Last night at a casino in Las Vegas, Donald Trump declared, "I expect to win Iowa." Which is odd because, usually when Trump is around a casino, the only thing he declares is bankruptcy. –Conan O’Brien